Kids That Lie

[Josiegirl]

This afternoon we were all getting ready to go outside, 8 dcks and me. During that time, a dcm came to pick up 2 of them so it got a little more confusing. Meanwhile, 7 yo dcb evidently had gum in his backpack and shared it with the other 2 SA dcks. I could see them chewing and I asked them what they had. Dcb said 'we're chewing our tongues'. Ok yeh, right. After a couple more minutes of watching them, one of the dcgs admits dcb had given them gum. I have told the dcks before that if they have gum, they need to sit at the table and chew it or throw it out. I am in the process of redoing policies and it will no longer be allowed at all.
But this particular 7 yo dcb is constantly fibbing. Constantly. Could be little things, it doesn't matter. He'll deny something and then everybody chimes in and says the opposite of what he's telling me.
How would you deal with this? He's so good when it's just him and me.

[Michael]

Some related threads on lying kids: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=lying+kids

[midaycare]

This afternoon we were all getting ready to go outside, 8 dcks and me. During that time, a dcm came to pick up 2 of them so it got a little more confusing. Meanwhile, 7 yo dcb evidently had gum in his backpack and shared it with the other 2 SA dcks. I could see them chewing and I asked them what they had. Dcb said 'we're chewing our tongues'. Ok yeh, right. After a couple more minutes of watching them, one of the dcgs admits dcb had given them gum. I have told the dcks before that if they have gum, they need to sit at the table and chew it or throw it out. I am in the process of redoing policies and it will no longer be allowed at all.
But this particular 7 yo dcb is constantly fibbing. Constantly. Could be little things, it doesn't matter. He'll deny something and then everybody chimes in and says the opposite of what he's telling me.
How would you deal with this? He's so good when it's just him and me.

I had a SA fibber over the summer. I just got in the habit of correcting him and saying, "We don't tell lies." It does eventually sink it. What fun is it if s/he can't ever get away with it?

My particular dcb craved attention - any way he could get it. I never made a big deal out of it. Just corrected him.

[daycare]

I had a SA fibber over the summer. I just got in the habit of correcting him and saying, "We don't tell lies." It does eventually sink it. What fun is it if s/he can't ever get away with it?

My particular dcb craved attention - any way he could get it. I never made a big deal out of it. Just corrected him.

I did the same with mine. As soon as I heard the lie I asked is that the truth and sometimes they still lied. I would immediately say that's not the truth, that's a lie and we would move on. It stopped After a few days.

One time she tried to tell me it was the truth and I said ok let's call dck and ask her and of course she begged me not to and admitted she was lying. That was the last of it.

[Unregistered]

I found try and find a replacement for him. I find there is no "cure" for children who lie, because most of them learned it from their parents. They've learned lying is ok if gets you what you want. Lying is a lot like children who throw fits. It will stop eventually. It's not a one and done process. It just gets bigger and bigger until they stop or you're having some serious (false) accusations against you. In my experience, lying is usually a sense of something else being off. Like the child, especially at 7, might not be able to distinguish fantasy from reality. Word of advice, I would cover my behind. Not matter how "good" he is one on one, I wouldn't be alone with a child who is a liar.

[Play Care]

I would do a "we don't tell lies" but I'd also look to replace.

School aged kids who lie are scary because unlike toddlers/preschoolers who tell obvious "fibs" parents tend to believe what the SA kids say as absolute truth.

I had a nightmare situation with a family I thought we were close to over a SA girls lies. Never again!

[Hunni Bee]

I had a 5 year old that was going through this before the holidays. Just lying about everything - whether it mattered or not.

And then a wonderful teachable moment presented itself.

He was talking to a friend, telling a bunch of lies about his family, etc. I cut in with "DCB, is that really true?" and he admitted to his friend that he had been lying. The conversation continued, and the friend, now wary, had to stop him after every sentence and confirm it with me.

So I told DCB "This is what might happen when you lie. People can't tell when youre lying and when you're telling the truth now (Friend) can't tell whether to believe you or not." And he got sad about it.

But the lies have stopped. happyfacehappyface

Maybe you could get his friends in on it?

[Ariana]

Lying is pretty normal behavior for kids who cannot see how their actions are impacting others. Young children have a limited capacity to understand how the lie is affecting you and it gets them what they want. Try explaining how lying affects you and those around them and it might help!

[hope]

I have a 3 yo dcg that had an accident yesterday. It was during her nap and I think it may have been while she was still asleep. I had felt bad for her when she woke bc she didn't seem to understand what had happened. I cleaned her up, changed her clothes and reassured her that accidents happen and she did nothing wrong. Today at lunch she tells me "I told my mommy and daddy that you yelled at me". She went on to say that she told her parents I yelled at her for her accident. Huh? Now I am really confused. I had a talk with her about telling the truth and telling lies. I can see where this is going. Dcm is very dramatic, constant drama and issues. I think dcg learned that drama and issues equals attention.

[Josiegirl]

I have a 3 yo dcg that had an accident yesterday. It was during her nap and I think it may have been while she was still asleep. I had felt bad for her when she woke bc she didn't seem to understand what had happened. I cleaned her up, changed her clothes and reassured her that accidents happen and she did nothing wrong. Today at lunch she tells me "I told my mommy and daddy that you yelled at me". She went on to say that she told her parents I yelled at her for her accident. Huh? Now I am really confused. I had a talk with her about telling the truth and telling lies. I can see where this is going. Dcm is very dramatic, constant drama and issues. I think dcg learned that drama and issues equals attention.

Kids scare me. Actually it's the parents who take every single thing their child tells them as the literal absolute truth. While my 24 yo dd was home over the holidays, she was walking through and wearing this sweater with a large neck that you can slip off one shoulder. 4 1/2 yo dcg saw her and asked me why she was taking off her sweater. I had to clarify the difference, because she would have run home to say something and her mom does question 99% of the time.

As for the lying dcb, he's back in school so I can let it go until February break. I have talked with that kid until I'm blue in the face, telling the whole 'boy cries wolf' story and all its versions. There is a possibility that his 4 yo ds may be going to all day prek this year and if that happens, it will no longer be an issue. I'd kind of hate to see them go because there's a lot of history there but oh so many challenges.

[Annalee]

I tell my clients at interview that we build on imaginations and pretend play here while building a large vocabulary....I have had kids go home and tell they had bologna sandwiches with beans every day and even had a child tell her parents we carried the kids to the creek and put the infant in the the carrier down in the water so she could play too:: My suggestion is to keep open communication with parents so trust is built so the problem with these stories is minimized....I have had the issue of mom taking things too serious like when her child told her that a little boy in my program asked her to pull up her dress...well, I simply had the little boy go talk to the mom and I asked him to tell her about his favorite movie and he could not talk plain so when she heard him, she quickly said it must have been another child..I didn't let her question him about the incident but I wanted her to hear how he could not talk well... She never questioned me again....As a parent myself, I build a relationship with every teacher throughout the year (now 5th and 7th grade) so I can decipher when my son's stories need dealt with or they are just that....stories.....