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I have a sibling set in my care, the girl is five and the boy is one. I'm not sure if some of her behaviors are just typical for the age as I haven't had much experience with kids that old yet, but she tells everyone what to do, she will walk up and dump things off the shelf, throw and kick toys (not necessarily kick, but just shove them around/tip them with her feet) never stops talking, making up stories, and when the little ones are engaged in something independently, she will start shouting their name and go bother them. Or she'll wait until someone else has a toy and once they have it, now she wants it. It's like she is craving attention, very much a look at me child. She constantly complains about having nothing to do but when I offer her suggestions, she will refuse any of them. She came from an unlicensed daycare where she watched tv all day. At five, she still carries around a security blanket and ****s her thumb and cries for extended lengths of time when she gets a minor injury or doesn't get her way. Honestly, I would term her if it was just her, as all of my usual discipline techniques are not working. But her little brother is very sweet and fits in great with the rest of our group. The family is wonderful, follows all policies, keeps the kids home on their days off and when they are sick. The girl will start school in the fall so I really want to keep the family, any suggestions to get me through until school starts? My only other fear is that brother will start to pick up some of these traits, she's already bringing his blanket to him as soon as he looks like he's going to cry and when she tries to get toys down for him, just throws then down in front of him, doesn't want him to touch anything she is playing with. I'm already thinking of starting to put their blankies in another room so they don't have access to them except for nap time, I'd appreciate any other suggestions.
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I was going to suggest you do away with blankets before I even finished. :
: It really is a hazard. My dcg2 wagged hers around until someone stepped on the end. She was flung backwards and the kid who stepped on it went flying. No more blankie.
Do you offer any lessons/K prep? That may help her to have something to focus on. And if she really loves it, it can be an incentive. Kicking toys and throwing fits = no "school" that day. -
She sounds very much like my 5 yo dcg. Although she is a pretty good independent player.
And a lot of the behaviours sound like boredom to me.
It took a lot of reminders and encouragement for my dcg to leave her brother alone.
What I do now is separate them. I have divided the playroom into 2 areas: one for the olders, one for the youngers. I have special activities set up for the older kids at stations and they rotate through them that sometimes get her attention but if not, she will need to find something on her own to do. I use a lot of reminders to find something quietly to play and if she can't, I will find something for her. If they want to come out in the play area with the littles, they are not to use hands (no hugging - usually ends up in wrestling, etc) and indoor feet. We clean up after each toy dump, too. If she needs too many reminders about that, I have either started snack and she has to clean everything by herself, or else she cleans and then goes into the other play area for the rest of free play. It is a consequence for her.
I have done the same thing outside. Set up special activities for her age out of bounds to the littles. She loves the stuff out here! A lot of small world play, messy sensory, messy art, etc. It was hard going for a week but they are now all in the routine of having separate play areas and it took all the stress out of it for me. They can play together but same rules apply. Separation or removal of special activities is the consequence.
This really helped with the day here and now when they are all together for activities it really shows in their relationship as she is not as concerned about him (she was like a little mother and telling me what to do) and is less hands on. He is also becoming a better independent player so it's been beneficial for him.
I would also ditch the blankets. I don't allow them here except at rest time and only I have access to them.
ETA: I also wanted to add that one thing I have consciously tried to do is make some of the day just about her. So at lunch and snacks we have good long discussions about whatever (lately halloween and costumes and stories of our families) which has helped us connect. So much of the day is about caring for the littles and it can be soooo time consuming so I always try to make time for my olders. (not saying that you aren't, just what I've noticed here). And really, by 5, they are ready for more than daycare so being bored I think comes with the territory. I've really had to step up my game,.
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I have a family like that as well. 2 and 3 yr old DCG's play lovely all day with the other kids until their 5 yr old sister comes here after school. Then all bets are off. The middle child and oldest do not play well together at all and just causes all sorts of problems once they are together. It is like hitting a switch with the 3 yr old. Plays so well all day and then bang, sister walks in and its fighting and tantrums and tattling. I am pretty sure they get attention at home when behaving this way, ie: tattler gets other one into trouble resulting in attention. They are very close in age with mom expecting number 4 in a few weeks and parents are very young. Thank goodness for Canadian 1 year mat leaves happyfaceComment
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all this, and maybe you can give her some responsibilities? She can set the table, wipe it after meals, sweep, etc. All those "practical life" things used in Montessori.She sounds very much like my 5 yo dcg. Although she is a pretty good independent player.
And a lot of the behaviours sound like boredom to me.
It took a lot of reminders and encouragement for my dcg to leave her brother alone.
What I do now is separate them. I have divided the playroom into 2 areas: one for the olders, one for the youngers. I have special activities set up for the older kids at stations and they rotate through them that sometimes get her attention but if not, she will need to find something on her own to do. I use a lot of reminders to find something quietly to play and if she can't, I will find something for her. If they want to come out in the play area with the littles, they are not to use hands (no hugging - usually ends up in wrestling, etc) and indoor feet. We clean up after each toy dump, too. If she needs too many reminders about that, I have either started snack and she has to clean everything by herself, or else she cleans and then goes into the other play area for the rest of free play. It is a consequence for her.
I have done the same thing outside. Set up special activities for her age out of bounds to the littles. She loves the stuff out here! A lot of small world play, messy sensory, messy art, etc. It was hard going for a week but they are now all in the routine of having separate play areas and it took all the stress out of it for me. They can play together but same rules apply. Separation or removal of special activities is the consequence.
This really helped with the day here and now when they are all together for activities it really shows in their relationship as she is not as concerned about him (she was like a little mother and telling me what to do) and is less hands on. He is also becoming a better independent player so it's been beneficial for him.
I would also ditch the blankets. I don't allow them here except at rest time and only I have access to them.
ETA: I also wanted to add that one thing I have consciously tried to do is make some of the day just about her. So at lunch and snacks we have good long discussions about whatever (lately halloween and costumes and stories of our families) which has helped us connect. So much of the day is about caring for the littles and it can be soooo time consuming so I always try to make time for my olders. (not saying that you aren't, just what I've noticed here). And really, by 5, they are ready for more than daycare so being bored I think comes with the territory. I've really had to step up my game,.
She really does sound like she's bored.Comment
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Thank you for the advice, it's slightly comforting to know I'm not the only one in this situation. I do agree with that she might be bored. Generally, parents in this area send their children to preschool so I usually don't have kids this age. I like the idea of dividing my space. What are some suggestions of activities that are intersting for your kids this age? I'll see if I can start giving her some "jobs" too.Comment
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Indoors I have the area set up into stations. The children are free to move around but can't move the items out of the station.
We did seeds last week. I had outlines of letters and seeds to place on the outlines. I had different seeds in a bowl that they could sort and explore.
I also set out some playdough and made Frozen puppets on popsicle sticks for them to play with. I have a cookie sheet with letters written down and letter magnets to match. I found a set of flashcards that had both upper and lower case, plus a set that was cut in half. So taped the full card down and offered up the halves for matching.
I have a small world area set up inside. Small wooden figures, some props and a play mat. She spends most of her time here. I switch out the figures and accessories each week.
I cover my long table with butcher paper and put out different art supplies for them to use.
I will say that she is not interested in anything academic. Which is fine, I'm not going to push her. She struggles to identify letters so I've been offering activities in these areas to try to get her interested.
One thing we do in circle time is have a word of the week. I hide the letters of the word and the kids have to search for them, we put them in order, identify and sounds, and then sound out the word. She loves this.
The shared area has the kitchen, blocks, etc and she will play out here, too.
Outside I do the same thing. There are stations set up and they can rotate through them at will (I remind them to ask if someone is already there) or they can play or whatever. Some stations we have had so far are playdough (with loose parts), easel (with shaving cream to paint with, chalk plus water, paint, just water), small world area (long storage container with small items to play with. I just did a bit of water, gems, shells, 2 polly pocket dolls plus some shark and whale figurines. She spent entire chunks of outdoor time here.) sand box (with lots of figurines and tools), mud kitchen (different tools and "potions". Lots of coloured water to mix or whatever. Lots of different substances to make potions: flour, baking soda, sugar, water, vinegar, etc.
I've done scavenger hunts. Taken photos of objects around the yard and she has to find them. For example, the eye on the crab sandbox.
Given her a notebook with clues in it (like a treasure map). Then she used the notebook to play with.
We do a lot of free play. I have the stations set up as 'back ups'.
Her favourites though are anything with figurines, mud kitchen stuff (doesn't matter what it is she likes it), messy art stuff and treasure hunts.
We are now done with indoors and curriculum so are strictly outside. Some of the things I have planned:
*ice cream shop at the mud kitchen
*lots of messy sensory stuff
*water play (if it ever warms up here)
*garden tending
*more outdoor creativity
*outdoor reading area
*outdoor colouring area
*bug identification and study
Other ideas:
*I spy (colours, shapes, letters). We could (and have it seems like) played this forever.
*Jokes. Oh my gosh. Knock knock jokes. And the humour is ridiculously funny. Write them down for mom and dad
*Stories. Loves books. We have finished reading Flora and Ulysses. Then have been reading some Mercy Watson (the pig). Next up is Ramona the Pest. She will listen for hours.
*Talking. I talk to all the kids but with older ones you can get quite a bit from it. We talk during snacks and lunch but also through out the day. She likes to tell me about her family and adventures and loves to hear stories about my kids.
Hope that helps! I suggest talking with your dcg and finding out what sort of things she likes. I find figurines (like Little Pet Shop, My Little Ponies, etc) are pretty popular with this age. I have to keep it contained to a certain area so I can make sure that the littles don't get it but it is a nice treat for her to have access to toys for her age. She also likes having little notebooks that she can write in.Comment
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Thank you so much! I really appreciate you taking all the time to type that out! I will take some time and rearrange my spaces and put some of these ideas into place. Hopefully this will help us!Comment
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