Adding New Family - How Do You Know if You Took On Too Much?

[momofboys]

I started with my second family last week. I Expected things to be a little chaotic for a little while but I am compeltely stressed out most of the time with trying to stick with our schedule. I guess I was spoiled before b/c when I just had one family I had lots of time to do things with the kids & get a little housework done (mostly just laundry). I know, I know you are thinking you aren;t being paid to do your laundry, right? I realize that but I don't do DC for tons of extra money; just to supplement what we have & help with buying groceries, etc. Here's who I have here on what days:

Mon: my toddler & one other toddler
Tues: my toddler, one other toddler, a 3 1/2 yr old, 8 yr old & 4 1/2 yr old
Wed: my toddler, another toddler, 3 1/2 yr old, 8 yr old
Thurs: my toddler, one other toddler, a 3 1/2 yr old, 8 yr old & 4 1/2 yr old
Fri: my toddler, another toddler, 3 1/2 yr old, 8 yr old

I also have my school age boys (ages 6 & 8) before & after school. I feel tired a lot & don;t seem to ever get a break, not that I expected much of one but some days seem easier than others. So when you add someone new/new family how soon should the routine get easier or if now that we have almost completed week 2 I am still uncertain if this is too much maybe it is? I guess my main concern is that by the end of the day I feel drained like I have given my best of everything to people who don't belong to me & yes I enjoy caring for the kids but it makes me feel as if I don't have anything left to give my own kids. Help!!! Should I give notice to family #2 or give it more time?

[Persephone]

Are you just trying to do too much during the day? You don't have to be super women.

But at the same time if you are questioning if things are not right, maybe you really do think that it's too much for you right now.

How many kids to you add? Maybe it was just too many at once.

I just added two kids 3 weeks ago and we're still having some rough times but today was a little better, other then my own 3 year old son is sick and is on meds which WACK him out. So he's been a handful himself. Things are better then they were the first week.

[momofboys]

Are you just trying to do too much during the day? You don't have to be super women.

But at the same time if you are questioning if things are not right, maybe you really do think that it's too much for you right now.

How many kids to you add? Maybe it was just too many at once.

I just added two kids 3 weeks ago and we're still having some rough times but today was a little better, other then my own 3 year old son is sick and is on meds which WACK him out. So he's been a handful himself. Things are better then they were the first week.

I added the 3 1/2 yr old & 8 yr old so it is a big difference! Before that there were 3 days a week where I just had my son & another toddler. Going from 2 some days to 5 a couple days is rough.

[Persephone]

I added the 3 1/2 yr old & 8 yr old so it is a big difference! Before that there were 3 days a week where I just had my son & another toddler. Going from 2 some days to 5 a couple days is rough.

But the 8 year old is in school right? So you just have one for the main part of the day?

ETA:
OH wait! Your helping with the Home School girl.

Yeah that's different!

I don't think it's right that this child is going to a sitter during the day when she's 'Home schooled'.

[momofboys]

But the 8 year old is in school right? So you just have one for the main part of the day?

ETA:
OH wait! Your helping with the Home School girl.

Yeah that's different!

I don't think it's right that this child is going to a sitter during the day when she's 'Home schooled'.

Tell me about it. That's a whole 'nother story! And one I am not too happy about. MAybe that is more of my stress. Right now my toddler is not napping & I am supposed to be doing homeschooling with her. I don;t think much is going to get done today but not my problem.

[tenderhearts]

I always second guess myself when I take on a new child. Everything goes through my head, will they work out, how will it effect my schedule ect. When I first started daycare I was the same way, we didn't need my income at the time it was mainly extra money and I was used to doing all my stuff and going places because my kids left early. Then as I needed the money as changes with husbands job it was really hard to adjust to full blown days of not being able to go and do things and not being able to do all "my" stuff and full blown daycare it was really hard. I am a scheduled, structured type person although things do get a little off on days it's hard to make that choice to take on another one or not. I myself would never be able to have the allowed limit for our state, I just know I could not handle it especially with the group I have now. We need my income so the more I take the better. I just started a 12 month old 4 weeks ago and boy it took about a week but finally got a schedule down and it's much smoother than I thought. I'm sure you'll get a schedule down and know what to expect each day, it will get easier.

[gbcc]

I think it depends on the person. Sometimes how well behaved the children are. I would not find that too many personally. I have 6 normally during the day and then on days off I have 8 children. I also would not home school. I will assist with homework but I will not teach or do.

You may just need some more time to adjust and get everyones schedules together.

[mamajennleigh]

I've been there, too. . .

I know exactly how you feel. I think every time I've added to my group, I've second-guessed myself and wondered if I'd done the right thing. Right now, I'm up to my eyeballs with the new baby and his constant screaming, so I'm really questioning why I couldn't leave well enough alone LOL!

BUT, I remember back when I took on the first one, and then the second one, and each time I had the same issues and dealt with the same second-guessing whether I had done the right thing or not. It will pass. I am a very schedule-routine oriented person, so it usually takes me a month or so before things fall into their routine and I can get back to doing what I need to do during the day. I haven't had much trouble getting things like laundry and sweeping done during the day, and I clean up as I go so there's never a huge amount of cleaning to do at the end of the day.

I think you are definitely asking too much of yourself to continue doing the homeschooling thing with the 8 yr old. All of my dck's are 2 and under and I can tell you, having even one toddler in the house takes up a lot of time and is a lot of stress ! You have sometimes 2 younger toddlers and an older one at the same time as the homeschooled girl. That's asking too much of anyone to take on that load of regular daycare plus her school work.

Other than that, I think you will find it gets easier and you will find a routine that works for everyone; I have found that if I keep my eyes open and remain flexible, the right routine will just kind of present itself.

Good luck with it, and don't feel bad if it turns out to be too much for you.

[momofboys]

Thank you! I am pretty sure I am going to tell mom the HS has to end here. /I can assist, if she can work independently but other than that it must be done at HOME! Please look at my other post to see my letter to mom & help me w/the wording if you have time. Must go!

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

Yup, I always second guess when I take on a new family. It's an adjustment, even if they are good, it's extra work, more mouths to feed/clean up after/prepare crafts for. And whey they are difficult it's a whole new ballgame of wondering what I have just done, because once you're in, it's hard to say I quit or I can't handle it, because you're supposed to be the nice lady who can handle anything.

I have the EXACT same feelings, that I'm taking away from my own kids. I have 4 kids of my own, 3 school age kids, one preschooler, one 3 1/2 year old, and one toddler. That's 10 kids to one of me. So I do get overwhelmed when the schoolagers are here, thankfully it's only a couple hours out of each day.

What keeps me motivated is I need the money, so it inspires me to work harder. If I didn't need that for bills, I wouldn't take on so many.

And don't worry to explain...I too try to throw a load of laundry in when I can, I have 4 kids and us 2 adults and I work 12+ hours a day! It has to get done sometime and the evenings are spared for dinner and kids homework.

[tenderhearts]

I do the same thing, when my dck are eating snack I will throw a load in since it's right off my kitchen, then when it's quiet/nap time they get put in the dryer and it gets done before they wake up and I fold and put them away. I also clean up lunch as they are eating and as they get done and ask to be excused I put the dish right in the dishwasher so I keep it clean as I go.
I think that's the advantage of us doing this job so we can do these little things through out the day.

[Carole's Daycare]

I currently have 6 most days under school age, with 1 extra 2 yr old 3 days per week. I also have before and after school agers (3) but I have a C2 license allowing 10 under school age up to 12 total. I know my newest two girls (who replaced a really challenging family of two that were laid off) that came in December really added to my workload. After the one family was laid off, it was sooo easy and peaceful ! The first 2-3 weeks were really tough because the 18 month old is, well, 18 mo old! and the 3 yr old sister was not potty trained. Both are very busy and I have to make time and arrangements for pick ups and drop offs from SS, as they are recently placed w/ their dad out of foster care.
Over the years I have steadily added to the size of my daycare. I used to keep 4-6 total, and now in summer I am FULL. I find it really depends on the temperaments of the children in care. The group dynamic can be great, even better sometimes with the addition of more kids, if they are not too high maintenance. On the other hand, I have let kids go within the 1st week when it was apparent they were not a good fit. I have a pretty structured home daycare, and kids who are really rebellious and agressive sometimes within a couple weeks really come around, and thrive when there is a more controlled environment and consistent discipline. Some kids have a harder time learning emotional control and self discipline, and continue to be disruptive.
If the problem is not having the time to do laundry, home school an 8 yr old, and have a not napping toddler- perhaps its time to crack down on nap time. I think that is really the key- NAPTIME. When I have infants, or school agers being home schooled (I too, had an 8 yr old boy being home schooled- tried mainstreaming and may be coming back) I try to schedule my day so that free supervised play for toddlers/preschoolers allowed me to give instruction to the 8 yr old, or one on one play with baby. (luckily I didnt have both together!) Then, when doing activities with the little ones it was free reading/work time for the 8 yr old.(sleep or bouncy seat time for baby) My day is broken up into 30 mn segments or less anyway, so it works out. When everyone is napping for 2 hs you can start a load of wash, sit down for some instruction time, let them work quietly while you pee, grab some food and enter your lunch meal counts, transfer washer to dryer. Then come back to the student for 20-30 mn more 1 on 1, then they study/work independently while you prepare for afternoon etc. If the 8 yr old is capable of 20-30 mn quiet at a time, its feasible. If the child's temperament is not conducive to adjusting to a schedule, it won't work. Ultimately though, the child is HOME schooled, and the parent needs to make time for instruction weekends and evenings.
For me, ultimately, finding and creating an effective schedule and routine, including naps is essential. Good Luck

[originalkat]

Great Advice and suggestions Carole!

[momofboys]

I currently have 6 most days under school age, with 1 extra 2 yr old 3 days per week. I also have before and after school agers (3) but I have a C2 license allowing 10 under school age up to 12 total. I know my newest two girls (who replaced a really challenging family of two that were laid off) that came in December really added to my workload. After the one family was laid off, it was sooo easy and peaceful ! The first 2-3 weeks were really tough because the 18 month old is, well, 18 mo old! and the 3 yr old sister was not potty trained. Both are very busy and I have to make time and arrangements for pick ups and drop offs from SS, as they are recently placed w/ their dad out of foster care.
Over the years I have steadily added to the size of my daycare. I used to keep 4-6 total, and now in summer I am FULL. I find it really depends on the temperaments of the children in care. The group dynamic can be great, even better sometimes with the addition of more kids, if they are not too high maintenance. On the other hand, I have let kids go within the 1st week when it was apparent they were not a good fit. I have a pretty structured home daycare, and kids who are really rebellious and agressive sometimes within a couple weeks really come around, and thrive when there is a more controlled environment and consistent discipline. Some kids have a harder time learning emotional control and self discipline, and continue to be disruptive.
If the problem is not having the time to do laundry, home school an 8 yr old, and have a not napping toddler- perhaps its time to crack down on nap time. I think that is really the key- NAPTIME. When I have infants, or school agers being home schooled (I too, had an 8 yr old boy being home schooled- tried mainstreaming and may be coming back) I try to schedule my day so that free supervised play for toddlers/preschoolers allowed me to give instruction to the 8 yr old, or one on one play with baby. (luckily I didnt have both together!) Then, when doing activities with the little ones it was free reading/work time for the 8 yr old.(sleep or bouncy seat time for baby) My day is broken up into 30 mn segments or less anyway, so it works out. When everyone is napping for 2 hs you can start a load of wash, sit down for some instruction time, let them work quietly while you pee, grab some food and enter your lunch meal counts, transfer washer to dryer. Then come back to the student for 20-30 mn more 1 on 1, then they study/work independently while you prepare for afternoon etc. If the 8 yr old is capable of 20-30 mn quiet at a time, its feasible. If the child's temperament is not conducive to adjusting to a schedule, it won't work. Ultimately though, the child is HOME schooled, and the parent needs to make time for instruction weekends and evenings.
For me, ultimately, finding and creating an effective schedule and routine, including naps is essential. Good Luck

Thank you. My kids do nap well for the most part & all at the same time for about 2 - 2 1/2 hrs but when you have 3 or 4 who nap they don;t all wake at the same time obviously so I feel like the clock starts ticking after the last one is down. And yes, that is definitely the problem, the child can not work independently. I am not sure how mom does it (HS) but my guess is it is all one-on-one & I simply don;t have the time to devote to that. I think things would be better without the stress of the HS.