Screaming/Crying 3 Year Old

[Ariana]

Maybe the only place she feels safe to cry is at your house. So many kids these days are taught that crying and negative feelings are wrong that maybe the fact that you have a crying spot helps her process those emotions?

I have a child whose dad has been out of town this week. Yesterday she started crying for no reason and there was no way to console her. This is a kid who hasn't cried here ever in over a year!

[Leigh]

Kids that I've had like this have always had a pyschiatric diagnosis. They might not have had it before my daycare, but they always have gotten it. The last diagnosis was a simple "emotional disturbance", but it was a diagnosis.

It's up to you where to go now. You can either term or give the parents an ultimatum and require a psychiatric eval (always my preference) or a child psychologist or therapist to work with the child. Many kids can be helped with therapy, many kids can be helped with meds. No kids get help when their parents ignore the symptoms.

[Baby Beluga]

Kids that I've had like this have always had a pyschiatric diagnosis. They might not have had it before my daycare, but they always have gotten it. The last diagnosis was a simple "emotional disturbance", but it was a diagnosis.

It's up to you where to go now. You can either term or give the parents an ultimatum and require a psychiatric eval (always my preference) or a child psychologist or therapist to work with the child. Many kids can be helped with therapy, many kids can be helped with meds. No kids get help when their parents ignore the symptoms.

Yikes. That is scary and sad. I am not to the point of wanting to term. I really do enjoy having DCG here and working with her parents. Her behavior is a nuisance and is effecting the other kids (the express how they are frustrated when it happens and the mood in the room changes) but I don't think it is term worthy right now. I would rather work with mom and dad first to see if we can help DCG work through her emotions.

I plan to have a discussion with mom at pick up. Fingers crossed it goes well.

[childcaremom]

Whoops! Moved to vent.

[Leigh]

Yikes. That is scary and sad. I am not to the point of wanting to term. I really do enjoy having DCG here and working with her parents. Her behavior is a nuisance and is effecting the other kids (the express how they are frustrated when it happens and the mood in the room changes) but I don't think it is term worthy right now. I would rather work with mom and dad first to see if we can help DCG work through her emotions.

I plan to have a discussion with mom at pick up. Fingers crossed it goes well.

My experience probably isn't the norm. I somehow got a reputation as a special needs daycare. CPS, therapists, etc. tend to give my name to parents who can't find others to take their kids. I don't specialize in special needs, but I tend to have several SN kids at a time. Nebs every 2 hours, tube fed, on oxygen, cerebral palsy, ODD, attachment disorder, autism...call Ms. Leigh. It's not that I don't like these kids, because I love them, it's just that it's not how I planned to market myself.

The fact is, though, that the child's behavior is causing issues. If you feel that the behavior is not "normal" and if it's happening in more than one place (at home, preschool, etc.) then I feel that it warrants investigation by a professional.

[debbiedoeszip]

I have a 21 month old dcg who can be pretty defiant and become very angry, which can then become a crying fit. I ignore the anger, but if it becomes a crying fit then I'll slowly walk over and start rubbing her back while making shhhh noises. I don't do anything more than that and it helps to end the crying within a few minutes.

An hour long fit, I would call for pick up saying that there must be something going on, maybe illness. That's not normal. My DS has ADHD, and likely also ASD, and his meltdowns could be almost that long.

[Pestle]

God decided to give me the gift of experience by sending two challenging siblings my way as soon as I opened. AP/free range family and I am on my own trying to work on new behaviors with the kids. I went through half a dozen books that didn't address the issues we're experiencing (beyond "these are red light behaviors and must not be permitted," so THANKS FOR THAT). I did find a book on biting that helped me weather the toddler's outbursts until he developed language skills. Now the 3yo has developed exciting new habits of nonstop screaming at the drop of a hat, so I'm reading Ross W. Greene's "The Explosive Child" and starting an inventory of her "lagging skills" that are at the root of "unsolved problems." For example:

Difficulty considering the likely outcomes or consequences of actions results in:
-Difficulty understanding that, if she smashes a toy, it won’t be functional any more
-Difficulty understanding that, if she flips her plate over, the food will end up smeared across the floor and she won’t be able to eat it
-Difficulty understanding that she was the one who took those destructive actions, and that someone else was not the person who broke the toy/flipped the plate

Difficulty expressing concerns, needs, or thoughts in words results in:
-Difficulty breathing or moving when she is first upset
-Difficulty discussing who will fetch an object when she first decides that she wants it
-Difficulty understanding that I cannot tell what she needs if she only screams for it without speaking the need aloud

So much for finding a book that acknowledges how my life is going right now. At least I feel validated. Now I have to see if the book has anything useful to teach me.

Checklist is here and directions are here if you want to take a look at them.

[Play Care]

Yikes. That is scary and sad. I am not to the point of wanting to term. I really do enjoy having DCG here and working with her parents. Her behavior is a nuisance and is effecting the other kids (the express how they are frustrated when it happens and the mood in the room changes) but I don't think it is term worthy right now. I would rather work with mom and dad first to see if we can help DCG work through her emotions.

I plan to have a discussion with mom at pick up. Fingers crossed it goes well.

Update?

[Mom2Two]

Child is FINE coloring, mom and I talk for about 5 minutes. When mom tells child bye child holds out hand and starts to whimper. Mom immediately starts saying "it's okay. I'll see you later. Over and over again. Child starts to cry, mom repeats her phrases above.

Mom leaves and child is FINE.

Mom needs to say it once then go. She's giving the child too much time to get upset and play mom a bit.

[Baby Beluga]

Update?

I'm almost afraid to update! ::

The past two days there has been a big improvement. She had a very rough day on Tuesday and when speaking to mom pick up she asked me why I thought she was having a hard time. I told mom in a professional yet blunt way that DCG was doing it because DCG knew it was pulling at mom's heart strings and she was getting attention for it. I told her when DCG cries, mom comes in the room, allows DCG to climb on her, mom offers to remove DCG's shoes for her, etc. It is giving DCG negative attention and she likes it. It was like a light bulb went off in mom's head.

She asked what she should do and I told her to allow DCG to walk in herself, give her a hug & kiss say I love you, I will see you after nap and make a quick exit. I explained to her it might get worse for a couple of days but once DCG realizes she won't get attention for it, it will stop.

Drop off on Wed. went well. Mom told me at pick up that she has been talking to DCG on the way here about not crying, etc. Knowing DCG's personality this was likely causing her anxiety and making the crying worse. Mom told me she didn't talk about it on Wed. and "acted normal prior to drop off" (mom's words).

DCG has still started to scream/cry when something doesn't go her way or she is frustrated, but I have noticed she is trying harder to use her words and has been asking for help more often than just immediately resorting to screaming/crying. I hope I continue to see improvement.

[jacksmommy13]

WOW! I have a DCB exactly like this!! Our day is exactly the same. From carrying dcb inside, the morning drop off/saying bye. Everything. I would like our morning drop offs to be quick. Today dad said, "it's ok, I'll pick you up and see you later" over and over and dcb ran back and forth to hug/kiss dad over a dozen times as dad said that.

How is it going now?

I have not read it but thank you for sharing this! I am definitely looking into it.

I plan to discuss things with mom today at pick up. I am spending nap time planning on what I want to say.

I don't disagree with AP parenting. Part of AP I think is wonderful and can really help form a strong bond between parents and their children. It is the extreme AP parenting that I disagree with because it generally leads to children like this who have zero coping skills.

Today our morning went like this:

Mom walks in holding child and puts child down.

Child goes to art table and starts coloring with another child.

Child is FINE coloring, mom and I talk for about 5 minutes. When mom tells child bye child holds out hand and starts to whimper. Mom immediately starts saying "it's okay. I'll see you later. Over and over again. Child starts to cry, mom repeats her phrases above.

Mom leaves and child is FINE.

Child is fine and we start working on a cutting activity (about 3 hours into the day) In the middle of the cutting activity (which child was excelling at btw) she starts screaming and crying. I tell child to go to crying spot and she can rejoin us when she is done crying. Child sits in crying spot, screams and cries. When that doesn't get any attention she starts moaning - similar to Dory in finding Nemo when she is talking to the whale. Child stops after 30 minutes and goes back to the table to finish cutting project.

10 minutes later child starts screaming and crying again.
Goes back to crying spot and is still there screaming and crying.

This little one is as sweet as pie. But this random screaming and crying has to stop. It is effecting the other children in the group. I have tried talking to her and her only answer is "because."

I have a feeling no matter what I say to mom this behavior will continue as a result of how they choose to parent at home. Little one is used to getting her way, being coddled and not feeling anything other than happy. It's not healthy and I am not sure how I can help her here. I was hoping she would learn the difference between home and here...but if she is lacking fundamental coping skills I am not sure that is even possible.

[Baby Beluga]

WOW! I have a DCB exactly like this!! Our day is exactly the same. From carrying dcb inside, the morning drop off/saying bye. Everything. I would like our morning drop offs to be quick. Today dad said, "it's ok, I'll pick you up and see you later" over and over and dcb ran back and forth to hug/kiss dad over a dozen times as dad said that.

How is it going now?

I sympathize with you!

It's still going well! We've had just a few hiccups here and there. The most recent one was DCG started to fuss but didn't actually say any words. Mom spoke for DCG and said "Oh, do you need me to take your jacket off?" I intervened and said "Oh no thank you, DCG can do it herself! She's a big girl and does it every day when we go outside to play." DCG stopped fussing, mom said goodbye and DCG as a peach for the rest of the day