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Hey ladies and gentleman. I've been lurking a while and love the advice offered on this forum. I need some advice big time. I have a part time parent that has been bringing her 2 year old son since November of last year. He was 2 days a week and no issues. I let her bring her 7 year old on Monday last minute. He went back and told his mom that I starved them. I'm pretty upset that she accused me of not feeding her kids. She said well you had Mac and cheese and they have issues with dairy. The 7 year old didn't like he had to eat at specific times and wanted unlimited snacks through out the day. I have 12 kids here. I don't know if I should term since i feel like she doesn't trust me feeding the kids. Should I make her send his lunch? I don't think I'll let her drop her 7 year old in again. He was disruptivewhile the younger kids napped and was down right nasty to some of the kids anyways. So much for doing people last minute favors.
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I also meant to say she changed her story when i questioned her about the dairy issue. -
One of the reasons why I don't take school-agers.
MOST parents know that 7 yr olds will embellish the truth, but there are some parents that need reassurance. They've been with you 7 months now- is this the first issue you've had with them?
What my advice would be depends on the way dcm delivered the message to you. If she was snarky or accusatory, then that may end the relationship with me (depending on the history).
If it was a question or mentioned in a curious way, then I would just state what my policies are (when meal times are, what food components were, healthy options are always served, etc) and say "if you have concerns, you can pack his lunch, but it must follow the food program guidelines for a healthy meal and I can give you information on that if you need.Comment
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It kind of was. Honestly we just finished our basement for the daycare. Since summer has started her 2 year old has been crying during drop off. His older brother gets to hang out with mom while he's here. She has made smart ass comments about it. It still doesn't stop her from dropping him off. I feel like making her pack his food would be best and to not allow his brother back . Simply say I don't have space. I probably won't anyways.Comment
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Personally, I would tell the mom that it is imperative she trust you. If she does not trust you she will need to submit her notice of withdrawal.
If her child has issues with dairy and requires a special diet, I would insist she bring documentation of the issue from the child's physician. Are you participating with a food program? If so, they require a special diet statement if you need to omit dairy although you can substitute soy milk in place of cow's milk.
If the child simply cannot have dairy, I'd consider requiring the parent to supply ALL foods.
As for wanting or needing snacks all day long at unlimited intervals, well most daycare's (home and centers) have specific meal times and don't have open doors to the fridge.
If mom insists they have free range to food, I'd personally term as I don't work well with parents that want to run my business but if you don't want to term or can't afford to, I would instead feed child at your designated snack/meal time and when child wants to eat again before the next scheduled meal time, I'd call mom and require she pick up and feed her child since he is hungry. Putting the issue back on the parent causes the parent to rethink the issue most times.
Either way though I would refuse the older child as a drop in again due to behavior this last time.Comment
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Don't do the parent any favors by lying. Simply state "Due to Johnny's behavior this last time I am no longer willing to provide care for him. Clearly he needs a program designed to meet his needs and age group"
If you lie, it usually comes back to bite you or you will have to do a lot of explaining then when you try to advertise or take on a new child.Comment
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Mom sounds like a pain.
He sounds like my last remaining dcb's older brother. Doesn't want what is provided at snacks and lunch, but whines incessantly in between that he's "starving" and pleads for snacks. I stuck to my guns and even though he doesn't come very often, the whining and pleading has become much reduced when he is here.
I would provide mom with the menu that covers the day the older boy was there and let her know that there are no substitutions without a doctors note. And that children who refuse to eat what is provided go hungry and may feel that they are being starved. My attitude would be that it's my way or the highway and that if she doesn't like my way then don't let the door hit her on the way out.
And I wouldn't have her provide packed lunches for her kids unless all the kids you care for bring packed lunches. Maybe it would be fine but I'd worry about the other kids complaining that two kids got a special meal and they have to eat the daycare meal.Comment
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The older boy most likely won't come back anyways. Mom takes him to work. He gets special treatment and the younger child knows it. I just feel like I no longer feel comfortable with her son here. What is next? Let's say he trips and gets a little bump. Am I going to be accused of neglect or beating her child? She has no idea how hard it is to accommodate meals for everyone. I try to provide things that are healthy and the kids will actually eat. For the record her 2 year old eats almost all of his food like 90% of the time.Comment
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I'd start sending a photo of her child with his plate of food daily for the entire week and another one after he had finished his plate with him smiling. Starving, eh? :
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If the 2-year-old quickly calms down after drop off I'd also send a photo of him happily playing. Of course he is upset that he doesn't get to play with mom and brother. Most children would be. :confused:
I wouldn't take the older child back at all due to behaviors. Too old for your program is the nicest way I would be able to phrase it.Comment
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So the child has a dairy allergy and you fed him mac and cheese? Did you know about the dairy issue? This is the part I am very confused about. Why did you only offer a dairy filled food if he has been with you 7 months with a dairy issue?
I am not sure if you knew or not but I would be mad too if this was my child and you knew about the dairy issue.Comment
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If a child cannot have dairy for allergy or sensitivity reasons, they should have a doctor's note on file and should provide all food for the child.
If you're just now learning about this sensitivity to dairy, simply state that she didn't disclose this upon enrollment and that you don't do special meals.
Tell her about your policies - food is for at mealtimes and snack only and what time these occur on a daily basis. That if a child doesn't eat what's served that they will need to wait for the next meal/snack.Comment
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Is he still only 2 days a week? If so, I'd let him go and look for a FT enrollment. Two days a week isn't enough to deal with that many problems. If he's now FT and you need to keep him and dcm is untrusting, snarky, disrespectful, etc., have *that* talk with her that this is your business and you need to run it according to the best for the group, if she doesn't trust you then it's time to move on.
I've always been against having meals sent in because then you run into a whole other host of issues. But then, I haven't had food allergies/issues to the extreme that it would warrant it, either. Good luck with your decision! I always say, if a dcf causes too much stress, let them go as 'not a good fit'.Comment
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No! Please read she never mentioned no dairy issue until her 7 year old complained about me starving them. When I confronted her she changed it to only having an allergy or dislike for mac and cheese. None of my kids in care having any food allergies. I ask often if things have changed because parents are bad about updating you. It was simply her way of complaining her 7 year old couldn't eat snacks and food whenever he wanted which she knows I don't do. I don't know a daycare that can. The only children that eat on demand are infants.
At pickup she acted like nothing happened. I brought it up and reassured her that her son was eating. I suggested her pack his lunches and she said no I trust what you are serving.Comment
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And it wasn't the only food offered. There were two veggies and two fruits with It! Both kids ate all of the fruit and the younger one ate his veggies. I even let the older boy pick the fruit and veggies since he was new!Comment
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I def would respond with "sorry mom, older son is just too old for our environment." if she asks again.Comment
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