Really Hurt

[gbcc]

I am just really hurt right now. I have been taken advantage of yet again. Over the summer I complained a great deal about my assistant. I don't know how many of you remember but I had attendance issues and behavior issues out of her child. Anyways, I ended up "phasing" her out. The need for her became less and less and she eventually needed to get another job that was full time. We ended on really good terms and remained friends.......

Until now I guess. She became a daycare parent. She paid at first but then she was $40 short here and there and then just stopped paying all together. Well I tried talking to her and she acted like she was going to loose her home so it was completely acceptable to screw me! She now owes $600 (I know, I let it get too far) the deal was she could skip some payments and pay me at tax time. Well, she didn't just skip some payments, she has just not paid. Her son is my son's best friend and I also didn't want to jeapordize that as well. So, care is suspended right now and she needs to pay the Friday before care begins if she wants to return. Now she is not returning my calls or text.

When she was employed she knew I had financial issues at times but she was ALWAYS paid. She also knew what happened when people didn't pay so I just can't believe how she is behaving right now. I am really hurt to find out this is what she is like. I have known her for 5 years and she is willing to just throw that all away.

[laundrymom]

Im so sorry, but you said it right now,.. she is a parent,.. take her to court.

[kendallina]

I'm so sorry. I have to agree with laundrymom-take her to court. You deserve to be paid.

[Cat Herder]

I am so sorry. Anytime you mix family/friends with business it goes bad IMHO. I agree with PP, she still needs to pay.

[gbcc]

I have accepted that the friendship is probably over and that I need to take her to court but it's just hard to think of a friend doing that. If it were me, and my friend was watching my children, she would be the first to get paid. I would be so grateful and thankful that I had someone I could really trust. Plus I would be embarrassed to become one of "those" parents.

[Cat Herder]

More than likely she is thinking "It did not cost you anything anyway... Your life is better than mine so you should WANT to help me."

Been there before... I finally realized we both were where we were in life due to our individual choices. Why should I feel guilty because she made poor choices??? I do not OWE her anything.

Chin up, people really only come into our lives for a season...some to give, some to share and others to take. Learn your lesson and get stronger... We all have to eventually . Hugs.

[marniewon]

I have accepted that the friendship is probably over and that I need to take her to court but it's just hard to think of a friend doing that. If it were me, and my friend was watching my children, she would be the first to get paid. I would be so grateful and thankful that I had someone I could really trust. Plus I would be embarrassed to become one of "those" parents.

I know what you mean. I have a friend like that who was doing the same thing. Only her son was drop-in so it didn't run up very high at all. I gave her breaks on rates from day one. I couldn't believe that she would purposely not pay me. I never said anything, because like you, I didn't want to ruin the friendship. Someone on here said something very truthful and I think it applies here too: YOU are a friend to her, but SHE is not a friend to you. There's really nothing to preserve if she is not treating you like a friend. Good luck with it.

[momofboys]

I'm really sorry your "friend" did that to you! I am not sure if I would pursue court or not, that is your decision but do what you feel is best. I would be hurt also. I'm sorry you are going through this.

[jen]

Not that this makes it right in any way shape or form, but in the interest of better understanding how people do things that hurt us, this may be a little bit helpful.

If she is in deep financial trouble as you indicated, afraid of loosing her house, she may be experiencing some depression and anxiety. Depression affects the way that people think and act. This certainly doesn't mean you should enable her by continuing to allow her poor behavior, but it may help you to understand that it isn't that she doesn't care about your friendship. It may just be that her depression is affecting her in ways we don't understand. Of course, she could just be a jerk, but based on your history with her, it didn't sound that way.

She is hiding from you, from mortgage company and from whatever else is overwhelming her at this point.

[gbcc]

I see your point Jen. She does disclose financial issues with me but there is always someone bailing her out so things shouldn't be that bad. For instance, her mother paid for them to drive to Georgia for Thanksgiving. She said they couldn't afford Christmas gifts but for one dad mentioned going shopping one day at pick up and she mentioned her family pooled together to buy her kids gifts. A church paid her fuel bill for heat. So if everyone is paying everything, where is her money going?

[jen]

Is she self medicating with poor choices??? Dinner out, clothing, stuff like that?

Obviously, I don't know your friend, so I have no idea if depression is really her issue. She could just be financially irresponsible, self centered, or a jerk.

If you are close enough to her, you could provide her with some information on credit counseling. You said she was having problems making the payments on her home; an agency like Catholic Charities or Lutheran Social Services may be able to help her get her finances in order.

Just to watch out for yourself...if she files bankruptcy, she will likely include whatever debt she owes you and you will be 100% out of luck.

[gbcc]

The self medicating thing did occur to me, but a bit more extreme. Her husband is an alcoholic and ex heroin user. She claims to have never done anything. She has lost a lot of weight but she brushed it off as stress and being hungry all the time. I have wondered about "self medicating". I truely hope this isn't the case.

[jen]

The self medicating thing did occur to me, but a bit more extreme. Her husband is an alcoholic and ex heroin user. She claims to have never done anything. She has lost a lot of weight but she brushed it off as stress and being hungry all the time. I have wondered about "self medicating". I truely hope this isn't the case.

Aww, I hope so too.

[nannyde]

I think she's bailing on you now because she's fixin to get her a big fat refund check at tax time... won't be able to postpone you with that promise... and she wants to KEEP all the tax refund.

If she leaves now she gets to keep the money and not have anyone asking for it during filing season. She must realize that you would notice anything of substance she bought with the money.

Never ever allow someone to promise refund money. Often that check is the biggest amount of money they have had all year and maybe their whole life. When they know it's coming they have it spent before they get it. They often want something BIG with it and by the time they pay all the debts they have occured by their promising of the money they realize they get nothing special cuz it's gone.

Your day care bill can be avoided by just switching day care. You are the easiest way for her to keep the money.