Pick Up Issues- Trying To Work It Out. WWYD?

[jojosmommy]

So I have a 3 yr old dcb who obviously runs the show at home. Mom steps in the door and he starts spitting, kicking etc. I will discipline him while she is present but he doesn't often respond to it. Definately not in the way he does when just I am present. Today he pulled his antics and I told mom to leave. "Why don't you take sister home and I'll deal with this one. (Wink and nod)." Mom walked out, little one picked up his toys within 30 seconds apologized to me (on his own) and I pretended to call mom to tell her he was ready. She "drove" back and immediately his antics began again at the door.
I shoved him out the door and made her deal with his behavior on the way out.

I called mom about 45 min later and told her I would like to do the drop off pick up at the door thing Nannyde has mentioned. She was stunned. " I thought today was a bad day but really I don't think he does it very often. I think he was just wild today. " I will admit that about 1-2 of every 5 days this is the behavior/reaction I get from him. The other days are much less difficult but mostly b/c we are outside and he can't do nearly as much damage outside.

I am most concerned about him affecting my own son who gets upset when dcb acts like this and my son trys to tell him what to do. "You don't throw toys ____!" Once my son interrupts in the scene chaos insues between the two of them. I end up getting more annoyed and eventually get upset at my own son about it b/c he ends up contributing to the madness.

My new plan is to end all activities at 4:30 and make from 4:30-5 (their pick up time) books only. Then when mom/dad comes dcb will have less to get into and I will escort him to the door to get shoes on. Mom thinks this is harsh but really I do not want to end my day with complete chaos. I would love to lock my door, greet her personally and shove him out but I know she will make it into a big deal.

My husband thinks I should tell her to take it or leave it and says I am nice enough by not having the kid on the front step at the end of the day.

WWYD?

[jojosmommy]

I forgot to add: How do you say "look this isn't working for any of us. Your child CAN NOT handle the transition between you and I. This is the only way." without making it about her lack of parenting/discipline?

Anyone have an article or hand out FOR PARENTS I can give her? Everything I have seen is for providers.

[Sunshine44]

I recently had to do this with a dck. I pretty much just pointed it out a few times and said look, he's playing us against eachother. And we have been doing the outside thing and it's working much better. Still have some issues, but not near as much.

[familyschoolcare]

Could you make it what you are doing with all the day care kids. That way you would not need to talk to DCM any more about it just implement the new plan. I\f/when she brings it up just say yes, the new plan pick plan is working well for all the parents, all the children and myself. That way it is no longer about that parent or that child.

[momma2girls]

I have all toys picked up or partially piced up 10 min. before my closing time, we are either outside waiting, or when the weather is colder, they will have shoes and jackets on waiting for parents pickup. THis seems to work very well. Then another thing, you are not having children, run around, parents talking, and talking and talking, and taking 5-10 min. sometimes longer to get them ready and out the door. Then you are 10-15 min. beyond your closing times.

[littlemommy]

I have 2 dcg's who leave during nap time. I wake them up 5 minutes before I know their dad will be here and have them ready and waiting by the door. We still need to work on them not hanging on the door knobs trying to open the door, and yelling when dad walks in the door, but it's getting better.

I normally don't do nap time pick ups, but after having them 10 hours that day I'm ready. I have had to tell them in front of their dad to be quiet and leave the door knob alone.

[momma2girls]

[QUOTE=littlemommy;142103]I have 2 dcg's who leave during nap time. I wake them up 5 minutes before I know their dad will be here and have them ready and waiting by the door. We still need to work on them not hanging on the door knobs trying to open the door, and yelling when dad walks in the door, but it's getting better.
Can You meet their Dad outside?
I don't do pickups during nap either, but once in awhile one of my Father's will call me that he is off work for the day, and I wake his daughter up and meet him outside with her.

I normally don't do nap time pick ups, but after having them 10 hours that day I'm ready. I have had to tell them in front of their dad to be quiet and leave the door knob alone.

[iheartkids]

I am having a similar issue with my 2 yr. old dcg. Everytime she sees her dad walk in she lashes out at the nearest kid. It started happening this week and it escalated to pick up AND drop off cause today she walked in came over to greet my son and then grabbed his face. I feel when stuff like this happens in front of the parent it is the parent's job to discipline them so I show my disappointment but leave the "opportunity" for the parent to say something AAAAAND...they don't. They think she is trying to show affection and is just rough about it (??)
So yesterday, about 10 minutes before the dad got there, we talked about when he walks in you say "HI DAD!" and you don't TOUCH the other kids you just say "BYE!" When he walked in she started getting all worked up like she does and I reminded her what we talked about and she DID IT...then started flailing her feet like she was trying to kick someone. Today was better ONLY because I immediately picked her up and walked her to dad (as she was shaking and squirming like she needed to do something). It's weird, I don't understand the thought process.

[Crazy8]

what is this pick up thing you want to implement? Just to have them ready to go? What about when you don't know what time parent is coming? I have kids who are picked up by 5pm but could be anywhere from 4:15-5:00.

I find all my kids get rowdy at pick up time too and they all start doing things they know are not allowed (like jumping on my stairs, running in my hallway, etc.), one in particular was bad and I started disciplining him because dad did NOTHING about it. I love him but I'm kind of glad he is going off to school this year.

[jojosmommy]

what is this pick up thing you want to implement? Just to have them ready to go? What about when you don't know what time parent is coming? I have kids who are picked up by 5pm but could be anywhere from 4:15-5:00.

I find all my kids get rowdy at pick up time too and they all start doing things they know are not allowed (like jumping on my stairs, running in my hallway, etc.), one in particular was bad and I started disciplining him because dad did NOTHING about it. I love him but I'm kind of glad he is going off to school this year.

Look on Nannyde's blog under changing of the guard. Or search pick up with her name and it will come up.

I too have the issue of timing. Mom will come anywhere between 4:30-5:30 so really having every toy away and the kids dressed isnt an option. I did tell her that she needs to be consistent everyday OR call me 10 min before. She agreed to 5 pm pick up everyday and said to have him waiting at the door. He got his shoes on and buzzed out when she came today. When I shut the door I thought phew that worked! Hoepfully it stays effective. Plus I didn't have to listen to mom talk my ear off for more than 30 seconds .

[Christian Mother]

I have a 2 1/2 dcb who had soooo many problems at drop of that we did the drop off at the door and quick good bye. Now things are great but now the pick up is HORRIBLE...it doesn't matter what I do. When a parent comes to pick up there child this child is out of control. So now, I place him in his chair for snack time since we are usually just finishing up which he's locked up in and keep him in there til that parent leaves but this child finishes his snack in 3 min time. So I have him pushed up to the table to read or play with play doh or draw. But today he ate the crayons...which he never does, throw the books on the floor, screamed he's done over and over, and today I didn't even bother with play doh. I can't sit him on the couch or a chair by him self bc he won't sit...he will get up and start hitting kids or the parents even. Mom says it's terrible 2's and it could be but man!! When mom gets here he won't sit to put shoes on he runs all over the house like a mad man. He's a big kid for 2 wearing size 5t and I am a small girl. Mom is pregnant and has a hard time chasing him. I am thinking of doing what I did for drop off and just getting him completely ready with his stuff and having mom text me from her car and I will walk him to her car and strap him in since he is the last to leave. He's great when he's with me and we will talk all day about what's exspected at drop off and pick up but as soon as a parent or parent comes he will not listen nor do a time out. The only thing left to do is to have him ready and at the door to leave. If dad picks up it is a lot better but with him he will spank him right there and then and so this child knows not to push it. I feel bad for mom she is due to have this baby in a couple months so she isn't able to control him.