Overly controlling DCM

[hgonzalez]

I have a fairly new family in my care. The DCM continually is questioning the way I do things here, even though everything was thoroughly covered during the interview process as well as in the 50 emails she had sent me with questions. (I know, should have been a red flag).
She wants me to track the breast milk usage down to the .10 oz. She wants detailed communication of what the kids did, who they played with, what they ate, how much etc. She wants a wide open range for drop off and pick ups. Etc, etc, etc. I have explained to her that this is in-home, GROUP childcare and she just keeps coming up with more questions/issues. Her husband will ask questions at pick up time, and she will later text me to confirm what I already told him. I have put my foot down on a couple of the issues, because I don't feel I should have to waste time because she has trust issues. Frankly, I have accommodated her requests, but am getting tired of it. I am now resorting to not responding to things that have already been covered in previous communications. Have any of you ever had a DCP like this? I feel like nothing I can ever do will be enough....

[laundrymom]

.10 of ounce?! Are you kidding me?!?!
Ummmmm no.
Lol. Just no.
And who did they play w?
Their friends.
What did they play?
Imagination.
Rinse and repeat. Lol.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I have a fairly new family in my care. The DCM continually is questioning the way I do things here, even though everything was thoroughly covered during the interview process as well as in the 50 emails she had sent me with questions. (I know, should have been a red flag).
She wants me to track the breast milk usage down to the .10 oz. She wants detailed communication of what the kids did, who they played with, what they ate, how much etc. She wants a wide open range for drop off and pick ups. Etc, etc, etc. I have explained to her that this is in-home, GROUP childcare and she just keeps coming up with more questions/issues. Her husband will ask questions at pick up time, and she will later text me to confirm what I already told him. I have put my foot down on a couple of the issues, because I don't feel I should have to waste time because she has trust issues. Frankly, I have accommodated her requests, but am getting tired of it. I am now resorting to not responding to things that have already been covered in previous communications. Have any of you ever had a DCP like this? I feel like nothing I can ever do will be enough....

I wouldn't respond either. And other than a brief, "baby ate X ounces today, pooped, and slept great", I wouldn't go into details. If she asks what they did...played. What they ate...food. If you want her to pick up and drop off regularly, you need to tell her and be specific and firm. When dad picks up, tell im that you would prefer he relay this info to mom, as you do not answer texts/calls after daycare hours.

Just to add, if nothing you do will be good enough, then terminate. Not worth it and if they want that kind of attention, they need a nanny.

[Ariana]

Fortunately no I have not had parents like this. Stop responding or term.

[happymom]

Is she brand new? Is her baby still very young? This is her first child? First time in daycare?

Maybe she hasn't gotten the hint yet that it is inappropriate and she's still feeling uncomfortable. Trying to juggle child care, working and breast feeding can be so very stressful. She's probably not getting adequate sleep at home and just needs reassurance that everything is okay. It sounds extreme, but maybe she just needs some time to get used to things.

I remember that feeling of not being in control when my son was in daycare, I'm sure I freaked my provider out at one point because I saw he was sleeping under a heavy comforter (3mo) and I was terrified of SIDS. I didn't want my provider to think I didn't trust her, but it DID terrify me.

I would suggest sending her a couple of texts throughout the day. "Johnny has been so sweet to your little guy today and has been playing peek-a-boo with him all afternoon" -- mommyneedsadayoff's suggestions to be short and sweet and not go into too much detail, try to be as positive as possible.

[BabyMonkeys]

Is she brand new? Is her baby still very young? This is her first child? First time in daycare?

Maybe she hasn't gotten the hint yet that it is inappropriate and she's still feeling uncomfortable. Trying to juggle child care, working and breast feeding can be so very stressful. She's probably not getting adequate sleep at home and just needs reassurance that everything is okay. It sounds extreme, but maybe she just needs some time to get used to things.

I remember that feeling of not being in control when my son was in daycare, I'm sure I freaked my provider out at one point because I saw he was sleeping under a heavy comforter (3mo) and I was terrified of SIDS. I didn't want my provider to think I didn't trust her, but it DID terrify me.

I would suggest sending her a couple of texts throughout the day. "Johnny has been so sweet to your little guy today and has been playing peek-a-boo with him all afternoon" -- mommyneedsadayoff's suggestions to be short and sweet and not go into too much detail, try to be as positive as possible.

It is hard for moms to pump enough breast milk. If you've never done it you don't realize how much work it is to get an oz. If you are kind and take the extra little bit of time to calm her nerves she may relax sooner. I think the quick texts are a wonderful idea

Finding your 3m under a thick blanket?! I would absolutely NOT trust her after that. I'm sure that she just didn't know any better (How long ago was this?) but it would still make me question her judgment. What else that could potentially kill your child would she not know about?

[happymom]

Finding your 3m under a thick blanket?! I would absolutely NOT trust her after that. I'm sure that she just didn't know any better (How long ago was this?) but it would still make me question her judgment. What else that could potentially kill your child would she not know about?

Right?! My son is 3.5 now so it was several years ago, and in her defense the blanket was only pulled up to around his waist area, she couldn't figure out the swaddle I had sent (it was the type with velcros). I definitely said something to her immediately, she told me she understands the risks of SIDS and wasn't feeling comfortable even leaving the room while he slept yet. It happened in his first week of care, I can still see the picture she sent so vividly when I think about it. Makes me shutter =)

_____

I bet this mom calms down soon, it's hard to be away from your baby all day. You wish you could know exactly what they are doing at every moment, it's just not possible if you are working. You want to make sure you are sending enough milk and milk is not going to waste. Pumping ****S. My second baby isn't born yet and I already go to bed thinking about how many oz and how many bottles I will send for him when he starts daycare.

How does this mom send the milk for her baby? Is it frozen or fresh? Do you bottle it for her baby or does she send it in ready-to-feed bottles?

[hgonzalez]

Third child. Fifth daycare. I am a strict rule follower, have explained everything over and over. She just keeps coming up with something new. It doesn't even concern her baby most of the time. She wants nanny services from a group child care provider and at home child care costs.

[happymom]

Third child. Fifth daycare. I am a strict rule follower, have explained everything over and over. She just keeps coming up with something new. It doesn't even concern her baby most of the time. She wants nanny services from a group child care provider and at home child care costs.

HAHA!

Ok I have no other suggestions, she needs to go!

[Ariana]

Third child. Fifth daycare. I am a strict rule follower, have explained everything over and over. She just keeps coming up with something new. It doesn't even concern her baby most of the time. She wants nanny services from a group child care provider and at home child care costs.

Exactly! some parents get off on the control and attention. We are here for the kids not the parents

[MyAngels]

Tracking of breastmilk - $20 per week
Report on playtime - $20 per week
Answering after hours texts - $10 (per text)
Variable pick up times - $20 per week
Report on mealtimes - $20 per week

You could make a lot of extra money on this family

I'm glad I've never had to deal with that level of - ahem - parental involvement ::

[Lovisa]

I had a mom like that. Drove me insane! Texts all day long, telling me what to do, how to do it, when to do it, what not to do, etc. It was constant. At first I thought she would calm down (dad was complete opposite and actually told mom to chill a few times ). She never did calm down, started insisting on "sit downs" with me. I termed her. It got ugly (on her end) but I am SO glad I made the choice I did. It wasn't worth the hassle.

[Josiegirl]

Thank God for the parents who trust us enough to let us care for their children instead of answering umpteen texts a day, measuring exact food amounts and documenting every single thing their child does or who he plays with. Can you imagine?? How would we ever be able to properly supervise all of the others, let alone, feed, teach, toilet, love, read, change diapers, etc. This is why I chose to stay home with my kids. I'm afraid I would have been intolerable as a dcm.

If you want to keep this family, I'd definitely sit down with them and tell them you do NOT have the time to do everything she has requested. Your priority during the day is her child and all the other children. See if you can reach some reasonable agreement, such as a couple text updates a day and fill out a quick daily note. Something....This is her 3rd child??? Good grief, by the time my 3rd came along I was ready to say here take her and give her back when she can drive. JK of course.
Her 5th daycare...has she termed them all or have they termed her?

[hgonzalez]

They came from a center before me, but that was not affordable with 3 kids. I think she termed all of them, plus reported one because she thought they had two many kids in one room. I actually feel bad for her husband, as it appears she doesn't believe anything he says either.
She is nice to me one day, and then has some complaint the next. It is driving me batty. Hoping to find a replacement at some point, enough is enough.

[littletots]

I complete an infant daily form for under 1yr. Some providers in my cluster send home form until 2yrs. Maybe she needs a form?