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Hello! I am newly registered to the site, but I have been reading posts during nap time non stop for the last week. I am also new to the day care concept. I have been a stay at home mom for most of my son's life and have taken on one DCK full time as of four months ago.
He is a loving boy of 3 years, listens fairly well (I usually do have to ask him twice), does not have violent tendencies, is mostly soft spoken, follows our schedule well, always goes down for naps easily, and he comes from a very sweet and responsible family.
I suppose that the issue I am having is that I am not entirely aware of what is "normal/acceptable" behavior for a three year old. What should I accept, what should I change, what should I ignore? That being said, DCK is pinching a nerve.
The first two weeks I cared for him he was a dream. Independent, but good at working in groups. He followed instructions well, was gentle with toys, willingly included my son in activities, and was a pro at using the toilet on his own, while standing up.
The time since then has been interesting.
He stopped using the toilet (this has now been rectified). He insisted I go in with him every time he needed to go, refused to pee standing up and instead wanted to sit on the potty training seat. If I asked him to please use the toilet like a "big boy" (because I was changing a diaper, keeping a meal from burning, picking up the pieces of a broken toy) he would purposely urinate on his clothes (I caught him doing this SO MANY times).
He asks me what the same items are every day, multiple times a day. Everything I ever say is always followed by a "why" (Me: Please go potty so you can take a nap. DCK: Why? OR Me: Please put away the toys before starting another activity. DCK: Why??). He asks me to explain why I do anything (what are you dooooiiiing???????????), even something as basic as removing a sticker from the underside of my foot. As soon as snack/lunch begins he always asks if snack/lunch is over (over and over again), so that he can get down and play. He does not eat. Anything. Except junk food, which I DO NOT provide. DCK also tattles. On the cats, on my son, even my husband. All the time, about everything and anything. He spends the day telling the whole household what to do, and what not to do. If he is not asking why, or what are you doing, he is saying I don't want to. I can address my husband by name, and ask him if he wants pizza for dinner and DCK will respond with "I don't want to. MP I DON"T WANT TO DO THAAAAAT.". I don't want to go outside, I don't want to eat that thing, I don't want to take part in that actitivity...Even if I tell him I was not asking him, or that he has no option, he will continue telling me that he really does not want to do the thing.
If my son runs to me to be picked up, DCK body blocks and asks for me to pick him up as well. DCK follows my every step (if I move from the sink to the fridge he is right behind me). I set up activities every day to give each of them individual time with me. When it is my son's time for his individual activity (breastfeeding included) DCK finds every reason to interrupt, even when I ask him not to...multiple times.
He will no longer include my son in activities, and actively tells me he does not want my son to do x and/or y, because he only wants to do it with me. If I tell him my son has to be included because he is a group activity he POUTS, and WHINES, and tells me he does not want to do it anymore. We take turns with certain toys, and when DCK's turn is over I find him putting toys out of my son's reach so he cannot play with them. DCK has now broken multiple toys becaues he will throw them against the floor instead of handing them over when it is my son's turn. My son is not a pushover. After weeks of DCK exhibiting this behavior my son has begun hitting DCK, and forcefully removing toys from his hands. He has also began to put toys where he thinks DCK cannot reach.
My son can be a nightmare plenty of times. Lucky for me DCK is right there ready to repeat the behavior I just told my son not to do. If my son accidentally breaks a jumbo crayon and I tell him it is okay because accidents happen, DCK will purposely break a jumbo crayon (this applies to anything accidentally broken/spilled/dropped). Why? Whyyy do you do this to me????
I am a strong believer in free play, but I also create multiple daily activities/crafts, and follow a strict schedule. DCK does not understand free play. I never go longer than 30 seconds (please understand I am being literal. I wish I was exaggerating. I do.) without verbally interacting with DCK, unless I flat out ignore him (which I do). He needs constant validation (I got paint on my finger. I got paint on my finger. I got paint in my finger. HEY. LOOK. I GOT PAINT ON MY FINGER.) It is almost as he needs me to acknowledge every little thing that he does. I am not used to this. My son plays so well alone. He will tell me when he thinks something is amusing, or when he wants me to participate, but for the most part he is taking part in a big creative scene he himself is unfolding. DCK insists I play with him at all times, if I say I cannot (or flat out will not) he walks around the room aimlessly and pouts (or sits down and pouts). When I do play with him he spends the whole time mimicking what I do, and does not participate in creative play. I play with them A LOT. SO MUCH. But I would appreciate some time to watch my son playing on his own and I no longer get the chance. Because with DCK it is always HIM HIM HIM HIM HIM any chance he gets. The only time he is quietly content with himself is when he is lining up toys, magnets, rocks, and anything that can be lined in rows. He also will not pay attention during story time if he cannot sit on my lap. Should I expect him to? Would you let him look at other books while you read one? Or would you let him wonder off to play with whatever he wants while story time is going on?
I keep reminders of the rules short and age appropriate, I do not to raise my voice unless there is danger (or I need to get someones attention), I am constant with discipline (1 minute time outs, ending with a reminder of the rule broken, kisses, and hugs), I mostly encourage instead of compliment, give them attention for the good so they do not purposely repeat the bad. I am constantly redirecting. I also try to focus on saying what they can do instead of what they cannot to. I am incredibly aware of how much time I am spending with each boy, so that one will not feel left out. In the end though, my son is my son, and no matter how much I love my DCK, I love my son most. This I cannot change.
I do not want to term. I love DCK. I love his family. But, I do worry that since my son is not as demanding as DCK, he gets pushed aside, and DCK ultimately gets all the attention. I also worry that my son is not getting adequate socialization because DCK does not really want much to do with him. I have even considered taking on another DCK to see if that evens anything out, and allows everybody to play with/alongside peers instead of me. I come from a background of attachment parenting, and mostly Montessori principles. I want to make the boys day as pleasant as possible, but lately I have been so annoyed that I worry they will begin to notice. After all, I am only human! My patience is wearing thin, and sometimes I find myself just closing my eyes and counting aloud to get myself in a playful mood again. Should I just accept all this as quirks, or would you be driven crazy as well? Anybody have any advice? I feel terrible.
He is a loving boy of 3 years, listens fairly well (I usually do have to ask him twice), does not have violent tendencies, is mostly soft spoken, follows our schedule well, always goes down for naps easily, and he comes from a very sweet and responsible family.
I suppose that the issue I am having is that I am not entirely aware of what is "normal/acceptable" behavior for a three year old. What should I accept, what should I change, what should I ignore? That being said, DCK is pinching a nerve.
The first two weeks I cared for him he was a dream. Independent, but good at working in groups. He followed instructions well, was gentle with toys, willingly included my son in activities, and was a pro at using the toilet on his own, while standing up.
The time since then has been interesting.
He stopped using the toilet (this has now been rectified). He insisted I go in with him every time he needed to go, refused to pee standing up and instead wanted to sit on the potty training seat. If I asked him to please use the toilet like a "big boy" (because I was changing a diaper, keeping a meal from burning, picking up the pieces of a broken toy) he would purposely urinate on his clothes (I caught him doing this SO MANY times).
He asks me what the same items are every day, multiple times a day. Everything I ever say is always followed by a "why" (Me: Please go potty so you can take a nap. DCK: Why? OR Me: Please put away the toys before starting another activity. DCK: Why??). He asks me to explain why I do anything (what are you dooooiiiing???????????), even something as basic as removing a sticker from the underside of my foot. As soon as snack/lunch begins he always asks if snack/lunch is over (over and over again), so that he can get down and play. He does not eat. Anything. Except junk food, which I DO NOT provide. DCK also tattles. On the cats, on my son, even my husband. All the time, about everything and anything. He spends the day telling the whole household what to do, and what not to do. If he is not asking why, or what are you doing, he is saying I don't want to. I can address my husband by name, and ask him if he wants pizza for dinner and DCK will respond with "I don't want to. MP I DON"T WANT TO DO THAAAAAT.". I don't want to go outside, I don't want to eat that thing, I don't want to take part in that actitivity...Even if I tell him I was not asking him, or that he has no option, he will continue telling me that he really does not want to do the thing.
If my son runs to me to be picked up, DCK body blocks and asks for me to pick him up as well. DCK follows my every step (if I move from the sink to the fridge he is right behind me). I set up activities every day to give each of them individual time with me. When it is my son's time for his individual activity (breastfeeding included) DCK finds every reason to interrupt, even when I ask him not to...multiple times.
He will no longer include my son in activities, and actively tells me he does not want my son to do x and/or y, because he only wants to do it with me. If I tell him my son has to be included because he is a group activity he POUTS, and WHINES, and tells me he does not want to do it anymore. We take turns with certain toys, and when DCK's turn is over I find him putting toys out of my son's reach so he cannot play with them. DCK has now broken multiple toys becaues he will throw them against the floor instead of handing them over when it is my son's turn. My son is not a pushover. After weeks of DCK exhibiting this behavior my son has begun hitting DCK, and forcefully removing toys from his hands. He has also began to put toys where he thinks DCK cannot reach.
My son can be a nightmare plenty of times. Lucky for me DCK is right there ready to repeat the behavior I just told my son not to do. If my son accidentally breaks a jumbo crayon and I tell him it is okay because accidents happen, DCK will purposely break a jumbo crayon (this applies to anything accidentally broken/spilled/dropped). Why? Whyyy do you do this to me????
I am a strong believer in free play, but I also create multiple daily activities/crafts, and follow a strict schedule. DCK does not understand free play. I never go longer than 30 seconds (please understand I am being literal. I wish I was exaggerating. I do.) without verbally interacting with DCK, unless I flat out ignore him (which I do). He needs constant validation (I got paint on my finger. I got paint on my finger. I got paint in my finger. HEY. LOOK. I GOT PAINT ON MY FINGER.) It is almost as he needs me to acknowledge every little thing that he does. I am not used to this. My son plays so well alone. He will tell me when he thinks something is amusing, or when he wants me to participate, but for the most part he is taking part in a big creative scene he himself is unfolding. DCK insists I play with him at all times, if I say I cannot (or flat out will not) he walks around the room aimlessly and pouts (or sits down and pouts). When I do play with him he spends the whole time mimicking what I do, and does not participate in creative play. I play with them A LOT. SO MUCH. But I would appreciate some time to watch my son playing on his own and I no longer get the chance. Because with DCK it is always HIM HIM HIM HIM HIM any chance he gets. The only time he is quietly content with himself is when he is lining up toys, magnets, rocks, and anything that can be lined in rows. He also will not pay attention during story time if he cannot sit on my lap. Should I expect him to? Would you let him look at other books while you read one? Or would you let him wonder off to play with whatever he wants while story time is going on?
I keep reminders of the rules short and age appropriate, I do not to raise my voice unless there is danger (or I need to get someones attention), I am constant with discipline (1 minute time outs, ending with a reminder of the rule broken, kisses, and hugs), I mostly encourage instead of compliment, give them attention for the good so they do not purposely repeat the bad. I am constantly redirecting. I also try to focus on saying what they can do instead of what they cannot to. I am incredibly aware of how much time I am spending with each boy, so that one will not feel left out. In the end though, my son is my son, and no matter how much I love my DCK, I love my son most. This I cannot change.
I do not want to term. I love DCK. I love his family. But, I do worry that since my son is not as demanding as DCK, he gets pushed aside, and DCK ultimately gets all the attention. I also worry that my son is not getting adequate socialization because DCK does not really want much to do with him. I have even considered taking on another DCK to see if that evens anything out, and allows everybody to play with/alongside peers instead of me. I come from a background of attachment parenting, and mostly Montessori principles. I want to make the boys day as pleasant as possible, but lately I have been so annoyed that I worry they will begin to notice. After all, I am only human! My patience is wearing thin, and sometimes I find myself just closing my eyes and counting aloud to get myself in a playful mood again. Should I just accept all this as quirks, or would you be driven crazy as well? Anybody have any advice? I feel terrible.
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