Like DCM but not DCK?

[Nisaryn]

Alright, I put myself in a situation and I'm not sure how to resolve it. I only recently opened my daycare, as in this was my FIRST WEEK open. I advertised as infant only care and now have my own son (5 months) and two littles (a DCG at 3 months and a DCB at 5 months) I received an email before I decided to accept these two from a mom who needed care for her 13 month old. She described him as being very small for his age (he is) and a little quiet and shy (he is NOT) and that she didn't feel he would be able to handle himself with other kids his age. I agreed to meet him. Based on our initial meeting he did seem to be all those things but, as I already mentioned above, once he actually came into my care he ended up being NONE of those things. He is loud to the point that none of the infants can sleep....my own son goes to bed as soon as he leaves and won't wake up till the wee hours of night which has totally thrown his schedule off! I can't imagine what it's like for my other 2 DCK infants once they go home!

Additionally he has begun to throw toys, step on the infants, sit on them and then he gets mad when it's time for their bottles because he is STILL on a bottle himself but...and this is the most annoying part...he can't hold the bottle himself. He insists on sitting in my lap like a younger infant and having me hold it for him while he plays with a toy....this just doesn't seem normal to me. He seems to have been SUPER babied. He won't even let me use the toilet without screaming bloody murder at the door when I try to crack it shut.

The DCM is a super nice lady, she pays on time (she gave me the deposit, paid her first week, and has already paid for the next week) and I get along with her really well. But I'm starting to regret my decision. I'm worried about my own son and the other babies I'm watching, I can't trust this boy not to hurt them even as unintentional as I'm sure it is. Today was by far the worst day...I don't even want to go into details on why but he screamed and banged on the windows for an entire 2 hrs. All my babies were crying because of it and none of them would nap...one wouldn't even take her bottle she was so stressed over it. I'm thinking I need to consider terminating care but at the same time.....it was his first week with me, my first week as his caretaker...he is teething...he isn't used to not being around mommy...etc.etc. so I want to give it another week or so and see how things go.

On the side, I worry about terminating care because his mother actually brought toys for me to use...she said she was giving them to me...a slide, a play table, tons of stuff, for kids his age since I didn't have anything but little baby toys. So if I terminate him I know I will have to give it all back to her but it makes me feel so guilty having accepted them along with her son just to terminate them.

I'm just totally not sure what to do! Any advice? :confused:

[mommiebookworm]

I would terminate. It is a lot of responsibility to have three infants, I can't even imagine being able to do it. How many infants are you allowed to have? Not trying to be snarky, just i ts alot of work! I've decided to no longer accept infants.

[Nisaryn]

I am allowed to have 4 infants total including my own so three. I chose to work with infants because I personally love working with infants (I worked in the infant room of a center before opening my own childcare so I could stay home with my son) and there is a great need for it in my area. We are a military family and many of the spouses want to return to work but can't find care for their youngest children because the wait lists are so long.

I had originally posted in my advertisement that I would only take children 8 months and under because my own son is 5 months. My idea was to let them "grow" with each other so that they would all be on roughly the same page developmentally. I only chose to take the 13 month old because his mother made him out to be MUCH different than he is turning out to be it's only been a week and maybe he was having an off day but I won't tolerate (and neither would my other parents I imagine) him throwing toys and trying to steal the bottle of the younger infants. He cries every time I hold anyone but him even when it's my own son!

Today was the worse of it :/ just not sure if I should wait it out and see if it gets better or if I should terminate before he seriously injures someone.

[mamamanda]

What kind of toys do you have ? Since they're mostly younger infants could you just put out soft toys during times you're busy with another infant until he learns to control himself? At 13 mo he is probably very curious about his world. Is there plenty for him to explore. A small ballpit, beanbags in a small tote to dump & refill, soft blocks to build with safely, toys with flaps & clasps to open & close are a few good ones at his age. The needs of a 13 mo are very different from an infant & if he's used to being held all the time at home then its going to be harder to help him adjust. If you want to keep him you can make it work, but it will take some time. You know how much effort you're willing to put into it. If you don't feel its something you want to work at you shouldn't feel bad about telling mom its not a good fit. You have to do what is best for your group & you don't want to get burned out from the beginning. And if you're frustrated with him most of the time it won't be good for either of you. I sympathize with you. I had one that cried all day unless being held & I knew I couldn't deal with that long term. It only lasted 3 days.

[Unregistered]

That sounds difficult. I can't imagine taking care of that group by myself. I have always been taught to hold the bottle for and feed any child who uses a bottle. So this boy would be in the lap with the adult holding the bottle for him or switched up to a cup. Also, a13 month old isn't really stealing anything from a baby. They pick up, look at, take, eat, smell, feel anything they want to and have no understanding of any possession of anything by anyone. Sorry but I think you are wanting to treat him as if he is at the level of a much older child. Maybe watch some child development videos of 13 month olds on YouTube or get books and videos from the library. I know it sounds rude of me to say it, but it sounds like you don't know what to expect from him. It's not fair to him. What if you thought the 5 month old should be sitting up and spoon feeding himself by now? What if you expected the 3 month old to be down to one nap a day by now? It just doesn't make sense.

[Play Care]

I currently have a 13 month old in care. Just off the top of my head -

At 13 months, there is no bottle. It's a cup in the high chair with meals. I make all meals "finger foods" and he feeds himself that way. We'll work on utensils later on. (BTW, my 13 month old never held his own bottle, and mom and I despaired, but he hold his sippy just fine - stinker:::: )

In my state, younger infants need to be held while having the bottle, unless they are able to hold the bottle themselves. In which case they should be in the high chair taking the bottle. There really shouldn't be an opportunity for the 13 month old to take bottles.

I would have a gated play area for babies to be on the floor. (bigger than a PNP, there are threads with pics of different models)Young walkers should never have "free range" with non walkers. Heck, even older walkers need careful monitoring with non walkers

Crying - 13 month olds cry A LOT, IME. They are not very verbal and get easily frustrated. Depending on the why, I will verbally console the child while not picking him up. But I also try to make sure to get on the floor with him and play for a few minutes (the idea is to not pick him up and carry him, he is too big for that). Often just that few minutes of 1:1 attention is what was needed. It's their way of communicating until they get more words - so I make sure to talk to him all. the. time. to speed things up:::: At the same time, you have to kind of ignore the crying/hollering that's clearly the "I'm mad" over things you can't help - you do NEED to use the bathroom

Throwing toys/banging windows, etc - the house needs to be childproofed. Windows/other off limit areas should be blocked off, toys should be soft, etc. Again, unless you are between him and the babies, he shouldn't be able to get to them.

My guy still takes two naps - he needs them. There are certain things I will say a child is "too old" for, but naps to me are a need and should be respected. I know some places drop AM naps at 1 year, but my feeling is that if a child clearly needs the nap, he gets the nap. Easier for me to put them down for a half hour that spend three hours trying to keep them up I nap my 13 month old in the dining room away from the others, blackout curtains, white noise and a fan I also use a sleep sack still which keeps him cozy and limits his movement in the PNP (can't really walk around, so might as well lay here and rest:: )

At the same time, you have already advertised as an infant provider. This child is not an infant, he is a young toddler. When most providers decide on an age limit, they usually regret it the second they go outside that limit
"DCM, I have loved watching young Steve, but as you know I am an infant only provider. Steve is miles ahead of the babies here and really needs care more suited to his age/level. My last day will be _____. "

Since you want to be an infant provider (assuming you will want infants only as your own child ages?) you will need to get used to moving parents on from care. Good luck!

[Blackcat31]

I currently have a 13 month old in care. Just off the top of my head -

At 13 months, there is no bottle. It's a cup in the high chair with meals. I make all meals "finger foods" and he feeds himself that way. We'll work on utensils later on. (BTW, my 13 month old never held his own bottle, and mom and I despaired, but he hold his sippy just fine - stinker:::: )

In my state, younger infants need to be held while having the bottle, unless they are able to hold the bottle themselves. In which case they should be in the high chair taking the bottle. There really shouldn't be an opportunity for the 13 month old to take bottles.

I would have a gated play area for babies to be on the floor. (bigger than a PNP, there are threads with pics of different models)Young walkers should never have "free range" with non walkers. Heck, even older walkers need careful monitoring with non walkers

Crying - 13 month olds cry A LOT, IME. They are not very verbal and get easily frustrated. Depending on the why, I will verbally console the child while not picking him up. But I also try to make sure to get on the floor with him and play for a few minutes (the idea is to not pick him up and carry him, he is too big for that). Often just that few minutes of 1:1 attention is what was needed. It's their way of communicating until they get more words - so I make sure to talk to him all. the. time. to speed things up:::: At the same time, you have to kind of ignore the crying/hollering that's clearly the "I'm mad" over things you can't help - you do NEED to use the bathroom

Throwing toys/banging windows, etc - the house needs to be childproofed. Windows/other off limit areas should be blocked off, toys should be soft, etc. Again, unless you are between him and the babies, he shouldn't be able to get to them.

My guy still takes two naps - he needs them. There are certain things I will say a child is "too old" for, but naps to me are a need and should be respected. I know some places drop AM naps at 1 year, but my feeling is that if a child clearly needs the nap, he gets the nap. Easier for me to put them down for a half hour that spend three hours trying to keep them up I nap my 13 month old in the dining room away from the others, blackout curtains, white noise and a fan I also use a sleep sack still which keeps him cozy and limits his movement in the PNP (can't really walk around, so might as well lay here and rest:: )

At the same time, you have already advertised as an infant provider. This child is not an infant, he is a young toddler. When most providers decide on an age limit, they usually regret it the second they go outside that limit
"DCM, I have loved watching young Steve, but as you know I am an infant only provider. Steve is miles ahead of the babies here and really needs care more suited to his age/level. My last day will be _____. "

Since you want to be an infant provider (assuming you will want infants only as your own child ages?) you will need to get used to moving parents on from care. Good luck!

This^^

You are struggling because you are an infant provider with an environment that is set up to meet the needs of infants and this child is a toddler... A young toddler but still a toddler NOT an infant.

I would terminate services and make sure mom knows its not personal in anyway.

Her child may be smaller than others his age but he is way to old physically and mentally for your group/environment and it wouldnt be fair or beneficial for anyone to keep him.

[Thriftylady]

I agree with the above. If you are set up for infants only, this child is to old for you group.

I also have a rule of no bottles over 12 months, I don't even allow parents to bring them over.

The bottom line is if you feel like you can't handle it, then don't try. You need to find what works for you and don't be afraid to admit when something doesn't. You can give the toys back or ask about paying for them.

[lblanke]

Term. Would you want your child with a provider who did not like him? Not fair to this child at all.

[childcaremom]

At the same time, you have already advertised as an infant provider. This child is not an infant, he is a young toddler. When most providers decide on an age limit, they usually regret it the second they go outside that limit

"DCM, I have loved watching young Steve, but as you know I am an infant only provider. Steve is miles ahead of the babies here and really needs care more suited to his age/level. My last day will be _____. "

[Nisaryn]

Thank you everyone for the advice. When I said he would "steal" the bottles I truly meant he would take them and then THROW them across the room. I don't know why he would do this unless he has seen others do this. I spoke to his mother the other day and she did admit that his previous daycare a little girl would take his snacks and things from him so this may have effected his behavior.

I do have a gated off area for the little ones but he has figured out that if he runs into the gates they will pop out of place so that he can play with the little toys. He really does not like not being in the same area as them. I have a ball pit and various other toys that his mom brought for him to play with but he just doesn't seem interested :/

I am going to hang onto him for another week or so and see if he settles down. He might have very well just have been having an "off" day...he is teething after all and it was his first week. It was just really frustrating for me (and for him) and I would hate to have terminated based on a single bad day though I do worry about the little ones getting trampled.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Thank you everyone for the advice. When I said he would "steal" the bottles I truly meant he would take them and then THROW them across the room. I don't know why he would do this unless he has seen others do this. I spoke to his mother the other day and she did admit that his previous daycare a little girl would take his snacks and things from him so this may have effected his behavior.

I do have a gated off area for the little ones but he has figured out that if he runs into the gates they will pop out of place so that he can play with the little toys. He really does not like not being in the same area as them. I have a ball pit and various other toys that his mom brought for him to play with but he just doesn't seem interested :/

I am going to hang onto him for another week or so and see if he settles down. He might have very well just have been having an "off" day...he is teething after all and it was his first week. It was just really frustrating for me (and for him) and I would hate to have terminated based on a single bad day though I do worry about the little ones getting trampled.

From the way you describe it, it sounds very dangerous to have him around if you cannot keep him contained and the babies safe. You know your limits, but I just really want to warn you that you could really put yourself in harms way by keeping him any longer. If he hurts a baby, you risk having the other parents question your care and pull out, as you said you are infant care only and that is what they are paying for, so having a 13 month old sort of goes against what you offered to them. He would probably do WAY BETTER in a care setting with older children, not younger. He is going to get even more bored and tough, in my experience, and it will probably only get worse. Just be honest with mom and say he is not fitting well in your care and you need to end care by XX date. Save your self the stress and save your littles from getting hurt by him. (I have done only infant care and love it, btw, but it only works well when you set your own limitations on what you can handle. Otherwise, you will get overworked and stressed out and that is really bad energy for babies to be around.)

And just to add, if I was a parent who signed up with an infant only provider, I would be upset if they were taking older children, especially if they were leading to so much stress on my baby (baby can't sleep, cries because they hear crying/loud noise all day) and on my provider. I am not saying this to be mean, but just to save you from losing your other clients because of this one child.

[Shell]

This^^

You are struggling because you are an infant provider with an environment that is set up to meet the needs of infants and this child is a toddler... A young toddler but still a toddler NOT an infant.

I would terminate services and make sure mom knows its not personal in anyway.

Her child may be smaller than others his age but he is way to old physically and mentally for your group/environment and it wouldnt be fair or beneficial for anyone to keep him.

[Nisaryn]

From the way you describe it, it sounds very dangerous to have him around if you cannot keep him contained and the babies safe. You know your limits, but I just really want to warn you that you could really put yourself in harms way by keeping him any longer. If he hurts a baby, you risk having the other parents question your care and pull out, as you said you are infant care only and that is what they are paying for, so having a 13 month old sort of goes against what you offered to them. He would probably do WAY BETTER in a care setting with older children, not younger. He is going to get even more bored and tough, in my experience, and it will probably only get worse. Just be honest with mom and say he is not fitting well in your care and you need to end care by XX date. Save your self the stress and save your littles from getting hurt by him. (I have done only infant care and love it, btw, but it only works well when you set your own limitations on what you can handle. Otherwise, you will get overworked and stressed out and that is really bad energy for babies to be around.)

And just to add, if I was a parent who signed up with an infant only provider, I would be upset if they were taking older children, especially if they were leading to so much stress on my baby (baby can't sleep, cries because they hear crying/loud noise all day) and on my provider. I am not saying this to be mean, but just to save you from losing your other clients because of this one child.

Thank you so much! Just what I needed to hear, I'm going to give DCM the official termination letter tomorrow and just try to explain to her. I am putting the reason for termination as:

" Too old for my program - Gavin is a young toddler and would be better served in an environment with other children his age. He is a rambunctious young boy with a high activity level that is normal for his age. He needs an outlet for his brimming energy that I cannot meet while also providing care for my much younger infants. I recommend a program that has other boys/girls in his age group in which he can interact with."

Does this sound OK?

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I think that sounds great! Mom may be disappointed, but I am sure she will find something more suitable and you can finally relax and enjoy your little babies! happyface