At Wits End With DCM!

[Holly]

I have an in home daycare where I take care of 6 children ages 2-4. One of the mothers is driving me insane! Her 2 children are mean to each other and to the other kids. They constantly need 100% of my attention. They have been with me for a few months with one month off (whole different story) and have made vast improvements since they started but the parents aren't participating in anything im trying to do with their children, they won't even step inside on drop off or pick up, don't ask how the kids did that day, and if I do say they were hitting, not listening, etc. The response always is "yeah they do that all the time". The thing that drives me the craziest is the mother recently started working at 6am so she is supposed to drop her children off at 5:45 (I open early just for her as I work until 7pm). Mom is never here on time and doesn't tell me if the kids aren't coming for some random reason until I finally text her asking where they are! I have explained to her that if they will not be coming, or coming late, I would like her to let me know considering the next child doesn't come for 2 hours after that and she still does not. She says it's not her fault I get up at 5 to be ready for them because she doesn't get here until 5:45! Obviously I have to be up and ready before they get here! It makes me feel like I'm not appreciated for watching her 2 children for 10-14 hours a day and that her time is more important than mine. Does anyone have any advice how to talk to her? Honestly, I want to tell her "its not working out" but have to replace the 2 children first. How can I make this time in the meantime better?

[childcaremom]

Sounds like there is a lot of disrespect all around from this family.

What do your policies say?

I would tell her that if she no shows/no calls again, that you will not be able/willing to open early for her. Period. One chance that is all I would give her. Or do you charge extra for opening early? I would charge her for that service. Do they pay if they don't come? I would also be charging for the space, not attendance. So no matter if the children are there for the day, you are still getting paid. May make it easier to get consistency from dcm. Someone may have had experience with this and could offer some more specific advice.

I would separate the siblings. From each other and from the group. If they can't play nicely with friends/siblings, then they must play by themselves and try again later. If parents are not willing to work with you, I wouldn't expect things to get better.

I would be looking to replace asap. Families like this **** the enjoyment out of the job.

[Blackcat31]

I have an in home daycare where I take care of 6 children ages 2-4. One of the mothers is driving me insane! Her 2 children are mean to each other and to the other kids. They constantly need 100% of my attention. They have been with me for a few months with one month off (whole different story) and have made vast improvements since they started but the parents aren't participating in anything im trying to do with their children, they won't even step inside on drop off or pick up, don't ask how the kids did that day, and if I do say they were hitting, not listening, etc. The response always is "yeah they do that all the time". The thing that drives me the craziest is the mother recently started working at 6am so she is supposed to drop her children off at 5:45 (I open early just for her as I work until 7pm). Mom is never here on time and doesn't tell me if the kids aren't coming for some random reason until I finally text her asking where they are! I have explained to her that if they will not be coming, or coming late, I would like her to let me know considering the next child doesn't come for 2 hours after that and she still does not. She says it's not her fault I get up at 5 to be ready for them because she doesn't get here until 5:45! Obviously I have to be up and ready before they get here! It makes me feel like I'm not appreciated for watching her 2 children for 10-14 hours a day and that her time is more important than mine. Does anyone have any advice how to talk to her? Honestly, I want to tell her "its not working out" but have to replace the 2 children first. How can I make this time in the meantime better?

I understand not wanting to be out the income but if you plan on keeping them until you find replacement income, then you are pretty much stuck dealing with her behaviors until then because you need her more than she may/may not need you.

When providers value their income more than they value peace and harmony in their work days, the options are limited.

I don't mean to say that income isn't important as I DO feel it is and have lots of rules/policies in place to protect my income but there are certain things I will NOT put up with for any amount of money and the family in this situation does several things that would have me handing them their walking papers on the spot.

It's hard to give providers valuable advice on how to remedy a situation if money/income is higher on their list of priorities than respect from clients.

The way I see it, you have two options:

A.) Enforce your policies/make some changes to prevent these behaviors and risk losing them/income

or

B.) Put up with it and continue trying to find replacements

[Rockgirl]

Something I've read on here many times: "People will treat you how you allow them to." I recently termed a family due to lack of respect for my policies and time. I had warned them a few weeks before about the no show/no call issue, plus late pickups. They promised to comply, and did very briefly....then right back to it. I termed on the spot, and don't regret it one bit! I won't be taken advantage of, you know?

[Unregistered]

Charge her 50 dollars everytime she is a no show. Put this in her contract. Once it hits her in the pocket she will remember to call and let you know

[Blackcat31]

Charge her 50 dollars everytime she is a no show. Put this in her contract. Once it hits her in the pocket she will remember to call and let you know

This type of rule only works if the provider is willing to risk losing the family (income).

[Annalee]

This type of rule only works if the provider is willing to risk losing the family (income).

I am to the point, I would rather pick up cans as to deal with some parents:: I had a mom yesterday whom had a baby in May and will start here next week when the sibling goes to kindy ask me "what will you do if my child will not take a bottle"? I said "I will not keep your child unless she takes a bottle and if you want the spot, you will pay to hold it until she WILL take a bottle" I did use a professional tone but sure wanted to say "DUH, HERE'S YOUR SIGN! " :: Some people! I just don't know how they function.

[Blackcat31]

I am to the point, I would rather pick up cans as to deal with some parents:: I had a mom yesterday whom had a baby in May and will start here next week when the sibling goes to kindy ask me "what will you do if my child will not take a bottle"? I said "I will not keep your child unless she takes a bottle and if you want the spot, you will pay to hold it until she WILL take a bottle" I did use a professional tone but sure wanted to say "DUH, HERE'S YOUR SIGN! " :: Some people! I just don't know how they function.

:: but honestly pretty sad

I had a DCM of a 6 month old ask me when I am going to introduce solid foods to the baby. Mine you the baby is the 3rd child I've had from this family.

When I told her I am not going to introduce anything to HER child, she asked if solids were credible on the food program. When I said yes, she then said "Ok, I'll tell you which ones we want to start with and if you pick/buy those kinds this weekend, send them home with 'baby' on Monday when DCD picks up" ::

I was like "Uh the food program covers MY costs to feed YOUR child. It is NOT a food bank you withdraw food from. Go buy your own baby food."

So yeah..... collecting discarded tin cans seems like a super LESS stressful way to earn money.

[Annalee]

:: but honestly pretty sad

I had a DCM of a 6 month old ask me when I am going to introduce solid foods to the baby. Mine you the baby is the 3rd child I've had from this family.

When I told her I am not going to introduce anything to HER child, she asked if solids were credible on the food program. When I said yes, she then said "Ok, I'll tell you which ones we want to start with and if you pick/buy those kinds this weekend, send them home with 'baby' on Monday when DCD picks up" ::

I was like "Uh the food program covers MY costs to feed YOUR child. It is NOT a food bank you withdraw food from. Go buy your own baby food."

So yeah..... collecting discarded tin cans seems like a super LESS stressful way to earn money.

And the added stress generally comes from the high-maintenance parents. It is one thing to offer resources but we are having to "raise" some of these parents.

[Holly]

Thanks for the advice everyone! This is the first real problem parent I've had and I didn't really realize I am totally letting her walk all over me! She did it again today! And had the nerve last night to ask if I'd watch her kids this evening without telling me they wouldn't be coming today! I will be having a talk with her today using the advice I've gotten here. Of course I do need the income but not badly enough to have to deal with this every day!

[Josiegirl]

I will be having a talk with her today using the advice I've gotten here. Of course I do need the income but not badly enough to have to deal with this every day!

And if she pulls anything like what she's been doing, terminate on the spot. Tell her she gets this last one warning, then she's gone.

[Blackcat31]

I have an in home daycare where I take care of 6 children ages 2-4. One of the mothers is driving me insane! Her 2 children are mean to each other and to the other kids. They constantly need 100% of my attention. They have been with me for a few months with one month off (whole different story) and have made vast improvements since they started but the parents aren't participating in anything im trying to do with their children, they won't even step inside on drop off or pick up, don't ask how the kids did that day, and if I do say they were hitting, not listening, etc. The response always is "yeah they do that all the time". The thing that drives me the craziest is the mother recently started working at 6am so she is supposed to drop her children off at 5:45 (I open early just for her as I work until 7pm). Mom is never here on time and doesn't tell me if the kids aren't coming for some random reason until I finally text her asking where they are! I have explained to her that if they will not be coming, or coming late, I would like her to let me know considering the next child doesn't come for 2 hours after that and she still does not. She says it's not her fault I get up at 5 to be ready for them because she doesn't get here until 5:45! Obviously I have to be up and ready before they get here! It makes me feel like I'm not appreciated for watching her 2 children for 10-14 hours a day and that her time is more important than mine. Does anyone have any advice how to talk to her? Honestly, I want to tell her "its not working out" but have to replace the 2 children first. How can I make this time in the meantime better?

How old are her kids?
How often do they come? (Are they 5 days a week or just part time? Full days/half days?)

Do you require pre payment? How do you get schedules from parents? When they pay or on a week to week basis?

Is she self pay or is she receiving state assistance?

What are your normal work hours?

What does your contract say about missed or absent days? Do you still charge for them or do you only charge for days used?

Do you have a late fee (for late pick ups) written into your contract/handbook?


Sorry for the multiple questions but I am just trying to get a handle on your program and how you can rectify this family's bad behavior....

[Holly]

How old are her kids?
How often do they come? (Are they 5 days a week or just part time? Full days/half days?)

Do you require pre payment? How do you get schedules from parents? When they pay or on a week to week basis?

Is she self pay or is she receiving state assistance?

What are your normal work hours?

What does your contract say about missed or absent days? Do you still charge for them or do you only charge for days used?

Do you have a late fee (for late pick ups) written into your contract/handbook?


Sorry for the multiple questions but I am just trying to get a handle on your program and how you can rectify this family's bad behavior....

They are 2 and 3 years old. I do not require pre-payment. They pay on Friday for the week and let me know the schedule for next week although these children are supposed to be here the same time (5:45am) Monday-friday. They do have to pay regardless of whether they come or not. I do not have any sort of late fees as I have never had a problem with it. My normal hours are 7am-7 pm, I now open at 5:45 just for her.

I did tell her today after no call no showing for the second day in a row if it happens again, I will not be willing to open early for her anymore. She didn't see what the problem was and told me she would find a different daycare, then when she left she said "see you Monday!"

This is the kind of person in dealing with here

[Blackcat31]

They are 2 and 3 years old. I do not require pre-payment. They pay on Friday for the week and let me know the schedule for next week although these children are supposed to be here the same time (5:45am) Monday-friday. They do have to pay regardless of whether they come or not. I do not have any sort of late fees as I have never had a problem with it. My normal hours are 7am-7 pm, I now open at 5:45 just for her.

I did tell her today after no call no showing for the second day in a row if it happens again, I will not be willing to open early for her anymore. She didn't see what the problem was and told me she would find a different daycare, then when she left she said "see you Monday!"

This is the kind of person in dealing with here

Okay, I would first change your policies so that ANY time before your regular opening time is billed at a higher rate. Say your normal daily rates breaks down to an hourly rate of $3.00. Charge $5.00 an hour (in addition to your regular rate for her) for ANY early time before your opening of 7am. Even if its only a portion of an hour. So 1.25 hours would still be billed at 2 hours/$10. That would be PER child.

Require the mom to submit a written schedule the Friday before and then bill her according to that schedule, whether the kids were there or not. Even if they came for 4 of the 8 hours scheduled.

If she no shows you in the early morning hours again or is more than 15 minutes late without letting you know, stick to what you said and no longer agree to keep taking her kids that early. (at that point I'd term myself immediately simply because her behavior is so disrespectful to you).

If she said she is going to find new care, point blank ask her if that was intended to be her notice of withdrawal. (E-mail her if necessary since it's Friday and she isn't planning to come back until Monday).

If she says yes, tell her to bring it in writing on Monday.
If she says no, tell her that the above rules (NO MORE no shows) still apply.

If she gives you any more trouble, I'd just term her and be done with her circus. Not your monkeys anyways.

[littletots]

Let's hope she will begin searching for new care as she works out her two week notice with you. Monday morning I would show her your pre printed two week notice form. Say "you mentioned you would find new daycare so I thought I'd have you complete a written two week notice form". Rotf

Too many wonderful dcp waiting for quality care. Good luck