PT Child Not Fitting In - Mom Wants More Time

[Play Care]

I have a 3 yo dcb that comes one day a week. He's with Grandma the rest of the week and attends preschool 2 mornings a week. I gather that last year he attended a program at the YMCA but not sure how many days. Mom really wanted him around more kids his age and I think Grandma has said she is getting too old for every day care.

Somethings I've noticed pretty much right away
In some ways this kid is the most intelligent child I've had. He knows his right from left, he can READ at 3, he recognizes all numbers - even three digit ones.

BUT he plays like a child a year younger than his age. Mostly by himself. He would destroy the playroom if I let him.

When he does attempt to play with the kids, he has no idea HOW. He run into them or tries to get into the middle of play and change it. Today they were playing a game with a soft ball, and he kept running in grabbing the ball and throwing it "away." In the course of play he will hit the other kids - and this is weird, it's not like aggressive hitting, it's almost as if he thinks he's playing if this makes any sense? For instance if he's flying an airplane type toy, he will let the toy really "fly" and it might hit another child The other kids wind up not wanting to play with him.

Last week, after reminders and redirections and having to be RIGHT with me, I had him sit because he kept bumping into the other kids. The other kids cheered When I give suggestions or show him how he could engage the other kids, he runs away and hides or just ignores it. I've finally had the other kids doing the "STOP I don't like when you (bump, touch, hit, etc.) me!" To which he says "Why?"

He is unable to get himself dressed -at all. When I tell the other kids (even the two other 3 year olds) to get boots and coats on, they do. They may need some assistance with zipping/buttons, but even that they are starting to master. This child will sit on the floor spinning in circles saying "I don't know what to do!" over and over...Typically with kids we do "dress boot camp" as an activity. But he just gets upset and insists he doesn't know what to do. I noticed at preschool when I pick up my crew, he's usually sitting with his coat in his lap because he can't do it and teachers won't do it for them...

Bathroom time is tough because even though he is trained, he will stand in the dark bathroom saying "I don't know what to do!" Suggestions that he turn on the light and use the toilet are met with a "I don't know what to do" Once I turn the light on, he uses the bathroom independently but still needs a lot of direction to flush, wash his hand appropriately etc. (and yes the other kids may need reminders, but are generally pretty good about it)

I don't know if it's just babying or what. Mom is a UPK teacher so I'm kind of surprised by his general lack of self help skills. Child seems happy here and tells mom he has a good time. Mom is asking about more time for next year.
I had thought my Fridays were going to be easier this year because I only had 3 and 4 yo's and not the infant. I'm finding the days I have the infant to be easier I'm worried that if I do take him more time he still won't acclimate and then my whole week will be spent trying to get him up to speed.

[Shell]

This is a hard one because maybe more time with you will help him learn and become more independent. At the same time, if the child is more work than an infant, I would just tell dcm you unfortunately don't have space for additional days.

[finsup]

If you want to work with him, could you make sequence cards showing him what to do? Like using the bathroom,have a card with a picture for each step. Yo could review them with him during the day, or set up a chart with them in the right order. So then when he says "I don't know what to do" you could say "let's check the cards!" And go from there. As for play, I'dplay with him for a while. Role playing another child and helping him learn what's appropriate and what's not. Plus making sure I was nearby when he does play with others and stepping in as often I needed. Tis is def more work then a lot of kids his age typically need so if that's not something you want to do, that's fine but let them know that so they can find somewhere else. I suspect that the constant change of grandmas, to you, to preschool etc isn't helping either. Lots of different rules/expectations. He could be saying he doesn't know what to do because each place has its own set of rules and he's getting overwhelmed. More time in one place may really help him!

[nanglgrl]

I've seen this most with kids that were taught instead of being left to play. It had less to do with the children being babied and more to do with the child skipping the how to get to the what. They were forced to take all of the big steps for some reason while someone else did the little steps not realizing how imperative they are.
IMO these kids can be some of the hardest in a group care setting and you almost have to start with treating them as if they are a toddler while removing traditional learning all together. I think the hardest thing is that they seem so smart and old for their age so it's incredibly frustrating when they are lacking simple skills.
I think having the child more often would be helpful if the parents aren't the "look what my child can do" types and this lack of skills was just brought on by them trying to do their best and not trying to impress others. If they are the "look what my child can do" types they will probably get dissatisfied if they don't see their child growing academically and won't see the hard work you put into the basic skills, if they are the type that just didn't realize that they were hindering him (and I suspect grandma had a part in it as well) they will probably be happy to see the basic skills emerge and are probably frustrated as well.
This is just my experience though, about half of the children I start in my daycare are similar to this but I weed out the "look what my child can do" types in the interview.

[Play Care]

I've seen this most with kids that were taught instead of being left to play. It had less to do with the children being babied and more to do with the child skipping the how to get to the what. They were forced to take all of the big steps for some reason while someone else did the little steps not realizing how imperative they are.
IMO these kids can be some of the hardest in a group care setting and you almost have to start with treating them as if they are a toddler while removing traditional learning all together. I think the hardest thing is that they seem so smart and old for their age so it's incredibly frustrating when they are lacking simple skills.
I think having the child more often would be helpful if the parents aren't the "look what my child can do" types and this lack of skills was just brought on by them trying to do their best and not trying to impress others. If they are the "look what my child can do" types they will probably get dissatisfied if they don't see their child growing academically and won't see the hard work you put into the basic skills, if they are the type that just didn't realize that they were hindering him (and I suspect grandma had a part in it as well) they will probably be happy to see the basic skills emerge and are probably frustrated as well.
This is just my experience though, about half of the children I start in my daycare are similar to this but I weed out the "look what my child can do" types in the interview.

I get the impression from mom that she's hoping being around kids his age will finally make it "click." But is hard because he's only here one day a week. And I feel like any gains made in one day will be gone by the time he comes back.

[spinnymarie]

I agree that more time with you will likely improve the situation - you said he's one day/wk? - I'd insist on three or more days though, just two days a week will probably not get him on the same page quickly enough for him to fit well into your group.

[Unregistered]

I read somewhere recently that gifted kids and aspergers kids have a lot of overlap in the way that their brain works, which is not like the rest of the world (I was reading about it because of one of my own children, trying to figure him out).

Things that seemingly make sense to "everyone" just take so much longer and so much more direct teaching with these types of kids. Sometimes I'm up for the challenge, and sometimes I'm not (usually depends on how life with my own child is going at the time). I see nothing wrong with "not having extra space" for him in the fall.

[KidGrind]

I AM NOT DIAGNOSING HIM!

Now that I’ve made that clear he reminds me of my son when he was a toddler in some ways. He is on the spectrum.

[lizzlee]

I'm not diagnosing him either, but the behavior sounds a lot some of the things my son who is on the spectrum would do. Especially not understanding other kids' feelings and needing reminding of the steps in a task. We used social stories for understanding feelings for him. I think the sequence cards idea is a good one.