Please help - Kindergarten Bullying Advice!

[kidcrazednluvingit]

Hi all! I am desperately looking for some honest advice on how to handle some bullying my 5 year old daughter has experienced during her first month of Kindergarten!

First, a boy on her bus named J was bullying her, using the "n word" and "b word". He slapped her face and arm took her backpack and wouldn't return it causing her to miss her bus stop. I contacted her teacher and principal and heard no response. It was through the bus driver I found out her was suspended and now his mom drives him.

Now, another boy named M has been bullying her during class. She told me in tears before bed he was holding scizzors and told her "Um going to cut your neck off"!!!

My husband went to talk to the teacher and she said "boys will be boys". She did say she spoke with the boys mom and moved his seat to a different table.

My question is, what is the threshold for action? My husband is passionately wanting action, and I am just unsure what to do? I am considering private school now. Am I over-reacting? Is this a big deal? Or just boys will be boys? Please advise!

[Snowmom]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Since you haven't had luck with her teacher or the principal, I would go to the superintendent.
It sounds as if your bus driver is communicating with you, which is good. Definitely keep those lines of communication open.

I see you're from MN, which is also where I live. I know that some schools here have been behind the times with bullying. But, they are catching up. If you feel you want to keep her in this school, I would keep pushing it with the higher ups. Let them know it's not acceptable & be a pioneer for making change in the school! Nobody should be bullied.

If you are in one of the less desirable schools and want to make a move for your daughter; there are options besides private schools. Some charter schools are SO AWESOME out here. If you need any recommendations, I'd be happy to share what I know. PM me if you like.
Good Luck!

[Unregistered]

My husband went to talk to the teacher and she said "boys will be boys"

Or just boys will be boys? Please advise!

Screw that. Boys and girls do bad things, not just boys. Geez.
Kids are kids people say... yes they are. And kids who do bad things need punishment

[Mariahsaint]

I agree. Don't let them get away with that "boys will be boys" bull crap. It's that kind of mindset that can and usually will lead them up to doing worse things later on in life.

The first boy was bad enough, but the second boy threatened your daughter with a deadly weapon. You need to take this up to the Superintendent, school board, wherever to make sure they get stricter on their bullying rules.

[laundrymom]

I would say
No. That isn't being a boy. That is being a bully and is unacceptable. You're attitude is why so many people think that excuse is a valid one.
Now, what are you going to do to remedy the bullying or will I have to seek help elsewhere?
Repeat that until you get to the highest person or the local news.

[daycare]

I just volunteered in my sons 2nd grade class and I could not even begin to tell you the physical harm I saw going on in there with the teacher not saying a word. I have never seen such chaos in my life.

A little girl sitting next to a friend of mine son out of the blue takes her metal lunch box and hits him in the back of the head with it. You could hear it hit him loudly. The teacher just looked up and kept on with whatever she was doing.

I jumped in and asked her would you like it if someone did that to you? she looked at me, rolled her eyes and in a snotty voice she said you are not my teacher. I replied and boy aren't you lucky I am not and walked away.

Sorry to get off track here, but my point is that I think that teachers these days see so much going on that she probably thinks it's no big deal. Well it is a big deal, that boy threatened her life with what could be considered a weapon. I would not stop with this and I would go back to the principal and keep pushing that this stops. The boy should also be punished and made to apologize to your daughter.

Sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. Be the squeaky wheel that gets the the job done.

hugs to you and your daughter

[Josiegirl]

YES definitely be that squeaky wheel!! Nobody will advocate for your dd as much, as hard, or as driven as a parent can. Be her voice, over and over, loud and clear, until you get satisfaction! If that kind of thing is a daily occurrence I'd be switching schools. Lots of times kids don't have proper and loving guidance or discipline, not to mention great role models at home. It's sad to hear teachers might be turning a blind eye. I think teachers need to be given back some rights as to being able to discipline the kids. I'm not saying corporal punishment but it seems like they're not allowed to say boo to kids these days. Kids come back with crap like daycare mentioned 'you're not my teacher'. Someone needs to guide these kids or they'll attempt it themselves, often with terrible results.

Good luck to your dd, poor little girl. I'd be terrified if that had happened to me as a young child.

[Thriftylady]

A threat is a threat and to say "I will cut your neck (or head or whatever) is a serious threat. I would demand a meeting with the teacher, principal, and superintendent. I might even contact a lawyer so they knew I was serious.

[kidcrazednluvingit]

Thanks so much for all the kind advice and support! It's nice to hear that I'm not just being a helicopter! I think my experiences working with some over-protective parents as a provider have made me ultra-scared of acting like one myself. But I do think we need to address this further. We are trying to set up a meeting with the principal. I just don't know what the answer would be if they ask what I would like to see happen...? I mean what do you do with 5 year olds who threaten lives?

Daycare- I think you are right- Teachers turn a blind eye to a lot due to an increase in children with challenging behavior and new inclusion policies. They are outnumbered and overwhelmed. I feel bad for them, too!

Josiegirl-There is a real push in our district to avoid disciplinary actions and such due to political policy pushers. I think this is causing much more harm than good for our kids! Some things deserve consequences, and the well being of victims should be considered BEFORE the bully.

Snowmom- thanks for the idea about charters! I will definitely be in touch if we don't reach a resolve with our current school.

I am truly surprised and disheartened at the experiences she has had already. Is this the world we live in now? I expected maybe some teasing or pushing on the playground when she started school, but clearly I wasn't prepared for this. Thanks for all the kindness to all who responded! It just gave me a big boost of encouragement to read this! Wish me luck with my battle... :hug:

[daycare]

:hug::hug:glad you are feeling encouraged and we could help some.

Know you are doing the right thing and your daughter is lucky to have you.....

[Thriftylady]

Thanks so much for all the kind advice and support! It's nice to hear that I'm not just being a helicopter! I think my experiences working with some over-protective parents as a provider have made me ultra-scared of acting like one myself. But I do think we need to address this further. We are trying to set up a meeting with the principal. I just don't know what the answer would be if they ask what I would like to see happen...? I mean what do you do with 5 year olds who threaten lives?

Daycare- I think you are right- Teachers turn a blind eye to a lot due to an increase in children with challenging behavior and new inclusion policies. They are outnumbered and overwhelmed. I feel bad for them, too!

Josiegirl-There is a real push in our district to avoid disciplinary actions and such due to political policy pushers. I think this is causing much more harm than good for our kids! Some things deserve consequences, and the well being of victims should be considered BEFORE the bully.

Snowmom- thanks for the idea about charters! I will definitely be in touch if we don't reach a resolve with our current school.

I am truly surprised and disheartened at the experiences she has had already. Is this the world we live in now? I expected maybe some teasing or pushing on the playground when she started school, but clearly I wasn't prepared for this. Thanks for all the kindness to all who responded! It just gave me a big boost of encouragement to read this! Wish me luck with my battle... :hug:

Well in most schools he would be suspended perhaps even expelled. Or sent to a special school if he has problems.

[Play Care]

Wow.

I agree with the poster who said have a meeting with the teacher, principal and superintendent. None of that is acceptable behavior and I'd be raising heck.

[hope]

Be prepared for excuses to be made and how you will reply to these excuses. In our public schools a person is hired for each school to deal with bullying. That is their sole job and it is full time. This person lectures at every parent event to keep us informed. The one thing that always sticks out is that she says (along with the principle) that bullying only happens in first grade and up. She has said many times that kindergarteners don't understand enough to bully. This has been said so often that I have wondered where they got this idea. We have pretty strict bullying laws in my state so it may be includes in the law. Here, once the word bully is used by anyone a full investigation has to happen.

[Silly Songs]

I would insist the child's parents and a school counselor attend the meeting as well . As far as what you would like the outcome to be :

The school take steps when these situations arise

Training for school employees about bulling at its consequences and why it happens.

Your child immediately gets moved to a different class. ( or the bully gets moved)

Expectations laid out about how children are to behave and not behave.

Parents agree to in school counseling for their child if he is to remain in school.

Without saying much, find out if any other children have had problems in the class with bullying. ( ask other parents after school , before school etc.)
You most likely won't get all your requests fulfilled, but you are putting the school on notice that you are serious about it .
Finally , are you 100 percent sure the incident was told to you correctly ? They are kindergarteners , what they say and what happened gets blurred at times .