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Enabler Mom Is Making Me Mad
I have a DCB who is the ruler of his house. He demands. He gets. He cries. He gets. Mom does everything for him. Talks for him, etc. For ME he is fine. I have rules. They are black and white. For HER he is not so well behaved. Example, Mom helped at my church last year and her son spent his time running around the church to the point that the other kids were making comments that he was being a bad boy. Mom is a sweetie. Child is good for me. But together?! Owe!!!! And believe me he knows how to play the fiddle well!
So lately he has been giving her some issues in the morning at drop off. Might have a lot to do with he cries and he gets what he wants. Here it gets him a time out. I do not deal with my older kids crying for things or cause they don't get their way. He wants to stay home, he cries and gets to stay home. He wants a toy, he cries and she gets it. Instead of saying enough at drop off when he misbehaves she rewards with "Oh don't cry XXXXie, I will be back soon and we will go to Chick filet...toys r us....the mall.....etc" Misbehave= reward. So the last few months mom has been bringing him with what started as an ipad. It was fine. I allowed it cause when he arrives I am going buses and breakfast clean up. So I let him sit at the table while I took care of things and then it got shut down. Ten min max. Now he arrives with THREE...not one....THREE game boys too, his ipad and a box of games. We cry for games we forgot. We cry cause mom left one of the gameboys home last week. He cries cause he wants to stay in the car and play. He cries on the way cause he knows when he comes here is won't get to play the games all day. He cries cause he wants to stay home with dad who isn't working Etc etc. He cries here, he loses the game. I tell him only big boys get the privilege and crying is not a big boy. He arrives crying. They get taken away. I know this is half the issue. Its gotten out of control. Taking them away is no longer working and making the issue larger.
He hasn't been here since Monday due to weather, dad being home, etc. Today he gets up and cries he wants to stay home. When mom says he has to go he then says he is 'afraid' and wants to stay home. So I get a TEXT, not a call, asking if something happened Monday. He's 'afraid'. Hes never said that before. Seriously? First it is inappropriate to text this convo. So I am already upset over it. Then, what did she expect me to say to that? I WANT to say "You are enabling his bad behavior but rewarding him when she acts out. Hes been home for three days now and is crying to stay home cause dad is home and you rewarded it by saying ok. This has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with you. Leave the games home, put his tush in the car and put an end to it.. If you think you helped the situation you have only made it worse and he will act out tomorrow. Knock off the crap! " But I know I can't really say that. I am really pissed off she would even text that message to me. In the end, I have known this family for 5 years. Mom is the only parent I permit on my facebook cause I view them as friends. So I know her question is more benign. Like "Did he have a bad naptime and that is why he is saying that" kinda thing. But I am taking it much more personally. I love them. They are the sweetest family. But her parenting skills are driving me batty and I do NOT appreciate that text. She might intend it to be benign but I take it accusing and offensive. And let me tell you I am NOT a happy camper right now.
So today... DCB won. Again. He has now been home four days. She will talk with him tonight about why he is 'afraid' and will see me in the morning. She is not seeing that he cried, got his way and will spend the whole day playing video games with his dad for his reward. And in the morning, as a result, he will arrive crying.....holding onto his electronic stash....and refusing to let his mother go cause he wants to go home. After all it worked for the rest of the week. And I will get to be the meanie in the end. And so the cycle continues. I have sad news though. He will be told tomorrow no more games or ipad. Done. I believe that is half his issue. She might not be bothered by her electronic babysitting devices but I have had enough. Next time she texts me it WILL be cause DCB really is afraid. Afraid he will have to go and be told NO!
Sorry for the rant. Just that text sent me over the edge today. I just needed to bust out cause its been being held in since Dec and I am done!!
So lately he has been giving her some issues in the morning at drop off. Might have a lot to do with he cries and he gets what he wants. Here it gets him a time out. I do not deal with my older kids crying for things or cause they don't get their way. He wants to stay home, he cries and gets to stay home. He wants a toy, he cries and she gets it. Instead of saying enough at drop off when he misbehaves she rewards with "Oh don't cry XXXXie, I will be back soon and we will go to Chick filet...toys r us....the mall.....etc" Misbehave= reward. So the last few months mom has been bringing him with what started as an ipad. It was fine. I allowed it cause when he arrives I am going buses and breakfast clean up. So I let him sit at the table while I took care of things and then it got shut down. Ten min max. Now he arrives with THREE...not one....THREE game boys too, his ipad and a box of games. We cry for games we forgot. We cry cause mom left one of the gameboys home last week. He cries cause he wants to stay in the car and play. He cries on the way cause he knows when he comes here is won't get to play the games all day. He cries cause he wants to stay home with dad who isn't working Etc etc. He cries here, he loses the game. I tell him only big boys get the privilege and crying is not a big boy. He arrives crying. They get taken away. I know this is half the issue. Its gotten out of control. Taking them away is no longer working and making the issue larger.
He hasn't been here since Monday due to weather, dad being home, etc. Today he gets up and cries he wants to stay home. When mom says he has to go he then says he is 'afraid' and wants to stay home. So I get a TEXT, not a call, asking if something happened Monday. He's 'afraid'. Hes never said that before. Seriously? First it is inappropriate to text this convo. So I am already upset over it. Then, what did she expect me to say to that? I WANT to say "You are enabling his bad behavior but rewarding him when she acts out. Hes been home for three days now and is crying to stay home cause dad is home and you rewarded it by saying ok. This has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with you. Leave the games home, put his tush in the car and put an end to it.. If you think you helped the situation you have only made it worse and he will act out tomorrow. Knock off the crap! " But I know I can't really say that. I am really pissed off she would even text that message to me. In the end, I have known this family for 5 years. Mom is the only parent I permit on my facebook cause I view them as friends. So I know her question is more benign. Like "Did he have a bad naptime and that is why he is saying that" kinda thing. But I am taking it much more personally. I love them. They are the sweetest family. But her parenting skills are driving me batty and I do NOT appreciate that text. She might intend it to be benign but I take it accusing and offensive. And let me tell you I am NOT a happy camper right now.
So today... DCB won. Again. He has now been home four days. She will talk with him tonight about why he is 'afraid' and will see me in the morning. She is not seeing that he cried, got his way and will spend the whole day playing video games with his dad for his reward. And in the morning, as a result, he will arrive crying.....holding onto his electronic stash....and refusing to let his mother go cause he wants to go home. After all it worked for the rest of the week. And I will get to be the meanie in the end. And so the cycle continues. I have sad news though. He will be told tomorrow no more games or ipad. Done. I believe that is half his issue. She might not be bothered by her electronic babysitting devices but I have had enough. Next time she texts me it WILL be cause DCB really is afraid. Afraid he will have to go and be told NO!
Sorry for the rant. Just that text sent me over the edge today. I just needed to bust out cause its been being held in since Dec and I am done!!
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