Time off advice please!

[DaycareDays126]

I have had to take more time off than usual lately. I was out for a week 3 weeks ago for an unexpected surgery, then I had a weeks vacation last week (parents were given 3 months notice). Currently my girlfriend is in the hospital and we have no idea when she will be coming home. I stayed there with her last night and came home at 6am to be here by the time the kids would show up but I feel terrible leaving her there by herself She will probably have to stay again tonight and I know I cannot do the back and forth thing another day...I'm exhausted. After already taking so much time off lately, I don't know if I should take tomorrow off to be with her. I was also considering telling the parents (I will only have 2 families out of 5 tomorrow but the one family that will be here is the biggest issue) that I will work a half day tomorrow, but their kids will need to be picked up by noon. I started in this business to have a more flexible schedule that would work for me in these situations, but I feel bad leaving people in a bind. On the other hand, I know for the most part, parents don't really value our time and our issues so I don't expect any of them to be happy with any decision I make other than staying open as late as possible for them (sorry...that was a vent!)

What would you all do in this situation???

[Snowmom]

Do what you need to do for you.

If you feel you need to be there for her, then that's what you should do.
Life is not predictable. Some of your families may leave, some will understand. You just never know.
But in the end, they will always do what's best for their family, so you should too.

[childcaremom]

Do what you need to do for you.

If you feel you need to be there for her, then that's what you should do.
Life is not predictable. Some of your families may leave, some will understand. You just never know.
But in the end, they will always do what's best for their family, so you should too.

I agree with this.

I require all of my families to have back up. Because life happens and, let's face it, when stuff happens it tends to happen all at once.

I hope everything is ok! :hug:

[MrsSteinel'sHouse]

I am probably the only one on the other side. My parents know I am dependable. I rarely take off "extra days" so if I tell them I need a day they know I need it. I would visit girlfriend in the evening but be home at night to sleep. If she is in the hospital she needs rest. She has people to take care of her. Tomorrow is Friday and then you will have the weekend.
But that is me. My husband had a "surgical procedure this morning. My son is home from college so he took him. If he hadn't been able to take him I would have asked his mother. Now if it had been an absolute emergency with my husband, I would have called off. (ruptured appendix, heart attack etc) But, as soon as he was settled, I would not feel obligated to sit there with him. I would have worked the day after etc. Again, if he was released I would have gotten him mom to pick him up etc.
Like I said that is me but I have worked very hard to cultivate my business- parents I like, hours that work for me etc. So for me it is a reasonable trade off. (I do have a provision for 5 "sick days" per year in my contract)

[Ariana]

Is it imperative that you stay overnight with your friend? It seems like a lot to sacrifice. She is safe, being taken care of and guilt should not be a factor for being with her. I think being there for an hour or so in the evening is being a great friend. Does she have other people visiting with her? She also needs lots of rest to recouperate. She may need you more once she returns home.

The decision is of course yours, but I think you might be being a bit unfair to the families that chose you as a care provider. I think as a parent I would be much more understanding if it was an immediate family member. I don't know your situation however so this is just my opinion based on what you have said

[sahm1225]

Do what you need to do for you.

If you feel you need to be there for her, then that's what you should do.
Life is not predictable. Some of your families may leave, some will understand. You just never know.
But in the end, they will always do what's best for their family, so you should too.

I say take the day off. In 20 years, you won't remember all the families you worked with, but you will Remember being there for your girlfriend.

[CityGarden]

I am probably the only one on the other side. My parents know I am dependable. I rarely take off "extra days" so if I tell them I need a day they know I need it. I would visit girlfriend in the evening but be home at night to sleep. If she is in the hospital she needs rest. She has people to take care of her. Tomorrow is Friday and then you will have the weekend.
But that is me. My husband had a "surgical procedure this morning. My son is home from college so he took him. If he hadn't been able to take him I would have asked his mother. Now if it had been an absolute emergency with my husband, I would have called off. (ruptured appendix, heart attack etc) But, as soon as he was settled, I would not feel obligated to sit there with him. I would have worked the day after etc. Again, if he was released I would have gotten him mom to pick him up etc.
Like I said that is me but I have worked very hard to cultivate my business- parents I like, hours that work for me etc. So for me it is a reasonable trade off. (I do have a provision for 5 "sick days" per year in my contract)

You are not the only one.... I feel the same way. I am working very hard to build a reputation and want parents to feel I am reliable. I have ample paid vacations - we are closed all National Holidays, In-Service Days, & Winter, Spring & Summer Breaks so I feel to balance that I want to be reliable on the my scheduled days.

OP - I am sorry you are going thru this and I am sure it is difficult to want to be two places at once. I am not sure if this income is optional for you or how your families are so it is difficult for me to advise you to follow your heart. That said, you are just one day away from the weekend and your girl friend is in good care at the hospital ---- she needs her rest so you working then visiting also allows her that time. When I was in the hospital after child birth I was there for a week..... I felt the need to be "strong" and stay "on" when others even those closest to me where present, I did appreciate them visiting but I somewhat appreciated the quiet moments without them as well.

[racemom]

I understand you wanting to be with girlfriend, but I will say this is why some people choose a center. We have had families join us because their home daycare was often closed. I personally would not close, but that is me. I was raised with the belief you never miss work except for illness, but I also know a lot of people don't feel that way about it.

I also would visit her tonight, and then return home to sleep and be ready for clients in the morning.

[DaycareDays126]

Thank you everyone for the responses!

This is not just my friend, it is my signifigant other that I have been with for almost 10 years. I don't HAVE to stay with her but I WANT to. What she is there for is not getting any better and I feel terrible leaving her there by herself as I know she would be there for me (as she was last month).

With that being said, I know it's a decision I have to make on my own but your responses have given me a lot to think about. As I said, I don't like leaving people in a bind, but they also know they are supposed to have back up, this is what may happen when they choose family care instead of a center, which they do not (they complain when I give them 3 months notice for a vacation and still don't have anyone the day before.)

*sigh* I hate being an adult and having to make decisions! Lol thanks again everyone for the different points of view!

[AmyKidsCo]

I'd take the day off. You'll only be inconveniencing 2 families, who should have back-up care anyway. And if they were in your situation or if they were sick they'd take the day off - you deserve to have it off too. If you're feeling guilty don't charge them for it, or close at noon like you mentioned.

Bottom line, after 20+ years in family child care I've learned that families will always ALWAYS do what's best for them, regardless of how much they like us, how long they've been with us, or how much we've bent over backward for them. So don't feel guilty about putting your family first when you need to.

[laundrymom]

I think a lot of my response has to do w income.
I make the money. Hubs works for insurance.
He had a routine surgery two yrs ago.
I had my adult kids work my daycare that day
Came home. All was great.
Was set to work next day.
He started having trouble breathing. I took him to ER.
He collapsed in ER entryway and a stranger helped me get him inside.
His pain block went into his lungs and diaphragm.
He almost died.
I took off next day and next as we didn't know if he would recover.
Parents understood.
Good luck to your partner.
I'm sure she's in great hands at hospital but understand why you'd be aching to be there. Maybe head up for a bit. Then come home and rest? You sure don't need to be getting wore down too! Got it sister? Stay strong.

[DaveA]

I'd take the day off. You'll only be inconveniencing 2 families, who should have back-up care anyway. And if they were in your situation or if they were sick they'd take the day off - you deserve to have it off too. If you're feeling guilty don't charge them for it, or close at noon like you mentioned.

Bottom line, after 20+ years in family child care I've learned that families will always ALWAYS do what's best for them, regardless of how much they like us, how long they've been with us, or how much we've bent over backward for them. So don't feel guilty about putting your family first when you need to.

This times 1000. Do what is best for you and your family. DCPs will understand or they won't.

[Blackcat31]

The only thing that stuck out for me was that you had a week off less than a month ago due to an unexpected medical situation and then had a week long vacation less than a month later.....

Now I know the vacation was planned and the parents notified but if I were in your shoes, I would probably have ****ed it up and NOT taken my vacation because I just recently inconvenienced parents with the week off due to surgery....kwim?

I try hard to be dependable without compromising my own need for down time but I also recognize that parents don't only want dependable they often times NEED dependable and in this business dependability is a fine line.....you won't be successful if you are closed more than you are open or take time off for both personal emergencies and planned time off.

I take a good amount of time off for vacation/personal days.
But I do it because I do NOT take unplanned, emergency or sick time off....

NOT that those things aren't reasonable reasons to close because they are but my point is, you feasibly can't have both.

If you have a lot of things happening in your personal life that causes you to have to close on short notice, without notice or unexpectedly then you are going to have to give up that time somewhere else if you want to keep clients happy.

I definitely think you have a right to want to be with your girlfriend due to the situation but because of the amount of time off you've most recently had (both planned and unexpected) you are probably going to make at least one family mad.

[DaycareDays126]

I decided to stay open today, only because of the time off I've taken recently. To be completely honest, part of the reason is I hate my job lately (which is why I didn't even CONSIDER cancelling my vacation). I am so burnt out. I do not have a group of parents or kids that I am happy with and every day drags on and on and on. I've tried switching up the routine, doesn't make a difference. So I guess I'm just feeling like if I were to lose anyone over a personal emergency I wouldn't mind (other than that whole pesky paying bills thing).

[Blackcat31]

I decided to stay open today, only because of the time off I've taken recently. To be completely honest, part of the reason is I hate my job lately (which is why I didn't even CONSIDER cancelling my vacation). I am so burnt out. I do not have a group of parents or kids that I am happy with and every day drags on and on and on. I've tried switching up the routine, doesn't make a difference. So I guess I'm just feeling like if I were to lose anyone over a personal emergency I wouldn't mind (other than that whole pesky paying bills thing).

:hug:

Hoping things get better!

Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

Sometimes life definitely tosses us a lot at one time but hang in there. You are NOT alone.