Being Taken For Granted By DC Parents

[Shell'skidfarm]

Does anyone else feel this way? I feel as though I am so taken for granted by my daycare parents. It's always..."we want you to do this, or we want you to do that", but never a "thank you, or" you are doing a great job". They are as selfish as their own children. My parents text me throughout the day wanting to know how their "little darlings" are doing, like I have nothing to do all day but keep them up to speed as to our every movement. Sorry parents, but I am very busy wiping running noses because you bring them in sick, I am too busy wiping bottoms of poo and pee, cleaning up throw up and diarrhea to answer your every text. I am too busy pulling out the knots and awful tangles in your kids hair because they go weeks without seeing a shampooing or a hair brush. I am too busy bathing your child because he hasn't had a bath in who knows how long and I can't stand the stench...(I always tell the parent by the way beforehand), the response I get is...."sure, do whatever you have to do".
I am going way above and beyond, including washing their clothes because the smell makes me nauseous. I am too busy working 12-13 hours a day Mon Thru Fri only with partial weekends off, why partial? because I spend a lot of my weekends shopping for groceries for the new week, cleaning and washing daycare room and bedding, preparing lesson plan for new week, and all this I have been doing for the past 9 years without a sick day, vacation, or personal day off except for holidays of which I'm sure the parents would still bring them if they could. I got out of teaching in a classroom with up to 30 kids because I thought this would be more personal, less work and stress and appreciated more. Boy was I ever wrong. I would so go back to teaching if I could. So what do I get out of this you might ask yourself?....NOTHING! No Birthday Card, or Christmas Card, Daycare Appreciation Day in May....not even a thank you, not even a cup of coffee once a year for pete's sake, but yet want me to do all that I do without a bit of recognition. This is so horrible and I am just about at my wits end. Kids are spoiled, loud, bad mannered, manipulative and outright nasty because this is what the parents have taught them and want me to deal with it for 10-11 hours a day. I can't be the only one this is happening to, is anyone else feeling this. I get sick kids coming in nd have to tend to them, when I get sick I still face them at the door and no one ever says "how are you today". Once I got very sick from a DCG and was quarantined for an entire week, I caught a pneumonia and when I reopened with Doctor's approval, to my surprise the parents of the child that got me sick gave me a two week's notice and claimed that they needed a place where the Daycare Provider would be dependable. Are you kidding me? this is what I got after YOUR child got me sick?? I am so tired of this, and I have no support from no one to top it off not even my husband. You can only know my frustration. Thank you for letting me vent here and would love to hear some feedback.

[Cat Herder]

It hurts, until it doesn't. :hug:

Once you accept this is a business like any other and they are not your friends, co-workers or co-parents it becomes much easier.

Promise. It is all about your mindset and perspective.

Charge what you are worth. Enforce policies that work for you, consistently. Take time off regularly. Make no exceptions to your policies. Expect nothing from clients except faithful payment and adherence to policies. That is your Thank You for excellent service.

[daycarediva]

I agree with Cat herder.

In addition, it sounds like you are burnt out. It's common in this field. Can you do things to reduce stress? Cut back on kids or hours? I would also start replacing children who have exceptionally demanding parents, and enforcing policies (or putting some into place). In the last 6 years I have only cleaned up vomit twice. I term parents who knowingly bring me sick children. I would also tell parents, no more texting unless it's a scheduling change for that day OR an emergency. Everything else goes to my email.

[Laurel]

Sorry, but you are doing a lot of this to yourself. You need to say no to some things. No bathing children. Tell parents that if they aren't brought clean you will have no choice but to turn them away in the morning and then do. They'll only do it once. Don't accept sick children. Call the parents for pick up if they get sick during the day. I took children with colds and clear snot but not the thick green stuff. Parents have to work so a minor cold was okay with me but anything more and they stay home. It's not your fault that these people had children. Sick kids are their responsibility.

Definitely schedule days off for yourself. As long as you tell them in advance it is their responsibility to plan ahead. My provider friend never took a vacation in 20 years. She only took 7 or so legal holidays. I told her that was nuts. Parents expect vacations, heck they take them! I never had parents text me during the day or ever really. Once in a while I'd send them a cute photo I had just taken but that is it.

You need to make rules that make you comfortable, give a copy to parents and then enforce them.

Don't feel bad. Getting a back bone has been a problem for many of us. Practice doing it and it gets easier.

[Ariana]

Agree with everyone else! It is hard news to take it but we are saying this because most of us have been there and we know we did it to ourselves by not enforcing rules and bending over backward for people who don't care. Of course you want to feel loved and appreciated, we all do but this is not the place to get it. You need to love and appreciate yourself first and a great way to do that is by valuing your time and energy by making rules about what you will and won't accept and then enforcing it. No more bending over backwards for others.

Another thing that helped me was challenging my thoughts. My thoughts about how things "should" be was really affecting my mood. I started doing things my own way instead of how they "should" be done (in terms of parental expectations)and things got a lot better. Do things accoring to your philosophy on childcare and on your terms and schedule. Not by anyone else's and challenge your thoughts that are causing you the most stress. A wise man once told me that:
EXPECTATION - REALITY = STRESS
Your expectations are not being met in reality so you need to change your expectations to lower your stress.

:hug:

[Haven]

I agree with what all of these ladies are saying. Do you have a parent hand book? I had the same problem until I realized that I was a good provider and I deserve more. I termed the families that where stressing me out and replaced. There are good families out there. I have a grandfather tell me last week that we were doing an amazing job with dcb. I could have kissed the man::. It will be ok:hug:. Next time be more selective when interviewing potential families.

[Thriftylady]

Yes you need to stop. By stop I mean stop offering/doing so many extras. There is no reason that these parents can't bathe their kids, brush their hair and do their laundry. If it is as bad as you say, you should have called CPS by now, that is neglect and we providers are mandated reporters.

[Blackcat31]

We teach others how to treat us.


:hug: please dont feel as though everyone here is ganging up in you... Or giving you a hard time because they arent...

We've all been in your shoes, reached our limits, put our big girl panties on and took charge of our businesses... No one can do that for you but you DO have the power to say no to those services you do not want to provide and to set boundaries and limits so that you love your job and arent stressed everyday.

Stick around here and read threads and ask questions... As many as you need to...
Like I said, we've all been there... We'll help you get to where you want to be!

[Thriftylady]

We teach others how to treat us.


:hug: please dont feel as though everyone here is ganging up in you... Or giving you a hard time because they arent...

We've all been in your shoes, reached our limits, put our big girl panties on and took charge of our businesses... No one can do that for you but you DO have the power to say no to those services you do not want to provide and to set boundaries and limits so that you love your job and arent stressed everyday.

Stick around here and read threads and ask questions... As many as you need to...
Like I said, we've all been there... We'll help you get to where you want to be!

This is true. I hope I didn't sound harsh. I still do to much for others sometimes, but am working on that. It is hard in this industry because we are caring, nurturing folks but we have to learn that not everything is on us so to speak. I think the hardest for me to learn has been yes I provide a service and get paid for it, but there are some services I don't provide.

[Shell'skidfarm]

Thank you all for the great advice. It really helps knowing that others have gone through this too. I know I have to put my foot down and mean it, and learn to say NO! I feel better reading all your responses. I am feeling burn out after teaching for 20+ years and then going right into owning and operating my own childcare business has been a lot for me. Yes I will be taking my vacation which is in my contract soon.

[Thriftylady]

Thank you all for the great advice. It really helps knowing that others have gone through this too. I know I have to put my foot down and mean it, and learn to say NO! I feel better reading all your responses. I am feeling burn out after teaching for 20+ years and then going right into owning and operating my own childcare business has been a lot for me. Yes I will be taking my vacation which is in my contract soon.

As a teacher how would you have handled it if kids came in unkept and dirty every day? Just wondering if you can pull from your experience as a teacher and use it now.

[Unregistered]

Thank you all for the great advice. It really helps knowing that others have gone through this too. I know I have to put my foot down and mean it, and learn to say NO! I feel better reading all your responses. I am feeling burn out after teaching for 20+ years and then going right into owning and operating my own childcare business has been a lot for me. Yes I will be taking my vacation which is in my contract soon.

Add cleanliness and hygiene too! It's in my policy☺
You NEED time off or your gonna go crazy! Take it off and really focus on your needs. Don't feel bad, focus on yourself and how much you deserve it. Don't ask them where the kids are going or anything like that.
Sometimes I send out what looks like a mass text so a family doesn't feel picked on. Like with jackets/coats I acted like I sent it to everyone but in reality it went to one family ☺