Constant War Between 2 Year Olds

[KristinsHomeCC]

First day of the week (took holiday off yesterday) not even noon and I am already ready for bed. My son turned 2 in January. My other DCK, oldest of the bunch, turned 2 two weeks before my son did. So they are two weeks apart and they fight constantly like brothers. Did I say constant?? I mean never breaking unless restrained in booster seats. Good lawd. My son is a biter, so that is a huge struggle on top of it all. If he is any bit at all frustrated and in range of this kid, hes chomping. So I am helicoptering all the time for biting. They always want the same exact toy at the same time. I know this is typical toddler behavior but I feel as though DCK is starting to become very unhappy here since I am always taking toys away. My son gets them back once DCK leaves but DCK probably always looks at me or my house like he cant have any fun here and it makes me sad does anyone else relate or have in the past?? I am thinking about telling DCM he may be happier elsewhere. My other DCKs are under 1 and are of no threat to my son so he could care less about them. Maybe just sticking with a younger group until hes out of this stage? Thoughts please?

[Magic]

one reason I have 2 of everything ....good luck ...

and remember the Toddler Property Laws...

[Cat Herder]

How does your son play with younger kids when this particular DCK is not there?

[KristinsHomeCC]

Oops!!! Forgot to add::

Last week DCK was on vacation. It was the most beautiful week EVER. No whining, no arguing or biting. Ahhhhhh!

Today, it's back to reality!

[KristinsHomeCC]

How does your son play with younger kids when this particular DCK is not there?

Very well. It was pure bliss last week when DCK was absent. Not because he was gone but because there was no one for my son to fight with!!! Im seriously thinking this younger group thing. I like the idea of my son having a kid his age to play with but not at this rate, they aren't even playing!!

[Cat Herder]

I think you have solved your own problem. happyface

I went with older kids when mine were young, then switched to infants as they hit preschool aged. It worked amazingly.

[Ariana]

Very well. It was pure bliss last week when DCK was absent. Not because he was gone but because there was no one for my son to fight with!!! Im seriously thinking this younger group thing. I like the idea of my son having a kid his age to play with but not at this rate, they aren't even playing!!

You can also model model model as in observe and then go the sportscasting route to help them solve their own issues. "Oh timmy and johnny I see tou both want the same toy, hmmmm, how can we solve this problem?...." Then suggest ideas like setting a timer for the toy. This is what I have done in the past and it has worked. The kids will have full on melt downs until they begin to understand they will get the toy back. They also 90% of the time forget about the toy altogether. Fighting at this age is really just about fighting...not the toy! It is developmentally appropriate for them to have these power struggles even though they are annoying. This is the age where they start to learn how to get along and share and who is who in the "pecking order". The first time you set the timer set it for a very small amount of time, like 1 minute so they don't forget about it right away and just tantrum for 5 minutes. Instant gratification the first few times is key.

[Josiegirl]

Your younger ones will get older and more assertive soon. Would you be planning to age them out at a certain age; there was a dc in town that took 3 babies at a time and would age them out at 12 months. It worked for her.
I've used the timer with great success; I have 3 dcgs, ages 2 1/2, just turned 3 and just turned 4. Between those 3 there have been countless toy battles over the past year or more. Once we started the timer method, there is much less bickering and fighting.
Have a talk with dcm. The biting would be difficult for me to prevent and that might be an issue for dcm. I did have a dcg who I had to keep away from everybody else, shadow or put in a booster seat. It was really hard.

[Laurel]

It sounds like it would be best to let the other child go. If you do, I'd tell the mom what you told us so it sounds like it is nobody's fault really as they are both doing developmentally appropriate things but you just feel that a child of another age would work out better because them both acting out at the same time just isn't working out. You are thinking of her child and think he would be happier if the two weren't always competing for things. You want him to enjoy his day more. Nothing personal.