Help w/ 3 Issues

[MsLisa]

I have 3 issues I need to address with the parents of my program.
I would love help from you ladies on how to word it or any better ideas.
(Sorry for length!)

Issue 1: Communication.
I can not get these parents to talk to save my life.
I made a big sign by the sign out sheet with my number and email, letting them know that they can talk to me about anything. Only ONE parent wrote my info down, even though she is one of the only parents who lets me know everything.
It's not like I don't go out of my way to make them feel welcome when they come in to pick up. It's just not registering. I don't want to know their personal life but being given a "heads up" would make my job so much easier.
Why is this a problem?:
~ Kids are getting off the bus for the program when they should be going home. Or visa versa.
~ The kids are signed up for activities inside and outside of the program or need to do something, the parents don't tell me and are all flustered upon pick up.

All fixable by a simple text/chat/email. All fixable before they become a problem/flustered mess. (I'm debating on getting business cards.)


Issue 2: Aftercare is not cheap Babysitting
This issue is with a select few parents who purposely keep their kids in my program longer than necessary, picking them up seconds before closing. Yes, we are open till 6pm ($1/minute after). But come on parents! I have one in particular who I saw driving around casually at 3:30pm and still didn't pick up her kids till 6 on the dot. She smelled like a bar and is often "under influences" of not just alcohol. Sadder when even her kids know when she gets out or have seen her out with friends on their way to my program.

I want to stress the importance of "Family Time". I feel these kids are simply not getting it and i'm practically raising them because their parents just refuse to deal with them. They are STARVING for attention. So I need a delicate way to bring this up. I love these kids like my own, but my service is just so that your kids are safe in between the times when they leave school till parents leave work. Argh. I think i'm stuck with that one though.


Issue 3: Personal Hygiene, Lying and Stealing
Personal hygiene is mainly for the kids who are just plain out neglected (see mom from above!). They smell. Like they bathe Monday and that's it. It gets so bad that I have to open a window and turn my wax burner on. A lot of these kids are getting to 'that age" where they do need to be more hygiene aware. I don't care to lecture, but I need a way to address it.
Lying and cheating have simply gotten out of control. To the point where no one will play with each other cause of it. I literally have kids lying to my face even when they know i'm watching them. I can't stand it. This is now leading to stealing (not from me, but from friends/school). It needs to stop.


Thank you ladies in advance. lovethis

[Martha Stewart]

I will address a couple of things.

1. If parents have paid for a slot until 6:00, but are off at 3:30 driving around, it doesn't matter. You may want them to pick up earlier, but they have paid for the time.

2. You cannot make parents spend time with their children. It isn't your role (IMO) to insist on family time - that is just reflecting your personal values.

3. Who is lying and cheating? The kids?

4. Personal hygiene....unless it is clear cut neglect, IDK that you can do much about it. Encourage hand washing, teeth brushing at your facility.

5. If a parent picks up a child drunk, and you allow the child to get into the car, you may be liable if there is an accident.

[MsLisa]

I will address a couple of things.

1. If parents have paid for a slot until 6:00, but are off at 3:30 driving around, it doesn't matter. You may want them to pick up earlier, but they have paid for the time.

2. You cannot make parents spend time with their children. It isn't your role (IMO) to insist on family time - that is just reflecting your personal values.

3. Who is lying and cheating? The kids?

4. Personal hygiene....unless it is clear cut neglect, IDK that you can do much about it. Encourage hand washing, teeth brushing at your facility.

5. If a parent picks up a child drunk, and you allow the child to get into the car, you may be liable if there is an accident.

Wow, a little bit of a snarky response but ok....

1 & 2. Sad but true. As I said, think i'm stuck with this. Maybe I just don't get it.

3. The kids. Its mostly 2 girls and both have stolen stuff. And they are only 7 & 8.... sad bad habit to start.

5. Incorrect! I can only say "Are you ok?" and if they say yeah....free to go. I've asked about this. Reports would probably get a glance if anything. Believe me, that mom is the hatred of my motherly existence.

[daycare]

Sorry to hear that you are having issues and if you stick around I am certain more people will chime in to give some helpful ideas.

I personally find that when you attach money to anything parents stop the unwanted behavior.

Do you have a PHB, what are you policies on these issues?

Maybe we can help you tighten up what you have.

[KIDZRMYBIZ]

I have an in-home daycare. If you are a center, some may not be doable, but here are my ideas on how I would remedy your situations:

1. Communication-send out an e-mail and post a hard copy that outlines your expectations. You can even implement a 3-strikes rule, because it is extremely important that you know if a child should/should not be getting off that bus.

2. Aftercare="Cheap Babysitting" - Don't make it so cheap anymore. Charge tiered rates, the later it gets, the more expensive it gets. Nothing encourages family time more than when me-time is just too expensive.

3. Kids that stink, figuratively and literally- Aww, that is just way too bad for the kids. If it were me, I would try to talk to them (the DCKs) ever so gently (did you have PE today? or did you play really hard at recess?) and let them know that there are some products in the bathroom for them to use-wipes, underarm deodorant, toothbrush/paste, etc. Their crappy parent isn't going to help with this, so maybe you can make a difference for them. As for the lying and cheating at daycare, I would post some "Rules for Big Kids" and let them know what the consequences were for breaking those rules. THEN STICK WITH IT, EVERY TIME! I would be very no-nonsense about it, and leave no room for argument over anything. I know what I see, and that is that!

[Leigh]

What do you do when kids show up who shouldn't be there? I would call parents for immediate pickup and charge a premium (same as your late fee-like, $1 per minute) for caring for them "overtime". That should help the parents "remember" to tell their kids where to go after school.

[MsLisa]

Thank you ladies.

Daycare: We do have a handbook and for my side of the program its just prices, discipline, and the very basics. The Daycare gets way more technical where the Aftercare program literally is "open to my interpretation", if you get what I mean. Most, if not all, in the ways of rules and straightening up of the program was done by me. Which anyone will tell you has been a very long and insane journey and the program has done a complete turn around since I started.

I can't force these parents to talk to me but it makes my job x10 harder when they don't then hold me responsible. The handbook says they should call me if they are not to be in the program that day. Obviously never happens. Every afternoon is a surprise.
The only thing I can do via handbook about pick up is if they pick up chronically after 6pm is termination. Boo.

KIDZ:
We have letters for them to take home almost every week about whatever the current issues are and parents just don't even bother to take them or look at it. I put it in a big nice frame in bold lettering right in front of them....maybe 3 will notice. I throw myself literally at them and they don't say anything until its too late and XX is late for ____ or should have gone on bus ____. Do i need a neon sign people?! .

I wish i could charge more! Sadly we are the cheapest in the area AND they still use assistance to pay. That's why I have the "quality" of kids I have.

You know that is actually really a good idea. I might invest in some wipes, hand sanitizers and body spray for the kids. We share the gym bathroom but I can always put them in a basket on the counter with an "Aftercare" sign on it.

The cheating and lying drives me nuts! They know this! They get mad at each other because they all do it and call each other on it. I'm like then WHY DO IT!?!? Its mind numbing and i'm tired of yelling.

[DaveA]

As for the parent showing up driving under the influence, I have no problem calling the cops on a parent doing this. I worked in a program that had a staff member who lost their fiancé to a drunk driver & they went through pure hell. Not to mention the danger to the kids and others. Talk to your supervisor about how to phrase it, but my policies flat out state that if you pick up your child impaired I call the cops as you are leaving. Parents should understand that there will be consequences for criminal behavior.

[MsLisa]

What do you do when kids show up who shouldn't be there? I would call parents for immediate pickup and charge a premium (same as your late fee-like, $1 per minute) for caring for them "overtime". That should help the parents "remember" to tell their kids where to go after school.

Most of the time I don't even know till the parents comes in and is like
"Oh ___ you should have taken the bus __ home, silly!".
Like thanks for the heads up...oh wait you never TOLD ME. Even though my name, number and email are literally RIGHT THERE.
You can't ask the kids. Why? They lie! Oh I don't have __ class anymore. Time rolls around. Why isn't my kid in ___ class?!? :dislike:

I will do that though cause that is brilliant! I'm sure my boss would love it too. Cause he's just as tired as I am over it.

[LindseyA]

So sorry Ms Lisa! This sounds extremely frustrating. I completely agree with kidzrmybiz on this one. You might need to raise your after school care prices if you have become resentful. Make it worth it for YOU! The hygiene issues, sure you can supply your daycare bathroom, but down the road, you might get resentful if you are the only one with these supplies available, and not the parents. I would bring it up to the parents. Maybe tell the dcp that you have some supplies here, but they really should have some at home as well. As for the alcohol and picking up the kids... I would call a cab, call a grandparent, aunt, uncle, someone that is able, and let the dcp know that this cannot happen again. I don't know about your state, but in NY there is ZERO tolerance if you have children in the car. I could not justify sending a child home with someone that has been drinking/smoking/whatever, what soever. Again am so sorry you have to deal with this!

[Heidi]

If a parent walked in my door smelling of booze, I would try to talk the parent out of leaving. If that didn't work, I'd call the police. I can't technically "stop" them from taking their child, but I can threaten them with police, and I can kick them out of my program for putting me in that position. Both are covered by my handbook.

[MsLisa]

So sorry Ms Lisa! This sounds extremely frustrating. I completely agree with kidzrmybiz on this one. You might need to raise your after school care prices if you have become resentful. Make it worth it for YOU! The hygiene issues, sure you can supply your daycare bathroom, but down the road, you might get resentful if you are the only one with these supplies available, and not the parents. I would bring it up to the parents. Maybe tell the dcp that you have some supplies here, but they really should have some at home as well. As for the alcohol and picking up the kids... I would call a cab, call a grandparent, aunt, uncle, someone that is able, and let the dcp know that this cannot happen again. I don't know about your state, but in NY there is ZERO tolerance if you have children in the car. I could not justify sending a child home with someone that has been drinking/smoking/whatever, what soever. Again am so sorry you have to deal with this!

Thank you!
Not to toot my own horn, but i've already invested myself and my own money into this program to make it what it is today. Its not remotely flawless obviously, but its 100% better then it was when I came in. Me spending more so that the smell of BO and feet goes away, doesn't phase me. I am a giver. It makes me happy. Its why i'm asking these silly stupid questions. I want it better. I want to smack parents in the head and be like WAKE UP YOUR KID IS AWESOME! THIS PROGRAM IS AWESOME! HELLLOOO?!?!

I wish they would just READ the papers we give them. A simple text. A simple hey this this and this, ok? I swear the parents are 1000 times worse then the kids.

As for the intoxicated mom, she is the bane of my existence. I pegged her from Day 1 and have nagged my boss to death about it. I can only ask if she's ok and nothing more. I know when she is by the way she interacts with me. If she avoids me, she's high. Chatty? Coke. Meanwhile the kids are in ratty clothes, smell and are left here till literally the last minute. I want to report her but she's so low radar it would be a waste to chase. I don't get it.

[Heidi]

Thank you!
Not to toot my own horn, but i've already invested myself and my own money into this program to make it what it is today. Its not remotely flawless obviously, but its 100% better then it was when I came in. Me spending more so that the smell of BO and feet goes away, doesn't phase me. I am a giver. It makes me happy. Its why i'm asking these silly stupid questions. I want it better. I want to smack parents in the head and be like WAKE UP YOUR KID IS AWESOME! THIS PROGRAM IS AWESOME! HELLLOOO?!?!

I wish they would just READ the papers we give them. A simple text. A simple hey this this and this, ok? I swear the parents are 1000 times worse then the kids.

As for the intoxicated mom, she is the bane of my existence. I pegged her from Day 1 and have nagged my boss to death about it. I can only ask if she's ok and nothing more. I know when she is by the way she interacts with me. If she avoids me, she's high. Chatty? Coke. Meanwhile the kids are in ratty clothes, smell and are left here till literally the last minute. I want to report her but she's so low radar it would be a waste to chase. I don't get it.

You are a mandated reporter. Children being neglected or driven in a car with someone under the influence is reportable. Call it in.

[spinnymarie]

So some of this I've dealt with as a public school teacher. My answers are below in bold.

Issue 1: Communication.
I can not get these parents to talk to save my life.
I made a big sign by the sign out sheet with my number and email, letting them know that they can talk to me about anything. Only ONE parent wrote my info down, even though she is one of the only parents who lets me know everything.
It's not like I don't go out of my way to make them feel welcome when they come in to pick up. It's just not registering. I don't want to know their personal life but being given a "heads up" would make my job so much easier.
Why is this a problem?:
~ Kids are getting off the bus for the program when they should be going home. Or visa versa.
~ The kids are signed up for activities inside and outside of the program or need to do something, the parents don't tell me and are all flustered upon pick up.

All fixable by a simple text/chat/email. All fixable before they become a problem/flustered mess. (I'm debating on getting business cards.)

IMO, you've done what you can in this situation. You've made yourself available. Obviously the parents are telling their children it is *their* responsibility, so I feel that it is also their responsibility. If the child isn't ready when it's time, or doesn't know where to go... the parents are paying for it by having to pick-up from somewhere else, be late, whatever. If the parents wanted to actually solve this problem, they'd be communicating with you. You're doing the best you can by asking each kid, whether they tell you or not. I'd just remind parents at the door, Nice to see you! I could help with this if you sent me a quick email about so-n-so's after school plans!

Issue 2: Aftercare is not cheap Babysitting
This issue is with a select few parents who purposely keep their kids in my program longer than necessary, picking them up seconds before closing. Yes, we are open till 6pm ($1/minute after). But come on parents! I have one in particular who I saw driving around casually at 3:30pm and still didn't pick up her kids till 6 on the dot. She smelled like a bar and is often "under influences" of not just alcohol. Sadder when even her kids know when she gets out or have seen her out with friends on their way to my program.

I want to stress the importance of "Family Time". I feel these kids are simply not getting it and i'm practically raising them because their parents just refuse to deal with them. They are STARVING for attention. So I need a delicate way to bring this up. I love these kids like my own, but my service is just so that your kids are safe in between the times when they leave school till parents leave work. Argh. I think i'm stuck with that one though.
I can understand how frustrating this might be, but I agree with the otheres that there's nothing to be done. Outside of calling the cops if you think the parent is under the influence when picking up.


Issue 3: Personal Hygiene, Lying and Stealing
Personal hygiene is mainly for the kids who are just plain out neglected (see mom from above!). They smell. Like they bathe Monday and that's it. It gets so bad that I have to open a window and turn my wax burner on. A lot of these kids are getting to 'that age" where they do need to be more hygiene aware. I don't care to lecture, but I need a way to address it.
Lying and cheating have simply gotten out of control. To the point where no one will play with each other cause of it. I literally have kids lying to my face even when they know i'm watching them. I can't stand it. This is now leading to stealing (not from me, but from friends/school). It needs to stop.
Personal Hygiene: I'd use funds to by them their own deodorant and teach them to take a sink bath. They may be just as aware and uncomfortable with it as you.
Lying: I'd take away as many privileges as I can for lying to my face. Kids who can't be trusted to tell me the truth can't be trusted to use my things, play with other kids, etc.
Stealing: If they are stealing from people DURING your time with them we'd have a big problem, and I'd talk to parents about termination. If they're stealing OUTSIDE of your time and just talking about it, I'd alert whoever has them (school?) during the time they are stealing. But otherwise, I'd just enforce a 'no talking about stealing' rule of sorts.


Thank you ladies in advance. lovethis

Good luck! That's a tough job you have there.

[Laurel]

As for the parent showing up driving under the influence, I have no problem calling the cops on a parent doing this. I worked in a program that had a staff member who lost their fiancé to a drunk driver & they went through pure hell. Not to mention the danger to the kids and others. Talk to your supervisor about how to phrase it, but my policies flat out state that if you pick up your child impaired I call the cops as you are leaving. Parents should understand that there will be consequences for criminal behavior.