Kids Hitting Parents....

[daycarediva]

What is going on with THIS? Why on earth is this becoming increasingly common? I used to have only special needs kids do this, or very young infants/toddlers. Now 5/7 of my kids (age 2.5-3.5) parents have told me that not only does it happen, it happens REGULARLY. I have seen it first hand. It's SHOCKING!

Thoughts? Ideas or advice for the parents? My own ds hit me ONCE and I immediately grabbed his hand and said NO so harshly he cried. It never happened again.

I have older children (2.5-neurotypical) swinging and kicking at ME now. WHAT!? I just put a child on a behavior plan with an end date if it ever happens again.

[Annalee]

What is going on with THIS? Why on earth is this becoming increasingly common? I used to have only special needs kids do this, or very young infants/toddlers. Now 5/7 of my kids (age 2.5-3.5) parents have told me that not only does it happen, it happens REGULARLY. I have seen it first hand. It's SHOCKING!

Thoughts? Ideas or advice for the parents? My own ds hit me ONCE and I immediately grabbed his hand and said NO so harshly he cried. It never happened again.

I have older children (2.5-neurotypical) swinging and kicking at ME now. WHAT!? I just put a child on a behavior plan with an end date if it ever happens again.

As the old saying goes "children learn how to act by what parents allow". Hitting back may start out funny to some parents when the child is small but it quickly escalates and parents don't want to tell their child "no". I had a child that would spit at her mom and I at dropoff and the mom would laugh I told her if she would not stop the behavior I would. Got a but it doesn't happen anymore but it did make me angry when mom looked at child and said "ms xxx doesn't like the spitting" Again, always someone else's fault...little xxxxx can't be ugly because ms.xxxx said, not because mom said....think I am on a soapbox so I will get off::

[daycare]

no way. the day a kid strikes me is their last day. I don't and won't deserve to be hit by anyone. It is not ok.

I had a kid take a swing at me once, I called for immediate pick up and told the parent that if it ever happens again they are done.

I do not understand this, but what I do see is that today's society is so judgmental l that everyone is afraid to do anything in fear of what will come after.

I also see that because to live in today's crazy expensive world both parents are needed to work. This leaves tired, parents left to parent children and I really think that no one wants to parent after having to work all day. It's not like when I grew up and my parents had roles. My mother was responsible for caring for the home and children and my father took care of everything else. My mom had all the time in the world with me and made certain that I understood how and why to respect people. She was never too drained to read to me or to kick my butt in gear if I stepped out of line.
Sadly, this is very uncommon now.

On another note, children that hit their mothers will grow up to hit their spouses. HORRIBLE.

Sorry that you are dealing with this.

[Gemma]

My own ds hit me ONCE and I immediately grabbed his hand and said NO so harshly he cried. It never happened again.

That's all it would take for most kids to stop that behavior!

[MissAnn]

Happily I haven't had this in awhile. When I see it....it shocks me. I had a parent who just stood there and "took it".....what????? It's so awkward. Parents are just plain afraid to say no or stop to their child. Saying no will make the child sad. Well......let the child be sad! He will be very sad if he has to go to jail one day!

[lovemykidstoo]

I have a dcb (2 1/2) that does this nearly daily. As soon as mom picks up, she steps in and he swats at her. Last week, I was standing behind him and he brought his hand up over his head for the 3rd time to hit her and I grabbed his hand and said NO! NOT IN MY HOUSE! He just looked at me and she said good, he doesn't listen to me. Well, maybe because you allow it. My kids never hit me ever!

[Boymom]

My son tried that ONE time and let's just say he hasn't done it again ::

I have a dcb that is absolutely ridiculous with his parents at drop off and pickup. One day, his mom wouldn't go get something out of the car at drop off and he literally kicked her several times. She did NOTHING. I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped. He is their boss. He hasn't tried that with me, thankfully!

[Ariana]

Thoughts? Ideas or advice for the parents? My own ds hit me ONCE and I immediately grabbed his hand and said NO so harshly he cried. It never happened again. :

This is why it is happening to them. This permissive parenting culture where the kids are allowed to penetrate any boundary and the parents don't want to be seen as "mean". I have had so many kids like this and the moment they hit here it is squashed with a little scary faced firmness at their level.

I had to teach my current mom how to stand up for herself and I let her know that the child has to feel secure knowing that her mom is boss. Permissibe parenting creates anxiety within kids which translates into aggressive behavior. I modeled my mean face and mean voice for her with her kid to show her and we also created clear boundaries for the child. If you hit we immediately go to the car (I had her dressed and ready to limit the drama) and it worked! Mom started doing it outside of daycare too as she was hitting other kids.

[Blackcat31]

I think there is a window of opportunity for parents to curb this behavior very early on. I've seen so many parents from all walks of life and all sorts of different parenting styles view little things such as spitting, hitting or even things like cursing as "cute" when their child does these things when they are young (baby and/or toddler stage) and then suddenly it's no longer "cute" but parents don't have the tools, knowledge or patience to stop it and it quickly grows and gets out of hand...especially because kids are so quick to pick up on the reactions they get for specific behaviors.

The FIRST time I see a baby slap or pull at mom's/dad's face or head, I instruct the parent to immediately turn the child away from them. Do NOT allow baby access to the face or to be "rewarded" for this behavior.

If baby continues to try and hit or pull, I instruct the parent to immediately place baby on the floor and walk away.

If they are not somewhere that is possible, then turning the child away from their view helps. Not making eye contact or giving any type of feedback other than turning them away sets the stage so that baby understands unwanted and unwelcome behaviors.

I do NOT tolerate ANY child being disrespectful to an adult (related or unknown). This includes physical behaviors as well as verbal and non-verbal actions.

[Ariana]

I think there is a window of opportunity for parents to curb this behavior very early on. I've seen so many parents from all walks of life and all sorts of different parenting styles view little things such as spitting, hitting or even things like cursing as "cute" when their child does these things when they are young (baby and/or toddler stage) and then suddenly it's no longer "cute" but parents don't have the tools, knowledge or patience to stop it and it quickly grows and gets out of hand...especially because kids are so quick to pick up on the reactions they get for specific behaviors.

The FIRST time I see a baby slap or pull at mom's/dad's face or head, I instruct the parent to immediately turn the child away from them. Do NOT allow baby access to the face or to be "rewarded" for this behavior.

If baby continues to try and hit or pull, I instruct the parent to immediately place baby on the floor and walk away.

If they are not somewhere that is possible, then turning the child away from their view helps. Not making eye contact or giving any type of feedback other than turning them away sets the stage so that baby understands unwanted and unwelcome behaviors.

I do NOT tolerate ANY child being disrespectful to an adult (related or unknown). This includes physical behaviors as well as verbal and non-verbal actions.

Yes!

I remember the one and only time my daughter bit me while breastfeeding. I immediately took her off angrily and walked away saying "ouch". She never did it again. So many moms I know just complain about it but do nothing! There is definitely a culture of fear of children going on.

[midaycare]

Almost all of my dcks do these behaviors during pickups. They become heathens the minute mom and dad walk through the door. I've started taking control because the parents won't. You can't handle your child, I will.

I've tried bye bye outside but it just didn't work for me. Parents have to sign out on my ipad, gather crafts, it's just too much hassle.