the Nasty Pick Up

[Magic]

We have all seen it
we have all dealt with it
the golden angle child
that turns into the devil child when the parent walks in
I have my therory
what is yours and how do you deal with it ?
I got even hit tonight in head while mom ran to grab something out of van for me ( 10 seconds ) ..child was all ready devil child when mom had walked in first time ...I was trying to help with boots ...

[Sumshine]

We have all seen it
we have all dealt with it
the golden angle child
that turns into the devil child when the parent walks in
I have my therory
what is yours and how do you deal with it ?
I got even hit tonight in head while mom ran to grab something out of van for me ( 10 seconds ) ..child was all ready devil child when mom had walked in first time ...I was trying to help with boots ...

I haven't dealt with it on the provider side yet! My daycare kiddos obviously act out a little when DCPs show up but nothing too crazy. When my son was in DC full time he WAS this child. I didnt know what to do. I felt terrible and I couldn't believe he would act this way when I picked him up! He was usually a great kiddo at home and my provider said he was well behaved there too. I never found a solution to it before I turned into a provider myself! I don't know what would have worked I just tried to stay consistent and make pick ups as quick as possible

[AmyKidsCo]

IMO it depends on age. Younger children are often worn out from a day "holding it together" away from parents and home so when they see the parent they lose it. Older ones sometimes are testing to see what they can get away with and how you/parents will react.

My kiddos get shoes and socks on after snack so that's already done when parents arrive. If they give their parents a problem with coats, then about 10 min before pick up time they put the coat on too and wait by the door. And I tell them it's because of the way they behaved the previous day.

[Indoorvoice]

With 3-4 year olds we have many discussions about how the end of the day will go and my expectations. If they have a bad day we talk about it the next day and repractice. They do remember. If it's a parent issue because they linger or talk too much, I require they text me before they come. Younger children I give a lot more leniency to and try to have them ready to go so it can be a quick exit. In my house 90% of the problems stem from from parents taking way too long. Kids want to go home at the end of the day just like parents. I try to help parents be respectful of that.

[Gemma]

After dinner I get all the kids ready with coat and shoes, then they sit quietly with books... if they start acting up when their ride comes, dcp know to pick up quickly and go

[nannyde]

This is my theory:

https://www.daycare.com/nannyde/the-dynamic-of-bad-behavior-in-daycare.htm

[lovemykidstoo]

I have 1 child out of 7 that is like this. Drop offs used to be the same way, but over something like 6 months, I've gotten that straightened out. We just make it really short when she comes at night and like others have said have his shoes and sweatshirt on, bag packed etc.

I know that they're children, but whatever happened to children being able to stand there while their parents talk? Sometimes there is something that I need to talk to this mom about and he is throwing a holy fit. He's nearly 3 and is pretty decent all day, so he does know how to behave, it's just that she does not follow through on anything with him and he's a terror at home. Really, he should not be calling the shots on how long she's standing there talking to me. I mean of course if it's 30 minutes, that's one thing. But I really believe that a child should be able to behave for 3 minutes. Am I alone on this?

[MissAnn]

I've never liked intervening....but now I do! If the parent starts pleading (begging?) for the child to get ready and the child ignores, I say....what did daddy say? What do you need to do? Yes, put away your things and it is time to go. So far the parents seem appreciative. When one kid starts the stalling/whining/tantruming/ignoring stuff at pick up....others often follow in the same behavior at pick up. Nope! I'm putting a stop to it! Especially when it's the last kid of the day and you are rolling your eyes on the inside with a smile on your face and thinking....GO! Just Go!!!!!! I've had an 11 hour day today and you need to GO!

[Poptarts22]

I believe that it is a power struggle. They want to show you that they hold the power when parents are here. I have had them ask for candy, to take toys home and even to take home dinner I am making for the family. They are testing limits. Unfortunately, when parents refuse to "grow a pair" and say no-I have to. If they don't want me correcting their child, then my program is t a fit for them. I'm a caregiver-not a coddler

[TXhomedaycare]

With 3-4 year olds we have many discussions about how the end of the day will go and my expectations. If they have a bad day we talk about it the next day and repractice. They do remember. If it's a parent issue because they linger or talk too much, I require they text me before they come. Younger children I give a lot more leniency to and try to have them ready to go so it can be a quick exit. In my house 90% of the problems stem from from parents taking way too long. Kids want to go home at the end of the day just like parents. I try to help parents be respectful of that.

I do mostly the same by setting their expectations and having them ready but in my case the parents don't talk long it is usually a melt down if they are not going home or if the parent they wanted to pick them up didn't come. One 3 yo dcb I have always asks his mom where are they going and if mom says to the gym he has a meltdown and another dcb 3 who gets mad if his dad comes and not his mom. I used to try and let the parents take control when they pick up but since that doesnt seem to work I now step in.

When my son's was 1 he would cry out of relief everyday when I would come and get him. I would look in the window and see him happy and playing and the second he saw me he would cry out of relief. The kids seem so happy during the day that is easy to not realize how stressed or tired they could be.

[Blackcat31]

This is my theory:

https://www.daycare.com/nannyde/the-...in-daycare.htm

I agree with this theory.

I don't engage.
My set up allows for me to send child out to coat room and close the gate behind them. There is no confusion about who is in charge once the child crosses that thresh hold.

I do NOT reprimand or discipline. I won't step in and manage the child's bad behavior as that is not my job nor my responsibility but I will direct the parent to do their job or to immediately leave.

This solves the issue for me of any confusion as to who is and isn't in charge.

[daycarediva]

I agree with this theory.

I don't engage.
My set up allows for me to send child out to coat room and close the gate behind them. There is no confusion about who is in charge once the child crosses that thresh hold.

I do NOT reprimand or discipline. I won't step in and manage the child's bad behavior as that is not my job nor my responsibility but I will direct the parent to do their job or to immediately leave.

This solves the issue for me of any confusion as to who is and isn't in charge.

This is exactly why IF I do daycare at the new space, we are putting up a pony wall and 1/2 door. Parents dont need to come in, and there is a clear expectation of who is/is not in charge. I put child through the gate at pick up ONLY.

[Magic]

hmmmm..I will be reading again and again over the next few days all the replies and nannyde's artical
very intresting ...
one of my therories was also the child wants parents attention and most time neg behavour gets attention really fast
I NOW do totaly see the power trip with the children " over " the parents ...the parents will not disipline their child here in ways they should in fact they make it worse

and man it ticks me off

no one reacted to me being hit while helping child and the mom had even seen it ...so sure enough he got away with it ...a few parents where here at the time
that child should of been removed to a quite spot for " time out "
I have seen other children hit thier parents recently and parents " do "let it go
I am guessing that yes parents are embassed and not sure what to do about it in front of me for I have said to all" this is not the child that has been here all day"
so in the mean time I am going to watch my children at pick up ( parents come in a window of time so I can not get them ready ) to study more
and if this behavour comes up ( few of my kiddos do this ) I will back right out of picture and see what happens

I do know parents are not sure how to handle this here ...but the power thing is very intresting ..and you bet I now can see which childern do have all the power at home ..I can even look back now over the years of children and see who had it long ago ...too funny
what a great learning curve everyone thank you