Help

[West657]

I am looking for any advice! I am at my wits end! I have been doing this for 11 years and have never had a whole group of kids like this. They don't listen, they don't clean up, they break toys, climb on furniture, don't nap, scream play make noise during nap. These are 3 almost 4 year olds. I do timeout i take away outside time they all just say we don't care we will wait for our moms. The parents give them whatever they want whenever they want example I was telling a parent how her daughter bit another child, the child started whining I want mcdonalds and the mom was like ok when we leave. I need some ideas! I can't even go to the bathroom if I leave the room they are throwing, biting,hitting, climbing. Today when I was laying my baby down for her nap one of the boys was trying to rip the whole outlet out of the wall. I can't even get any activity done or do anything because their behavior is that bad. I'm please help

[Blackcat31]

Most the time, it's one particular child that instigates an entire group to behave this way. Have you noticed that it's one kid or one family's kids that do this? Is there days where a particular child is absent and your day is smoother?

Personally, I run a pretty tight ship and haven't had issues with ANY physical violence, aggression and/or even touching each other in any way. My kids all play really well together but I will say, 99.9% of my kids didn't just automatically behave this way. It took some "training" and weeding out of problem families but it IS fixable. It'll be a little hard work but if it means you can find your smile again and love our job...it's worth it.

Maybe if you pick your biggest issue at hand, we can all join our heads together and help you take back control of your business.

Also, welcome to the forum! happyface

[spedmommy4]

I agree with BC. I currently have an exceptionally challenging group of 8, but there is an instigator in my group. I really didn't notice how much this one child amps up the group until he wasn't here on a day when I typically have everyone.

That said, to solve the problem, I am doing the same thing in my home preschool that I would do in a classroom at the beginning of a school year. I decided to focus strictly on routines, classroom rules, and social problem solving skills for a few weeks.

We read books about solving problems with peers in circle. We discuss class rules. I model problem solving with peers, etc.

I have a hitter in my group and the first time he hits, we just problem solve. (How could you solve this instead-ask for the toy) The next time, and all subsequent times, we problem solve and he loses his choice of activities for a short period. (He has to play away from the group until calm)

Two-four year olds are still learning to use words to solve problems, and their ability to solve problems without using hands is typically reflective of how much they know.

[West657]

I guess my first issue I need to get control of is the total destruction of my rooms! They just tear stuff off the wall, toys everywhere they throw them, or break them! I feel like all I do all day is yell! They move desks, or shelves around the room. Amd the loudness 100 times a day I say inside voices but they just scream. I'm at a loss at what to try anymore.

[Blackcat31]

I guess my first issue I need to get control of is the total destruction of my rooms! They just tear stuff off the wall, toys everywhere they throw them, or break them! I feel like all I do all day is yell! They move desks, or shelves around the room. Amd the loudness 100 times a day I say inside voices but they just scream. I'm at a loss at what to try anymore.

How many kids do you care for?

What are their ages?

Do you have a separate dedicated space for daycare or does everything occur right in your living/dining space?

Are your families the type to work with you regarding behaviors or are they the type of families to be passive and let their children run the show?

Is there a need for care in your area? In other words could you replace a child if you ended up having to term any one or more of them?


I would start with the basics like Spedmommy said and clean out your daycare room (including wall hangings etc) and begin with Rule 1. Treat others and other people's stuff with kindness or you don't get to be with others or use their stuff.

Sorry for all the questions but it helps to know what you are dealing with.

[West657]

I have 3 3 1/2 year olds and 2 5 year olds. No the parents are pretty much do what u want. When I clean out the room when do I start introducing toys back? I told my husband today I was emptying these rooms until the learned to respect my stuff. I have 3 separate rooms for my daycare one room we can't even use because it's my learning room but they just won't listen the get up they start pulling my stuff down down. I feel like they are too old to be behaving like this. I could get new ones slowly but I've never turned away a family let alone 4 I just want to try to do everything to fix it first.

[kendallina]

Having a whole group that feels out of control can be sooo difficult and frustrating.

Just a few suggestions to go along with what others have said. I also agree that it is often one child that riles up the rest of the group and they other children find it fun and follow. I'd be ON that one causing the most trouble---be firm firm firm. The others will hopefully see that this behavior is no longer tolerated and make themselves busy elsewhere.

I've started talking with the kids about these three rules:

1. Take care of yourself
2. Take care of others
3. Take care of our preschool

Everything pretty much falls into one of these three rules. I would suggest having a very firm sit down meeting with your group. Talk with them about what you've been seeing in the room (throwing things, tearing things off walls, etc). Ask them what they think of these things? Do they do these things at home (some may)? Is it easy to find the toys they want to play with if kids are throwing htem around the room? etc. Talk about some things that fall under each of the three rules- have them give you suggestions.

What is the structure of the room like? Do you have a routine in place (time for circle time/etc). Are there too many toys available?

Have a talk with each parent. Explain that there are some behaviors happening in the room that are unacceptable and they need to talk with their children at home and on their way to your house in the morning about proper behavior. Then, be VERY firm with the kids. Very very firm in the beginning.

What do you do when they're doing something that is unacceptable. You said that you do time outs and taking away outside time (this group actually sounds like they may need MORE outside time. Outside time shouldn't be a reward for good behavior, they need to move). What is your demeanor like? Are you able to follow through?

I hope this gets better for you...

[kendallina]

I have 3 3 1/2 year olds and 2 5 year olds. No the parents are pretty much do what u want. When I clean out the room when do I start introducing toys back? I told my husband today I was emptying these rooms until the learned to respect my stuff. I have 3 separate rooms for my daycare one room we can't even use because it's my learning room but they just won't listen the get up they start pulling my stuff down down. I feel like they are too old to be behaving like this. I could get new ones slowly but I've never turned away a family let alone 4 I just want to try to do everything to fix it first.

You have three separate rooms, are they allowed to be in whatever room they want or does the group stay in one room and they move to another? Are there expectations and follow through that they need to clean up what they were playing before they move on to the next thing?

You're right, they are too old for ripping stuff off walls, etc. Is there one instigator?

[West657]

No the are not allowed at this point to be in any room by themselves. There are 2 kids that are really the instigators. As far as outside I have to take it away it's just not safe to have them out in my yard I am sprinting to and fro trying to stop them from climbing jumping pushing hitting. All I can do is timeouts and they take forever I have one kid who all he does is scream and call me big butt I don't have to big butt etc this in turn upsets all the rest of the kids I try to be firm and tell him we don't talk to people like that it's not nice but he says I don't care big butt. Here is an example today they are running I say please don't run 3 times then I say the next person that runs is sitting in timeout in a matter of 2 minutes every kid was sitting down. They did there timeout and no sooner than they were up they were running again

[spedmommy4]

I would not have a room without toys. Kids with nothing to do make their own fun and that is a special kind of nightmare.

I might, however; limit the number of toys available. With my current group the kids initially dumped out all of my toys. It drove me crazy. I spent a ton of time ensuring each child picked up his or her mess but they continued to dump the toys.

I then talked to each kids parent(s) and learned that most of them don't actually play with toys at home. So, in addition to having them clean up their own messes I also worked with each child on play skills each day. None of them dump toys anymore.

In your situation, if you are going to use timeouts, you also need to incorporate some teaching of the skills the kids need to be successful the next time. Do they need to learn to clean up the mess? Do they need more play skills? Do they know where the toys go?

[West657]

Yea I have specific containers with picture of toys that go in there on them. I'm thinking maybe just limiting to 2 containers at a time each kid has a different issue I have 2 that hit one that just breaks the toys to break them maybe if I limit my toys and work on specific skills I just feel really overwhelmed right now

[spedmommy4]

No the are not allowed at this point to be in any room by themselves. There are 2 kids that are really the instigators. As far as outside I have to take it away it's just not safe to have them out in my yard I am sprinting to and fro trying to stop them from climbing jumping pushing hitting. All I can do is timeouts and they take forever I have one kid who all he does is scream and call me big butt I don't have to big butt etc this in turn upsets all the rest of the kids I try to be firm and tell him we don't talk to people like that it's not nice but he says I don't care big butt. Here is an example today they are running I say please don't run 3 times then I say the next person that runs is sitting in timeout in a matter of 2 minutes every kid was sitting down. They did there timeout and no sooner than they were up they were running again

Try telling them exactly what you want them to do. For example, walk in the house. Sit on the chair. Very young children do not process negatives. You say, don't run. They hear run.

Here, kids who run also get to go back and try again. If you run, you go back to where you started and walk. That loses its allure fast.

I also do not acknowledge the naughty talk. I tell the child once, I can't talk to you when you use mean words. I redirect the other kids away from the child. If it really persists, I will start a special activity only for kids using friendly words. Ive only had to use that technique once.

[West657]

Thanks for the advice I'm going to try it tomorrow fingers crossed!

[Blackcat31]

Thanks for the advice I'm going to try it tomorrow fingers crossed!

Baby steps! It WILL get better but it wasn't broken in one day so it won't be fixed in one day but so far you have gotten some really good advice so I am crossing my fingers that you see some results.

Don't be afraid to be firm and use that stern "mom voice"....kids really do want boundaries and routines, even when they aren't acting like it. Boundaries and routines help the kids feel safe and secure in their day. When they know what is next, it makes it easier to transition.

If they know the consequences, I'd dole them out immediately. No reminders or warnings. Those come later once the kids SHOW you, they know and can follow the rules. Inserting "Please" in front of a sentence changes the sentence from a command to a suggestion... I ALWAYS say thank you to those kids that comply but I rarely say please for normal expectations.


"Please don't throw blocks" ~ makes it sound like there is an option to throw or not throw.

"Do NOT throw blocks" ~ said firmly is a command that really doesn't leave room for any other behaviors other than to stop throwing blocks.

It isn't always what you say but how you say it.

Hope that helps a little. Keep posting and we'll (everyone here) will keep working with you until you have a good group of little ones.

[Rockgirl]

You mentioned trying to stop them from climbing and jumping while outside. They actually need to do these things....is there a safe place for them to do them?

I have a 3 yr old boy who has trouble making good choices. I will remind him once, then tell him, "I see that you are having trouble making a choice, so now I will choose for you." I get out a small rug and one toy. He sits on the rug with that one toy, then after a little while, I give him a chance to choose an appropriate activity. Here, they only choose their own activities if they are acting appropriately.