Taking Things Personally

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I find one of the worst parts of my job is taking everything so personally. As I have gotten older, I have gotten so much better at not really caring and just letting parents know what I expect and letting them decide if they want be a part of my group.

Well, today I got a text from dcm. This is the dcm who is also my close friend and her little girl is almost 2. Next friday I planned a trip to the local splash pad. There is a park, splash pad, and walking trails right in this one great park and then we were going to have a picnic lunch before coming back home for naps. It is the last day that two of my older kids will be there and I do not have my youngest dck that day, so it will be dcg and 4 other older kids.

DCM "doesn't me an to judge me, because I am a great mom", but she doesn;t feel comfortable with dcg going without her coming too. She asked if she could take the afternoon off and come with. I don't want her to come with, because I prefer to focus on the kids and not have the distraction that I know would be caused (dcg gets very tough when mom is around) having her there. I texted back that we were going in the am and maybe grandma or her aunt could watch her and I could pick her up on our way home. (grandma and aunt work for the school so they are off in the summer and live int he area). She has not texted back, so now I am wondering if that was the right thing to say, but I also kind of don't care, because she bugged me with her comments. I can watch her 50+ hours a week, but I guess I am not capable of handling an hour or so at the splash pad with her or she may die. The splash pad is a small area and only for small kids. It is a cement area, so falling down and scraping a knee is possible, but with her being my only little, she would actually get more of my attention that normal, so I thought she would have a blast. Am I being too sensitive? Was my response okay? If mom really wants to come, I guess that will fine, but would it be wrong of me to expect her to take dcg with her when we are done? Sort of like they are meeting us for a playdate, versus mom chaperoning our mini field trip?

[Blackcat31]

I find one of the worst parts of my job is taking everything so personally. As I have gotten older, I have gotten so much better at not really caring and just letting parents know what I expect and letting them decide if they want be a part of my group.

Well, today I got a text from dcm. This is the dcm who is also my close friend and her little girl is almost 2. Next friday I planned a trip to the local splash pad. There is a park, splash pad, and walking trails right in this one great park and then we were going to have a picnic lunch before coming back home for naps. It is the last day that two of my older kids will be there and I do not have my youngest dck that day, so it will be dcg and 4 other older kids.

DCM "doesn't me an to judge me, because I am a great mom", but she doesn;t feel comfortable with dcg going without her coming too. She asked if she could take the afternoon off and come with. I don't want her to come with, because I prefer to focus on the kids and not have the distraction that I know would be caused (dcg gets very tough when mom is around) having her there. I texted back that we were going in the am and maybe grandma or her aunt could watch her and I could pick her up on our way home. (grandma and aunt work for the school so they are off in the summer and live int he area). She has not texted back, so now I am wondering if that was the right thing to say, but I also kind of don't care, because she bugged me with her comments. I can watch her 50+ hours a week, but I guess I am not capable of handling an hour or so at the splash pad with her or she may die. The splash pad is a small area and only for small kids. It is a cement area, so falling down and scraping a knee is possible, but with her being my only little, she would actually get more of my attention that normal, so I thought she would have a blast. Am I being too sensitive? Was my response okay? If mom really wants to come, I guess that will fine, but would it be wrong of me to expect her to take dcg with her when we are done? Sort of like they are meeting us for a playdate, versus mom chaperoning our mini field trip?

Meh.... let it slide.

As a parent I loved my child's caregiver as well as my MIL, my mother and my sister but I would have been REALLY uncomfortable letting any of them take my child somewhere.

They could have kept my child in their homes for a week straight and I would have never given it a second thought but if they wanted to drive somewhere or go somewhere in public, I was immediately paralyzed with fear and anxiety of all the "what-if's" It really didn't have anything to do with trust... just my own mommy issues.

Honestly, I think you should appreciate that mom was honest with you and brought it up.... It may have ABSOLUTELY zero to do with you and everything to do with her and her own fears.

She opened the door to further discussion though so I would take that opportunity and talk candidly with her.

[Play Care]

Do you normally bring the kids out? Have you taken this child out before? What does your contract say about outings?

I would be miffed because I'm upfront about field trips, and I transport to preschool. I have parents who chose me because of that, so I wouldn't allow them to say it was okay for preschool but not for anything else, KWIM?

[mommyneedsadayoff]

See that is the thing, though. SHe doesn't care if I take her kid places. We go to the park, store, library, ect, all the time. This is splash pad specific I think, which I don't really get, because the park is far more dangerous. I am not planning to make a big deal about it, but I also don't get the idea of picking and choosing when you feel I am competent enough to care for your child. If it was about driving or leaving the hosue in general, I would get it, and she wouldn't fit my daycare, but this seems kind of random to me. Maybe that is why it is bugging me. It was sort of out right field and she had plenty of opportunity to talk to me at drop off this morning, but waited till an hour after to text me. I just don't know if it is okay for me to make it clear I would rather dcg not come with anymore. I have a huge problem with parents wanting to chaperone me. She is welcome to meet us there, but past that, I really don't want to do this song and dance. Then it goes from me being in charge, to mom in charge, back to me in charge, and dcg is NOT good when mom is around. This day is suppose to be for my other two kids before they leave. And now it is becoming about dcg. Sorry for the rant. It helps me to vent here and then move on in real life

[Blackcat31]

See that is the thing, though. SHe doesn't care if I take her kid places. We go to the park, store, library, ect, all the time. This is splash pad specific I think, which I don't really get, because the park is far more dangerous. I am not planning to make a big deal about it, but I also don't get the idea of picking and choosing when you feel I am competent enough to care for your child. If it was about driving or leaving the hosue in general, I would get it, and she wouldn't fit my daycare, but this seems kind of random to me. Maybe that is why it is bugging me. It was sort of out right field and she had plenty of opportunity to talk to me at drop off this morning, but waited till an hour after to text me. I just don't know if it is okay for me to make it clear I would rather dcg not come with anymore. I have a huge problem with parents wanting to chaperone me. She is welcome to meet us there, but past that, I really don't want to do this song and dance. Then it goes from me being in charge, to mom in charge, back to me in charge, and dcg is NOT good when mom is around. This day is suppose to be for my other two kids before they leave. And now it is becoming about dcg. Sorry for the rant. It helps me to vent here and then move on in real life

Okay with this added info...it makes even less sense....

Now I can see why it felt like a trust issue. Here's how I would handle it;

I would tell DCM that you are going to the splash pad on X day. Tell her that she can either approve the field trip (with you and only you as the adult) or she can not bring DCG that particular day.

I would be open and upfront about the fact that daycare kids are RARELY if ever the same children as far as behavior goes (ESPECIALLY at her DD's age) when their parent is present so you are not willing to allow DCG to attend the field trip if mom plans on attending...... besides like you said, if mom can call off work, she can take her own child on her watch and call it good.

I would also tell her exactly what you said above about why you don't want her to come with...it DOES distract YOU from doing your job.

That's what I what do.

[cheerfuldom]

There are a lot of people, including me, that are very paranoid about water play. I don't let my kids swim or splash pad without me. I also rarely take all four of my kids to water play if their Dad can't come too. Kids can drown in just a couple of inches of water and water accidents are one of the most common summer injuries. I completely understand her concern and I would say something to my daycare provider too. However, I think it is silly for her to take the afternoon off to come with your group or expect you to rearrange things around her child. I would be worried she would come along just to watch and judge you taking care of her child.....that is silly. You offered her multiple options that seemed fair and it is up to her to figure things out if she doesnt want her child going to that park with you.

[crazydaycarelady]

Is there standing water at the splash pad? Ours don't have any standing water.

I have never understood this either. If you trust me to watch your kids, then you trust me to watch your kids, no matter where we are. I had one dcm who didn't want me to take her kid anywhere so that kid always stayed behind with the littles and my assistant.

Kids have more accidents in the home than they do outside the home.

[Thriftylady]

If she doesn't want to allow her child to come, fine I get that. But no she can't invite herself any more than she can come sit and watch all day (or half of it) in your home. All or nothing deal in my book.

[NightOwl]

Agreed. She basically invited herself. If she can call off work, she can take dcg on her own time. Or suggest they meet you there for a playdate. Dcg didn't come with you and isn't leaving with you, therefore she isnt your responsibility when she starts acting a fool.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Thank you for all the advice! She text me back after I explained it was dcks last day and that dcg was my only young one (almost 2, my son and the two who are leaving are almost 6 and my daughter is 3 going on 21). She said "Oh really. I will think about it tonight and let you know."

Not sure what that means, but I guess I will find out in the am when she drops off. I totally understand the water issue with parents and if it was me and I was uncomfortable, I wouldn't make it a drawn out "i don't mean to judge or insinuate that you may kill my kid at the splash pad, but...". More like, "Hey! Grandma got the day off on friday and wanted to watch dcg so she won't be here! Sorry she will miss all the fun, but hope you have a blast!" Problem solved...no mixed messages. KWIM?

**splash pad has no standing water and water turns off every 10-15 minutes, so you have to push a button to get it going again. Basically, a glorified sprinkler )

[Thriftylady]

Thank you for all the advice! She text me back after I explained it was dcks last day and that dcg was my only young one (almost 2, my son and the two who are leaving are almost 6 and my daughter is 3 going on 21). She said "Oh really. I will think about it tonight and let you know."

Not sure what that means, but I guess I will find out in the am when she drops off. I totally understand the water issue with parents and if it was me and I was uncomfortable, I wouldn't make it a drawn out "i don't mean to judge or insinuate that you may kill my kid at the splash pad, but...". More like, "Hey! Grandma got the day off on friday and wanted to watch dcg so she won't be here! Sorry she will miss all the fun, but hope you have a blast!" Problem solved...no mixed messages. KWIM?

**splash pad has no standing water and water turns off every 10-15 minutes, so you have to push a button to get it going again. Basically, a glorified sprinkler )

Like the hot tub at the hotel when I have to get up every 15 mins and turn it back on. A safety thing but dang it if I was passed out do you really think I would notice????

[Play Care]

Like the hot tub at the hotel when I have to get up every 15 mins and turn it back on. A safety thing but dang it if I was passed out do you really think I would notice????

A splash pad is nothing like a hot tub. There is no standing water at all. I'll try to see if I can google a pic. We have one in our town and it's very popular. Many towns are choosing to install splash pads over pools because of safety.

[Play Care]

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.cityofharrisville.com/uploads/images/Splash%252520Pad.JPG&imgrefurl=http://www.cityofharrisville.com/parks/splashpad&h=521&w=778&tbnid=P0vm-DziNr7S7M:&zoom=1&docid=KbJvqYXvABnC7M&ei=gkeBVbC0IoGMsQX-0oHwBg&tbm=isch&ved=0CDIQMygAMABqFQoTCLD9n6u-lsYCFQFGrAodfmkAbg

[Play Care]

The one I posted is pretty fancy. The one in my town is smaller and doesn't have any fancy spouts.

The water drains immediately, so there is never standing water.

It's really no different from having sprinklers going in your backyard.

[Rockgirl]

A splash pad is nothing like a hot tub. There is no standing water at all. I'll try to see if I can google a pic. We have one in our town and it's very popular. Many towns are choosing to install splash pads over pools because of safety.

I think she was just comparing the 15 min timers having to be restarted on splash pads and hot tubs.