Working For A Family Of Another Culture...

[wdmmom]

Have you ever worked for a family of another culture? I started working for a Vietnamese family a few months ago. The way they raise their children is by far different than what I am accustomed to and asking them to follow ordinary rules I have set in my home has become a chore.

DCB is 19 months. He has a horrible gag reflex or something because this kid pukes on command. He won't eat "American" food. The parents bring in blended up Vietnamese cuisines for him that I have to spoon feed. But he will eat crackers, cheerios, animal crackers, goldfish, etc.

Last Friday I fed him his lunch last...at 12pm and laid him down for a nap around 1245pm. DCB vomited all over his pack and play. It took me 6 hours to clean, sanitize, disinfect and get that horrible stench out of the room!!!! I explained to DCD that I can't continue to care for him unless he is checked out by a doctor or a dietician to determine if there is anything wrong. I went on to explain to DCD that I just sunk over $10,000 into my house and I can't afford to have his son go walking around and barfing on command. DCD apologized profusely and said he would take him to the doctor.

Monday morning rolls around and in comes DCD with a gift for me for Mother's Day. Very nice gesture, but no mention of DCB going to the doctor, no scheduled appointment, nothing. Just a blended up bowl of God-knows-what and a "See you at 5pm."

It's about to the point I raise the rate and save the extra money in the event I need to hire a carpet cleaning company. I'm really at a loss on what to do. I also am in the process of registering and getting on the food program and I have it in my policy that no food can be brought in unless the child is on a special diet. DCD says this is a special diet because his son wont eat anything else.

How do I tell DCD that I am not spoon feeding his child this muck daily and that if I have to, the rate is going up...significantly???

[nannyde]

I would just tell them that you need a hundred dollar deposit to keep on hand for staff time for cleaning. Whenever you have to do this kind of cleaning then tell them that you have used X amount of it and it needs to be replenshed before arriving the next day of day care.

You HAVE to attach money to it. There is no other way to get the point across to them. Doing six hours of one to one specialized care for them is costing you too much of what you make off of him.

Since you have a staff assistant you can tell them that this was the hard cost for cleaning. Easier to do this if you actually HAVE someone you pay.

Once they have to start paying for the cleaning they will either make a move out of your day care or start dealing with the issue. If he has a treat based diet at home and a trigger gag reflex this isn't going to solve itself.

I wonder how much of the puree they are giving you is just starch. Have you ever asked them what's in it?

[WDW]

I agree with you on the Dr. thing... he needs to be seen, and if nothing is wrong, you have to make a choice if you are willing to keep him. I can understand not wanting the mess/germs. As far as DCD bringing the food, I guess I don't see why it would matter all that much... as long as it's not something that is going to upset other kids. If it's as awful as you say it is, the other kids probably don't even want it. I wouldn't raise the rate to feed him the bowl of food... if DCD expected you to buy that food, that would be different. If anything, it's saving you money.... right? Just a thought... good luck.

[daycare]

wow sounds like my situation.... I dont think that it is a culture thing first off...
I have a family also vietnamese and korean mix... Their son also has gag reflux. I told the parents after several weeks of the vomiting episodes and getting sent home, that he would need to have a doc note on file stating why all the vomiting. I also said, child cannot come back for 48 hours after each vomit episode until I get the note.

the kid I have is 3 and he would not only vomit on all of my carpet, but the other kids in DC as well. Finally I had enough and demanded the note which I did get.

Now i have a new rule for this child. One vomit is allowed per day, after that he goes home. I told DCM that I would also require her to purchase special enzyme cleaner to keep here at my house. If the food is not digested and he really is gaging, it does not smell at all. I explained to the mom taht i can not care for the group properly when I am constantly having to clean up vomit. She understood.

the DCK is getting better at non gagging so much, but it still happens at least every other week as opposed to every day.

I would demand the Doc note and enforce the one vomit rule. I don't think that it's fair to charge this family more due to a medical condition.....

[Michelle]

I had the same thing happen with me. I had a family from a small country in Africa and from what a could tell , the puree was some kind of fish, beans, noodles, and STRONG spices. They told me the babies "loved" it and ate it at home all the time. When I fed it to them , they gagged. I did have permission to give regular baby food if I wanted, so I would attempt one bite of their food, then went straight to the baby food.
Maybe ask them if you can do this so that the baby gets his nourishment.

[countrymom]

is he just vomiting the food that dad brings him or crackers and such, how about liquids. I'm just wondering if its something that he's eating at home that is making him sick. I would start to feed him american food, and also I would let him feed himself. I know that they really baby their children but if he's going to be in your home you need him accustomed to your rules

[Symphony]

This definitely sounds really frustrating, but I am failing to see how this is a culture issue? Is it the spoon feeding? I know asian cultures often spoon feed children longer than western cultures tend to. Is it a problem for you or do the parents not want the child to self-feed?

My food program lady was just here this morning and I asked her about kids bringing food from home. She said they can bring whatever they want so long as I am still offering to feed them whatever I make for the rest of the kids. Even if I never set a plate in front of them, if the parents know I have food available it is fine AND I can claim that child for every meal. She said since the food program is federal this is the same everywhere.

Now I wouldn't allow children to bring happy meals or lunchables, but that is my own personal choice. I would feel completely different about feeding a child food brought by the parents that is in line with cultural values. If you don't want to do so, I would suggest they find alternative care.

[Meeko]

This definitely sounds really frustrating, but I am failing to see how this is a culture issue? Is it the spoon feeding? I know asian cultures often spoon feed children longer than western cultures tend to. Is it a problem for you or do the parents not want the child to self-feed?

My food program lady was just here this morning and I asked her about kids bringing food from home. She said they can bring whatever they want so long as I am still offering to feed them whatever I make for the rest of the kids. Even if I never set a plate in front of them, if the parents know I have food available it is fine AND I can claim that child for every meal. She said since the food program is federal this is the same everywhere.

Now I wouldn't allow children to bring happy meals or lunchables, but that is my own personal choice. I would feel completely different about feeding a child food brought by the parents that is in line with cultural values. If you don't want to do so, I would suggest they find alternative care.

I am always amazed at how the food programs differ even though it's a federal program. I have done day care in Oklahoma and in Utah and they couldn't be more different! I was (albeit nicely) told that I would be taken off the program if the kids brought food from home. She told me every single child in care must be offered the same food.

Your inspector makes more sense. They should be worried about what YOU are serving rather than what the kids bring. Now I have a no food from home policy because it's easier on me not to deal with the tantrums when Jimmy brings candy and Sammy doesn't get any. But also because the food program is so strict. My Oklahoma program was much more laid back than this one.

[wdmmom]

Well, yes...I don't want to do it and had I have been told that I had to when they started, their rate would have been that of an infant rather than a toddler.

I think I am going to use all of the suggestions on here and tell DCD today that Effective June 1st this is what is going to happen

1.) Deposit of $100 must be made for extra cleaning/sanitizing and damages.

2.) Rate is going up to the infant rate ($10 a week)

3.) Child must be seen by a doctor to determine why all the vomit.

4.) DCD is welcome to continue bringing in own food but the new rate will reflect the cost of one on one feeding time.

5.) They can follow these rules or they can put in their termination.

[Abigail]

I really only like your third rule. I don't have the personal experience, but my main concern would be to get a dr's note. You should write a letter with your contact information and have the dad bring it to the dr's when they go so the dr. can call you directly asap. If you want to raise the rates...I would simply give him a letter with a 6-8 week time frame of rates increasing to such and such amount without reason as to why. If the child continues to vomit and you continue to care for the child, I would ask the parents to bring in cleaning solution to be used exclusively for these incidents.

[Former Teacher]

Well, yes...I don't want to do it and had I have been told that I had to when they started, their rate would have been that of an infant rather than a toddler.

I think I am going to use all of the suggestions on here and tell DCD today that Effective June 1st this is what is going to happen

1.) Deposit of $100 must be made for extra cleaning/sanitizing and damages.

2.) Rate is going up to the infant rate ($10 a week)

3.) Child must be seen by a doctor to determine why all the vomit.

4.) DCD is welcome to continue bringing in own food but the new rate will reflect the cost of one on one feeding time.

5.) They can follow these rules or they can put in their termination.

I'll play devil's advocate:

1: Are you going to charge a deposit for the children who get sick say from a virus? All children get sick, yes not to the extent of this child, but he can't help it.

2: What happens if this family claims discrimination? You are charging extra just because it is to clean up when the child gets sick.

3: This is your best option

4: With all due respect, IMO I do not agree with charging a parent just because you have to take time to feed him yourself regardless of what is served.

5: If you feel uncomfortable with this family, this maybe your second best option.

[WDW]

I'll play devil's advocate:

1: Are you going to charge a deposit for the children who get sick say from a virus? All children get sick, yes not to the extent of this child, but he can't help it.

2: What happens if this family claims discrimination? You are charging extra just because it is to clean up when the child gets sick.

3: This is your best option

4: With all due respect, IMO I do not agree with charging a parent just because you have to take time to feed him yourself regardless of what is served.

5: If you feel uncomfortable with this family, this maybe your second best option.

I agree with this.

[jojosmommy]

I dont think that feeding that child should require additional pay. However if you are going to be on the food program in our area you MUST put in front of the kids the same food you are claiming. You can't just have enough available for them but not serve it to them. You would have to have a special diet statement stating their individual need to be on a seperate diet.

I think you should stick by the vomit and stays home X hours policy and explain you will do this EVERY time he vomits. I didnt do this with a puker I had and it bit me in the behind. They will bring their child to the dr if they are forced to miss work b/c of his condition. If not they will just keep bringing him and his food and you will be left to clean it up.

[mac60]

I am still trying to get past the daily vomits all over the home. While I understand that something is "wrong" with the child obviously, I don't understand how a provider could allow a kid to vomit in their home every day. And to vomit on another child, if that was my child that got vomited on, I would be furious. I do understand that kids do get sick occassionally, but everyday is beyond our call of duty, plus it destroys our home. If the food has lots of spices and such in it, that could be what is not agreeing with the child. I would probably try a smoothe easy diet on him for a few days to see if there was any improvement. Obviously there is something wrong with his digestive system or the food he is given to eat. Eww.

[nannyde]

Well, yes...I don't want to do it and had I have been told that I had to when they started, their rate would have been that of an infant rather than a toddler.

I think I am going to use all of the suggestions on here and tell DCD today that Effective June 1st this is what is going to happen

1.) Deposit of $100 must be made for extra cleaning/sanitizing and damages.

2.) Rate is going up to the infant rate ($10 a week)

3.) Child must be seen by a doctor to determine why all the vomit.

4.) DCD is welcome to continue bringing in own food but the new rate will reflect the cost of one on one feeding time.

5.) They can follow these rules or they can put in their termination.

These are good.

He needs to go back to the infant rate because of the one to one care he's receiving for hand feeding. That will only be two dollars a day which won't even cover your staff assistants time to one to one him.

He's not a special needs child. He doesn't have any diagnosis that would qualify him under the disability act so you can charge away to your hearts desire.

The hundred dollar deposit is good and I would include a fee for equipment replacement too. At some point the cleaning costs of the equipment and damage to the equipment from the excessive cleaning are going to outweigh the cost of just buying new.

Can you have them supply a good pack n play for him and then send it home with them to clean and return? you could just collapse it and cover it in a giant hefty bag. Have them supply the hefty bags too. That way you can put it outside and just hand it over to them at the end of the day. They can work on it at home and return.

He needs to see a Dr BUT they also need to sign a release so that YOU can talk to the Dr. You need to photograph and print off pictures of these vomits so the Doc can see the AMOUNT he's vomiting... not the "little spit up" he's having at home.

I would also check AEA out. They have food therapist who can come to him till he's three. They can do the visits with the parents in the morning before care or after work.