Questions About How to Term and How to Bring It Up

[Ariana]

Those of you who say to term while I'm on maternity leave, I love you, but does your opinion change if I told you she was having trouble finding care to cover my leave? She doesn't want to pay for summer while she is home so she has been telling providers she only needs 5 weeks of care to cover may through first part of June and of course no one is interested in her as a client. I know that's not technically my problem, but if I would just grow a pair and tell her she's done here, maybe she could find care easier for may. That is where I'm struggling. Though I suppose there won't be many who will let her have the summer off for free anyway...She got lucky with me.

For me this would factor big time into telling her right away and it is what I would do. I could not in clear conscious do that to somebody. Finding care is a very difficukt situation and to ask her to find care twice under a false pretense is just not fair and isn't something I would feel comfortable doing

[sleepinghart]

If it were me, I would wait until your leave started and send her a term letter. I see absolutely nothing wrong with that as she will have over two months to secure other care. That is not short notice, or in any way shape or form unprofessional.

If it were me, I'd take a deep breath and let it go. When mom talks about the fall I'd nod and smile. And then, a few days after my leave started, I'd send the letter.

When you start your maternity leave, I would email her then to let her know she wouldn't have a space in fall due to program restructuring (number of children, hours, ages, include it all if you feel like she will attempt to negotiate).

Those of you who say to term while I'm on maternity leave, I love you, but does your opinion change if I told you she was having trouble finding care to cover my leave? She doesn't want to pay for summer while she is home so she has been telling providers she only needs 5 weeks of care to cover may through first part of June and of course no one is interested in her as a client. I know that's not technically my problem, but if I would just grow a pair and tell her she's done here, maybe she could find care easier for may. That is where I'm struggling. Though I suppose there won't be many who will let her have the summer off for free anyway...She got lucky with me.

(^bolding^ by me)
~No, to me, it doesn't change anything. ..And I agree with the above. I think you should wait to term her...I'd wait until your maternity leave and then term very shortly thereafter. I think it makes it a lot easier on both of you. That way there are no awkward confrontations or "moments" to worry about. You can simply send her an email, no face-to-face, and no added stress. Doing it this way, IMHO, is more professional and allows for a "clean break"(or at least a much "cleaner break" than you would have if terming now)...none of this extra burden on your shoulders. I also think she would take the term less personally if done over the summer during your leave rather than right now.

~If she's having trouble finding care now, even if the reason is because she only needs 5 weeks of care, I still don't think she's going to find it any easier when given 7. Besides, if you term shortly after your maternity leave, she will still have basically the entire summer to secure other care without having the "only for 5 weeks" stipulation added to it. So, either way you dice it...5 weeks is plenty of time; and to me, that is the bottom line here...she has 5 weeks, more than enough time to find care. ...Just my 2 cents. ~Anyway, I hope that everything works out for the best for you regardless of which route you choose to takelovethis.

[Play Care]

Those of you who say to term while I'm on maternity leave, I love you, but does your opinion change if I told you she was having trouble finding care to cover my leave? She doesn't want to pay for summer while she is home so she has been telling providers she only needs 5 weeks of care to cover may through first part of June and of course no one is interested in her as a client. I know that's not technically my problem, but if I would just grow a pair and tell her she's done here, maybe she could find care easier for may. That is where I'm struggling. Though I suppose there won't be many who will let her have the summer off for free anyway...She got lucky with me.

"I'm going to tell my day care provider months before we plan on leaving since it's so hard to fill spots!" said NO parent ever.

[Blackcat31]

"I'm going to tell my day care provider months before we plan on leaving since it's so hard to fill spots!" said NO parent ever.

[Controlled Chaos]

"I'm going to tell my day care provider months before we plan on leaving since it's so hard to fill spots!" said NO parent ever.

Lol fair enough

[Ariana]

"I'm going to tell my day care provider months before we plan on leaving since it's so hard to fill spots!" said NO parent ever.

Lol! True but that doesn't mean you have to suspend all decency because a parent is a turd.

Edit: Tried to use a word that wouldn't be censored. Turd FTW!! Lol

[Blackcat31]

My concern is the stress. Stress for a pregnant provider is SO important to avoid.

If this family is at all causing stress to the provider, she shouldn't be guilted into prolonging a termination.

Everyone of us has our own comfort levels and I've come to recognize and understand that by the time a provider comes to this forum to post/vent/ask for advice....the situation is usually much more stressful than the poster lets on and sometimes the posters are simply looking for a "push" in the direction they are already heading.

OP does NOT owe this family ANY type of courtesy or special consideration. She owes them the same notice period they would owe her if the situation was reversed.

The care environment outside her program (whether other care situations are available or not) is really not her concern.

Her concern should be focused on her pregnancy and a healthy baby. Eliminating ANY stress is a necessary evil in some situations.

[Play Care]

My concern is the stress. Stress for a pregnant provider is SO important to avoid.

If this family is at all causing stress to the provider, she shouldn't be guilted into prolonging a termination.

Everyone of us has our own comfort levels and I've come to recognize and understand that by the time a provider comes to this forum to post/vent/ask for advice....the situation is usually much more stressful than the poster lets on and sometimes the posters are simply looking for a "push" in the direction they are already heading.

OP does NOT owe this family ANY type of courtesy or special consideration. She owes them the same notice period they would owe her if the situation was reversed.

The care environment outside her program (whether other care situations are available or not) is really not her concern.

Her concern should be focused on her pregnancy and a healthy baby. Eliminating ANY stress is a necessary evil in some situations.

Agreed! I hope it doesn't come across that I thought she should keep them. If they are causing stress, term now.

I just don't think you should feel you should have to term them before you are ready because you feel bad, etc.

[Indoorvoice]

I so appreciate all of your input whether you are for or against me doing this during my maternity leave. I see both sides and am starting to see that there is no one way to do this where the dcm will just say, "oh ok no problem! Whatever works best for you!" Yes, the family does cause me stress, but knowing they will be gone in a few weeks has helped a lot with that. The thing causing me the most stress is over thinking this term and wanting to do it the "right" way with the least confrontation and/or rebuttal from dcm. I'm worried about not coming across confident and getting emotional about it in front of her. I'm worried about putting them in a stressful situation with finding new care. I'm worried she'll be hurt that I picked to continue doing business with other families and not her or that she'll think I'm a bad provider because I can't handle my new baby, my older 2 kids going off to school and a full load of daycare kids. I'm worried about dcm leaving bad reviews and talking to my other families. All of this I have to confront whether I term her today or a month from now and the fact that I eventually have to gather my nerves and just do it is causing me way more stress than her being here.

[Ariana]

I so appreciate all of your input whether you are for or against me doing this during my maternity leave. I see both sides and am starting to see that there is no one way to do this where the dcm will just say, "oh ok no problem! Whatever works best for you!" Yes, the family does cause me stress, but knowing they will be gone in a few weeks has helped a lot with that. The thing causing me the most stress is over thinking this term and wanting to do it the "right" way with the least confrontation and/or rebuttal from dcm. I'm worried about not coming across confident and getting emotional about it in front of her. I'm worried about putting them in a stressful situation with finding new care. I'm worried she'll be hurt that I picked to continue doing business with other families and not her or that she'll think I'm a bad provider because I can't handle my new baby, my older 2 kids going off to school and a full load of daycare kids. I'm worried about dcm leaving bad reviews and talking to my other families. All of this I have to confront whether I term her today or a month from now and the fact that I eventually have to gather my nerves and just do it is causing me way more stress than her being here.

This is exactly why I think you should do it now! If you weren't feeling bad about waiting you wouldn't be here asking for our advice right? You would just wait and do it later.

The small amount of stress that terming her now will be better than the prolonged stress of waiting until later. Kind of like ripping off a bandaid

Just my opinion. You obviously do not owe her anything but what is causing you more stress? Which scenario gives the greater sense of relief at the end? That is the one you should go with

And please please please do not worry either way what DCM thinks of you! You are doing the best you can.

[sleepinghart]

For me this would factor big time into telling her right away and it is what I would do. I could not in clear conscious do that to somebody. Finding care is a very difficukt situation and to ask her to find care twice under a false pretense is just not fair and isn't something I would feel comfortable doing

(^bolding^ by me)
~Okay, I'm getting confused. What is the false pretense and asking twice:confused:?

[Indoorvoice]

(^bolding^ by me)
~Okay, I'm getting confused. What is the false pretense and asking twice:confused:?

I think she's talking about how I have already asked dcm to find care for maternity leave once and now I will have to ask her to find care again because she will be termed, when I should have just termed her in the first place since I knew along I didn't want to continue with this family in the fall. She's right that I have been dragging it out.

[sleepinghart]

I think she's talking about how I have already asked dcm to find care for maternity leave once and now I will have to ask her to find care again because she will be termed, when I should have just termed her in the first place since I knew along I didn't want to continue with this family in the fall. She's right that I have been dragging it out.

~Oh okay. ..So, how much longer till you go on maternity leave if you don't mind my asking?

[KidGrind]

I never termed anyone (but I should have twice) so take this with a grain of salt. I think I'd do like Blackcat says but do it on a Friday at pick-up.

If the reason is 'only' because of the hours, be prepared for her to say she can change her hours even if you don't think she can. She just may find a relative to drop off or may be able to adjust her work hours so you'd be stuck if you have other issues with her than just hours.

I did give someone a friendly ultimatum one time. I just simply said "I'm so sorry to have to tell you this but if we can't get his no napping under control, I just won't be able to watch him anymore." I think starting off with the "I'm so sorry" relates that it is nothing personal but a business decision.

Good luck!

I usually like to term at drop off and never on a Friday. Parents tend to have a lot of free time on the weekend and want to go back and forth.

[Indoorvoice]

~Oh okay. ..So, how much longer till you go on maternity leave if you don't mind my asking?

May 6th will be the last day for her and another tough family. The other 2 families I'm keeping until I go into labor at end of may because they have dream hours, dependable backup care, and are all around easy kids and parents. Not sure if the 2 families leaving early know that I'm keeping the 2 others for longer. I just wanted my last month to be easier.