Rough First Day for New DCB

[Unregistered]

New 20 month old, never been in dc, and really hasn't been away from dcm. He is having a really tough time.

Dcb wants nothing to do with me. Won't look at me. Won't let me touch him. So the few times I have had to interact with him by touch have all been negative (picking him up against his will to bring him to a high chair, moving him away from a door for safety, etc.)

He's had occasional interaction with the younger kids here. Any suggestions how I can ease hisbtransition? It's difficult when he doesn't want to be around me.

He likes cars and trucks, so I keep him supplied and he plays for a few minutes, cries for 15 minutes. Repeat.

[Leigh]

New 20 month old, never been in dc, and really hasn't been away from dcm. He is having a really tough time.

Dcb wants nothing to do with me. Won't look at me. Won't let me touch him. So the few times I have had to interact with him by touch have all been negative (picking him up against his will to bring him to a high chair, moving him away from a door for safety, etc.)

He's had occasional interaction with the younger kids here. Any suggestions how I can ease hisbtransition? It's difficult when he doesn't want to be around me.

He likes cars and trucks, so I keep him supplied and he plays for a few minutes, cries for 15 minutes. Repeat.

I have exactly the same situation here. I'm working on bonding. Every chance I get, I get him on my lap and read books (he loves books). He's coming around slowly, but there are still lots of tears. Do you have an older child who could buddy up with him? I asked my son to be my new kid's special friend to help him feel comfortable, and he's working hard to bond with this little guy, too.

[Blackcat31]

New 20 month old, never been in dc, and really hasn't been away from dcm. He is having a really tough time.

Dcb wants nothing to do with me. Won't look at me. Won't let me touch him. So the few times I have had to interact with him by touch have all been negative (picking him up against his will to bring him to a high chair, moving him away from a door for safety, etc.)

He's had occasional interaction with the younger kids here. Any suggestions how I can ease hisbtransition? It's difficult when he doesn't want to be around me.

He likes cars and trucks, so I keep him supplied and he plays for a few minutes, cries for 15 minutes. Repeat.

I would sit near him....not close enough to have him on high alert but close enough that he can observe and hear you.

Play and interact with the other kids. Casually say things like "See the big tower Johnny made Billy?" or "Oh what a cool car! Do you want to play with the car Billy?"

Don't ask or comment to him as if you are expecting an answer...just do it so that it keeps his attention on what you are doing..... be casual and laid back about it... when you are commenting to him.

Make a HUGE deal out of anything funny or neat etc... basically do your best to SHOW him how much fun you and the other kids are having...put on a show for him so he can visually see how interacting with others is a fun thing to do.

My guess is right now, he is just really scared and has no "safe place or person" to go to so he is being introverted...

Lure him out by showing him you and the other kids aren't scary and aren't pushy about him joining in...

With a little patience and gentle prodding (inviting) on your part, he will begin to build that sense of trust with you and once he has that secure attachment he will start coming out of his shell a bit...

Sometimes at that age, your biggest asset is patience and an ability to SHOW them how much fun everyone has.

[Unregistered]

I have exactly the same situation here. I'm working on bonding. Every chance I get, I get him on my lap and read books (he loves books). He's coming around slowly, but there are still lots of tears. Do you have an older child who could buddy up with him? I asked my son to be my new kid's special friend to help him feel comfortable, and he's working hard to bond with this little guy, too.

The oldest dcks are 4, and young 4's at that. No interest in young criers. It's just hard since he won't let me comfort him.

[Unregistered]

I would sit near him....not close enough to have him on high alert but close enough that he can observe and hear you.

Play and interact with the other kids. Casually say things like "See the big tower Johnny made Billy?" or "Oh what a cool car! Do you want to play with the car Billy?"

Don't ask or comment to him as if you are expecting an answer...just do it so that it keeps his attention on what you are doing..... be casual and laid back about it... when you are commenting to him.

Make a HUGE deal out of anything funny or neat etc... basically do your best to SHOW him how much fun you and the other kids are having...put on a show for him so he can visually see how interacting with others is a fun thing to do.

My guess is right now, he is just really scared and has no "safe place or person" to go to so he is being introverted...

Lure him out by showing him you and the other kids aren't scary and aren't pushy about him joining in...

With a little patience and gentle prodding (inviting) on your part, he will begin to build that sense of trust with you and once he has that secure attachment he will start coming out of his shell a bit...

Sometimes at that age, your biggest asset is patience and an ability to SHOW them how much fun everyone has.

Good ideas, thanks! I feel so bad when someone is miserable here.