Criminal At Home Daycare - Heroin

[thrivingchildcarecom]

As a parent and a provider, I would contact the licensing agency for the daycare and ask them to do an investigation. I know that in our state (CA) these types of matters would bring the analyst out post-haste and put our license in question. Regardless as to whether he lives there or not. If he is using the address there is an issue. My whole family (in my residence) had to be cleared for my license. My advice: CALL LICENSING!

[BoyMom1030]

50/50 physical custody? What is your parenting time split? One week with you, one with Dad?

its called a 2-2-5-5 schedule. He has monday starting at 5pm until wednesday at 5pm when I should pick up from daycare. Then its split every other friday starting at 5 until monday at 5pm. So yesterday started my 5 days (wednesday 5pm until monday at 5pm then he gets monday until wednesday and i get back until he has long weekend from friday at 5pm until wednesday at 5pm). I looked at it from future point of view for school bus knowing same times and days and to alternate weekends because my family lives in PA so I could have a weekend to see them.

[BoyMom1030]

As a parent and a provider, I would contact the licensing agency for the daycare and ask them to do an investigation. I know that in our state (CA) these types of matters would bring the analyst out post-haste and put our license in question. Regardless as to whether he lives there or not. If he is using the address there is an issue. My whole family (in my residence) had to be cleared for my license. My advice: CALL LICENSING!

Thank you so much! I just got off the phone with them a short bit ago after some posts. I was a little afraid in case I was a mom making a big deal when I shouldn't but I just want my child safe. They are definitely going to be looking into the son and the other information. I feel better knowing that at least.

[Cat Herder]

Do your orders include the right of first refusal? That is, if either of you is physically unable to be with your child (work), the other has first choice of providing care. If so, it is pretty easy; just go get him every time. (Often times very high conflict, though)

IME, the court affords the same respect of parental child care choices to both parents. Dad's choice of daycare will be given the same respect as your choice to keep your son, yourself (unless your judge is over 60 )

You have to be so careful. Interference or micro-managing of Dad's time can cost you big time in court later. It can be hard to fight the urge to find fault, but the bigger picture must be thought of before sounding the alarm. Learning to compartmentalize "Dad's life with child" and "Mom's life with child" as separate worlds helps. DS lives in both worlds, you only exist in one. DS has a right to a full relationship with both of you.

Are you really worried that Dad will allow physical harm to his child or does having no control over the situation make it inflamed for you? No judgement, ::, I had to fight the urge every time my EX took my kids out of State for extended trips (pre-verbal was the worst! making them go as older teens was a close second. ) and would not even tell me (or them) which state. It was a bait to conflict. I learned to not bite pretty quickly, early on. It trickles down to the kids, they feel it all. I always told them their Dad just liked surprises and to go with it. They packed for three seasons . I then kept enough money back for a flight across the country in case of emergency. I was "chill" and had a bit of "control" that way. ::

9 more months and the whole "co-parenting" thing ends for me. :::::: Oh, who am I kidding. It will never end... graduations, weddings, births, etc, etc, etc... It is a long game. Horrible if high conflict. Always take the high road if there is a choice. I'd let licensing deal with the current childcare issue.

[BoyMom1030]

Do your orders include the right of first refusal? That is, if either of you is physically unable to be with your child (work), the other has first choice of providing care. If so, it is pretty easy; just go get him every time. (Often times very high conflict, though)

IME, the court affords the same respect of parental child care choices to both parents. Dad's choice of daycare will be given the same respect as your choice to keep your son, yourself (unless your judge is over 60 )

You have to be so careful. Interference or micro-managing of Dad's time can cost you big time in court later. It can be hard to fight the urge to find fault, but the bigger picture must be thought of before sounding the alarm. Learning to compartmentalize "Dad's life with child" and "Mom's life with child" as separate worlds helps. DS lives in both worlds, you only exist in one. DS has a right to a full relationship with both of you.

Are you really worried that Dad will allow physical harm to his child or does having no control over the situation make it inflamed for you? No judgement, ::, I had to fight the urge every time my EX took my kids out of State for extended trips (pre-verbal was the worst! making them go as older teens was a close second. ) and would not even tell me (or them) which state. It was a bait to conflict. I learned to not bite pretty quickly, early on. It trickles down to the kids, they feel it all. I always told them their Dad just liked surprises and to go with it. They packed for three seasons . I then kept enough money back for a flight across the country in case of emergency. I was "chill" and had a bit of "control" that way. ::

9 more months and the whole "co-parenting" thing ends for me. :::::: Oh, who am I kidding. It will never end... graduations, weddings, births, etc, etc, etc... It is a long game. Horrible if high conflict. Always take the high road if there is a choice. I'd let licensing deal with the current childcare issue.

Very very well put. Yes we have a RoFR clause for anything over 2 hours due to his illnesses. This was all brought up due to a letter from his old attorney stating they didn't agree to me using my sitter (or now he's stating any of them even though hes used or requested to use them all). I have done one session of mediation yesterday - went horribly...and have to do another in order to take anything to court and tried to be reasonable but he is, i'm sorry to say it, a narcissist. Winked at me across the table and laughed at me and called me everything and lied. I almost felt bad because I knew I had documents to negate every single thing he said. Admitting he drank "a beer" at a crab fest and waited hours then picked my son up to bring him to me. He and his gf both have multiple DUIs, jail and all that for drugs, etc. My concern, only my son. His is power, control, and money. He can not pay a dime and still visit and all that. I literally could have her in jail for things recently done but keep trying to take the high road like you say but its getting harder and harder.

[Cat Herder]

Is it possible that his only true issue with the daycare situation is having to deal with you, personally, more often? (Please don't read too far into that.

What if you two could find a daycare that would allow him to drop off for breakfast - circle time then allow you to pick up until their "clean-up to go home" time? Dad could then pick-up at daycare bypassing daily face to face time with you. Reversed on your time if Dad is off. No drama. Kid wins.

It would also give some much needed cooling off time for every one. Too much communication between exes is more damaging than none. Shoot for nods and one sentence emails, only.

I understand the not wanting GF involved, but that is one of those things we have no control over. The good side of that is Dad won't be able to limit who you have in your life, either.

The state will deal with the DUI's. Past convictions will be ignored because the courts stance is that you picked him. They don't consider child support in visitation at all, actually saying that in court will hurt your case, tread lightly.

I do wish you good luck for a peaceful outcome. Life is hard enough without this stuff, too. :hug:

[Unregistered]

Is it possible that his only true issue with the daycare situation is having to deal with you, personally, more often? (Please don't read too far into that.

What if you two could find a daycare that would allow him to drop off for breakfast - circle time then allow you to pick up until their "clean-up to go home" time? Dad could then pick-up at daycare bypassing daily face to face time with you. Reversed on your time if Dad is off. No drama. Kid wins.

It would also give some much needed cooling off time for every one. Too much communication between exes is more damaging than none. Shoot for nods and one sentence emails, only.

I understand the not wanting GF involved, but that is one of those things we have no control over. The good side of that is Dad won't be able to limit who you have in your life, either.

The state will deal with the DUI's. Past convictions will be ignored because the courts stance is that you picked him. They don't consider child support in visitation at all, actually saying that in court will hurt your case, tread lightly.

I do wish you good luck for a peaceful outcome. Life is hard enough without this stuff, too. :hug:

Yes! That is the exact reason I want pick up from the daycare. Otherwise I'm out into situations where I have to meet the ex at his house or in public and it causes a lot of chaos and lies and makes me VERY uncomfortable. The new daycare (which we agree on in mediation) will allow us to not have to be in a physical place at the same time. The only concern with the others is the fact he's admitting picking him up after drinking but I live my life and all but it's sad bc the new gf posts things the community can see about "why does mommy hate you...because I'm effing awesome" and horrible things like that. I don't ever ever ever post about her nor do I want my ex back. I simply want to coparenting when he admits he wants zero coparenting and parallel parenting. Thank you for this post I understand completely what you're trying to say.

[Blackcat31]

"Dear Dad

I haven’t hear from you since my 18th birthday a few months ago when I was finally able to make my own decisions and chose not to follow the possession schedule for the remainder of high school. At the time, I told you I still wanted to have frequent dinners and get together often but I was no longer going back and forth between households.
You accused me of letting “mom get to me”. Truth is, mom encouraged me to continue in the routine and invest in my relationship with you. It was just the most recent of a lifetime of examples.

One time when you noticed a mannerism of mine that reminded you of mom, I heard you tell my stepmom that it made you insane. When I told you something fun I did with mom, you rolled your eyes. When I was excited about an upcoming event with mom, you told me you were disappointed because you wanted to be the one to do that with me.

Sometimes you told me you’d plan something similar only bigger and better. When I asked you for something I wanted, you said I could ask mom because you gave her a child support check that would cover it. When I asked to sleep over at a friend’s house you told me not on “your weekend”. When you gave me a gift you told me to leave it at your house. When I wanted to call mom from your house, you would hover near me, listening, and then ask a bunch of questions about what she said. When I was rebellious you asked me why I was acting like my mother. When I argued you said I was being manipulated by my mom.

One time mom saw me make a face that reminded her of you and she smiled. She told my stepdad fondly, in front of me, that my father does that too. When I told her something fun I did with you, she told me how cool that sounded. When I was excited about an upcoming event with you, mom was really happy for me. She told me how lucky I was and helped me count down the days. When I asked for something I wanted and told her you said you’d sent her money, she told me I could save up for it. When I asked her if I could sleep over at a friend’s house she helped me pack a bag, walked me there and was invited to stay and visit with my friends parents.

When mom gave me a gift that I really loved, she handed it to me before I went to your house for the weekend. After I’d call you she always asked “How’s Dad doing?”. When I was rebellious she punished me. When I was argumentative she would explain her reasoning once and require me to be respectful.


The truth is;

• I wish you’d have loved all of me. I am a lot like you, and a lot like mom. It’s who I am.
  
• I wish you’d have made it possible for me to share the fun and exciting parts of my life and not have spoken so negatively about my mother
  
• I wish you’d have dealt with my phases as a parent, not someone trying to win a fight or make me think badly of my mom.

The things you did might have seemed small individually, but a lifetime of those little things didn’t lay the groundwork you intended.

Instead, you don’t know me like you should and I only know you as someone who worked tirelessly to dissect my life into parts and devalue important pieces of me. I wish you had used the time raising me instead of fighting for me.

I wish you had let me love both of you.

Sincerely,

Your Grown Child"

[Unregistered]

"Dear Dad

I haven’t hear from you since my 18th birthday a few months ago when I was finally able to make my own decisions and chose not to follow the possession schedule for the remainder of high school. At the time, I told you I still wanted to have frequent dinners and get together often but I was no longer going back and forth between households.
You accused me of letting “mom get to me”. Truth is, mom encouraged me to continue in the routine and invest in my relationship with you. It was just the most recent of a lifetime of examples.

One time when you noticed a mannerism of mine that reminded you of mom, I heard you tell my stepmom that it made you insane. When I told you something fun I did with mom, you rolled your eyes. When I was excited about an upcoming event with mom, you told me you were disappointed because you wanted to be the one to do that with me.

Sometimes you told me you’d plan something similar only bigger and better. When I asked you for something I wanted, you said I could ask mom because you gave her a child support check that would cover it. When I asked to sleep over at a friend’s house you told me not on “your weekend”. When you gave me a gift you told me to leave it at your house. When I wanted to call mom from your house, you would hover near me, listening, and then ask a bunch of questions about what she said. When I was rebellious you asked me why I was acting like my mother. When I argued you said I was being manipulated by my mom.

One time mom saw me make a face that reminded her of you and she smiled. She told my stepdad fondly, in front of me, that my father does that too. When I told her something fun I did with you, she told me how cool that sounded. When I was excited about an upcoming event with you, mom was really happy for me. She told me how lucky I was and helped me count down the days. When I asked for something I wanted and told her you said you’d sent her money, she told me I could save up for it. When I asked her if I could sleep over at a friend’s house she helped me pack a bag, walked me there and was invited to stay and visit with my friends parents.

When mom gave me a gift that I really loved, she handed it to me before I went to your house for the weekend. After I’d call you she always asked “How’s Dad doing?”. When I was rebellious she punished me. When I was argumentative she would explain her reasoning once and require me to be respectful.


The truth is;

• I wish you’d have loved all of me. I am a lot like you, and a lot like mom. It’s who I am.
  
• I wish you’d have made it possible for me to share the fun and exciting parts of my life and not have spoken so negatively about my mother
  
• I wish you’d have dealt with my phases as a parent, not someone trying to win a fight or make me think badly of my mom.

The things you did might have seemed small individually, but a lifetime of those little things didn’t lay the groundwork you intended.

Instead, you don’t know me like you should and I only know you as someone who worked tirelessly to dissect my life into parts and devalue important pieces of me. I wish you had used the time raising me instead of fighting for me.

I wish you had let me love both of you.

Sincerely,

Your Grown Child"

Ok. I'm sobbing. I make mistakes at times but this poem or whatever it is I feel is the exact situation. I've seen my son scream when going with his dad and instead I say he'll have so much fun! I let him take his favorite toys when his dad says "he has some leave it". I made matching shirts for Valentine's Day and not thinking twice sent a pick to show how cute my son was but I was in the picture and he was "disgusted and wanted zero pics when on my time". It's so painful to watch my son go and wonder if he's treated ok. But it's not my time. So I shower him with love, I discipline with explainations, and I try. I can't sit and preach I haven't cause an argument or two bc I'm human but I've learned and hope to get better. Ok need to stop crying at that. I'm so scared that he'll love another based off lies and not me as his mommy some days. That's my fear and my open admittance. Thank you for this.

[Blackcat31]

Ok. I'm sobbing. I make mistakes at times but this poem or whatever it is I feel is the exact situation. I've seen my son scream when going with his dad and instead I say he'll have so much fun! I let him take his favorite toys when his dad says "he has some leave it". I made matching shirts for Valentine's Day and not thinking twice sent a pick to show how cute my son was but I was in the picture and he was "disgusted and wanted zero pics when on my time". It's so painful to watch my son go and wonder if he's treated ok. But it's not my time. So I shower him with love, I discipline with explainations, and I try. I can't sit and preach I haven't cause an argument or two bc I'm human but I've learned and hope to get better. Ok need to stop crying at that. I'm so scared that he'll love another based off lies and not me as his mommy some days. That's my fear and my open admittance. Thank you for this.

It IS painful. But always take the high road. for him.

He will not only see it as an example of what kind of person to be, but he will feel it when it comes to knowing what real unconditional love is.

He may at times while growing up appear to "love" someone or something more but my bet is that it's the situation or the reward, he is loving and not the actual person. Kids know real love. They can tell when it's conditional and when it's not. They can't identify and label it and they can't even define what it is they are feeling but they feel it and to feel it is to know it.

When he is an adult and you step back and look at the young man he has become, you can be proud of the fact that you were the driving force that loved him enough to do what's right for him verses the easiest thing.

Hang in there.... :hug: