I HAVE To Get This Off My Chest...

[Blackcat31]

WOW!! Some people! I honestly cannot believe that in this day and age there are still people like that out there!

This whole thread though has got me questioning how to handle such inappropriate behaviors....last summer I had a family in care (4 kids...oldest two had one dad and younger two had a different dad). So one day dad is dropping off the younger two and he was trying to get his son age 4 to give him a kiss goodbye. Son was excited to come in and join his friends so he was trying to run off without the kiss....dad kept pushing it and finally son runs over and gives dad a quick hug and says "Boys don't kiss boys." and runs off. So dad stands up and in front of everyone says really loudly "Well, thank God, we know he isn't a f****t!" (bad slang word for gay male) I was floored!!

I said that we do not talk that way here and I would like for you watch your language or you will not be allowed to drop off or pick up. He got sort of huffy and as he was leaving he says "Well, if he ends up soft we will know where he got it!" I called mom ASAP and asked that she make alternate drop off and pick up arrangements for her two youngest kids from now on.

She did and I never had to deal with the jerk again! I did hear a few comments from the kids about how their dad didn't like me....obviously, I'm not heartbroken over it so, Oh, well!

[SandeeAR]

Disclaimer: I AM NOT defending the gpa! I am only trying to show where it probably came from. You really have to consider his age.

I have heard that term, many times before. From my own father and father in law. Is it possible this man was raised in the south? That was a VERY common term in thier growing up years.

It is very hard to change that genrations actions or thinking. I was raised under that mentality, as was my husband. But neither of us feel that way. We both grew up in mixed race schools and had friends of all races. They grew up in a time of segregation. They grew up in a totally different world.

Btw, we are 50 & 64.

[countrymom]

Yes exactly

Except the dad was black and not in the pic so he was around his moms family who was all white. The moms family made comments about how "black people act" (in her opinion, not mine!) and how thankfully the boy "acted white like them" (again her opinion, not mine!)

I understand what your saying. Its funny when c goes to her moms house because they talk about black people all the time but they are black, the child is biracial. I think they just confuse her so much. I know that stepmom and dad don't use color to tell her what she should and shouldn't do.

[squareone]

I had a very good friend who had Biracial children. The older boy started getting older and began to question where he belonged. He didn't see his father so he was raised entirely by a white family and was told he acted white , but looked black. This poor child was so confused on the fact he didn't act black but looked black and how he should act and where he belonged. If he lived with dad would he be accepted because he acted white? I really wish parents would see what they do to these children.

I think maybe you weren't understanding the comment! I was not saying parents of mixed race children in general did something wrong. I am saying this particular family did something wrong by telling the poor child that he looked black but acted white. What is that? You do not act white or act black. That can't be measured and they should not teach the child that.

I don't know how old this little boy is but it's entirely possble that his peers (not his parents) were rejecting him or making him feel like he didn't belong. It happens all the time and kids are mean. Whether it be race, religion, sexuality, unfortunately not all children are taught to appreciate differences in people.

Also, I can understand exactly what someone means when they say a person talks or acts black/white. Even though it's mostly based in sterotypes I still understand what they mean.

People from different cultures, religions, races, and socio-economic backgrounds have varying customs, beliefs, attitudes, and traditions that they follow and have been exposed to. It's only natural that if you are around a certain group of people a lot that you would notice their similarities and their differences. To me, this wouldn't make a person a racist. I think racism is when you believe that one race is superior to another and start living according to that beliefs.

[momofsix]

Yes exactly

Except the dad was black and not in the pic so he was around his moms family who was all white. The moms family made comments about how "black people act" (in her opinion, not mine!) and how thankfully the boy "acted white like them" (again her opinion, not mine!)

Thank you for clarifying...I had hoped I misunderstood! I was about to really go off on a rant and rave I am part of a mixed-race family, and our children are doing wonderfully-4 of the 6 made it through the rough teen years already!

But raising well adapted children takes parents that recognize what kind of world we live in to help them navigate through the cultures and figure out that they do fit in everywhere. It takes a commitment to love all "races" (that's in quotes because actually there really are no dixtinct "races"!) It may even involve moving to a different neighborhood, school district, church...whatever it takes for the kids. They need to be around more than just one race-and actually I strongly believe that is true for ALL of us! Shop in a store that makes you uncomfortable, where you're the only one that looks like you...see how it feels!

Your friend better get her act together real soon and stop disrespecting her son's race, before that young man decides he's going to "act black" and start doing the stereotypical things he hears about. It's not too hard to see that one coming.

for those that were asking, porch monkeys is a term used to describe black people that originated when the caricatures of black people were so distorted to make them look like monkeys/apes...(we saw some of those distortions again when Pres. Obama was elected in many of the editorial cartoons).
The "porch" part comes from the "hanging out on the front porch" stereotype.
Sadly, I have friends that were never allowed on their front porches just because their parents were so afraid of perpetuating that stereotype

Sorry for the rant and long post. Obviously this issue is one that is important to me!

[momofsix]

Disclaimer: I AM NOT defending the gpa! I am only trying to show where it probably came from. You really have to consider his age.

I have heard that term, many times before. From my own father and father in law. Is it possible this man was raised in the south? That was a VERY common term in thier growing up years.

It is very hard to change that genrations actions or thinking. I was raised under that mentality, as was my husband. But neither of us feel that way. We both grew up in mixed race schools and had friends of all races. They grew up in a time of segregation. They grew up in a totally different world.

Btw, we are 50 & 64.

Not an excuse at all. If you got over it, so could he. There is no excuse for hate, ever.

[gbcc]

Your friend better get her act together real soon and stop disrespecting her son's race, before that young man decides he's going to "act black" and start doing the stereotypical things he hears about. It's not too hard to see that one coming.

That is exactly what my concern was. His father was a drug user/seller and ran the streets with his "boys". He was the only black man he was ever exposed to. That is the image they portray to this boy. His father doesn't do these things because he's black. He does them because he's a looser!

[SandeeAR]

Disclaimer: I AM NOT defending the gpa! I am only trying to show where it probably came from. You really have to consider his age.

I have heard that term, many times before. From my own father and father in law. Is it possible this man was raised in the south? That was a VERY common term in thier growing up years.

It is very hard to change that genrations actions or thinking. I was raised under that mentality, as was my husband. But neither of us feel that way. We both grew up in mixed race schools and had friends of all races. They grew up in a time of segregation. They grew up in a totally different world.

Btw, we are 50 & 64.

Not an excuse at all. If you got over it, so could he. There is no excuse for hate, ever.

I WAS NOT making an excuse for it. I was simply trying to explain the GPA's mind set. It was a different time period. Things were different. My guess is you are young, as you get older, you will discover, most, not all people get more set in their ways and don't change.

[laundrymom]

And thank youfor mentioning the monkeys, I used to call my day friends goofy little monkeys. Until my sons friends were here and WOW, I was educated fairly fast. I don't call kids monkeys, they don't say " that's retarded"

Thank you for clarifying...I had hoped I misunderstood! I was about to really go off on a rant and rave I am part of a mixed-race family, and our children are doing wonderfully-4 of the 6 made it through the rough teen years already!

But raising well adapted children takes parents that recognize what kind of world we live in to help them navigate through the cultures and figure out that they do fit in everywhere. It takes a commitment to love all "races" (that's in quotes because actually there really are no dixtinct "races"!) It may even involve moving to a different neighborhood, school district, church...whatever it takes for the kids. They need to be around more than just one race-and actually I strongly believe that is true for ALL of us! Shop in a store that makes you uncomfortable, where you're the only one that looks like you...see how it feels!

Your friend better get her act together real soon and stop disrespecting her son's race, before that young man decides he's going to "act black" and start doing the stereotypical things he hears about. It's not too hard to see that one coming.

for those that were asking, porch monkeys is a term used to describe black people that originated when the caricatures of black people were so distorted to make them look like monkeys/apes...(we saw some of those distortions again when Pres. Obama was elected in many of the editorial cartoons).
The "porch" part comes from the "hanging out on the front porch" stereotype.
Sadly, I have friends that were never allowed on their front porches just because their parents were so afraid of perpetuating that stereotype

Sorry for the rant and long post. Obviously this issue is one that is important to me!

[momofsix]

I WAS NOT making an excuse for it. I was simply trying to explain the GPA's mind set. It was a different time period. Things were different. My guess is you are young, as you get older, you will discover, most, not all people get more set in their ways and don't change.

I know you weren't excusing it, but many people do use that as an excuse.
I'm not so young:: 43. When I married outside of my race it was a BIG DEAL to my family, friends, even strangers had to have their say. But even some of the VERY (upper 80's) old people in our very white, very conservative (you get the picture) denomination have taken classes with my DDH on understanding racism. I am so proud of them! And there are still 30 year olds that say things to him like "Not to be rude but...you know they only hired you b/c you're black". or multitudes of bs followed by the phrase "Not to be rude but..." As I get older, I find that the people I respect and try to pattern my life after the most are those that are willing to admit their wrongs, those that are willing to see other viewpoints, those that are willing to change even/especially when it is uncomfortable for them.
People that are so blatantly racist as this guy is aren't just harboring untrue stereotypes, they aren't ignorant, they aren't just basing things on the times they grew up...they are full of hate and trying to spread it to others.
These are the people that really scare me.