Kids Say The Funniest Things

[Baby Beluga]

Listening to two children converse this morning. The following happens:

Child A: Do you know who my best friend is?
Child B: No, who?
Child A: Sam. She is my best friend.
Child B: Cool! Dan is my best friend. He and I play at the park.
Child A: Sam and I make love at the park.

::

[Jupadia]

That's a good one. The other day me and one of the DKG 3 had a conversation.

DKG - mommy and daddy tie me up.
Me - ok when?
DKG - when I'm in the car
Me- that's called a car seat.

[sharlan]

Convo between dh and grandson last night. Yesterday was a rainy day so no outside play at school.

DD:. I feel so bad for your teacher today, no break from 35 rowdy kids.

The way he said it had everyone cracking up at the table.
Dogs:. That's OK Mom. The captain always goes down with the ship.

[laundrymom]

These totally trump my daughters
"Mom, where do you want me to put the baby lids?"
When putting dishes away.
She meant bottle nipples. Lol

I laughed. She thought I was weird. It was a normal night. Lol.

[Blackcat31]

The best/funniest thing I ever heard a kid say was my own DD. She was about 3 and telling Santa what she wanted for Christmas....

Santa "What do you want for Christmas?"
DD "I want a Dildoh"

Santa slides me a sideways glance...


A Dil doll....she wants a doll named Dil!
RugRats were a popular TV cartoon when she was little and Tommy, the main character was having a baby brother named Dil (I assume short for Dillon) and my DD wanted a Dil doll to go with her Tommy doll.

I think Santa had to take a short break after that... ::
Every single person within ear shot of the mall Santa and my DD were cracking up.... ::

[Leigh]

The best/funniest thing I ever heard a kid say was my own DD. She was about 3 and telling Santa what she wanted for Christmas....

Santa "What do you want for Christmas?"
DD "I want a Dildoh"

Santa slides me a sideways glance...


A Dil doll....she wants a doll named Dil!
RugRats were a popular TV cartoon when she was little and Tommy, the main character was having a baby brother named Dil (I assume short for Dillon) and my DD wanted a Dil doll to go with her Tommy doll.

I think Santa had to take a short break after that... ::
Every single person within ear shot of the mall Santa and my DD were cracking up.... ::

::::::::::

[laundrymom]

I'll pm you my address. I snorted so loud I woke the kids. You need to put them back to sleep!!!!!!

Rofl

The best/funniest thing I ever heard a kid say was my own DD. She was about 3 and telling Santa what she wanted for Christmas....

Santa "What do you want for Christmas?"
DD "I want a Dildoh"

Santa slides me a sideways glance...


A Dil doll....she wants a doll named Dil!
RugRats were a popular TV cartoon when she was little and Tommy, the main character was having a baby brother named Dil (I assume short for Dillon) and my DD wanted a Dil doll to go with her Tommy doll.

I think Santa had to take a short break after that... ::
Every single person within ear shot of the mall Santa and my DD were cracking up.... ::

[Blackcat31]

I'll pm you my address. I snorted so loud I woke the kids. You need to put them back to sleep!!!!!!

Rofl

Oopsie! I'm sorry!

My DD must have been a lot funnier than I truly appreciated her to be...

She was probably about 4.5 and my son was around 2.5......we were driving into work one day and a commercial for Trojan condoms came on the radio.

I cringed... (we always listened to the morning radio show on the drive in so I knew my kids were listening...).

My son pauses for a few seconds (I brace myself because I know what's coming...) and says "Mom, what's a condom?"


* GULP* I am paralyzed for a nano-second trying to think of something age appropriate to say......when my DD pipes up without missing a beat....

"Ketchup and mustard dummy!"

I about drove off the road I was laughing so hard! :: ::

[Baby Beluga]

The best/funniest thing I ever heard a kid say was my own DD. She was about 3 and telling Santa what she wanted for Christmas....

Santa "What do you want for Christmas?"
DD "I want a Dildoh"

Santa slides me a sideways glance...


A Dil doll....she wants a doll named Dil!
RugRats were a popular TV cartoon when she was little and Tommy, the main character was having a baby brother named Dil (I assume short for Dillon) and my DD wanted a Dil doll to go with her Tommy doll.

I think Santa had to take a short break after that... ::
Every single person within ear shot of the mall Santa and my DD were cracking up.... ::

This one takes the cake! ::

[e.j.]

Not as funny as BC's son but made me laugh this afternoon at lunch:

Dcb (5yrs old): I'm going to marry a boy when I get older because I don't want babies when I'm older. I don't want to have to change their poopy diapers!

Dcb (Almost 4): Well, I'm going to marry A***. (4 year old dcg). Her mother won't mind at all if I do.

[Ariana]

Oh my goodness BlackCat::::::

The one that had me laughing the hardest was when we were driving and my daughter saw one of those ForTwo cars that only seat two people. She says "mommy we should get one of those cars" to which I replied "Well that car only seats two people and we are a family of four so we wouldn't fit". Without skipping a beat she says "well when Daddy and sister die can we get one?" Haha! Definitely shows how kids do not understabd what death is! She was about 3.5 at the time.

Another one:
DD breaks wind and I say "say excuse me" and she says "Excuse you bum" ::

[daycare]

I have a few.

similar story to BC, my best friends daughter was about 2-3 years old and toy story was huge.

I walk in the door christmas morning and She yells, Auntie look, I got a big ol'woody and a big ol' buzz. Her dad responds and I got socks.... We all fell over in laughter.


just yesterday
Since we are in CA in an area that doesn't get snow, we had a pretend snow ball fight with cotton balls.

ask a child under 5 to say cotton balls and you will die laughing for an hour.... or maybe it's just me...

[Jupadia]

I have two more to add.

My brother was about 3 and after my mom dose his whole night routine (tuck soft toys in, check room and all drawers for monsters, glass of water, kiss and hug) he goes to her as she is leaving
Brother - mom
Mom - what son (slightly iritated)
Brother- I love you...
Mom - ahhh
Brother - cause your like a slave

And then there is my DS 3 who makes gun noises that sound more like "jew jew jew" followed by him saying "I'm going to kill you" his friend says it the same way.

[mommiebookworm]

Dcb5 has a sruffed animal thats a long horned steer in his hand. He says "I think i'll name him horny!" my daughter who is 15 was standing right behind him. The look on her face and her cracking up, i couldn't hold it in and busted up laughing!

[e.j.]

Dcb5 has a sruffed animal thats a long horned steer in his hand. He says "I think i'll name him horny!" my daughter who is 15 was standing right behind him. The look on her face and her cracking up, i couldn't hold it in and busted up laughing!

I was just sharing all these funny stories with my son. When I got to this one he reminded me of the time we went shopping and he found a small cactus plant he wanted to take home. He was maybe 4 or 5 at the time. When we told him we would buy it for him, he very excitedly (and loud enough for everyone around us to hear) told us he was going to name the cactus "Fuzzy Prick".