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What do you all do when a child arrives to care in clothing that doesn't fit them? I have ran into problems with one older boy who has comes with problems of pants being way too big-so they are constantly falling down. He has also come with shirts way too small for his age and size. I have considered letting him borrow my sons clothes before he goes to school because he should not have to be uncomfortable all day due to the parent's carelessness! But then I catch myself saying it's really not my place so I leave it alone.....it is just a huge pet peeve of mine when these children look like they should be going to play in the woods instead of going out in public!
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There are things you could do, but then it might be perceived as something the parent can depend on and then nothing will ever change!
Plus you might not get your kid's clothes back. There are things I'd want to do too, but it just seems to me that it might backfire on you and it doesn't seem worth it to me.
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I run into this problem daily. I have a boy (4) whose jeans are painfully tight over his large belly, and a small for her age 2-year-old whose clothes are constantly falling down. I've actually sent home a note with a child that her clothing seemed too tight; probably wasn't received well, but after a few days she started showing up in newer clothing.
I keep a supply of extra clothing on hand (my child's hand-me-downs/goodwill finds), that have "Daycare" marked on the tag in black Sharpie. Whenever I have a child with ill-fitting clothing, I'll change him/her into something that fits and send their own clothing home with them in a bag. Often, upon seeing the "new" outfit, the parent will say, "what happened?" And I casually say, "oh, her pants kept falling off, so I found her some that fit better," or "we were having trouble getting his pants fastened, so I found him some looser ones so he could breathe." The parents seem to get the hint much better this way than if I verbally tell them or send home a note. As for the clothes I send the kids home with, I don't care whether I get them back or not. They're second-hand or inexpensive thrift store buys, it's no big deal if I never see them again.
Hope this helps you. I have more trouble getting through to the parents than the children sometimes.Comment
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Thats a toughy, I have had that issue a few times and for me it wasnt to be of a deal b/c I couold just fix it here. If you lend your own kids clothes back there is a good chance you wont see it again. If it keeps happening I would say something (in a very sensitive manner as to not offend the parent). After all kids need to be able to function at school. Maybe the child has to wear hand me downs so there not the best fitting? (just a guess)Its hard to be diplomatic in the job sometimes but sometimes its a must. Good luck.
DebbieComment
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I know there are things we all wish we could do or change for our DCK. I had a family that sent their child so dirty that I really wanted to tell the parentS that he needs to shower more. But I didn't feel right telling them how to parent. I know all of us run into this situation.
Because he's in public school, I don't think he would want to wear clothing with words written in marker on them, plus kids might tease him.
Maybe you should just try it one time sending him in better clothes and see what the parents do. If they don't notice or get the clue just stop.Comment
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This is good idea as I was thinking about this same topic today!
My one dcg, the preemie, is 14mo but fits into 6-9 mo clothing still. Yet her parents dress her in 24mo stuff! She has on a 24mo outfit today and I have to hike her pants up to her shoulders and roll her sleeves way up. Yesterday she managed to get out of her socks AND jeans at nap time. I told her mom that and she goes "hahaha how did she get out of her jeans??!" when I told her they are a little big she said " I found all these on sale, dont you just love her outfits now!". I know shes going to be in a ton of new outfits the next few weeks so hopefully thats all she'll need for the next year. Im always looking at her stuff at changing going "what the heck size is this, your mommy dresses you goofy".
I feel bad for her because it hinders her when crawling or trying to walk."Being a parent is wanting to hug and strangle your kid at the same time".Comment
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I so want to change dcb's shirt today. It's 3" too short on him. A stiff uncomfortable button down shirt. Dcm put it on him because we were supposed to spend the day out of the house and she wanted him to look 'nice'.
goof ball.
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I have a 4yr old dcg who looks like a carpenter, her butt is always exposed. She doesn't even bother pulling her pants up anymore. She has been like this since she's been in my care 3 yrs ago! Usually, I will put on elastic pants during the day and change her back before she gets picked up. She's very thin and her mom always puts jeans on her and nothing fits her at all. I let her way sweat pants and they fit her fine.
Another dcg 3, has on size 1 shoe. My 6 yr old wears a size 1. Dcg's feet are always falling out of her shoes. The same goes for a 2 yr old dcb, they have him size 7-8 shoe and he has the littlest feet. My 4 yr son, wears a size 8. And then the parents want to know why their kids have scrapes, bumps etc when they are tripping over their pants (1st girl) or trying to keep their feet in their shoes!Comment
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Parental Denial
I have the same situation but I have completely figured out the reason the parents are putting this child in way too big clothes. My DCB was born over term but very small. We have never spoken about why but I suspect some sort of interuterine growth restriction. I have taken care of him since he was three months old and now he is 4. At 4.5 years he still only weighs 26 pounds. The parents have always insisted in him wearing clothing that corresponds to his age even though it literally falls right off. If anyone ever comments on his petiteness they make sure to look surprised and tell whomever that he must not be that small since he wears clothes for his age. The child does not eat! Or if he does he literally takes 1/2 hour for a quarter piece of bagel taking rabbit bites. Eating has been a problem from day one and as an infant I tried everything! It is so strange but he literally has NO appetite. If you do not stay on him he wouldn't eat all day. Really. Mom tries to compensate by adding chalky supplements and butter to everything which only gives him chronic diarrhea and has the opposite effect of weight gain. I have talked with her solo many times about him seeing a doctor and the mom looks at me like I am crazy, says that she has seen him, there is nothing wrong and then makes up that he weighs 37 pounds or whatever she is saying for his age. The big clothes and lies are a huge case of DENIAL and is doing this child no good. I personally think he could be a candidate for a gastric tube and I do so having previous experience with a child needing this. I have had parents comment that he looks like a malnourished starving child. He is 4.5 and can literally wear the waist band of any 12 month clothing. He needs bigger pants like 2t due to length but in the summer 12 shorts are a perfect fit. Something else that convinces me the parents are fooling themselves is that in the summer all the tags are cut out of his shorts in the shorts that actually fit. He has had the same pairs since 1 year old and the parents obviously think that if they don't see the evidence that something is wrong, well then it isn't. I also care for another boy only a week apart in age that is in the 90 to 100 percentile since birth. These boys are buds and their size difference is very apparent (and has always been). Another thing the parents say about small DCB compared to big dcb now is "when they were born they were so different in size and now I can hardly see a difference at all!". Other daycare boy was 52 pounds at 4 years! I know how much their son weighs due to paperwork I receive from the physician as well just by picking up a one year old baby and then small DCB. Often the baby is heavier . . . . Anyway, sorry to go on but I thought I might offer my reason for ill-fitting clothes and this could possibly be what the provider of the premie might be experiencing.Comment
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The Mom knows the clothes don't fit. She just wants to send her to daycare in them and she's giving you the words that will allow her to do it. Just tell her that the pants are dangerous because they can get caught up in her feet while she is walking and crawling. She could trip over them.
You need to tell her that she can't have access to her diaper during nap. The diapers are made of paper and plastic which is dangerous if she ingests it. She needs fitted clothing for nap that she can't undo. Once she gets tired of removing the clothes the diaper will be next.
The clothes are lovely but will work better for home. You can't have her in clothing that has to be managed. You shouldn't have to constantly roll them or adjust them. They need to fit properly and be safe.
I would also let her know that you have never met a baby that could wear the same clothes for one year. Babies grow fast and they change sizes. That's why baby clothes come in months up to size two. Tell her that it looks like the clothes she has now will fit in about a year and until then she can use them at home.... just not your house. For your house you need fitted and easy clothes.Comment
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Just curious as to the issues of clothing being painful and dangerous, why you guys don't just tell the parent that? As a provider it is part of our job to advocate for the child and when we see something dangerous or painful, we should probably tell the parent our concerns.
If I heard my provider say that I dressed my child goofy I would be offended since I don't think daycare is a fashion show nor do I think we should be silent in the case of clothing that hinders a child's growth or becomes a danger to them. I know the pp did not actually say the child was dressed goofy to the parent but if it was dangerous, say so and if it was just not something you would choose or liked, I think that it is wrong to judge for that. Maybe the parents can't afford better clothes or maybe they don't value the idea of their kid being trendy and cute.Comment
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