Is This What Daycare Used to Be Like?

[Cat Herder]

1. The only difference is I used to allow families up to 2 weeks for their own vacations. I did not require them to pay.

2. The expectations from families in regards to what services I provide. Bathing, dressing, medicating, etc...there no longer seems to be a list of parent responsibilities.

3. The absence of hand's on and/or active participating fathers also plays a huge role in the changes as well.

4. I think it's the societal norm to not really be responsible for anything...including yourself. Look at ANY message board or facebook group and 99.9% of all replies, posts or comments contain some sort of excuse as to why someone can, can't, did, didn't, won't or will. Very little attention or praise seems to be provided for those who can. Now we reward, everyone. even if they can't..... because we wouldn't want anyone to be offended or upset.

*I am dropping my PC "Leadership" filter for a bit. Yes, my inspector is often on this forum, but I am entitled to a personal opinion.*

1. I still give two free weeks in hopes of someone taking me up on it. I want them to spend two weeks per year bonding with their kids, as a couple, remembering what their goals for parenthood used to be before "I-Lifestyle" hit. Rarely happens now.

2. Very true. What feels worse is that the State TV advertising budget actually supports their expectations. That all they have to do is check the star rating, dump the kid and wait for graduation. No worries if you can't afford it, someone else will pay. Don't work?, no judgement, you deserve me time. Forget that you are capable of raising kids, yourself. Standardized birth to 18 is better, it prepares them for life better than you can. Young Mom's believe this.

3. This one is happily the one positive change I am seeing. It may not be happening everywhere, but I see more Dad's than Mom's now. Pick-ups, Drop-Offs, school functions, at the park, doctors office, etc. Traditionally, in the south, it was uncommon. It is quickly becoming the norm.

4. It almost feels the opposite. Anger at the ones succeeding at their parenting/marriage goals. I have been called Stepford more than a few times for my personal choices. It is ridiculous to me. I am married with three kids, on purpose. I work from home, on purpose. It should be clean, my kids should be well fed, my laundry should be done, my kids and marriage should come first. How is this something I do vindictively to some other woman? My Husband also works 50+ hours a week to earn his half of the family expenses. Just because I choose to work from home does not mean he should be expected to maintain a daycare when he comes home from work. Frankly, I want some couple time at that point, if the kids are doing their own thing. If the kids need him, that trumps; for now anyway. IDK, perspective I guess.

[daycarediva]

I have all of my dc kids from contracted drop off to contracted pick up, regardless of where the parents are. As others have said, it is not only socially acceptable, it is encouraged. I never remember parents back in the 80's-90's having mom's day off, or spa days, or needing this level of "me" time.

We parent our kids very differently than this generation. I always tell my kids. "In here, it's 1950. Out there, it's 20XX." Responsibility, respect, household chores you aren't paid for, dinner nightly, breakfast cooked/eaten together. etc. Also, we live well within our means so that we don't both HAVE to work. Dh or I are always with our kids. They were in daycare part time when my oldest two were young, but it didn't last long. It felt unnatural to be away from them so much. We changed work schedules to work opposite shifts so the kids were home.

ETA- It saddens me that these children don't have regular family lives like my children do. On weekends they have sitters and go to grandparents homes. It is rare for both parents to spend the evening/weekend with their child/ren.

[Blackcat31]

*I am dropping my PC "Leadership" filter for a bit. Yes, my inspector is often on this forum, but I am entitled to a personal opinion.*

1. I still give two free weeks in hopes of someone taking me up on it. I want them to spend two weeks per year bonding with their kids, as a couple, remembering what their goals for parenthood used to be before "I-Lifestyle" hit. Rarely happens now.

2. Very true. What feels worse is that the State TV advertising budget actually supports their expectations. That all they have to do is check the star rating, dump the kid and wait for graduation. No worries if you can't afford it, someone else will pay. Don't work?, no judgement, you deserve me time. Forget that you are capable of raising kids, yourself. Standardized birth to 18 is better, it prepares them for life better than you can. Young Mom's believe this.

3. This one is happily the one positive change I am seeing. It may not be happening everywhere, but I see more Dad's than Mom's now. Pick-ups, Drop-Offs, school functions, at the park, doctors office, etc. Traditionally, in the south, it was uncommon. It is quickly becoming the norm.

4. It almost feels the opposite. Anger at the ones succeeding at their parenting/marriage goals. I have been called Stepford more than a few times for my personal choices. It is ridiculous to me. I am married with three kids, on purpose. I work from home, on purpose. It should be clean, my kids should be well fed, my laundry should be done, my kids and marriage should come first. How is this something I do vindictively to some other woman? My Husband also works 50+ hours a week to earn his half of the family expenses. Just because I choose to work from home does not mean he should be expected to maintain a daycare when he comes home from work. Frankly, I want some couple time at that point, if the kids are doing their own thing. If the kids need him, that trumps; for now anyway. IDK, perspective I guess.

I like you so much better when you are filter-less. ::

[Cat Herder]

I like you so much better when you are filter-less. ::

Me, too. ::

...but my heirloom glass cabinet cost me some points. :::::: I have to buy three.

Eh, maybe I will just submit an article to the paper instead.

[MunchkinWrangler]

Yes, I think the big change is no one does much with their kids. I have had two families that took vacations for themselves and didn't include their children. They both have yet to use the free vacation week I offer them.

Just today a particular goodbye was rough on a dcg, then come to find out she was at Grandma's all weekend, all the while dcm is asking why she doesn't want to be at my house today. :confused:

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Oddly enough, I also went to my grandma's quite frequently too. Even though my mom had a large daycare, somehow grandma's super small trailer was way more fun than a huge building full of kids and toys Of course, she also spoiled us and let us eat whatever we want, so that may have influenced us always wanting to go there::

I kind of forgot how important my grandma was in my early years. She did so much and nowadays, I don't see that as much. If my own mom was alive, I feel she would have been the same, but my kids' grandparents on my husband's side are so much different. They will baby sit when we ask, but they definitely do not spend near as much time with them. They are busy with their own lives and enjoying their golden years, so I have no issues with it, just never really realized how much grandparents played a roll in my life. My husband went to his grandma's every day too, but his parents are definitely not people we would count on for even part time child care.

That IS interesting now that I think about it over here, too!
My Grandparents had a bedroom for the grandkids, a playroom, etc. We went over there often and slept over.

My daughter, 3 tomorrow, just had her first sleepover at my parent's home. She was awake for 4 hours of it and I picked up the next morning. They don't ever request to have her/do something alone with her so I just go to their home to spend time together every weekend. They love it but it is much different than how my grandparents were, both kids, when I was growing up. Fascinating! Wonder what that's about.

We only have one set of friends who doesn't pay a baby-sitter multiple evenings each week AND send their child to their grandparents every weekend/multiple weekends a month. We are the weird ones.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I have all of my dc kids from contracted drop off to contracted pick up, regardless of where the parents are. As others have said, it is not only socially acceptable, it is encouraged. I never remember parents back in the 80's-90's having mom's day off, or spa days, or needing this level of "me" time.

We parent our kids very differently than this generation. I always tell my kids. "In here, it's 1950. Out there, it's 20XX." Responsibility, respect, household chores you aren't paid for, dinner nightly, breakfast cooked/eaten together. etc. Also, we live well within our means so that we don't both HAVE to work. Dh or I are always with our kids. They were in daycare part time when my oldest two were young, but it didn't last long. It felt unnatural to be away from them so much. We changed work schedules to work opposite shifts so the kids were home.

ETA- It saddens me that these children don't have regular family lives like my children do. On weekends they have sitters and go to grandparents homes. It is rare for both parents to spend the evening/weekend with their child/ren.

Okay so it isn't only in the south that this is happening. Intriguing.


Love the 1950's comment. We parent "strictly" according to most people.

[MunchkinWrangler]

That IS interesting now that I think about it over here, too!
My Grandparents had a bedroom for the grandkids, a playroom, etc. We went over there often and slept over.

My daughter, 3 tomorrow, just had her first sleepover at my parent's home. She was awake for 4 hours of it and I picked up the next morning. They don't ever request to have her/do something alone with her so I just go to their home to spend time together every weekend. They love it but it is much different than how my grandparents were, both kids, when I was growing up. Fascinating! Wonder what that's about.

We only have one set of friends who doesn't pay a baby-sitter multiple evenings each week AND send their child to their grandparents every weekend/multiple weekends a month. We are the weird ones.

Here's my theory. The younger generation does not have any respect for the older generation. Because things have changed regarding how children sleep, how their fed, and other drastic thing that have changed, this younger generation doesn't believe that grandparents are capable of raising their children.

Also, I think a lot of us came from working mothers who are still working today. The generation before had moms who stayed at home and raised the family and either worked at night or weekends. I think people also were closer to their communities than they are now.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Here's my theory. The younger generation does not have any respect for the older generation. Because things have changed regarding how children sleep, how their fed, and other drastic thing that have changed, this younger generation doesn't believe that grandparents are capable of raising their children.

Also, I think a lot of us came from working mothers who are still working today. The generation before had moms who stayed at home and raised the family and either worked at night or weekends. I think people also were closer to their communities than they are now.

I guess it's one extreme or the other! You have the parents dropping off their children at the grandparents every weekend OR you have the grandparents not requesting a lot/any alone time.

Mine was a SAHM growing up until she had to assist my Dad with his business. I went to a small in home daycare after school hours and in the summer. I remember being allowed to go play in the backyard outside unmonitored with other kids, jumping on a trampoline, etc. We also watched a lot of TV.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Here's my theory. The younger generation does not have any respect for the older generation. Because things have changed regarding how children sleep, how their fed, and other drastic thing that have changed, this younger generation doesn't believe that grandparents are capable of raising their children.

Also, I think a lot of us came from working mothers who are still working today. The generation before had moms who stayed at home and raised the family and either worked at night or weekends. I think people also were closer to their communities than they are now.

That is interesting! I have seen the lack of regard or respect for grandparents from a few of my dcps. They seem to forget that they were raised by these same people and they do have more experience with children than the parents do. I'm not saying all grand parents are awesome or fit to care for a child (), but I always looked to my mom and grandma for advice, so I cannot even imagine not listening or seeking out their advice when it came to my children. Seems like that extended family childcare has really gone away in favor of structured daycare.

[MunchkinWrangler]

I guess it's one extreme or the other! You have the parents dropping off their children at the grandparents every weekend OR you have the grandparents not requesting a lot/any alone time.

Mine was a SAHM growing up until she had to assist my Dad with his business. I went to a small in home daycare after school hours and in the summer. I remember being allowed to go play in the backyard outside unmonitored with other kids, jumping on a trampoline, etc. We also watched a lot of TV.

We were outside from morning until it got dark. We were never inside unless it was storming even in winter. It seems no one wants to play outside anymore either!! 15 mins and they're all begging to go back inside.

Things have changed so much!

[Snowmom]

Just had to say:
I've loved this topic and reading people's perspectives and opinions about the changes over the years.

It's something that's been on my mind too.
For how "connected" we are to the world via internet, text, social media, etc... it's so disheartening to see core family values changing so much.

[MunchkinWrangler]

That is interesting! I have seen the lack of regard or respect for grandparents from a few of my dcps. They seem to forget that they were raised by these same people and they do have more experience with children than the parents do. I'm not saying all grand parents are awesome or fit to care for a child (), but I always looked to my mom and grandma for advice, so I cannot even imagine not listening or seeking out their advice when it came to my children. Seems like that extended family childcare has really gone away in favor of structured daycare.

I feel the same. Today young kids are so bored!!!::::::

I don't ever remember being bored, we always had something to do, ride bikes, play ball in the backyard, come up with games, etc.

I still go to my mom and gramma for advice and trust them. What they suggest always works!

[sharlan]

I started 32 years ago. I had no contracts and no parent handbook. I didn't need one. Parents paid on time, picked up on time, and kept their kids home when they were home.

I've only had a contract for 5 years.

[laundrymom]

I like you so much better when you are filter-less. ::

I second this!!!!!