Intrusive Questions

[Unregistered]

Logged out for privacy.

People can be extremely rude. I don't think it's necessarily purposeful, but it's embarrassing and intrusive nonetheless.

We have 8 children, ranging in age from 7 months to 15 years. We are in the process of remodeling our home, especially the daycare area, to accommodate our growing business (we are going to a larger license). Yesterday I was in an interview and things were going well- DCF loved the updates to the daycare area and seemed genuinely excited when I told them the rest of the plans for the space. It all seemed to be going towards a contract... until my DH brought the younger kids home.

As my husband set down the two carseats and my 9- and 10 year olds came to get the babies out of the seats DCD's attitude sort of changed. He asked me if they were all ours (yes) and how many kids did we have. I told him 8, but before I could explain he began to bombard me with intrusive questions:
8 kids?! How can you afford this house? What is your grocery bill like? When I didn't answer, rather I redirected the conversation back to daycare related items, he started making rude, passive-aggressive comments: "It must be nice to stay home with all these kids and play all day." "You have yourself a sweet deal here." "It's obvious you like children... are you done yet?" "Do you get food stamps? Your grocery bill is probably my entire mortgage!" I ended the interview there! Had he just allowed me to speak, however, I would've explained 4 of the children are in my custody because they were removed from a family member by CPS. Sheesh.

What types of intrusive questions have you encountered?

[Annalee]

Logged out for privacy.

People can be extremely rude. I don't think it's necessarily purposeful, but it's embarrassing and intrusive nonetheless.

We have 8 children, ranging in age from 7 months to 15 years. We are in the process of remodeling our home, especially the daycare area, to accommodate our growing business (we are going to a larger license). Yesterday I was in an interview and things were going well- DCF loved the updates to the daycare area and seemed genuinely excited when I told them the rest of the plans for the space. It all seemed to be going towards a contract... until my DH brought the younger kids home.

As my husband set down the two carseats and my 9- and 10 year olds came to get the babies out of the seats DCD's attitude sort of changed. He asked me if they were all ours (yes) and how many kids did we have. I told him 8, but before I could explain he began to bombard me with intrusive questions:
8 kids?! How can you afford this house? What is your grocery bill like? When I didn't answer, rather I redirected the conversation back to daycare related items, he started making rude, passive-aggressive comments: "It must be nice to stay home with all these kids and play all day." "You have yourself a sweet deal here." "It's obvious you like children... are you done yet?" "Do you get food stamps? Your grocery bill is probably my entire mortgage!" I ended the interview there! Had he just allowed me to speak, however, I would've explained 4 of the children are in my custody because they were removed from a family member by CPS. Sheesh.

What types of intrusive questions have you encountered?

During interviews.....I have had an a lady ask "where we bought our food" and had one lady ask me "if I would consider moving my playground to the front yard". Also had a lady tell me "she didn't want any other males in the house during daycare time"... I did not enroll any of these clients....

[Josiegirl]

Dcd totally ambushed you with a whole boatload of unrelated questions, nosy and rude. I'm glad you ended it right then and there. They would not have been a good fit!

[LysesKids]

During interviews.....I have had an a lady ask "where we bought our food" and had one lady ask me "if I would consider moving my playground to the front yard". Also had a lady tell me "she didn't want any other males in the house during daycare time"... I did not enroll any of these clients....

I had one of my first interviews in this house ask me what I did on weekends? "Not his business but I did casually mentioned I had visitors from Iceland staying for the weekend. Dad flipped out and said you have company coming? yes, but not when kids are in care... do they think I have no life just because I am a widow & the kids are grown? ( they didn't sign )

BTW, my couch surfers were wonderful & they even brought their sweet little toddler (non English speaking); the toys won him over . I am part of the Couch surfing community & host 3 or 4 times a year, but then I stay at other peoples homes too on ocassion when i travel

[thrivingchildcarecom]

You know I probably have had a few crazy personal questions come my way over the years, but I can say I probably did not answer and then didn't enroll them either. These things are blessings in disguise if they come out at the tour.

Parents are always treating our businesses a little too casually, in my mind. Calling on Sunday to schedule a tour, texting a schedule change on Saturday or at 10 pm.

I made the decision awhile ago just to not respond. I need my down time as well as my privacy. If they ask, I just say my husband and I have decided not to handle business when we are off work. Sometimes you can see the lightbulb go off when they hear me say this. If they have a problem with that, its their problem. I might even be giving up some business because of this, but you have to draw the line somewhere. Otherwise we would always be working.

[Annalee]

I have had clients during interview to also bring up the social status of families in my daycare.....definite red flag

[LysesKids]

You know I probably have had a few crazy personal questions come my way over the years, but I can say I probably did not answer and then didn't enroll them either. These things are blessings in disguise if they come out at the tour.

Parents are always treating our businesses a little too casually, in my mind. Calling on Sunday to schedule a tour, texting a schedule change on Saturday or at 10 pm.

I made the decision awhile ago just to not respond. I need my down time as well as my privacy. If they ask, I just say my husband and I have decided not to handle business when we are off work. Sometimes you can see the lightbulb go off when they hear me say this. If they have a problem with that, its their problem. I might even be giving up some business because of this, but you have to draw the line somewhere. Otherwise we would always be working.

Oh I actually have some of the above issues in a policy... I require a written schedule no later than 6pm on Fridays, no texting/calling on weekends unless kid won't be showing Monday due to illness & I only interview on Tues, Wed or Thurs after 6pm

[Unregistered]

During interviews.....I have had an a lady ask "where we bought our food" and had one lady ask me "if I would consider moving my playground to the front yard". Also had a lady tell me "she didn't want any other males in the house during daycare time"... I did not enroll any of these clients....

Ditto regarding men... so sexist!

[laundrymom]

Auto Response:: Family Time Rule, we unplug during meals & special times with family. Get back to you soon.

I made this. I respond with it on weekends and after hours.

I can't think of a time a parent asked me something really off. I'm guessing I wouldn't be as together as OP was and I will just stammer or make a joke.

[Unregistered]

One wanted a list of all laundry and cleaning products that I use. Not because of allergies but because they "prefer certain smells."
What she actually wanted was for me to change to all of the products she uses!
I told her no way - how could I possibly accommodate a (ridiculous) request like that for every family.

[permanentvacation]

The typical intrusive questions I get are ones along the line of asking if any males live in the house or would be here at any time day or night. Those questions are often asked to me by the parents of which the child's father had been in jail for things like domestic violence, home invasions, breaking and entering, etc.

Not only are they intrusive, it makes me feel like they are here to canvass my home for a possible future break in!

Those are the ones that I start telling them that for the 'children's safety' I have a security system and I make sure to let meet my dog without me telling my dog his command to be nice to them! I then inform them how protective my dog is.

For some reason those people don't seem to hire me. And I never hear from them again. ::

My dog is perfect with the kids and anyone that I tell him to allow into the house. But if I don't give him his specific command, he goes into 'guard dog' mode! You DON'T want him to think you are not invited here! hahahaha! Good dog!

[nanglgrl]

My friend had a client that didn't like the new color she painted her living room and wanted her to repaint it.

I've had people ask to see my bedroom. It's the entire second story of the house and daycare children are never up there. I can understand they might want to make sure I don't have a drug factory up there I guess but I think they just want to be nosey. If they don't know by looking at my daycare spaces and meeting me that my room has nothing dangerous in it I don't want them to sign on so I always reply "sorry, that's my personal space."

I had a potential client ask why I had a pink lightbulb in my porch light and she was very concerned. Our whole block had them for breast cancer awareness month since another neighbor went through it. They were from a different country, I think they thought I ran a part time brothel. .

[JackandJill]

I am one of seven kids, and I used to hear my poor mother be bombarded with all those same question! I think its sooo rude!!

I haven't had too many intrusive questions, but I did have an interview once when I was pregnant. The DCD kept asking me if I had any upcoming vacations planned, like 7 times. I kept awkwardly answering "Nope" and "Oh I sure wish, that would be nice". If he had nicely inquired about my plans for maternity leave (which is definitely not a vacation!!), he would have quickly found out I had a sub coming for a couple weeks so I wouldn't have to close!

[happymom]

Please try to remember that some of these parents have NEVER interviewed a daycare or have any experience with home daycare and they are just trying to learn about the environment they are leaving their children in. It's really hard to feel peace when planning to leave your child with someone you have just met.

When I was a new mom and interviewing daycares, I literally left interviews and cried in my car. It is an extremely stressful process choosing someone to care for your children and the place that your little one will spend 40 hours a week.

[Leigh]

That comment about getting to "play all day"...ugh. They already resent you for "getting" to stay home and change diapers, cook, clean, cook, clean, cook, clean, referee, clean, referee, clean, direct activities, clean, wipe boogers, clean, dry tears, clean, referee, referee, referee. Seriously, this is the HARDEST I have ever worked in my life. Hearing that I play all day makes me want to explode!

I'd have just not answered the questions, and tried to steer the conversation back to daycare. If that couldn't be done, just wrap up the interview-it was obviously over.