Parent Issues

**Meeko** · 05-20-2011, 11:21 AM

Wow! How old are these parents?! They act as if they're 15!

It will be awkward, but I think you need to nip it in the bud ASAP. You don't need to end up with all three on your case about something silly and blown out of proportion because they have wound each other up.

I would sent them all a stern letter (or if your backbone is super strong...have a meeting with them all at the same time) letting them know that you will no longer be willing to listen to any backbiting. (This will probably get them on each others cases as they try and find out what the other two have said!

) But it's out of your hands. Tell them that you will only discuss THEIR child with them and that's it. Tell them that any more "she said this" will result in termination and be prepared to do it. I know I couldn't work like that.

**wdmmom** · 05-20-2011, 11:33 AM

Have 1 parent drop off and pick up. Tell the other parent that he/she can contact you via email if questions arise.

**laundrymom** · 05-20-2011, 11:40 AM

Id just tell each one that you understand they are friends but you are done being the center of gossip. If they want to continue they will have to find alternative care because you are tired of feeling like you have to defend everything you do.

**MissAnn** · 05-20-2011, 11:50 AM

I got a big email from a parent once because she thought I put more pictures on Facebook of other kids and not as many of hers. The email was very long and detailed...even saying that her son was not smiling in pictures. He wasn't smiling because he was engaged in what he was doing.....I don't say....OK SMILE!

On the other hand....I let parents know if they have concerns, they should ask ME....

**momofsix** · 05-20-2011, 11:50 AM

Originally posted by Unregistered

I hope someone can give me some great advise

I have been in business for over ten years and I haven't had parents like this ever!!

They seem to be jealous of each other and worried that the other children in my care are getting something their child is not.. I don't do anything different concerning the children its just the parents acting this way. The children all have their ups and downs which is normal. These parents spend time at work texting and istant messaging each other and then at pick up like to tell me what the other parent is upset about. Some things are really petty and other things I have no clue over because the parents are not discussing it with me. As they pick up and drop off if something is going on with one of the other children they will text the parent and get them all worked up over really... nothing just typical kid behavior. I need to know how to address these parents (3 of them) to get this stuff to stop. I am tired of hearing stuff second hand (with them saying don't tell her I told you) and getting calls and texts from parents upset over nothing because another parent got them worked up. They will also play off each other telling the other parent how they don't like the other parent... sigh... its like a bad high school triangle click!
Should I send home a letter (what would you say?)? Should I talk to each parent? Talk with them together?? I really need some direction as this is taking away my love for what I do... caring for children!!

Thanks for your input :-)

I want to make sure I'm understanding this correctly, if not you can clarify for me. This is what I think I'm reading:
1. These parents are all from different families
2. They all know eachother apart from daycare (since they all have eachothers cells)
3. They are all texting/calling/IM'ing about what goes on at daycare with eachother's children and also personal issues
4. They are trying to get you involved in the personal issues btw them

**Unregistered** · 05-20-2011, 01:15 PM

Answers to Parent issues

Yes this is three different moms that are causing this. They didn't really know each other until they started at my daycare and then became friends as their children are all about the same age. They do chat/instant message/text each other all the time about personal stuff as well as daycare stuff. All these moms are about the middle/late twenties age wise.
I have had two of the families since the kids were infants and the third came on board about the age of two.
It is really getting out of control and I need to stop it before I completely lose my cool.
As an example I got a text yesterday from a mom" (a mom) texted me and told me "DCb" was crying over his shoes. This is NOT how I want to start my day! What is going on?"
These moms are blowing up my texts everyday and if I don't answer them they get mad! I have told them that I am taking care of children and don't have time to play texting games...

Help........please

**Sugar Magnolia** · 05-20-2011, 01:23 PM

Ignore gossip. Do NOT participate. If you participate in gossip, you are condoning it and have no right to complain. Walk away, say you're busy. If a parent has an issue with actual daycare issues, address them in a professional manner and IGNORE personal gossip.

**sharlan** · 05-20-2011, 01:35 PM

IMHO, you need to have a meeting with all three at once. Tell them:

#1 You are no longer in jr high and don't care to continue this game.
#2 You don't have time to play the texting game, you have children to care for (ie DAYCARE). If it's an emergency, the parent can CALL you on the phone.
#3 You will only discuss their particular child, no one elses. Right to privacy, etc.
#4 What they are doing is making it very difficult to properly do your job. If they continue, they have to make other daycare arrangements. End of story.

**e.j.** · 05-20-2011, 02:09 PM

I think I would speak with all of them but I would do it individually first. That way, I feel I'd be giving them all a chance to clean up their act without embarrassing them in front of each other, which could possibly backfire on you. Given their lack of maturity, they could all end up angry at you for "ratting" them out to the others and they might be embarrassed enough to leave your day care which would affect your income.

Hopefully, speaking to them individually would do the trick. If their behavior continued, though, I'd speak to them as a group. At that point, they deserve to be embarrassed and they deserve to know that they're all guilty of talking behind each other's back.

**Unregistered** · 05-20-2011, 04:00 PM

I would address them as a group, ask for a special meeting at pick up with all three

Tell them you are overwhelmed with the number of MSGS, and that you want to devote your time, with peace of mind, to their kiddos.

Tell them that you also realize they are friends and that its great to have a support network of parents, but that everyone needs to be on the same team supporting the kids (and you, but don't mention this).

State also that you WANT open communication with them, and that there are XYZ ways to have this.

Also, ask them to do something together for the group - plan an outing, a party, a special event. Use their energy up in a good way while still defining te boundaries of communication with you.

The next week, send home a letter reminding everyone about the best way to talk to you about their children, be it a phone call at a particular time, PTC or what ever you want. Then - be responsive to their efforts to communicate in the right way and time.

**sharlan** · 05-27-2011, 08:09 AM

How did this turn out?

**Kaddidle Care** · 05-27-2011, 11:06 AM

Yikes!

You need a tattle toad!

**wdmmom** · 05-27-2011, 11:37 AM

I would type up or email each one of them a letter.

Dear Families,

Apparently there has been some confusion as to what the children are doing day to day while in my care.

I would like everyone to know that each of the children participate in a structured activity daily. If your child chooses not to participate, they have the opportunity to quiet play. (or whatever you do)

Each child while in my care is treated the same. Each child eats the same meal, each child has the opportunity to play with all toys, each child participates in crafts, outdoor play, etc.

No child is treated differently while in my care, nor are there favorites.

For the privacy of the other children attending, I will only speak of your child during admissions and departures but you can be assured that he/she had the same opportunities that all the other children did during the day.

I encourage parents to contact me first if any questions arise.

I will not participate in juvenile games and if parents can not get along, it might be time for me to review your child's acceptance into my program.

Signed,
_____

If that doesn't stop them, there is no stopping them. Find the culprit and terminate services.

It's really too bad that you are getting this kind of behavior from parents!

**Unregistered** · 06-08-2011, 06:44 AM

Still going on...

well I am the orginal poster and this mess is still going on...

Its all three daycare parents and now the children are getting involved! Just about everyday I am hearing " Play with me... Are you my best friend?" They are to young to be worried about best friends!!!!!

I really wish I had a solution but right now I am feeling like just quiting all together and that is sad

If it was just one parent I could handle it but having this many is just overwhelming.

Thanks for listening to me and giving me ideas I really appreciate it!!

Parent Issues

Parent Issues

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