Preschoolers in Diapers. . .

[jenboo]

Thank you for your response! I think they did the adult diaper thing too, but there was this bid debate over whether that was enabling him or helping him, so I am not sure if they still use them. I really don't know what to think, but I definitely know he is not doing it on purpose. He is very embarassed about it. I just wish there was a miricale cure for it, because it is so tough to be a teenager as it is, let alone to have this issue. Hopefully, he can work it out soon and have one less thing on his plate as he goes through junior/high school.

My brother wet the bed until his teens. He ended up getting a pill from the Dr that he would take at bedtime and it kept him from peeing the bed. No idea what it was. A couple years later and he didn't need the pill anymore.

[Starburst]

They tend to go to home daycares (especially if they offer preschool or some type of group education) because most centers/preschools require that kids are 100% potty trained before entering the program.

The last family I babysat for in CA the 3 year old boy would go #2 on the potty but often #1 in his diaper/pull up. The mom (SAHM) was looking for preschools for him to socialize (I was moving but she really wanted me to open my daycare there because she assumed he would be automatically accepted and I guess she assumed I would have a 100% peanut free program, which no child care programs in that small town were) and they all required he be potty trained.

[Kabob]

It is possible that the hormone that tells your bladder not to express urine is underactive. This happened with two of my children. The doctor prescribed a nasal spray hormone called Desmopressin to use at bed time. Instantly the bed wetting stopped. He had us stop using it every three months to see if the wetting returned. It did a couple of times, but in time their hormones kicked in and they no longer needed the meds.

There are also little "alarms" that can be attached to their clothing that will signal when they start wetting the bed. This will wake them up and help them start recognizing the feeling of needing to use the toilet when they are sleeping.

Huh that's interesting. In my case, bed wetting was definitely a family thing. My mom, my mom's sister, and my mom's mom all wet the bed until they were 8-10 yo. It would seem genetics of some sort are involved.

I just never woke up until I was older. I used to be ashamed of it until I realized that I legitimately had no idea I was doing it...

[spedmommy4]

Oh of course, I didn't start with any of mine until after two. My oldest was toilet trained by just under three. The next two were 2.5ish. I started with my daughter at 2.5 but she had developmental delays that were later diagnosed as Autism. We never pushed and she wasn't fully trained until the end of Kindergarten.

I have several enrolled now that will be 4 by the end of this year. All have high income parents that pushed academics so these kids are super smart, but they are woefully behind in self-help skills. We work on it here but it is a worrisome trend.

Thanks for the link...it supports what I was/am trying to say:

*Newer studies suggest no benefit of intensive training before 27 months of age.

*Mastery of the developmental skills required for toilet training occurs after 24 months of age


So AFTER a child turns 27 months, they should be easily trained without much intervention or fanfare from the caregiver.

However, IF the child does not have the developmental skills necessary (due to lazy parents or not being taught or for whatever reason...) BY 27 months, the learning process will be difficult and time consuming for all.

So according to what the AAP says, toilet learning can begin at about 27 months (give or take like any other age recommendation).

[Crystal]

May I ask you a question? My sister's nephew is 13 and wets the bed almost every night. They have taken him to the doctor and there is no medical reason for this. His mom is the sort that gets mad and has probably shamed him for it (I think they started PT when he was 2 or 3), so I am not sure if she has really helped the situation, so much as she has made it worse. She tells him he has to clean it up, but doesn't follow through, so their basement reeks like urine. This is also an issue for his sister who is 9, but not quite as bad. They have tried an alarm to wake him up at night, but he sleeps like the dead, and quite honestly, I think they are too lazy to get up and go wake him up to go. I feel bad for him, though, because he won't spend the night with his friends and it is definitely effecting his social life. Any advice on how to handle this? I dobt his mom will listen but maybe I can offer some hints in a subtle way. It is just so out of hand at this point, that I am really worried about it and he is not even my family!

It is possible that the hormone that tells your bladder not to express urine is underactive. This happened with two of my children. The doctor prescribed a nasal spray hormone called Desmopressin to use at bed time. Instantly the bed wetting stopped. He had us stop using it every three months to see if the wetting returned. It did a couple of times, but in time their hormones kicked in and they no longer needed the meds.

There are also little "alarms" that can be attached to their clothing that will signal when they start wetting the bed. This will wake them up and help them start recognizing the feeling of needing to use the toilet when they are sleeping.

[laundrymom]

He will die if it's malicious. Not to help another child. I'm sure.

my sister wet utnil teen years due to having an underdeveloped bladder.

we didn't joke about it then, but we do now. her license plate frame says outta my way I gotta pee.... to this day she has issues and gets up nightly to go to the bathroom. on road trips she dehydrates herself.

perhaps TMI, but she even mastered going into a bottle so we didn't have to pull roadside every hour for her to go...

I do think that if you shame a child you will only make more unnecessary issue for them throughout their life. My sister was thankful that my parents didn't make a deal out of it, it was not her fault.

My own son, oldest slept so hard he couldn't wake up to pee at night and wet his bed until he was 12. I started setting his alarm around 2 am to get him up to go and eventually it stopped him from wetting the bed. Oh goodness he will kill me if he knew i put this out on the internet... its been a huge family secret....until now...

[daycare]

my sister wet utnil teen years due to having an underdeveloped bladder.

we didn't joke about it then, but we do now. her license plate frame says outta my way I gotta pee.... to this day she has issues and gets up nightly to go to the bathroom. on road trips she dehydrates herself.

perhaps TMI, but she even mastered going into a bottle so we didn't have to pull roadside every hour for her to go...

I do think that if you shame a child you will only make more unnecessary issue for them throughout their life. My sister was thankful that my parents didn't make a deal out of it, it was not her fault.

My own son, oldest slept so hard he couldn't wake up to pee at night and wet his bed until he was 12. I started setting his alarm around 2 am to get him up to go and eventually it stopped him from wetting the bed. Oh goodness he will kill me if he knew i put this out on the internet... its been a huge family secret....until now...

My nephew from a previous marriage wasn't learned until 9 or 10. They purchased adult diapers for him after asking him how he would like to deal with the issue. "ISSUE" not "PROBLEM"
He chose to wear a diaper instead of having a messy bed. It is discrete and made him responsible for the upkeep. No one pressured him. No one outside a small group of friends and family knew. He would spend the night. And take a zip bag for wet dipe with him and bring it home to discard. He eventually gained control.
I can almost promise you, no child does it on purpose. Not at these ages.

Thank you for your response! I think they did the adult diaper thing too, but there was this bid debate over whether that was enabling him or helping him, so I am not sure if they still use them. I really don't know what to think, but I definitely know he is not doing it on purpose. He is very embarassed about it. I just wish there was a miricale cure for it, because it is so tough to be a teenager as it is, let alone to have this issue. Hopefully, he can work it out soon and have one less thing on his plate as he goes through junior/high school.

[laundrymom]

May I ask you a question? My sister's nephew is 13 and wets the bed almost every night. They have taken him to the doctor and there is no medical reason for this. His mom is the sort that gets mad and has probably shamed him for it (I think they started PT when he was 2 or 3), so I am not sure if she has really helped the situation, so much as she has made it worse. She tells him he has to clean it up, but doesn't follow through, so their basement reeks like urine. This is also an issue for his sister who is 9, but not quite as bad. They have tried an alarm to wake him up at night, but he sleeps like the dead, and quite honestly, I think they are too lazy to get up and go wake him up to go. I feel bad for him, though, because he won't spend the night with his friends and it is definitely effecting his social life. Any advice on how to handle this? I dobt his mom will listen but maybe I can offer some hints in a subtle way. It is just so out of hand at this point, that I am really worried about it and he is not even my family!

My nephew from a previous marriage wasn't learned until 9 or 10. They purchased adult diapers for him after asking him how he would like to deal with the issue. "ISSUE" not "PROBLEM"
He chose to wear a diaper instead of having a messy bed. It is discrete and made him responsible for the upkeep. No one pressured him. No one outside a small group of friends and family knew. He would spend the night. And take a zip bag for wet dipe with him and bring it home to discard. He eventually gained control.
I can almost promise you, no child does it on purpose. Not at these ages.

When I was young, I wet my bed until I was about 8. I was ashamed of it and of course didn't do it on purpose. My mom acted like I did do it on purpose and actively shamed me for it. It made me afraid to sleep over anywhere and I remember my mom making me read books on holding my bladder at night. I had no clue what she was talking about. I just would wake up wet. Then one day I suddenly started waking up when I needed to go. That's it. I don't wet my bed anymore.

My ds is 3.5 and still not going on the toilet regularly. He'll try but he just isn't verbalizing anything...he only recently started to tell me when he pooped his diaper. Underwear just scares him. He actually didn't start talking until after he was 2 due to medical reasons...and he still is working on speaking clearly in sentences and struggles with understanding directions sometimes.

So, I decided to not force the issue since he still is mastering other important things...like talking. I feel bad when my family gives me grief over it but trust me...I tried to push him and it did me no good...lesson learned...I can't make a child poop.

May I ask you a question? My sister's nephew is 13 and wets the bed almost every night. They have taken him to the doctor and there is no medical reason for this. His mom is the sort that gets mad and has probably shamed him for it (I think they started PT when he was 2 or 3), so I am not sure if she has really helped the situation, so much as she has made it worse. She tells him he has to clean it up, but doesn't follow through, so their basement reeks like urine. This is also an issue for his sister who is 9, but not quite as bad. They have tried an alarm to wake him up at night, but he sleeps like the dead, and quite honestly, I think they are too lazy to get up and go wake him up to go. I feel bad for him, though, because he won't spend the night with his friends and it is definitely effecting his social life. Any advice on how to handle this? I dobt his mom will listen but maybe I can offer some hints in a subtle way. It is just so out of hand at this point, that I am really worried about it and he is not even my family!

[Kabob]

When I was young, I wet my bed until I was about 8. I was ashamed of it and of course didn't do it on purpose. My mom acted like I did do it on purpose and actively shamed me for it. It made me afraid to sleep over anywhere and I remember my mom making me read books on holding my bladder at night. I had no clue what she was talking about. I just would wake up wet. Then one day I suddenly started waking up when I needed to go. That's it. I don't wet my bed anymore.

My ds is 3.5 and still not going on the toilet regularly. He'll try but he just isn't verbalizing anything...he only recently started to tell me when he pooped his diaper. Underwear just scares him. He actually didn't start talking until after he was 2 due to medical reasons...and he still is working on speaking clearly in sentences and struggles with understanding directions sometimes.

So, I decided to not force the issue since he still is mastering other important things...like talking. I feel bad when my family gives me grief over it but trust me...I tried to push him and it did me no good...lesson learned...I can't make a child poop.

[Blackcat31]

Here is the current research from the American Academy of Pediatrics, if anyone is interested.

http://www.aafp.org/afp/2008/1101/p1059.html

I found a few things interesting. The research says that the US is one of the few countries where the average age of potty training is going up. It cites availability of disposable diapers and family work schedules as factors. It also says that most kids attain all developmental readiness skills is 25 months.

In my professional experience, family participation is a huge factor. I worked with families in their homes as a parent trainer for 6 years. 100% of the families I worked with asked about potty training and only about 75% ended up actively working on it. Parents are busy and I see adaptive skills taking the biggest hit. (Toilet training, dressing, using an open cup, etc) The adaptive skills seem to fall by the wayside and I spend a lot of time working on them here.

There are other factors at play for some kids, but my primary concern is that if I don't set any guidelines, I will be lifting typically developing 5 year olds up onto the changing table.

Thanks for the link...it supports what I was/am trying to say:

*Newer studies suggest no benefit of intensive training before 27 months of age.

*Mastery of the developmental skills required for toilet training occurs after 24 months of age


So AFTER a child turns 27 months, they should be easily trained without much intervention or fanfare from the caregiver.

However, IF the child does not have the developmental skills necessary (due to lazy parents or not being taught or for whatever reason...) BY 27 months, the learning process will be difficult and time consuming for all.

So according to what the AAP says, toilet learning can begin at about 27 months (give or take like any other age recommendation).

[Crazy8]

I agree with BC - the process is MUCH easier when a child has all the readiness signs and I would never push a child due to their age BUT I also think "lazy parenting" contributes to a lot of children who COULD be trained with a little guidance from their parents who just don't want to put in the effort. I had a parent ask me for PT advice and I mentioned staying home for a few days to really focus on it (meaning not going out to stores, etc. - not staying home from daycare) and she said she was going to give it a try over a long weekend. Well came in the following week and said her husband thought it was ridiculous to STAY HOME all weekend so they didn't bother. They basically just wanted me to do it M-F and then they could just take over for 2-3 hours a night they were home with the child.
I generally see the opposite in my care though, of parents who want to push training too early because the child is so big or they have a new baby coming, etc. and that can really delay the process of what should only take a few days when a child is ready.

[spedmommy4]

Here is the current research from the American Academy of Pediatrics, if anyone is interested.

http://www.aafp.org/afp/2008/1101/p1059.html

I found a few things interesting. The research says that the US is one of the few countries where the average age of potty training is going up. It cites availability of disposable diapers and family work schedules as factors. It also says that most kids attain all developmental readiness skills is 25 months.

In my professional experience, family participation is a huge factor. I worked with families in their homes as a parent trainer for 6 years. 100% of the families I worked with asked about potty training and only about 75% ended up actively working on it. Parents are busy and I see adaptive skills taking the biggest hit. (Toilet training, dressing, using an open cup, etc) The adaptive skills seem to fall by the wayside and I spend a lot of time working on them here.

There are other factors at play for some kids, but my primary concern is that if I don't set any guidelines, I will be lifting typically developing 5 year olds up onto the changing table.

[laundrymom]

I don't mind. My policy specifically states that
I do not push to potty learn. That children will learn faster when they are developmentally able to do it and no amount of coaxing is going to help them potty learn (I do not use the word train. They learn it. I don't train them) and faster. I promise that barring a medical issue they will learn to potty before prom.

Of course, when they are physically able to GET themselves on toilet, they go when the rest of the group does.