Bad Drop Off This Morning

[lovemykidstoo]

I have a 3 yr old dcb that is a challenge. He's gotten alot better though. Before, at drop off and pickup he would hit, scream, cry, kick, spit etc at his mom and me in general. He doesn't do that anymore and is sometimes a handful during the day, but he's 3 after all so whatever. Well today dad drops off and the dcb plants his feet and doesn't want to come in, starts yelling a bit and so dad puts his hand in the middle of his back and gives him a good shove. Kid does a face plant in my foyer. Of course crying. All of this in front of a drop in parent and her 2 year old daughter who stood there with their mouth hitting the floor. I could not believe he did that. He pushed him harder than I thought was necessary. What to do?

[hwichlaz]

I wouldn't do a thing. I'm sure that the dad was at a momentary loss, like all parents are on occasion, and didn't intentionally make his kid face plant. If the fits continue, then I'd work on a solution. But I'd be willing to bet that the embarrassment dad suffered will result in it being taken care of at home.

[lovemykidstoo]

I wouldn't do a thing. I'm sure that the dad was at a momentary loss, like all parents are on occasion, and didn't intentionally make his kid face plant. If the fits continue, then I'd work on a solution. But I'd be willing to bet that the embarrassment dad suffered will result in it being taken care of at home.

That's the thing, he acts like that whenever dad drops off because it's not typical that dad does it. I've seen dads temper with him before and I often wonder what does go on at home with him. That's why it concerns me. They're the kind of parents that when he's doing something wrong, they say, johnny don't do that, johnny johnny johnny then they stop because they see he's turned a deaf ear to them.

[trix23]

If a kid tantrums and does all that, I just totally ignore them. If it's at drop-off, just have it be short and sweet with parent leaving. I let one child that did this tantrum in the playroom for as long as he needed. Did it for like 2 weeks (pt) and then when he realized that wasn't affected by it, he got up and walked away. Lol.

I would go in the playroom from the kitchen while preparing breakfast and say "when you're done in there, I have breakfast ready. Come when you're done."

If the child in your care is spitting and hitting and all that, you need to come up with a plan with the parents to fix it. He needs to understand that he cannot do these things. Sounds to me like he needs more limits and boundaries set at home.

[trix23]

Even if a child turns a deaf ear to corrective behavior, that doesn't mean they can do what they want! Seems to me that this child is the boss in their household.

[lovemykidstoo]

If a kid tantrums and does all that, I just totally ignore them. If it's at drop-off, just have it be short and sweet with parent leaving. I let one child that did this tantrum in the playroom for as long as he needed. Did it for like 2 weeks (pt) and then when he realized that wasn't affected by it, he got up and walked away. Lol.

I would go in the playroom from the kitchen while preparing breakfast and say "when you're done in there, I have breakfast ready. Come when you're done."

If the child in your care is spitting and hitting and all that, you need to come up with a plan with the parents to fix it. He needs to understand that he cannot do these things. Sounds to me like he needs more limits and boundaries set at home.

He is out of control at home. He used to do all of that here in the morning and then I didn't let mom in the house. I opened the door, brought him in and either put him right in bed, had him sit on the couch, let him fall on the floor crying and walked away. After like 2 months he quit. Now the last couple of times that dad dropped off he's been like that. I don't worry so much about that as I do dad pushing him like that. I actually felt sorry for him.

[trix23]

I would send a notice home to all families reminding them that kindness and respect and gentleness are expected behaviors of everyone, including parents. Inform them also that parents need to use gentle touch and that any aggressive behavior is not allowed on or within 50 feet of your property.

[flying_babyb]

I would inform the father that if he pushes his child at drop off again, he will no longer be allowed to enter you property, that he will ring the bell and you will bring the child in. No need for the other children to see that sort of treatment

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I have a 3 yr old dcb that is a challenge. He's gotten alot better though. Before, at drop off and pickup he would hit, scream, cry, kick, spit etc at his mom and me in general. He doesn't do that anymore and is sometimes a handful during the day, but he's 3 after all so whatever. Well today dad drops off and the dcb plants his feet and doesn't want to come in, starts yelling a bit and so dad puts his hand in the middle of his back and gives him a good shove. Kid does a face plant in my foyer. Of course crying. All of this in front of a drop in parent and her 2 year old daughter who stood there with their mouth hitting the floor. I could not believe he did that. He pushed him harder than I thought was necessary. What to do?

That's the thing, he acts like that whenever dad drops off because it's not typical that dad does it. I've seen dads temper with him before and I often wonder what does go on at home with him. That's why it concerns me. They're the kind of parents that when he's doing something wrong, they say, johnny don't do that, johnny johnny johnny then they stop because they see he's turned a deaf ear to them.

He sounds like he has been a handful since the beginning. As for what dad did, I do not approve of it, but I also will not defend a 3 year old who hits, kicks, spits, and defiantly plants their feet when it is time to move, because 3 is plenty old to not behave in that way. Actually, I would not defend those behaviors at any age.

I wonder if mom allows him certain things before coming and dad does not? That would be a great reason for him to not like dad dropping off. He is not getting what he wants, so he is pushing his limits to see if it will work and dad will give in. And with dad, it does not seem to be working, therefore, he does not like dad dropping off. Since I don't know them, it is hard to say, but it sounds like a case of passive parent versus aggressive parent. Mom gives in and gives up easily. Dad does not and loses his temper.

As for dropping off, I would do an outside drop off from now on. They knock, you open the door, take child, say bye close door. Same at pick up. Remove any attention from the scenario and limit the child's audience. With a kid that has already shown such bad behaviors, you cannot let up and need to remain stern and in the authoritarian state at all times. He can pull his stuff with mom and dad, but the minute he enters your home, he is not in charge any more!

[lovemykidstoo]

He has been a handful from the beginning and the only thing getting me through is that he's off to preschool full time in the fall. (see other post about trying to fit 3 families into open spots ugh). Neither one of them know how to parent. He does not listen to them one single bit. He knows that crap doesn't work here and for the most part behaves until the second he sees them.

Example, yesterday he had to go to the bathroom. I went in and helped him (still potty training) and I was washing my hands as he walked out of the bathroom. He saw his dad through the screen door and busted out of the door as I was walking to the door and he was halfway in the yard. Dad said nothing. So I started in on him and told him to get back here now and that he does not go out that front door without me for any reason. I have other kids there that can get their hands stuck in the door etc. My door is typically locked, but someone had just left and I had to run him quick to the bathroom. Smart dad just let me handle it. Point is, he turns into demon when they're around. Forget trying to have a conversation with them. So I can see how dad loses his cool with him, but it's his own fault for not making him mind from the get go.

[Blackcat31]

I wouldn't do a thing. I'm sure that the dad was at a momentary loss, like all parents are on occasion, and didn't intentionally make his kid face plant. If the fits continue, then I'd work on a solution. But I'd be willing to bet that the embarrassment dad suffered will result in it being taken care of at home.

I agree wholeheartedly with this!

I would do nothing. Sounds like this dad was more than likely frustrated with his child's display of resistance to something that isn't an option.

Based on the additional descriptions of this child's behavior I'd start implementing some swift consequences to his behaviors during drop off and pick up.

I currently have a 3 yr old (newish) that has lost all "big kid" privileges due to poor behavior his mom at pick up last night. At 3, they are PLENTY old enough to understand consequences for negative behavior that happens the night, day or even week before. His tantrums and current behavior says that.

I don't condone the father shoving the child but I am willing to bet his intentions weren't malicious but more so about frustration in dealing with a difficult child that DOES know better.