Some Food For Thought

[DaycareMomma]

I had training last night for my food program and the instructor was telling us about some things she has heard that are so very true in our line of work.

She had went to a conference once where the presenter said that at every interview for a new family she asked for a copy of the house keys and their car keys. She said most parents would be appaled by this. So she'd wait a bit and then tell them " If you can't trust me with a copy of your house keys and car keys, then why do you trust me with your most precious object- your child/ren". I sat back and went WOW. How true is that?! These people leave us with their CHILDREN but they would throw a hissy fit if we asked for keys to their house or car.

Another training she went to, the presenter there said that she'd ask parents if they were willing to help her parent and raise their children. Again, as assumed, most parents got upset and huffy. Yet when you think about it, we are usually with these kids more than the parents are, so if they don't agree with your own parenting techniques, policies, rules, discipline, attitude then they just are not a good fit for your program.


I thought those were some neat ideas to ponder and I will definately be implimenting them in my future interviews.

[Zoe]

Very interesting! And so many times I hear about these parents that clearly don't trust the provider's judgment or policies and we really wonder why they even came to us in the first place!

[Unregistered]

As a parent, I would be very offended if you asked me if I would help you raise my child. It is hard decision for most parents to go back to work and for most of us, it is a need. We know that our kids spend most of their time with you and it really hurts to be reminded of it. I understand the thought behind the statement but I still find it hurtful.

[Little People]

Very interesting! And so many times I hear about these parents that clearly don't trust the provider's judgment or policies and we really wonder why they even came to us in the first place!

Very good point Zoe!

[youretooloud]

Very interesting! And so many times I hear about these parents that clearly don't trust the provider's judgment or policies and we really wonder why they even came to us in the first place!

I've never had a parent question my judgement or policies, but, I've noticed the state (whatever state) will hand out rules that seem so ridiculous, and clearly assume that a provider has no skills or common sense at all.

[Unregistered]

well said

Well said by all here. On the other side, I despise when providers aren't honest with parents about their policies and beliefs and judgments during the interviewing process. Believe it or not, providers like this really do exist and they are more common than you may think - handing out very vague handbooks and talking all nicely about their beliefs and how they handle situations and they all magically agree with the parents. They want the business through the door and want the families to bend to their will after parents have paid all the nonrefundable fees. It's as if they put on a show during the interview, but then completely change afterwards. One size doesn't fit all - that's why parents tour and interview! They want to find a provider who meets their expectations, which includes agreeing with the policies and judgments. It's sad when parent's expectations aren't met and parents could have avoided the entire drama if the provider had just been honest from the go. (And parents need to be honest about their children, too - some parents are in denial.) If I hear one more parent complain to me about such and such provider's vague handbooks and bending policies for some families but not others or providers out and out lieing about their their policies or beliefs, I'm going to scream! I just don't understand why so many providers can't be 100% honest about how situations are dealt with. I wish I'd been at that conference. It'd be a savior for parents in search of daycare and a huge eye opener. But I can only speak from experience from a center standpoint.

[Zoe]

I've never had a parent question my judgement or policies, but, I've noticed the state (whatever state) will hand out rules that seem so ridiculous, and clearly assume that a provider has no skills or common sense at all.

I'm right there with ya! I'm not such a fan of some of these rules, but I want to take care of more kids and that means being licensed. Sigh....

I've never had any parents question my judgment either, but I did have an interview once where a new mom was questioning everything I told her. She had a problem with her DD playing on the floor. She didn't want her in a pack n play when I made lunch (to properly supervise her by the way). She wanted to only be charged for days she was here and given discounts for holidays and summers. Um, sorry that's not in my policy!

Thankfully I had the sense to turn her down. I wouldn't want to be taking care of someone's child when the parent doesn't trust me!

[Unregistered]

I interviewed a home provider

By phone over several calls, in person, and gave her many personal details about my child and philosophy (we were still potty training, only believed in time outs minute per year, needed to know if our child was eating, wanted quiet play after a short rest for non naps - as per state regs.

The night before we were to start, after nearly three weeks, it came out that she wanted to potty boot camp without pants or pull ups from day one (in front of new friends!), and that children who couldn't behave (who cried for any reason) were locked in the bathroom until they were quiet and could 'rejoin the group'.

College educated too!

Keep talking - you never know what might come out.

[Meeko]

I've never had a parent question my judgement or policies, but, I've noticed the state (whatever state) will hand out rules that seem so ridiculous, and clearly assume that a provider has no skills or common sense at all.

Many of the rules make sense and are for the protection of the children. But some just seem silly.

Our state has a rule that the licensor has to watch you change a baby to make sure it's being done correctly. My licensor is a sweetheart and even admitted she felt embarrassed watching me as she's only in her 20's and expecting her first child. I am the mother of 4 (the oldest is in his 30's) and I have been doing day care for longer than my licensor has been alive. I have changed THOUSANDS of diapers. I think I've got it down!! It's also annoying to change a baby that was only changed ten minutes before licensor showed up and is now wasted. Diapers aren't cheap!

I understand they want you clean surfaces, wash hands etc. But please....go over it in training classes and then assume we aren't morons that have to watched.......

[Unregistered]

As a parent, I would be very offended if you asked me if I would help you raise my child. It is hard decision for most parents to go back to work and for most of us, it is a need. We know that our kids spend most of their time with you and it really hurts to be reminded of it. I understand the thought behind the statement but I still find it hurtful.

As I parent AND provider, I agree with this. I don't think we should assume it's okay for us to tell people how to parent. Another provider I know here in my town preaches to us at our classes about how she does this, and it's a BIG turnoff. If it's a safety thing, fine, but just because we are providers doesn't make us God's gift to parents.

[Jewels]

I would also be extrememly turned off by a provider pretty much telling me I will be assisting them in raising my child, Just because I work during the day(I dont), does not make it so I'm in the backseat in raising my kid.

[Kaddidle Care]

By phone over several calls, in person, and gave her many personal details about my child and philosophy (we were still potty training, only believed in time outs minute per year, needed to know if our child was eating, wanted quiet play after a short rest for non naps - as per state regs.

The night before we were to start, after nearly three weeks, it came out that she wanted to potty boot camp without pants or pull ups from day one (in front of new friends!), and that children who couldn't behave (who cried for any reason) were locked in the bathroom until they were quiet and could 'rejoin the group'.

Your philosophy and requests are perfectly in line.

As far as the provider, you can't force a child to potty train. They are ready when they are ready. I'm not saying you don't encourage them mightily.

Locking a child in a bathroom? Nooooonononononono! Run away - do NOT put your child there.

[youretooloud]

Many of the rules make sense and are for the protection of the children. But some just seem silly.

.

You know what scares me? What if there are providers or parents who NEED to be told not to lay a card table over the pack n play while the baby is sleeping inside it. Or that didn't know that you should have all nap mats "free of vomit, blood and urine before laying a child down on it".

It's like those warning lables. "Do not place crib near open flame". What kind of people need to be told that????

[MyAngels]

You know what scares me? What if there are providers or parents who NEED to be told not to lay a card table over the pack n play while the baby is sleeping inside it. Or that didn't know that you should have all nap mats "free of vomit, blood and urine before laying a child down on it".

It's like those warning lables. "Do not place crib near open flame". What kind of people need to be told that????

Scary, isn't it? But they are out there, and it's the job of the licensing agencies to figure out who they are. I don't think I'd want that job. Think of the poor licensing rep who was responsible for Jessica Tata (the one who left the kids alone with the stove on in Houston). They have to try to regulate and legislate common sense, which is impossible to do, at least IMHO.

[e.j.]

She had went to a conference once where the presenter said that at every interview for a new family she asked for a copy of the house keys and their car keys. She said most parents would be appaled by this. So she'd wait a bit and then tell them " If you can't trust me with a copy of your house keys and car keys, then why do you trust me with your most precious object- your child/ren". I sat back and went WOW. How true is that?! These people leave us with their CHILDREN but they would throw a hissy fit if we asked for keys to their house or car.

Another training she went to, the presenter there said that she'd ask parents if they were willing to help her parent and raise their children. Again, as assumed, most parents got upset and huffy. Yet when you think about it, we are usually with these kids more than the parents are, so if they don't agree with your own parenting techniques, policies, rules, discipline, attitude then they just are not a good fit for your program.


I thought those were some neat ideas to ponder and I will definately be implimenting them in my future interviews.

This is just my opinion so take it for what it's worth but as a child care provider, I think I'd be careful about how I presented these points to parents during an interview. While I get the point the presenter was trying to make, I think there may be better ways to make it.

I had read something very similar when I was a mom looking for child care for my son - about 20 years ago and just before I quit my job to start my own day care business. The quote I read was "You would never hand over your wallet or car keys to a total stranger. Why would you hand your child over to one?" As a mom who had always envisioned being able to stay at home with my kids but found I couldn't afford to, this quote made me incredibly uncomfortable and sad. I thought, "OMG! That's a good point. Why would I hand over my child to a total stranger, especially when I'd never agree to hand over my wallet or keys to her?!" It made me that much more determined to start my own day care business and get my kid out of someone else's care. (Thank goodness not every parent feels the same way I did! We'd all be out of a job!)::

The quote has always stuck with me and I have to admit I have used it here and there during interviews when I wanted to let nervous parents know that I truly understood their anxiety about leaving their child with a stranger - me. Most of the time, though, I use the quote as a reminder to myself about how much responsibility I'm being entrusted with when a parent chooses me to watch his/her child. It helps me to be more understanding when a new parent calls two or three times a day to ask how the child is doing or when a prospective client asks if they can observe me interacting with the kids before they make a decision. I don't expect parents to trust me entirely at first. I expect to have to earn that trust and that it will need to happen over time. Anyway....just sharing my thoughts. Hopefully not coming off as preachy. I just remember how hard that quote hit me as a parent and as a provider so I'd advise using it carefully.