Mommy Dead and Dearest

[mommyneedsadayoff]

If you have HBO, you should check out this documentary. It is one of the most sad and complex I have seen in a while.

I know it is odd to post this here, but it is actually very relevant to our industry.

It shows the power of parents. I have spent almost ten years grieving and getting over the death of my mom, who was an incredibly positive influence on my life and the lives of many others.

But in contrast, this documentary shows the power of parents in a negative way. What it can lead to and how it can affect EVERYTHING!

This is not a spoiler because this was a national media event, but even after taking part in killing her HIGHLY abusive mother, this woman struggles with the grief of losing the only person she ever depended on, even if that dependency was fabricated. She was not technically born with any mental illness, but the way her mother treated her lead to a "parent created" psychosis.

It is sad and complex and left me feeling very disturbed. All that said, I highly recommend watching it if you have the opportunity!:: Seriously, though, it is an eye opener about mental illness, the systems we have in place to support it, children, and parenting.

[Blackcat31]

I didn't see the documentary or show but I read about it.
Sadly, I can see how this could be going on right under someone's nose and no one would be wiser.

Definitely a sad situation.

[Crazy Baby]

I just watched it and I too recommend this documentary. The story is incredible. One of the things that stuck with me, was how Dee Dee's father was talking about her. They said that when she died, nobody wanted her ashes and that they should just flush them down the toilet. It just goes to show what that woman probably put that little girl through for all of those years.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Interesting! Will watch. Thanks.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I didn't see the documentary or show but I read about it.
Sadly, I can see how this could be going on right under someone's nose and no one would be wiser.

Definitely a sad situation.

It is hard to watch because you are not sure how to feel. You go from feeling horrible for the daughter becaue her mom abused and controlled her in the way a hostage would control their victim. You feel bad for her and justify the murder.

Then you see how she planned this murder with the help of her online boyfriend, who had extreme mental illness and you start to wonder if the mother's impact wore off on the girl and if she manipulated a mentally disturbed man to do her dirty work.

THEN you realize the impact it had on all of them. And you don't know what to think.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I just watched it and I too recommend this documentary. The story is incredible. One of the things that stuck with me, was how Dee Dee's father was talking about her. They said that when she died, nobody wanted her ashes and that they should just flush them down the toilet. It just goes to show what that woman probably put that little girl through for all of those years.

Right?!? Everyone seemed to hate Dee Dee and they spoke about how manipulated she was and that she may have even starved her mother and how she poisoned her step mom, but NO ONE ADVOCATED for this child. She got lost in the cracks by everyone.

[Blackcat31]

It is hard to watch because you are not sure how to feel. You go from feeling horrible for the daughter becaue her mom abused and controlled her in the way a hostage would control their victim. You feel bad for her and justify the murder.

Then you see how she planned this murder with the help of her online boyfriend, who had extreme mental illness and you start to wonder if the mother's impact wore off on the girl and if she manipulated a mentally disturbed man to do her dirty work.

THEN you realize the impact it had on all of them. And you don't know what to think.

Actually been there. Done that.

2008-2013. 3 little ones. Borderline Personality Disorder.
Law Enforcement involvement, assault, courts, Guardian Ad Litems and a Restraining Order.

I operate on an entirely different level now because of that experience.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Actually been there. Done that.

2008-2013. 3 little ones. Borderline Personality Disorder.
Law Enforcement involvement, assault, courts, Guardian Ad Litems and a Restraining Order.

I operate on an entirely different level now because of that experience.

It is so hard to see how mental illness affects not just the person, but everyone around them. I have experienced it with my brother, but I can't even imagine how much more difficult it would have been with children involved. So sad.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Munchausen by Proxy is rare, but the when you can get to the level of abusing a child and they have no idea that your intentions are wrong and they think you are helping them and their biggest advocate, it is creepy and odd and I cannot quite wrap my head around it.

[Ariana]

Thanks for suggesting this doc! I love documentaries

Something that stands out for me and maybe some of you can relate is how the DRs just blindly trusted what the mother told them about her. They never did any of their own investigating. I have experienced this (obviously in a much subtler and less serious form!) when recommending speech therapy for parents. The Drs just go by what the parents are telling them which is almost always false. It is shocking that these Drs performed all of these surgeries and orescribed medication to a perfectly healthy person. I really hope some lessons were learned here.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Thanks for suggesting this doc! I love documentaries

Something that stands out for me and maybe some of you can relate is how the DRs just blindly trusted what the mother told them about her. They never did any of their own investigating. I have experienced this (obviously in a much subtler and less serious form!) when recommending speech therapy for parents. The Drs just go by what the parents are telling them which is almost always false. It is shocking that these Drs performed all of these surgeries and orescribed medication to a perfectly healthy person. I really hope some lessons were learned here.

There is one doctor who did notice. She had no atrophy in her legs after being confined to a wheel chair. The doctor stated that the mother's history was not correct or something to that point. She then moved away and they speculated as to why. She requested medical records of her daughter very frequently and saw the doctor's notes. She knew he was on to her so she moved them away.

After watching this, I thought at first that Dee Dee was so beyond disturbed that she didn't even know what she was doing or that it was wrong. Now, I have reconsidered. She didn't just use her daughter for sympathy, attention, ect. She defrauded people. She took money and free things. I almost feel that she intentionally did all this not just due to munchausen. I think she did it very purposely. And now I think her daughter followed in her foot steps.

[Ariana]

There is one doctor who did notice. She had no atrophy in her legs after being confined to a wheel chair. The doctor stated that the mother's history was not correct or something to that point. She then moved away and they speculated as to why. She requested medical records of her daughter very frequently and saw the doctor's notes. She knew he was on to her so she moved them away.

Yes he was the only one! Quite appalling especially when major surgeries were performed and meds were administered!

After watching this, I thought at first that Dee Dee was so beyond disturbed that she didn't even know what she was doing or that it was wrong. Now, I have reconsidered. She didn't just use her daughter for sympathy, attention, ect. She defrauded people. She took money and free things. I almost feel that she intentionally did all this not just due to munchausen. I think she did it very purposely. And now I think her daughter followed in her foot steps.

I agree especially be she was seen as "evil" before all of this went down and many suspected her of killing her own mother. Terrible situation!

[daycarediva]

Thanks for suggesting this doc! I love documentaries

Something that stands out for me and maybe some of you can relate is how the DRs just blindly trusted what the mother told them about her. They never did any of their own investigating. I have experienced this (obviously in a much subtler and less serious form!) when recommending speech therapy for parents. The Drs just go by what the parents are telling them which is almost always false. It is shocking that these Drs performed all of these surgeries and orescribed medication to a perfectly healthy person. I really hope some lessons were learned here.

I haven't seen the documentary, but this, oh my word YES!!!

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Yes he was the only one! Quite appalling especially when major surgeries were performed and meds were administered!



I agree especially be she was seen as "evil" before all of this went down and many suspected her of killing her own mother. Terrible situation!

AND she poisoned her step mother with round up, plus stole money.

The things that stuck out to me were that she moved to different docs when she was questioned. She used her daughter for financial gain. She purposely kept her away from her dad. She abused her physically when she rebelled (hit her with coat hangers) and when being interviewed or speaking in public, she would hold Gypsy's hand and squeeze it to control how much information she gave. Gypsy said she knew she could walk, so I almost feel like there was some sort of conspiracy here. Like, Gypsy figured it out and went along with it for some reason. When her mother started losing control over her, I feel like the confinement and punishment must have escalated and that is what led to her wanting her mom dead.

Gypsy said she had no way out. She didn't know how to get help. Yet, she had internet and phone access and found Nicholas and apparently had face book friends and a community of people around her. I don't think she is as innocent as she would have people believe. I have no clue what a person feels after being abused like that for so long, but she seemed very aware of what she was doing with Nick. She claims he dominated her, but I just don't buy that. He said he would never have killed Dee Dee if Gypsy didn't ask him to and I believe him. I didn't believe a lot of what she said, but I believed him for some reason.

I don't know, but it just sat in my mind and I have probably put way too much thought into, but mental illness is something I am very interested in and this one just had my mind going crazy

[Mom2Two]

I don't think she is as innocent as she would have people believe. I have no clue what a person feels after being abused like that for so long, but she seemed very aware of what she was doing with Nick. She claims he dominated her, but I just don't buy that. He said he would never have killed Dee Dee if Gypsy didn't ask him to and I believe him. I didn't believe a lot of what she said, but I believed him for some reason.

I haven't seen it, and I'm not sure I could do it. But manipulator/controllers can seem all-powerful to children. There are a few who break out, but the desire to survive is pretty powerful. It can be hard to get support--not too many are willing to stick their neck out, and I can hardly blame them.

I'm even thinking of larger examples of control...remember Tiananmen Square?