Carried Away with Carrying In....

[Play Care]

I honestly don't care if mom carries the child to and fro. Maybe it's because my own kids are now a bit older and I'm realizing just how quickly the time goes.

BUT, I draw a line at being expected to continue that carrying/babying. I have a mom who tries to hand off her very large 3 yo child to me each morning. I told her, my back can't take that, you can go out him in the cozy spot until he's ready to join the group.

This job can be so hard on a providers body that I do try to minimize the carrying, lifiting, up and down etc business.

[MissAnn]

I honestly don't care if mom carries the child to and fro. Maybe it's because my own kids are now a bit older and I'm realizing just how quickly the time goes.

BUT, I draw a line at being expected to continue that carrying/babying. I have a mom who tries to hand off her very large 3 yo child to me each morning. I told her, my back can't take that, you can go out him in the cozy spot until he's ready to join the group.

This job can be so hard on a providers body that I do try to minimize the carrying, lifiting, up and down etc business.

For me it's not just the carrying in...its the whole package. The baby talk, the doing everything for the kid and treating them like babies. I take videos and post on Facebook all the things they do here......set the table, make up their bed, resolve conflicts, put on shoes and coat and so much more. Kids are so capable and I wish some of the parents would realize that. I tell parents that when the continually "do" for their kids....they are taking away their opportunity to practice and show off what they have accomplished. Also....what message does it send? You are not capable of doing it so I have to do it for you.

I praise the parents who allow and expect the kids to be self sufficient. You can see the kids rise to higher levels of self help help skills with pride. These are the kids that go off to school prepared.

[Blackcat31]

I only take kids until they reach school age so if a parent wants to hoist their 60lb preschooler up onto their hip and carry them out to the car, more power to them.

It's the best way to ensure the child doesn't run off into the street or to play with yard ornaments and other stuff that I'd prefer they don't touch.

So for me, it works.

Do I judge parents for it? Probably. But more than likely I did it too when my kids were young and I was hopefully just as oblivious to it all as my DCP's are.

[midaycare]

I never even think about it. I don't have that problem of parents treating their kids like babies, thank goodness!

[Hunni Bee]

I honestly don't care if mom carries the child to and fro. Maybe it's because my own kids are now a bit older and I'm realizing just how quickly the time goes.

BUT, I draw a line at being expected to continue that carrying/babying. I have a mom who tries to hand off her very large 3 yo child to me each morning. I told her, my back can't take that, you can go out him in the cozy spot until he's ready to join the group.

This job can be so hard on a providers body that I do try to minimize the carrying, lifiting, up and down etc business.

Meh, me either. I realize that's their baby and that's a special time spent together in those few seconds of walking in or out. I know when I'm carrying my daughter I'm usually kissing her, talking/singing with her, smelling her hair etc lovethis

My kids know I'm not going to take a "hand-off" from Mom or Dad (unless they are truly upset and need a little snuggle) and that I expect independence and responsibility from them. The parents catch on a little while later

[LindseyA]

The only one that gets carried in and out everyday is the oldest one in the bunch.. 6yo! I completely understand though. It's a single dad, & only child. I still carry my 6yo (youngest of My children) to bed almost every night because she is super cuddly when she's tired. It's honestly one of my favorite parts of each day

[daycarediva]

This drives me crazy ONLY because the parents are doing it because they can't control the child otherwise. Eg. Child refuses to walk, refuses to hold hands, refuses to put on shoes, etc. So it's always after 5-10 minutes of struggling before they just pick them up. It's essentially a non-parenting/avoidance strategy around here.

[Unregistered]

I think, again, we have this situation where providers don't have the same beliefs, priorities, and goals for the children that the families have. It's very well documented and well known that different cultures have different expectations for their children and treat the children in ways that will accomplish those goals in the present as well as into the child's future.
Now, what happens here is some providers believing very strongly that their own expectations, priorities and goals for the children in their care is the best and only right way- what any family does that is different than that is considered poor parenting, lazy, and avoidance of duties.
I am not from a national culture that emphasizes community above Independence (such as China), however I do like to do things for my child, on occasion, that he could do for himself. Why? Because at that moment, I'm not looking to foster Independence or instill self reliance, but I am showing him that I care about others (as I'd like him to) and I do little things for people even if they could have done it themselves (as I'd like him to), that I'm not in such a hurry that I can't graciously comply with a simple request (teaching his own patience and tolerance for others). I could go on and on about what little actions we take teach our children but I'm sure we all understand that we are basically teaching them the values that are important to us. And the values that are important to one adult are not important (or are even counter to what is important) to another.
So, the best way, IMHO, to work with families of a different mind set on Independence is to accept the way they want to raise their child without any hint of disrespect and at the same time continue to follow your own philosophies and childcare beliefs (with full disclosure to parents). You don't have to go against what you believe is best for children but you should never imply that what other families believe is best is wrong. It isn't. This conversation comes up often. It's not coming up often because soooo many families must be crazy and don't know how to care for their children. It comes up often because many providers don't have an understanding of cultural differences and don't accept cultural differences.

I searched a little and found this really good article on it that i hope someone here reads because it really explains a lot.

http://www.dimensionsofculture.com/2013/09/how-individualism-and-collectivism-manifest-in-child-rearing-practices/

[nannyde]

I think, again, we have this situation where providers don't have the same beliefs, priorities, and goals for the children that the families have. It's very well documented and well known that different cultures have different expectations for their children and treat the children in ways that will accomplish those goals in the present as well as into the child's future.
Now, what happens here is some providers believing very strongly that their own expectations, priorities and goals for the children in their care is the best and only right way- what any family does that is different than that is considered poor parenting, lazy, and avoidance of duties.
I am not from a national culture that emphasizes community above Independence (such as China), however I do like to do things for my child, on occasion, that he could do for himself. Why? Because at that moment, I'm not looking to foster Independence or instill self reliance, but I am showing him that I care about others (as I'd like him to) and I do little things for people even if they could have done it themselves (as I'd like him to), that I'm not in such a hurry that I can't graciously comply with a simple request (teaching his own patience and tolerance for others). I could go on and on about what little actions we take teach our children but I'm sure we all understand that we are basically teaching them the values that are important to us. And the values that are important to one adult are not important (or are even counter to what is important) to another.
So, the best way, IMHO, to work with families of a different mind set on Independence is to accept the way they want to raise their child without any hint of disrespect and at the same time continue to follow your own philosophies and childcare beliefs (with full disclosure to parents). You don't have to go against what you believe is best for children but you should never imply that what other families believe is best is wrong. It isn't. This conversation comes up often. It's not coming up often because soooo many families must be crazy and don't know how to care for their children. It comes up often because many providers don't have an understanding of cultural differences and don't accept cultural differences.

I searched a little and found this really good article on it that i hope someone here reads because it really explains a lot.
http://www.dimensionsofculture.com/2...ing-practices/

Naw

Do you do child care? Do you have people carrying children who can fully walk in and out of your house on your property? Are you taking that risk on your property?

The simple math of it is the SAFEST way to walk a child on someone's private home property is to hand walk them in. If a mom is carrying a heavy child in who can walk, flail, kick, go spaghetti, etc. She has a much much higher risk of falling with a high potential of hurting herself and the kid.

If the steady walking child holds hands with the parent the parent can balance the child's weight if the child starts to totter. If the mom slips she let's go of the hand and only she falls.

All it takes is ONE injury claim on your property and you either face high insurance costs forever or worst yet .. become uninsurable.

Your culture idea doesn't matter to my insurance company. They want me to learn my craft by observation and experience and make policies that lessen as much as humanly possible the possibility of a fall.

Hand holding the steady walker accomplishes decreased chance of falling and keeps the child under the adults control from car door to front door.

We aren't target or walmart who can sustain a lawsuit and pay premiums to cover the statistical likelihood of x number of injuries per year. We don't have the buying power to retain insurance after a fall.

This
Is
A
BUSINESS

Safety first is first for the business. Culture or parenting preferences have NOTHING to do with it.

Just because you have a kid it doesn't give you license to make every decision about that kid once you step out your front door. Once you are on the providers property you should do what works for her business.

[Unregistered]

Nanny De you seriously crack me up! No, I don't 'do daycare' but I am a childcare provider. And I can definitely see what you mean from a liability and insurance point of view. But, that was never the question. If I was concerned about that, I would definitely just say that to the parent. "I need everyone to walk and not be carried for the safety of getting from the car to the house". That's not something I have ever seen as an issue, but having foresight is very prudent. If we are talking about how the parents are doing the wrong thing parenting wise, as stated in the original post and all following comments, then I have to stick with the tolerating other cultures route!

[MissAnn]

Nanny De you seriously crack me up! No, I don't 'do daycare' but I am a childcare provider. And I can definitely see what you mean from a liability and insurance point of view. But, that was never the question. If I was concerned about that, I would definitely just say that to the parent. "I need everyone to walk and not be carried for the safety of getting from the car to the house". That's not something I have ever seen as an issue, but having foresight is very prudent. If we are talking about how the parents are doing the wrong thing parenting wise, as stated in the original post and all following comments, then I have to stick with the tolerating other cultures route!

I'm the OP. Defiantly not an issue of cultural difference in my 3.5 year olds case. More of a.....I want my kid to still be a baby issue. The parents are hindering this child's development. It is making for both an unhappy child and parents. Drop offs and pick ups are full of crying, baby talk, fingers in mouth and parents giving into his every whim. As soon as they leave......I tell him to knock it off and he does.

This boy had the least self help skills I have ever seen in a typically developing 3 year old. He could not put on his shoes and had no idea how to. He did not know how to drink out of an open cup or eat with silverware. He does all of that and much more since starting here just a few months ago.

I did not mean to imply that parents who carry their kids are doing anything wrong. I shouldn't have focused on just the carrying in. it's the whole package of babying children to the point that it hinders their development.

[Rockgirl]

I'm the OP. Defiantly not an issue of cultural difference in my 3.5 year olds case. More of a.....I want my kid to still be a baby issue. The parents are hindering this child's development. It is making for both an unhappy child and parents. Drop offs and pick ups are full of crying, baby talk, fingers in mouth and parents giving into his every whim. As soon as they leave......I tell him to knock it off and he does.

This boy had the least self help skills I have ever seen in a typically developing 3 year old. He could not put on his shoes and had no idea how to. He did not know how to drink out of an open cup or eat with silverware. He does all of that and much more since starting here just a few months ago.

I did not mean to imply that parents who carry their kids are doing anything wrong. I shouldn't have focused on just the carrying in. it's the whole package of babying children to the point that it hinders their development.

I totally get it. I've had these "babies" that magically transform into able-bodied big kids when parents are out of sight, too.

[Unregistered]

Interestingly that is precisely what the link is referring to. Did you read it?

[MissAnn]

Interestingly that is precisely what the link is referring to. Did you read it?

I didn't read it...that would be a wait till nap time thing to do.

[lovemykidstoo]

I honestly don't care if mom carries the child to and fro. Maybe it's because my own kids are now a bit older and I'm realizing just how quickly the time goes.

BUT, I draw a line at being expected to continue that carrying/babying. I have a mom who tries to hand off her very large 3 yo child to me each morning. I told her, my back can't take that, you can go out him in the cozy spot until he's ready to join the group.

This job can be so hard on a providers body that I do try to minimize the carrying, lifiting, up and down etc business.

I have a mom also that wants to hand off her 19 month old boy that weighs close to 30 pounds to me every morning. He is in the middle of arching his back, throwing a fit because he likes to put on a show until mom pulls out of my driveway, then he's fine. Let me tell you, when you're holding him and he throws himself back, nearly 30 pounds of him, that plays terribly on your back and arm. That crap has to stop. Tomorrow morning I'm telling her no more, my back hurts.