Need Some Advice! Field Trip To The Zoo Did Not Go So Well...

[Lilbutterflie]

Sorry, this is long!!!

I have a family of 3 kids. No other daycare kids, and then my own two. All are over 3 yo. I have taken them out in public before, and generally they are very well behaved in public. So I didn't hesitate when a small local zoo had a $2 day to send out a notice to their mom saying we were having a field trip to the zoo. She's known about it for about a month, and gladly gave permission.

I asked her yesterday to bring any money she wanted them to have for the gift shop, plus I asked to dress them in pants since we were going in the morning hours. I asked her to provide an extra pair of shorts (it was going to be 82F and I don't have their summer changes of clothes yet). This morning she forgot their money for the gift shop, and their extra pair of shorts. Then she tells me they stayed out until 9:30pm last night shopping. WHAT?? You knew your children would be at the zoo most of the following day and miss their nap, yet you decide to keep them out until 9:30pm???

Right away before we had even left, the dcg had an emotional fit (which is always indicative of her being tired). I should have canceled the trip right then and there.

We got to the zoo, the kids were very excited. Understandable. Within the first half hour, the boys were going ahead of group, play fighting, etc... all of which they got very stern warnings for. In line to feed the giraffes, the boys start play fighting again. Timeout #1. Shortly thereafter, dcg has another emotional fit instead of using her words. I did not give a timeout for this, instead I talked to her calmly and told her the words she needed to use instead of throwing a fit. Okay. Starting to regret this.

Shortly after lunch, the boys run ahead of the group. Timeout #2 for them. I decide to leave the zoo (we were pretty much done) and take them to the park in the middle of the parking lot. Two problems: it's HUGE. Any kid could get lost in a second here. And there are LOTS of people there. So, we decide to stay in "Tot Land" which was a smaller enclosed playground with only one way in. I showed each child the "sign with the two tigers" which is right next to the only way in or out. I tell them this is their boundary. They don't pass the sign. They don't leave the small playground. Sure enough, 10 minutes of playing there, I do my count and I'm missing one. DCG. She left the small play area to go into the BIG play area. So I'm taking four kids with me to the BIG area looking for little tiny 3 yo DCG. Luckily I found her in minutes. I was LIVID. I knew the reason she was so emotional and no one was listening to me. They didn't get any sleep last night!! We left the park immediately.

DCG is by my side for the rest of the day. Since I can't trust her to obey the safety rules. I'm tempted to have mom leave work and pick up her children since they disrespected me and my rules in the most important day when they needed to. I decided against that, though I am tempted.

I do need to have a talk with dcm tonight. She totally disrespected me when she chose to keep them out that late last night. I've had a lot of trouble lately with one dcb (he's constantly disobeying the rules); so I know I need to do something. What do you all think? Put them on probation? Ask her what her plan is to make sure her children can obey the rules here?

I am not looking for criticism on my decision to take them to the zoo. I had a friend with me, we had two pairs of adult eyes looking after them. I've already decided NO more field trips. I'm going to tell her there will be occasions this summer where I will be closing so that I can take my kids places. It's not fair to my kids to miss out.

Anyway, I'd really just like to know what you all would do with this family. Any constructive feedback is welcome. Thanks!

[momatheart]

I can't believe that mom. I feel so bad for you and her children. She is one rude lady. I supose she is the type that medicates her child's fever and drops them off too so you have to call her to come get a sick kid.

I would tell her that the children were so tired and not listening that you had to leave the zoo early.

You could plan another field trip (even though you decided not to do anymore) and if she says that she kept them up late again say oh I am sorry we won't be going. Do NOT tell your kids you are planning another field trip so they won't be disapointed. You can always surprise YOUR children if the dcm decides to NOT be so disrespectful towards you and your plans with HER children.

OR you can plan another outing and tell mom you will decide if it is a go or not depending upon the behavior of all children prior to leaving. (excitement is a given and we all understand that.)

[Lilbutterflie]

Thanks Momatheart. It's good to hear that I'm not overreacting. DCG had several other emotional breakdowns once we got home as well. UGH. As soon as DCM picked up I just told her everything that had happened and there would be no more field trips anywhere. I told her the reason they all had disobeyed so many times was because I could tell they were way overtired from staying out late the night before. She never commented on staying out late or them being overtired. She made them all apologize to me, and she told me she doesn't blame me for not doing field trips any longer. As they were leaving dcg has another emotional breakdown. I brought it up again that she is just acting out b/c she is so tired. Again, no comment from dcm.

[momatheart]

Well tomorrow is another day. I wish dcm would have applogized to you.

Well lesson learned and SHE knows she shouldn't have kept the kids up so late. But now she has it even harder than you. She now has to deal with over tired kids and dinner and then trying to put them to bed. Sometimes when kids are over tired not just tired they can't wind down for bed.

[daycare]

If this is the first time that it happened, I would just talk to the mom and tell her how horrible the trip was for everyone. I would tell her that the kids were all way too tired and you were hoping that everyone would have been well rested for a great day today.

Tell her that the next time you decide to have a field trip that you would really appreciate it if she could make sure that the kids were all well rested. It's really not fair to you or them. No one had fun.

If it happened a second time I would then call it quits.............
BTW I would have called the parents to have her pick up the kids if they were acting up.. Infact, maybe you should revise your contract and add that in there.


I had to revise my FT rules because i had a runner. Finally I got so sick of it that I called the DCD while out on a field trip to the local fire station and said your child will not cooperate with the rest of the group and the rules so you need to come and get her. DCD was so mad when he got there. Not at me, at the child.....

Like I said, so not fair to you. Write it up in your policy and I bet you she wont do it again....

[Lilbutterflie]

Update!

Here's an update:
Today dcd dropped off this morning and made the kids apologize for how they acted yesterday. Then he informed me that they decided if the kids had a bad day today; they would not be allowed to participate in their bowling birthday party the following day (the boys both turn 5 this week and next, and are having a combined birthday party). I just said "Oh no." and looked at them.

Inside I'm thinking, WTH? I agree that the apology was necessary, but they will get their punishments here when they disobey here. To make them sit out at their own party is just wrong IMO! Especially since IMO, the reason they were acting out was because they were overtired from being out so late the night before. She takes no responsibility!

I've about had it. I have been having discipline issues the last 3 months with dcb (climbing on furniture, just flat out disobeying every rule possible, etc...); dcg has "emotional" days about once a week where she just completely breaks down in all communication, dcm often doesn't dress them appropriately and is always days late in bringing back up clothes when I run out.

I want to start advertising for open spots, but I'd need to fill 3 all at one time in order to let them go. Grrr. Well, thanks for letting me vent!

[momofsix]

Here's an update:
Today dcd dropped off this morning and made the kids apologize for how they acted yesterday. Then he informed me that they decided if the kids had a bad day today; they would not be allowed to participate in their bowling birthday party the following day (the boys both turn 5 this week and next, and are having a combined birthday party). I just said "Oh no." and looked at them.

Inside I'm thinking, WTH? I agree that the apology was necessary, but they will get their punishments here when they disobey here. To make them sit out at their own party is just wrong IMO! Especially since IMO, the reason they were acting out was because they were overtired from being out so late the night before. She takes no responsibility!

I've about had it. I have been having discipline issues the last 3 months with dcb (climbing on furniture, just flat out disobeying every rule possible, etc...); dcg has "emotional" days about once a week where she just completely breaks down in all communication, dcm often doesn't dress them appropriately and is always days late in bringing back up clothes when I run out.

I want to start advertising for open spots, but I'd need to fill 3 all at one time in order to let them go. Grrr. Well, thanks for letting me vent!

Well, at least they are taking the kid's behavior seriously, and not blowing it off. I appreciate it if there's follow-up from the parents at home for bad bahavior at DC. (not little normal things, but the big ones like you experienced) It's much better than them "excusing" the bahavior just bc the kids were tired. I have one family that whenever their child acts up it's bc "he's hungry" or "he's tired"...that may be true, but it's not an excuse to disobey or have a fit
Hope you get things worked out!

[daycare]

If my kids act up at school I let the school take care of it. If the school punishes them and it does not work and they repeat the behavior again then that is when mom steps in and if and when that happens its not going to be pretty....

I think that if it were a once in awhile little thing that I would not expect the parents to do anything about it. But if the behavior is still bad and the child is not responding to the discipline at DC then I would expect the parents to step in..

[SandeeAR]

Sounds like Mom was looking for an excuse not to have a party.

[Lilbutterflie]

Sounds like Mom was looking for an excuse not to have a party.

Naah. She's already paid for half of it! I doubt she'd cancel it all together since she's got about $100 smackers on the line. She really is planning on having them sit out for the bowling part if they have a bad day here. But, maybe her plan is working. Thus far the kids are pretty well behaved today.