Still Bothering Me

[daycare]

I have never had this happen before and I am not too sure how to deal with it.

I have a family, they are somewhat new, only have been here for two months.

they have not been off to such a good start, but nothing that I have not had to deal with before, so no biggie.

The issue is that on Friday, DCM came in and said that the DCD is always in her ear about how concerned he is about their child in my daycare.

they said that every time they are within a block of my home, dck starts crying saying NO NO NO, mean.
the dcm said that dcd doesn't want to bring it up to me, but that he constantly complains to her about stuff.

I reassured her that if her child was not happy here, I would let them know and that if they didn't feel that their child was safe in my care, they should give notice.

Well of course DCM back pedal when I said that, saying that she loves it here for her child and that she understands that I do have to sometimes discipline other kids in my care.

Their child is non-verbal here and only grunts when she talks. She has never been in a time out, we actually call them thinking spot.

I let it roll off my back, but woke this morning and it is still bugging me.

It just feels like there is always something with this family, mostly the dad.

Would you say something or let it go?

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I have never had this happen before and I am not too sure how to deal with it.

I have a family, they are somewhat new, only have been here for two months.

they have not been off to such a good start, but nothing that I have not had to deal with before, so no biggie.

The issue is that on Friday, DCM came in and said that the DCD is always in her ear about how concerned he is about their child in my daycare.

they said that every time they are within a block of my home, dck starts crying saying NO NO NO, mean.
the dcm said that dcd doesn't want to bring it up to me, but that he constantly complains to her about stuff.

I reassured her that if her child was not happy here, I would let them know and that if they didn't feel that their child was safe in my care, they should give notice.

Well of course DCM back pedal when I said that, saying that she loves it here for her child and that she understands that I do have to sometimes discipline other kids in my care.

Their child is non-verbal here and only grunts when she talks. She has never been in a time out, we actually call them thinking spot.

I let it roll off my back, but woke this morning and it is still bugging me.

It just feels like there is always something with this family, mostly the dad.

Would you say something or let it go?

Personally, I would terminate. I am SOOO not a fan when parents do that and act as though the fact that THEY bring their child to daycare and the kid doesn't want to go is YOUR fault or something YOU are doing wrong. Dad needs to learn that dck will have this issue wherever she goes. It takes time for them to get used to it and even daycare kids that I have had for years with no issues will sometimes come in and cry out of the blue. If you don't want to term, you could bring it up to dad.
"Dcm said you were having issues with bringing LO to daycare. I want to assure you that it is totally normal for children not to want to come to daycare. They want to be at home with their parents, just as most of us adults would rather be home, than at work. She does great here and if there was anything I was concerned about, I would let you know."

Not sure what you disciplining other kids has to do with it, but of course dck will be exposed to the behavior of other children...it is group care

Again, that would rub me the wrong way and I would give notice. They need to be on the same page or find a new daycare, because you should not have to deal with constant scrutiny from a parent that will probably not be happy no matter where they go.

[daycare]

Personally, I would terminate. I am SOOO not a fan when parents do that and act as though the fact that THEY bring their child to daycare and the kid doesn't want to go is YOUR fault or something YOU are doing wrong. Dad needs to learn that dck will have this issue wherever she goes. It takes time for them to get used to it and even daycare kids that I have had for years with no issues will sometimes come in and cry out of the blue. If you don't want to term, you could bring it up to dad.
"Dcm said you were having issues with bringing LO to daycare. I want to assure you that it is totally normal for children not to want to come to daycare. They want to be at home with their parents, just as most of us adults would rather be home, than at work. She does great here and if there was anything I was concerned about, I would let you know."

Not sure what you disciplining other kids has to do with it, but of course dck will be exposed to the behavior of other children...it is group care

Again, that would rub me the wrong way and I would give notice. They need to be on the same page or find a new daycare, because you should not have to deal with constant scrutiny from a parent that will probably not be happy no matter where they go.

this is exactly how I feel. I am not going to be under constant scrutiny from anyone. I have been through the I don't like daycare I don't want to go issue with kids in the past, but I Have never out right have a parent say " our kid thinks your mean and doesn't want to come".

Friday I was so busy that perhaps I didn't have time to let it stew over, until now.

I am really feeling that a term is going to be necessary.

[Blackcat31]

I wouldn't terminate but I'd stop discussing it.

Parents "She cries when we get within a block of your house, is anything going on we should know about?"

Provider "It's normal during times of transition. If she is unhappy here and does not settle in after drop off within X minutes, I will contact you for pick up"

Parent "blah, blah, blah, blah"

Provider "If she doesn't settle in, rest assured I will call you"

Parent "But blah, blah, blah, blah"

Provider "I will call if we need you"

Parent "Yes, but blah, blah, blah, blah"

Provider "If YOU as her parents are unhappy with my program X weeks of notice is required for withdrawal."

I am not trying to belittle anything the parent is actually saying, just that I think you as the provider shouldn't have to continually reassure a parent when you have a plan in place for situations like this and you've either already discussed it with the parent or they already know how you handle these types of situations.

I would simply reassure them of your plan to call if she doesn't settle in. I would not continually discuss it or continually reassure. It's time consuming and honestly not something that you want to keep entertaining.

[midaycare]

I agree - term. It seems manipulative or accusing, or ... Something.

[daycare]

thanks ladies..

Glad that me still feeling this way is not out of the normal of wanting to term. I am going to be giving notice after the Thanksgiving holiday.

I refuse to let anyone drag me down. I learned years ago that if something is still bothering me a few days later, I need to take action and do something about it.

there is not a whole lot that bothers me anymore, but this just rubbed me the wrong way.

thanks again

[nannyde]

I would tell her that Dad should trust his instinct. If the child is crying "No No No" then don't bring him that day. You hate to hear Dad is so upset and concerned. If "I" were his parent, I couldn't bare to hear the crying and would NEVER bring my child somewhere he didn't want to go. The child should be very excited to come as all the kids here are. He deserves to be happy. He's only a child once. His happiness should be their main concern.

I would add that I have never come across this before in X years but I am confident that their son should ALWAYS be happy. He's not and Dad is not.

The other thing to address is that her child has never seen a child be disciplined. Her comments about disciplining the other kids is what would piss me off. I would ask her EXACTLY what led her to believe he had witnessed any discipline. Ask her what he specifically said.

Since he can't talk, that would mean she completely made that up.

I would bet the Dad isn't the issue here. It's very common for moms with parental attention seeking syndrome to invoke the Dad in the lead sentence so she can get the subject on the table without taking ownership of her own words.

She didn't invent that technique.

[daycare]

I would tell her that Dad should trust his instinct. If the child is crying "No No No" then don't bring him that day. You hate to hear Dad is so upset and concerned. If "I" were his parent, I couldn't bare to hear the crying and would NEVER bring my child somewhere he didn't want to go. The child should be very excited to come as all the kids here are. He deserves to be happy. He's only a child once. His happiness should be their main concern.

I would add that I have never come across this before in X years but I am confident that their son should ALWAYS be happy. He's not and Dad is not.

The other thing to address is that her child has never seen a child be disciplined. Her comments about disciplining the other kids is what would piss me off. I would ask her EXACTLY what led her to believe he had witnessed any discipline. Ask her what he specifically said.

Since he can't talk, that would mean she completely made that up.

I would bet the Dad isn't the issue here. It's very common for moms with parental attention seeking syndrome to invoke the Dad in the lead sentence so she can get the subject on the table without taking ownership of her own words.

She didn't invent that technique.

i do agree with what you are saying, but really dad is the one that questions everything and I have resorted to telling him read your hand book, read your contract and etc.

THe funny thing is, is that the kid is shy when they come, but is not cying at all. sometimes I can get a smile out of him.

So yes nan, I belive you are right that the dcd is more than likely making this up.

the parents also say that the child is very verbal at home, just not here.

[Blackcat31]

The other thing to address is that her child has never seen a child be disciplined. Her comments about disciplining the other kids is what would piss me off. I would ask her EXACTLY what led her to believe he had witnessed any discipline.

@Daycare....I must have missed something. Where did mom/dad say anything about disciplining the others?

[nannyde]

@Daycare....I must have missed something. Where did mom/dad say anything about disciplining the others?

Well of course DCM back pedal when I said that, saying that she loves it here for her child and that she understands that I do have to sometimes discipline other kids in my care.

[daycare]

Well of course DCM back pedal when I said that, saying that she loves it here for her child and that she understands that I do have to sometimes discipline other kids in my care.



To be honest the situation as a whole pissed me off.

I guess I didn't really think too much about that part as I am sure the dcm has seen me be stern and talk with another dck while they were here dropping off.

I am so over this whole situation and you guys pretty much validated how I was feeling about the whole situation.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

i do agree with what you are saying, but really dad is the one that questions everything and I have resorted to telling him read your hand book, read your contract and etc.

THe funny thing is, is that the kid is shy when they come, but is not cying at all. sometimes I can get a smile out of him.

So yes nan, I belive you are right that the dcd is more than likely making this up.

the parents also say that the child is very verbal at home, just not here.

I am sure dck speaks more at home than at daycare. At home, she is the center of attention and the apple of her parent's eye. It is probably one of the reasons she may tell dad she doesn't want to come. She has to share attention and dad probably feeds into it. For all we know, dck may have said no one time and now dad asks her repeatedly or pushes the subject just so he can hear how much his little one wants to be with him or mom instead of going to daycare. This is one type of parent I cannot stand. Daycare is a partnership, imo, so if they are gonna work against you, there is no point to keep going in circles with them. Dck wants to stay home according to them, so give them what they want and don't give them the option of coming anymore

[Blackcat31]

Well of course DCM back pedal when I said that, saying that she loves it here for her child and that she understands that I do have to sometimes discipline other kids in my care.

I saw that part but I didn't see where she mentioned it anywhere else...

I thought DCM only said that in reference to the child saying "mean"

That could also imply the provider is mean to the child.

I didn't automatically attach it the family saying anything about disciplining others.....

I don't know... I guess I am seeing this as a term type situation. The family is new to care and are questioning their child's behavior prior to drop off...I think that like you said previously "they aren't the first" but this IS a first for them (daycare experience/their child behaving this way) so I think the provider at least owes them an answer or to put a stop to it but I woudnt automatically resort to terminating them....UNLESS this type of thing is common for them and they continue to do it despite the providers reassurance.

[daycare]

I saw that part but I didn't see where she mentioned it anywhere else...

I thought DCM only said that in reference to the child saying "mean"

That could also imply the provider is mean to the child.

I didn't automatically attach it the family saying anything about disciplining others.....

I don't know... I guess I am seeing this as a term type situation. The family is new to care and are questioning their child's behavior prior to drop off...I think that like you said previously "they aren't the first" but this IS a first for them (daycare experience/their child behaving this way) so I think the provider at least owes them an answer or to put a stop to it but I woudnt automatically resort to terminating them....UNLESS this type of thing is common for them and they continue to do it despite the providers reassurance.

this is the first they have said something to this degree and I did give them an answer, but this is not their first complaint about our services that we provide.

Over the weekend it bothered me. I know we are not mean people, of course I use a stern voice with children when needed, but in NO way should I need to explain myself to this family.\

I have already told them, that if they are not happy they are welcome to leave and of course this was after I took the time to explain things once..

[Blackcat31]

I am sure dck speaks more at home than at daycare. At home, she is the center of attention and the apple of her parent's eye. It is probably one of the reasons she may tell dad she doesn't want to come. She has to share attention and dad probably feeds into it. For all we know, dck may have said no one time and now dad asks her repeatedly or pushes the subject just so he can hear how much his little one wants to be with him or mom instead of going to daycare. This is one type of parent I cannot stand. Daycare is a partnership, imo, so if they are gonna work against you, there is no point to keep going in circles with them. Dck wants to stay home according to them, so give them what they want and don't give them the option of coming anymore

I would agree with you 100% IF this family did this regularly or it was continual but so far, Daycare has now said they do this all the time.

It seems to me, its the first time this has come up.

I think the advice being given is awfully harsh for a parent that asked a question or raised a concern. ONCE.

If it was over and over and over, I'd totally understand and agree but to term for being concerned (ESPECIALLY if this is their first or only child) is not at all the partnership or supportive relationship we all strive to have with our clients.