4 Year Old Saying Yucky Words

[adnilwis]

I've watched this dcb since November. The past few weeks his behavior has been better as far as not lashing out when someone does something to him but now he's gone to talking back at almost everything I say and saying yucky potty/swear words.

If I tell him it's quiet time he will say No YOU be quiet! Stuff like that and all morning today it was Potty words (poopy, butt, etc) with an occasional da**** in there. I tell him it's inappropriate and we can't say it at daycare and I've told his dad. His parents are young and have never been married and recently broke up. Dad blames it on mom but dad is who I always see so he's the only one I tell about his son's day.

Any advice on how to handle this? Nothing seems to work and he just thinks it's funny. He's getting my 3 yo son to say these words too.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I am in charge here. If they try to talk to me like you're describing I smile and say, "We say yes ma'am." I repeat myself again and if they're not listening they go to time out. It's the ONLY thing you go to time out here for. I need the children to listen when I ask them/tell them to do something when another choice isn't an option. Can you imagine what it would look like here if I had 12 children telling me no and doing as they wished when I asked them/told them to do something?! Oh my word.
You don't have to be mean. You don't have to be loud. You do have to be firm, you can even smile and say, "You need to sit here until you're ready to listen. I will check on you in 1 minute to see if you're ready." They're always extremely honest and will let you know.

Naughty words? They get to do an activity in another area for awhile. It's pretty boring playing by yourself. I'm SURE your little one already knows what he is saying is inappropriate. I would ask him, "Do we talk like that here?" If he smiles and says, "YES!" then you say, "Okay, it seems like you need to come play over here by yourself for awhile. I can't let you play with the other kids when you aren't saying nice words."
POTTY words means you need to go sit on the toilet. I pretend I'm a doofus. "Oh my! More poopy talk! You need to go sit on the toilet and go poop!" I pretend I don't get it when they say they don't have to and I insist they go and try. Cuts it out REALLY quickly.

It works for me here. I'm sure there are lots of other things to try!

[adnilwis]

I am in charge here. If they try to talk to me like you're describing I smile and say, "We say yes ma'am." I repeat myself again and if they're not listening they go to time out. It's the ONLY thing you go to time out here for. I need the children to listen when I ask them/tell them to do something when another choice isn't an option. Can you imagine what it would look like here if I had 12 children telling me no and doing as they wished when I asked them/told them to do something?! Oh my word.
You don't have to be mean. You don't have to be loud. You do have to be firm, you can even smile and say, "You need to sit here until you're ready to listen. I will check on you in 1 minute to see if you're ready." They're always extremely honest and will let you know.

Naughty words? They get to do an activity in another area for awhile. It's pretty boring playing by yourself. I'm SURE your little one already knows what he is saying is inappropriate. I would ask him, "Do we talk like that here?" If he smiles and says, "YES!" then you say, "Okay, it seems like you need to come play over here by yourself for awhile. I can't let you play with the other kids when you aren't saying nice words."
POTTY words means you need to go sit on the toilet. I pretend I'm a doofus. "Oh my! More poopy talk! You need to go sit on the toilet and go poop!" I pretend I don't get it when they say they don't have to and I insist they go and try. Cuts it out REALLY quickly.

It works for me here. I'm sure there are lots of other things to try!

I've had him go into the bathroom when he says potty words and tell him he can say them in there and come out when he's done. He doesn't say anything while in there and comes out and goes right back at it. I've also told him I'm in charge when he's here and he needs to respect what I say. He just gets more sassy and upset. And he's an only child so he enjoys playing by himself a lot.

He just thinks everything is funny until I tell his dad. Then he gets sad and quiet. Dad blames it on mom. He was at his mom's all weekend and dad said it frustrates him when he comes back from his mom's and acts up.

[Blackcat31]

I've had him go into the bathroom when he says potty words and tell him he can say them in there and come out when he's done. He doesn't say anything while in there and comes out and goes right back at it. I've also told him I'm in charge when he's here and he needs to respect what I say. He just gets more sassy and upset. And he's an only child so he enjoys playing by himself a lot.

He just thinks everything is funny until I tell his dad. Then he gets sad and quiet. Dad blames it on mom. He was at his mom's all weekend and dad said it frustrates him when he comes back from his mom's and acts up.

potty words = nap time.

His brain must be awfully tired if he can't stop his mouth from saying naughty words.

Also tell DCD that "blaming" mom isn't the answer. They BOTH have an issue as it's THEIR child together.

They need to figure out a way to co-parent. Tell DCD that if DCB says a potty word 3 times, you will have no choice but to send him home as his behavior is having a direct and unwanted influence on the other kids and since neither of the child's parents have a plan for this behavior, you have NO CHOICE but to exclude him.

9 out of 10 times parents suddenly have a million ideas and or methods of stopping this type of behavior.

[adnilwis]

potty words = nap time.

His brain must be awfully tired if he can't stop his mouth from saying naughty words.

Also tell DCD that "blaming" mom isn't the answer. They BOTH have an issue as it's THEIR child together.

They need to figure out a way to co-parent. Tell DCD that if DCB says a potty word 3 times, you will have no choice but to send him home as his behavior is having a direct and unwanted influence on the other kids and since neither of the child's parents have a plan for this behavior, you have NO CHOICE but to exclude him.

9 out of 10 times parents suddenly have a million ideas and or methods of stopping this type of behavior.

Dad has told me that DCB has no issues at home and that maybe I just need to yell more.
I totally agree about the co parenting thing and he needs to talk to mom about the things happening at daycare. Great advice I just feel like it's a silly reason to send him home especially since he leaves early most days anyway. Dad can't leave work early since he's a mail carrier. ( that's what he's told me when I've needed kids to leave due to one of my kids being sick)

He'd be sent home within minutes of arriving if I send him home after saying 3. It was almost nonstop today. He refuses to nap too.

[Blackcat31]

Dad has told me that DCB has no issues at home and that maybe I just need to yell more.
I totally agree about the co parenting thing and he needs to talk to mom about the things happening at daycare. Great advice I just feel like it's a silly reason to send him home especially since he leaves early most days anyway. Dad can't leave work early since he's a mail carrier. ( that's what he's told me when I've needed kids to leave due to one of my kids being sick)

He'd be sent home within minutes of arriving if I send him home after saying 3. It was almost nonstop today. He refuses to nap too.

Oh, I totally understand him being sent home so quickly but that's kind of the point

DCD does not just get to say the words "He isn't like that at home" and then leave you to figure it out.
That is NOT fair nor is that the issue.

He IS like that at daycare and it's not YOUR problem, it's his parent's problem and the ONLY way to get them to understand that and to "fix" it, is to give them the problem.

If they offer no solutions (other than yelling more :confused then you have NO choice but to send him home. I wouldnt care one bit if DCD could or couldn't leave work...I ONLY care that my kids and my DCK's don't pick up on a bad habit that another child has.

Is it a silly reason to send home? Sure! But it's the only way to force the parent to step up and parent.

This should not be YOUR issue in ANY way other than to redirect and remind. The parent needs to do the PARENTING.

[adnilwis]

Oh, I totally understand him being sent home so quickly but that's kind of the point

DCD does not just get to say the words "He isn't like that at home" and then leave you to figure it out.
That is NOT fair nor is that the issue.

He IS like that at daycare and it's not YOUR problem, it's his parent's problem and the ONLY way to get them to understand that and to "fix" it, is to give them the problem.

If they offer no solutions (other than yelling more :confused then you have NO choice but to send him home. I wouldnt care one bit if DCD could or couldn't leave work...I ONLY care that my kids and my DCK's don't pick up on a bad habit that another child has.

Is it a silly reason to send home? Sure! But it's the only way to force the parent to step up and parent.

This should not be YOUR issue in ANY way other than to redirect and remind. The parent needs to do the PARENTING.

Great advice! I shouldn't have to deal with their lack of parenting and their lack of putting him in daycare sooner than at 4 years old.

I'll try to figure out how to bring it up to his Dad.

[Thriftylady]

BC posted just what I was thinking. Yes it is soon to send him home, but tell dad tonight. They are not doing anything about it because it isn't "their" problem. Make it their problem, by sending home, and it will change.

[JackandJill]

Is it a silly reason to send home? Sure! But it's the only way to force the parent to step up and parent.

This should not be YOUR issue in ANY way other than to redirect and remind. The parent needs to do the PARENTING.

I send home for things like this. I find when parents are put out, bad behavior gets resolved much faster

The one time I tried to handle it on my own I had two other kids picking up the bad behavior. It put me in a bad place having to explain to the their parents. It was really uncomfortable!

I also agree, if I say come get your kiddo, there's no wiggle room. Someone is coming to get that kid!

[Josiegirl]

I have a question for the ones who would send the dck home...you don't think it would backfire? Some kids would love to go home and I can picture the dcb acting out even more if he knows he gets to go home.

Couple weeks ago one of my dcks was acting sooo terrible, just off the wall out of control and he's much older than the OP's dcb. He wanted to go home. I called dcm, just to give her a head's up and maybe see if she might know what was going on. She said 'you want me to come get him?' I told her I didn't think it was a good idea because it might set a precedent. She agreed.
Sorry I didn't mean to hijack, but I'm genuinely curious.

[JackandJill]

I think it depends on the parents situation. If it is an inconvenience for the parents, then I imagine it would not be a fun day at home after a few times!

The only time I was sent home early from school was in 3rd grade, and omg I never wanted to do that again! :: My mom was NOT happy and it made me quit being a little pain real quick!!

[Blackcat31]

I have a question for the ones who would send the dck home...you don't think it would backfire? Some kids would love to go home and I can picture the dcb acting out even more if he knows he gets to go home.

Sorry I didn't mean to hijack, but I'm genuinely curious.

Sometimes it does backfire. Still not MY problem.

If the parents step up immediately and implement a good reward/consequence system it won't be something the child sees as a good thing.

Big picture is that it requires the parent to parent.

[Blackcat31]

I think it depends on the parents situation. If it is an inconvenience for the parents, then I imagine it would not be a fun day at home after a few times!

The only time I was sent home early from school was in 3rd grade, and omg I never wanted to do that again! :: My mom was NOT happy and it made me quit being a little pain real quick!!

exactly!

[adnilwis]

He's been here 25 minutes and already has said 4 potty words. Ugh

[Thriftylady]

He's been here 25 minutes and already has said 4 potty words. Ugh

Call for pick up!! If you don't, the parents will never get on this.