It's That Time...Possible Term Letter

[Baby Beluga]

Okay guys and gals, I need your help please. First, please tell me if I am overreacting. If I am not overreacting then I would like your help and opinions on how to term a child.

Little back story: 4 year old brother is with me and has been for over two years. 12 month old (now 13 months) has been with me for one month. Younger sib has screamed every single day he has been here. He screams:

-when he is redirected
-when he wakes up from nap early and wants up. When I walk in the room he will immediately be quiet until he realizes I am not getting him up. Then he will scream again.
-lately when I try to lay him down for a quick morning nap he screams (so I stopped doing that thinking he no longer needed morning nap).

This is what I know about his home:

-He is given in to often.
-Mom frequently says stuff like "he was up from 2am - 4am today so I don't know how today will be.
-He still gets bottles throughout the night.

I can't do this screaming. There aren't even tears. He is just pissed. It is effecting the older children, the activities we try to do and myself. I have never felt so anxious or off kilter about a child before. DH also works from home and it is effecting his own work. Headphones can only do so much...I thought he would "get with the program" but so far that is not happening. Do you think it is too early?

Here is what I am thinking: siblings will be out of town for two weeks near Christmas therefore I am going to have to start all over with the younger one. What do I say to mom though? I would like to send her an email saying something along the lines of "this is what I am seeing here. Do you see the same thing at home? If so, how do you handle it? And if the behavior here doesn't improve then I do not think my program is a good fit for him" I am stuck on how to gently say "hey mom, your child screams it throws everyone off and if he doesn't stop he is outta here" to her.

At his previous provider he slept in a room on his own. I can't do that here as I don't have the space. I don't know if he screamed there or not. I am guessing not (either mom lied and didn't tell me or he truly did not scream at previous provider) which leads me to believe my program is not a good fit for him.

Sigh, help please. I have hated my job since this little ones started.

[midaycare]

I think for that age, and being new, it is too early to expect change.

I have had screamers. They can take a good 6-12 weeks. :hug:

Others can give you tips on how to better handle the situation. I just don't let them get a reaction from screaming. He is very young yet.

[Blackcat31]

Okay guys and gals, I need your help please. First, please tell me if I am overreacting. If I am not overreacting then I would like your help and opinions on how to term a child.

Little back story: 4 year old brother is with me and has been for over two years. 12 month old (now 13 months) has been with me for one month. Younger sib has screamed every single day he has been here. He screams:

-when he is redirected
-when he wakes up from nap early and wants up. When I walk in the room he will immediately be quiet until he realizes I am not getting him up. Then he will scream again.
-lately when I try to lay him down for a quick morning nap he screams (so I stopped doing that thinking he no longer needed morning nap).

This is what I know about his home:

-He is given in to often.
-Mom frequently says stuff like "he was up from 2am - 4am today so I don't know how today will be.
-He still gets bottles throughout the night.

I can't do this screaming. There aren't even tears. He is just pissed. It is effecting the older children, the activities we try to do and myself. I have never felt so anxious or off kilter about a child before. DH also works from home and it is effecting his own work. Headphones can only do so much...I thought he would "get with the program" but so far that is not happening. Do you think it is too early?

Here is what I am thinking: siblings will be out of town for two weeks near Christmas therefore I am going to have to start all over with the younger one. What do I say to mom though? I would like to send her an email saying something along the lines of "this is what I am seeing here. Do you see the same thing at home? If so, how do you handle it? And if the behavior here doesn't improve then I do not think my program is a good fit for him" I am stuck on how to gently say "hey mom, your child screams it throws everyone off and if he doesn't stop he is outta here" to her.

At his previous provider he slept in a room on his own. I can't do that here as I don't have the space. I don't know if he screamed there or not. I am guessing not (either mom lied and didn't tell me or he truly did not scream at previous provider) which leads me to believe my program is not a good fit for him.

Sigh, help please. I have hated my job since this little ones started.

The bolded translated equates to your program definitelynot being a good fit.

The red equates to term.

One child should NOT have that kind of power over a SELF-employed business owner that gets to make the rules...

[Mike]

I have hated my job since this little ones started.

BC is right, but this part here is the key to me.

You don't have a job. You have a business. That means everything is up to you, and if you don't like something, change it.

Maybe he does need more time, or different handling, and a little more patience might turn him into a little angel, but it's up to you how long to try. If you don't want to give up yet, I hope others here have some good tips on how to deal with it.

[nanglgrl]

I agree with the advice above and I would also add that many young infants I've had that rule the roost at home never adapt, even after 12 weeks and I've had to term. It didn't used to be this way or to this degree but for a few years every child I enrolled under a year old ende in a term so I stopped accepting infants. There's only so much you can do. If a child is held a lot at home, co-sleeps and/or is given constant attention/their way they may not adapt unless you do exactly what is done at home which usually isn't an option doing group care.

[childcaremom]

I agree with advice given. Term and don't look back. start the New Year off peacefully. :hug:

Is this the one that was getting aggressive with the others, too? Or is that a different thread/provider?

[Josiegirl]

IMO you're a saint to have stuck it out a month already. If you term 1, will both leave? Have you had much input from the family as to how to help screamer settle down? I started a 12 month old(older sib was here) with the history of being rocked to sleep, etc., etc. I didn't last the 2 week trial period because she was taking everything(timewise) away from everybody else. They took her to a center which must have worked its magic because they asked me again a few months later and she was fine.
With me, it got so bad I was having heart palpitations every day and like you, hated my job.
Do what's best for YOU and the entire group.

[daycarediva]

When one child makes me hate my job, I'm already done. I CANNOT do constant screamers. I just don't have it in me.

[Baby Beluga]

I agree with advice given. Term and don't look back. start the New Year off peacefully. :hug:

Is this the one that was getting aggressive with the others, too? Or is that a different thread/provider?

Same child. This child has had more issues then I remember any other child I have enrolled having. Ever. He was with the group for 5 minutes before he started climbing on the other children and was separated.

Josie - if I term little one I fully expect mom to pull older child. I don't want her to (I really do enjoy older sib) but I do think it would happen. Honestly, I am so done with younger one at this point I am willing to risk it. I was in tears yesterday it was such a bad day. I asked how the screaming was handled at home and was told he was screaming at home (I thought it was) and mom didn't go to him until he stopped screaming. Based on what I have been told in the past, I think mom waiting to go to him until he stopped is new.

Little one wasn't even here for 2 minutes at drop off, threw himself back, screamed and was throwing wooden blocks. Mom corrected him and had him put the blocks back, but I think the bigger issue is that they created this mess (by giving in to him, giving him a nickname and laughing when he would throw and be destructive at home) and now they are having to undo that mess because it is causing issues elsewhere.

I understand that all children have behaviors that need worked through and no child is perfect. But good Lord, this child is another breed of difficult.

[Baby Beluga]

Just wanted to say (so far) little one has been better today. He had one screaming, failing fit because I wouldn't let him eat rocks outside. The fit started outside and followed us inside where I ended up putting him in a pack and play to work it out while I assisted the older children with bathroom breaks and hand washing. He was also peeved because he didn't like what I served for lunch....so he picked up his plate and chucked it across the room.

But it is a better than yesterday - and that is why I am so unsure on terming. I want little one to be successful here and if everyday were like today we would be on our way.

[rosieteddy]

If you want it to work out hold on.Take the next two weeks and it my get better quick.I always found 15 months to be a big turning point.I would give one nap and hope for a good sleep. I also sat and read or knit in room while kids fell asleep.I put music on -pretty loud .I would sneak to kitchen and eat lunch but go back to room to keep them asleep.Idid put last infant on probation.I was ready to keep him when he turned 15m .Good luck and don't let it ruin your days.