Cry Baby / Tattle Telling

[spud912]

I have a dcg who thinks everyone hits/pushes her. My dd will pat her on the back and she will come to me "she hit me." Today I had her on my lap for story time and the phone rang so I took her off to pick up the phone and she says "don't push me!"

Lately, my daughter won't even touch her and she will actually lie and say "..... hit me!" She also does other things now where if she will get into trouble for something (like drawing on the chalk board with crayons) she will say my daughter did it. I don't get why she is lying now about these things because she knows I was watching the whole time!

What I have been doing is telling her "no, ..... did not hit you, she patted you. There is a difference!" and then I will explain to her the differences between purposely hurting, accidentally hurting, and things that were not even hurtful but playful. As far as the lying, I will explain to her that I was watching the whole time and that did not happen. I will ask her why she is making things up and if she wants to get my daughter in trouble.

This whole thing is so irritating because she will go home to her parents and say "......(my daughter) kicked the baby (my other daughter) today" or "........(me) pushed me today." I tell the parents that she has been making things up lately but it makes me wonder how much they believe. The problem seems to be getting worse and I don't know how to make it stop. I want to tell the parents that I will be implementing time outs for lies. What would you do?

[daycare]

I have a little girl who used to do this. I confronted her right infront of the parents. She would go home every day and tell her parents that my son was hitting her. He did hit her before, but it happened only one time that i was aware of and it stopped. She was telling them this was going on for almost two months. The mom called me one day to tell me this, as well as the fact that the DCG said she didnt want to come to my house anymore. So the next day when the DCG was getting picked up by both mom and dad, I got down to here eye level and I asked her so how was your day today? She said good. I said mommy told me you don't want to come here anymore becuase ***X hits you all the time. DCK replied yes he hit me one time a long time ago. Mom and Dad both looked at me and said sorry. She then got into trouble with mom and dad about fibbing..

Not sure if this will work for you, but confronting her infront of the parents might help. Sounds like she is just reaching out for some attention.

[nannyde]

Pretty simple fix.

When she turns normal into drama then you do two things:

Say something nonsensical back
Then tell her to go play toys... or go play... and direct her towards what you DO want her to do.

So she says "she hit me"
You say "frog lips... go play toys"

"She pushed me"
You say "rhino breath... go play"

In other words... you are saying something SILLY after SHE says somethnig silly. She'll get it in a few days.

If you get into the discussion of her lying or exaggerating you will be giving her attention for that behavior. That's a waste of time. Kids will take negative attention just as kindly as they will positive attention.

My response would be a QUICK two word nonsensical silly phrase back and then off she goes.... to play with her friends.

Now if she lies and blames another kid for something she did then you have to address the lying. The best thing for this is a stern "truth" (you were the one to do X) and do whatever consequence you would have done with the behavior. If she draws colors on the chalkboard she doesn't get the chalkboard for X amount of time.

Now when she tells her parents that so and so hit her or pushed her and they bring it up to you... then be clear that you don't think she understands the words "hit" or "pushed". She's using them at a time when there is no hitting or pushing so she doesn't understand them. They need to work with her on the true meaning of these phrases. They need to do that NOW before she gets into the big fish pond of school. Her not understanding could cause them a visit from social services.

Do NOT address with the parents or defend whether or not she was hit or pushed. That's not the issue so don't defend it. It's her lack of understanding of the phrases that would be discussed here.

Kids under five don't really GET the whole concept of lying. They don't get that it is wrong.. they just get that it either buys them time... gets them out of something... or gets them attention. They are just figuring out how their words change how adults act. So don't dwell on lying... just the facts Mam.

[spud912]

Thanks for the responses! My husband will get a kick out of the nonsensical words as he is the king of random words strewn together for comedic purposes. I will also have a talk with the parents regarding the lying so they could help her understand the meanings of these words (and also so they understand what is going on). Her parents have always been very helpful with breaking bad habits.

She is truly a sweetheart and behaves leaps and bounds better than my older daughter so I really have nothing to complain about. I just don't want her to form bad habits to gain attention.

[MN Day Mom]

The nonsensical words, phrases, don't work with my group....I would get a quick response of 'you name called' LOL.

How old is this child??