What About The Child Who Simply DOESN'T WANT TO GO POTTY?!?

[ninosqueridos]

I love this boy. He turned 3 in Jan. Very verbal. Very smart. Will not use words to say he needs to go. Ever. Sticker chart with rewards and other encouragement don't work. He just yells NO every time or says I don't WANT to go and lays on the floor. He doesn't care if he is wet or pooped. Diapers or pullups produce same results.

I think the parents are reeeally trying - seemingly a little bit forced at times ("c'mon let's go....c'mon let's try...." and then "NOOOOO - I don't want to!"......."c'mon let's sit (plop him on potty)".....he will pee sometimes this way but I am not forcing him like that).

I try to encourage him, but as he gets older (this has been going on for a year now), he just resists more and more. I don't make a big deal out of it anymore and haven't plopped him on the potty for months since he never wants to go. What in the world would YOU do?!? Anything? My plan is no plan.....just to let him be and one day he will come around WHEN HE IS READY.

[DCMomOf3]

Have you tried TELLING him it's time to go, not giving him the option of no?

[ninosqueridos]

Yep, he hangs from my hand so I would have to drag him/pick him up and force him to sit. Then he'll cry on the potty....

[lvt77]

I think that potty training has to happen as natural as walking when it comes to being ready. If the child is not showing signs of readiness, then you are going to create a long term up hill battle.

I would talk to the parents and tell them lets give it a rest for a week and try again.. If you force him, you will turn toilet time in to toture time.

My son was 2.5 when I tried and he refused, I stopped. I tried again a month later and he was open to it. I pushed him for almost a month and then I thought why am I forcing this...

I gave it another rest. I saw a sign in him that he was ready and I pushed him to use the toilet. He was diaper free in 3 days, even at naps and night time.

[ninosqueridos]

They are giving it a rest, but when they give him that "strong encouragement" in my home upon arrival, I see they are not actually letting him be.

[Blackcat31]

I had a similar kid about the same age. I used a kitchen timer and when the bell went off, it was simply time to go. He can't argue with the bell. If he didn't want to go, then ok, but he couldn't continue playing until he tried. He could resume play as soon as he tried to go. I was just matter of fact about it and said "Billy, you can go right back to the trucks as soon as you go" It helped that another dcb the same age was also going and "Billy" could witness how little time it really took to just try and then resume play with no fuss. If I asked or told him, it allowed for argument...but for whatever reason the kitchen bell was not something anyone has ever tried to argue with. I dunno, but it might be worth a shot...good luck. I HATE POTTY TRAINING ISSUES!!


Did I say I HATE POTTY TRAINING ISSUES???...I feel like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day where it just keeps happening day after day...atleast with our own children you trained and moved on...seems like in daycare we are helping to train every.single.day.for.so.many.endless.months...kid.after.kid. Whew! Can you tell I recently had a lot of trainers come through!?! LOL!

[ninosqueridos]

thank you for your suggestions. I tried a timer a few months ago, and as soon as it went off, he'd hit the floor.

[Mrs.Ky]

If he HAS peed in the potty before then he CAN use the potty there is NO MORE EXCUSES. Take him potty EVERY hour and have him sit for 5 minutes then give him LOTS of postive praise such as clapping, jumping up and down, and saying good job _______ you are such a big boy. When he goes in his pants tell him big boys dont pee or poop there pants they go pee and poop in the potty. If he is VERY smart as stated and 3 he can SURELY use the potty and why are the parents even giving him a choice.

[lvt77]

If he HAS peed in the potty before then he CAN use the potty there is NO MORE EXCUSES. Take him potty EVERY hour and have him sit for 5 minutes then give him LOTS of postive praise such as clapping, jumping up and down, and saying good job _______ you are such a big boy. When he goes in his pants tell him big boys dont pee or poop there pants they go pee and poop in the potty. If he is VERY smart as stated and 3 he can SURELY use the potty and why are the parents even giving him a choice.

my sisters son has to be one of the most intelligent toddlers I have ever met in my whole life. The kind of kid that you will see on the johnny carson show.

He was 4 when he finally decided ok I am ready to use the toliet and it happened in less than a week. He is also the most patient, and well behaved child, so I thought for sure he would potty train super fast.

I bought an e-book on potty training and would love to email it to you. its long !!

[kendallina]

I would talk to the parents and see if they would be open to setting up a plan so that you're both on the same page. It sounds like they are being inconsistent (saying they are taking a break and then still telling him to sit on the potty) and are trying to force the issue, which will only make him resist more. Do you think they'd be open to something like that?

[countrymom]

could it be he doesn't like the toilet seat or the potty. I have some who use the toilet seat some who use the potty. Also, how about leaving him in underwear instead of pullups or diapers. Also, let him see the other kids use the bathroom maybe that might help.

[Zoe]

I am going through the EXACT same thing right now with my own DS! He turned three in December and I've tried everything! He just doesn't want to sit! After a weekend of having nothing on (completely bottomless) I thought I had him, but now he refuses to sit on the potty. I tried pushing him and not giving him and choice, and it got worse! He has no problem sitting in a dirty diaper. But I've run out of diapers and will NOT buy more so he's in underwear. Doesn't matter to him that he wets his pants. Thankfully they're pretty absorbent and don't make a mess on my floor. I really don't know what to do with him either except to stay consistent and keep trying, hoping that he'll loosen up about sitting.

Right now whenever I get him to sit, he won't pee, but at least he's sitting right? Sorry I don't have any advice, but it's nice to know I'm not the only one going through it!

[Cat Herder]

If he were here it would be a non-issue because I don't potty train.

Potty training is a parental responsibility.

I stopped the potty drama years ago.

When a child asks to go, I take them. I have no problem wiping them if they did not get as clean as I would like. There is no pressure and NEVER tears.

When a parent asks me to assist I tell them I will ask the child, up to once an hour, if they need to go. If they say "Yes" I will take them. Again, No pressure and no tears.

I do not allow pressure at mealtimes or at potty times. My house is a pretty relaxed place where the kids are comfortable.

If you present it to the parents from that perspective, they seem to appreciate it. They are being hit up with all the "my kids is better because he trained at 2 months!!" BS.

I remember a video someone once posted with the two moms going back and forth like that when another provider here was having similar issues...it was hilarious!!! Does anyone have a link???? I think it was youtube?

[GG~DAYCARE]

If he were here it would be a non-issue because I don't potty train.

Potty training is a parental responsibility.

I stopped the potty drama years ago.

When a child asks to go, I take them. I have no problem wiping them if they did not get as clean as I would like. There is no pressure and NEVER tears.

When a parent asks me to assist I tell them I will ask the child, up to once an hour, if they need to go. If they say "Yes" I will take them. Again, No pressure and no tears.

I do not allow pressure at mealtimes or at potty times. My house is a pretty relaxed place where the kids are comfortable
If you present it to the parents from that perspective, they seem to appreciate it. They are being hit up with all the "my kids is better because he trained at 2 months!!" BS.

I remember a video someone once posted with the two moms going back and forth like that when another provider here was having similar issues...it was hilarious!!! Does anyone have a link???? I think it was youtube?

I am the same way. I will ask a child and if they say yes they go if they say no than I let it be and child doesn"t go!! If a diaper is dry when I go to change them I will try to get them to go but thats it!!
I have had too many dcp's who want it to fall on my shoulders...no way!!!
There are 3 things a child can control:
We can make them go to bed but can't force them to sleep.
We can sit them at the table but we can't force them to eat.
We can sit them on the potty but we can not force them to pee.

[Danielle]

When a child asks to go, I take them. I have no problem wiping them if they did not get as clean as I would like. There is no pressure and NEVER tears.

When a parent asks me to assist I tell them I will ask the child, up to once an hour, if they need to go. If they say "Yes" I will take them. Again, No pressure and no tears.

This is basically what I ended up doing with my daughter. She was showing big signs that she was ready about 3 weeks ago (she's 22 months) so I started the timer method. She resisted BIG time!! A friend suggested backing off and just reminding her to go to the potty if she needed to pee but not making her sit on the potty. She now goes when she needs to. She's dry when she wakes up in the morning, after nap and has only 1-2 accidents a day.