Would You Have Said The Same Thing?

[daycare]

My son is three and I also have a 1 1/2 year old dcb that is part time. The kids were having free play at the time and my son was laying on the floor and dcg wanted him to move. He was wasn't that close to her, but when he didn't move, she kicked him. I gave her a time out and then had a talk with her and when I asked her why she kicked him, she said, "Because I didn't get enough sleep."

The day before she had taken a toy and hit my son with it. When I asked her about that, she said, "Because I don't know any better."

Not getting enough sleep has been the excuse for a year from the parents why these kids misbehave. When I talk to the parents (every.single.day.) about what has happened that day, I hear, "Well, they didn't get enough sleep," or "Well, no ice cream tonight." Every single morning dcd drops off and says, "They both slept well, so they should be good." I had a lengthy conversation with dcd last week about the behavior of both children getting worse and he said he was shocked because they don't have these problems at all at home and we just need to find something at my house they value and take it away.

I've tried different things with these kids as far as consequences. They laugh at me when I put them in time out, I've tried rewards, I've tried taking privileges away and NOTHING works.

In my contract it states that this kind of behavior can lead to termination. I haven't wanted to get to that point, so that's why I said I would send them home if this behavior continues.

My expectations, which I have expressed to the parents and is also in my contract (which they didn't read) are that the kids follow the rules I have at my house and I even outlined in the contract what the rules are. And I expect the parents to work with me on correcting behavior.

I understand at 1 1/2, kids do a lot of testing, but I can't have kids hitting other kids on the head with toys. I also don't think I need to spend my day being kicked and hit and spit on when I'm changing a diaper or putting them in time out, or spending the majority of my day dealing with tantrums and screaming. I could work with it if it was every now and then the kids are having a bad day, because we all do, but it's every single day I have them. It's caused a lot of stress in my house and honestly, it's really difficult to do much with the kids because I seriously spend all my time dealing with these issues.

I really dread pick up time when I have to tell the parents every day, what kind of issues we've had. I know they don't like to hear it and I don't like to give bad news, but at this point, I need to do what is best for my family.

it doesnt happen at home because I am sure the children do whatever they want when they want, why they want and so on.

Sweetie, it's already to that point. you do need to do whats best for your family and the safety and reputation of the other children and your business.

let them go......

[Blackcat31]

My son is three and I also have a 1 1/2 year old dcb that is part time. The kids were having free play at the time and my son was laying on the floor and dcg wanted him to move. He was wasn't that close to her, but when he didn't move, she kicked him. I gave her a time out and then had a talk with her and when I asked her why she kicked him, she said, "Because I didn't get enough sleep."

The day before she had taken a toy and hit my son with it. When I asked her about that, she said, "Because I don't know any better."

Sounds like the DCG is used to her mom/dad using those things as "reasons" for her behavior, therefore the child has learned that those phrases are acceptable reasons to do what she does.

Not getting enough sleep has been the excuse for a year from the parents why these kids misbehave. When I talk to the parents (every.single.day.) about what has happened that day, I hear, "Well, they didn't get enough sleep," or "Well, no ice cream tonight." Every single morning dcd drops off and says, "They both slept well, so they should be good." I had a lengthy conversation with dcd last week about the behavior of both children getting worse and he said he was shocked because they don't have these problems at all at home and we just need to find something at my house they value and take it away.

Kids RARELY exhibit the same issues at home that they do at daycare because, well...it's a completely different environment. I would not allow dad or mom to make that type of comment as it has no relevance what so ever in this situation.

Even I don't behave the same way at daycare that I do at home.


I've tried different things with these kids as far as consequences. They laugh at me when I put them in time out, I've tried rewards, I've tried taking privileges away and NOTHING works.

All kids have motivators. The key is finding that motivation. Whether it be a special activity or a reward such as a treat, sticker or token toy.

For some kids the motivation has to be a reward for the positive behavior and others respond better with consequences for negative behaviors.

The question in this situation is whether YOU are willing to try and find the key(s) for these children.

In my contract it states that this kind of behavior can lead to termination. I haven't wanted to get to that point, so that's why I said I would send them home if this behavior continues.

I agree with sending the child(ren) home in certain instances.
For age appropriate behaviors...I would not send home.
For behaviors that are absolutely not tolerated or behaviors that are an immediate risk to others would definitely warrant a call for pick up.

However, when using "being sent home" as a consequence it can backfire on you and the child will figure out that all they have to do it xx and they will get to go home.

It's also important to remember that when sending a child home for negative behaviors, you need to have some sort of guidelines as to what specifically you will send home for and how many times you will send them home before simply coming to the conclusion that it is no longer worth being in a working relationship with the family as a whole.

My expectations, which I have expressed to the parents and is also in my contract (which they didn't read) are that the kids follow the rules I have at my house and I even outlined in the contract what the rules are. And I expect the parents to work with me on correcting behavior.

I too, expect parents to work WITH me, but there is a fine there....as some behaviors that happen under your watch are YOUR issues to manage (maybe environmental, supervision related or a reaction to something happening at your house) those types of things are things parents have zero control over.

This is where the parent meeting comes into play. If you decide to continue working with them, you need to have a pretty detailed plan in place that both parties can agree with.

I understand at 1 1/2, kids do a lot of testing, but I can't have kids hitting other kids on the head with toys. I also don't think I need to spend my day being kicked and hit and spit on when I'm changing a diaper or putting them in time out, or spending the majority of my day dealing with tantrums and screaming. I could work with it if it was every now and then the kids are having a bad day, because we all do, but it's every single day I have them. It's caused a lot of stress in my house and honestly, it's really difficult to do much with the kids because I seriously spend all my time dealing with these issues.
I really dread pick up time when I have to tell the parents every day, what kind of issues we've had. I know they don't like to hear it and I don't like to give bad news, but at this point, I need to do what is best for my family.

(in reference to the underlined part above): This tells me you are done. When a relationship reaches this point, there is usually no going back. It sounds like you and the parents have completely different ideas and styles of guiding and disciplining children so maybe there is really nothing else you can do.

If you decide to term, just let the family know they are no longer a good fit for your program and wash your hands of the whole thing.

Being a child care provider is hard. It's stressful at times and often overwhelming but no one should continue caring for children or families that make them dread any interaction with them.

I replied in bold above too.

Good luck!

[spinnymarie]

We did exactly the same as you. After two months of constant discussions about behavior, we told mom that we would have to call her to pick up on occasions that it was extreme (18 months, pulling hair, screaming, throwing toys, hitting, kicking, body slamming). She said she was not willing to do that. So we termed.

[Suzy]

I have termed parents over the years as well. But do you ever worry about them reporting you in spite? I am completely in regulations at all times but hate a visit from my licensor!!!!

[Suzy]

Also terming a child could in some instance lead to being sued. I assume we as providers myself included feel as if it is our home, our business, our rules..BUT if you get the wrong parent I don't doubt they could sue you for discrimination, or something of that nature. I try not to think about it too much but our jobs really open us up to all kinds of liability.

[Blackcat31]

Also terming a child could in some instance lead to being sued. I assume we as providers myself included feel as if it is our home, our business, our rules..BUT if you get the wrong parent I don't doubt they could sue you for discrimination, or something of that nature. I try not to think about it too much but our jobs really open us up to all kinds of liability.

Not terming an aggressive child could also lead to you being sued by the other parents/families in care because you failed to keep their child safe.

NEVER be afraid of letting a violent or aggressive child go.

TOO many providers put up with those kinds of kids for fear of fall-out, confrontation, a licensing visit or because they need the money.

IMHO, there is NEVER a valid reason to keep a child that is a potential danger to themselves, the other kids, my home or my livelihood.

[Leigh]

Not terming an aggressive child could also lead to you being sued by the other parents/families in care because you failed to keep their child safe.

NEVER be afraid of letting a violent or aggressive child go.

TOO many providers put up with those kinds of kids for fear of fall-out, confrontation, a licensing visit or because they need the money.

IMHO, there is NEVER a valid reason to keep a child that is a potential danger to themselves, the other kids, my home or my livelihood.

lovethis

There is NO reason to let a child take your sanity or that of the others in your care. There is NO reason to let them destroy your home and it's happiness.

[MOM OF 4]

a FOUR year old? UNACCEPTABLE! I would just have told mom "Sarah's behavior has been extremely aggressive. I have done xyz. Is there anything you have tried at home that works?" (either birds chirping or a good answer here) If a good answer "I will try that, but if the behavior continues, I will no longer be able to keep Sarah in care" if birds chirping "I am sorry, but if the behavior continues, I will no longer be able to keep Sarah in care"

There is something wrong that needs addressed IMMEDIATELY and that responsibility lies on the parent. NOT you. You have already alerted them to the issues at hand. Now the ball's in their court.