What is Wrong with Kids These Days!!?

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  • cheerfuldom
    Advanced Daycare.com Member
    • Dec 2010
    • 7413

    #46
    Originally posted by Josiegirl
    I think parents need to stop negotiating with their kids, stop bribing them to do the things they should be doing anyways, and stop praising them for every single little thing under the sun. When did it become wrong to say "Because I say so and I'm the parent"???

    If you try to explain to a 3 yo, the whys of doing something, make it brief and firm. Don't allow them time to manipulate you because they become masters of manipulation very quickly.

    It's so sad really. Adults, authority figures, teachers, never got sassed the way do now by kids. They didn't get told NO emphatically, or hit, ignored, disrespected, called names. There was only that occasional challenging kid in class that would be sent to the principal's office or got to stay after class. Now kids are the rulers and I think they're crying out for someone to take the lead back, to show them the way lovingly but firmly.

    So much has been taken away from teachers, parents, etc., as ways to discipline that the roles have been completely reversed. Bus drivers used to kick kids off the bus for being mean. Kids would get lower grades if homework wasn't turned in. They wouldn't be able to go on field trips if disciplinary action needed to be taken. Parents would be called into school and the child would become very afraid because they knew they were going to get in trouble twice.

    Sometimes I feel there is so much wrong with 'kids these days' but then I see other kids, very sweet, kind-hearted appreciative respectful loving kids. I have some in my daycare, former dcks...I still remember a dcb who's now 13 yo. The last summer I had him, every day when he left he'd say thank you. I'm not giving up yet.

    As I was writing all this down, the one simple thing that every single parent could do to help change their behavior is to take the time to be, really BE with their child. Take the time to show them how loved they are just by focusing that time on their child. No phone, no texting, no ipads, no computers, and good grief no tv. Snuggle in bed and read books together. Throw a ball and talk about school. Laugh with them. Let them know you want to be with them. Don't shove them off onto everybody else. Like all those dcps we hear about who would do just about anything to leave their kid/s with us as long as they possibly could and not take them anywhere or spend free time with them. Kids are not stupid. They figure it out.
    thank you for posting. I feel the same way. Yes many kids and parents are crazy! but there are so many kids that are wonderful! smart and kind and creative. These are kids from a variety of situations so I dont think there is just one way to parent. Saying "kids should be spanked" is grossly oversimplifying how and why the world and parenting and kids have changed. I refuse to be one of those people that just give up on kids of the next generation. They deserve better than that! I also think there are way too many old and cranky people that like to complain about "kids these days" as if they were never a pain to anyone when they were little.

    I was wild and unsupervised when I was little. Climbing onto the roof and running thru the neighborhood. But now I am all grown and thanks to a number of caregivers that made up for the lack of parenting I received, I am a law abiding citizen with a job, never been arrested or in trouble, I am a college graduate and a mother and a wife. People didn't give up on me. I am not going to give up on my kids or their friends or my own community. Sure I roll my eyes about stuff here and there and remain baffled about parents and kids sometimes but I would just encourage us all to remain hopeful. Dont let this industry **** all the hope from you!

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    • KiddieCahoots
      FCC Educator
      • Mar 2014
      • 1349

      #47
      Originally posted by Josiegirl
      I think parents need to stop negotiating with their kids, stop bribing them to do the things they should be doing anyways, and stop praising them for every single little thing under the sun. When did it become wrong to say "Because I say so and I'm the parent"???

      If you try to explain to a 3 yo, the whys of doing something, make it brief and firm. Don't allow them time to manipulate you because they become masters of manipulation very quickly.

      It's so sad really. Adults, authority figures, teachers, never got sassed the way do now by kids. They didn't get told NO emphatically, or hit, ignored, disrespected, called names. There was only that occasional challenging kid in class that would be sent to the principal's office or got to stay after class. Now kids are the rulers and I think they're crying out for someone to take the lead back, to show them the way lovingly but firmly.

      So much has been taken away from teachers, parents, etc., as ways to discipline that the roles have been completely reversed. Bus drivers used to kick kids off the bus for being mean. Kids would get lower grades if homework wasn't turned in. They wouldn't be able to go on field trips if disciplinary action needed to be taken. Parents would be called into school and the child would become very afraid because they knew they were going to get in trouble twice.
      Sometimes I feel there is so much wrong with 'kids these days' but then I see other kids, very sweet, kind-hearted appreciative respectful loving kids. I have some in my daycare, former dcks...I still remember a dcb who's now 13 yo. The last summer I had him, every day when he left he'd say thank you. I'm not giving up yet.

      As I was writing all this down, the one simple thing that every single parent could do to help change their behavior is to take the time to be, really BE with their child. Take the time to show them how loved they are just by focusing that time on their child. No phone, no texting, no ipads, no computers, and good grief no tv. Snuggle in bed and read books together. Throw a ball and talk about school. Laugh with them. Let them know you want to be with them. Don't shove them off onto everybody else. Like all those dcps we hear about who would do just about anything to leave their kid/s with us as long as they possibly could and not take them anywhere or spend free time with them. Kids are not stupid. They figure it out.
      .......agree, and great post!

      With the bolded part.....I feel the same and believe this applies to older children, but not so much with the younger children, or babies.
      Feel people don't know how to draw the line between needs and wants with infants, along with everything else that has been previously mentioned, and this is where it starts going into a downward spiral from there.

      Comment

      • Bookworm
        Daycare.com Member
        • Aug 2011
        • 883

        #48
        This comment is from my DH: He believes that Parents have willing given away their power to avoid being seen/thought of as being abusive. Children have picked up on this and use it to their advantage. He believes that when children were told to call the authorities (Police, Child Sevices, Teachers, etc), the persons telling them this failed to take into account the "Logic of Children". Children who were rarely spanked of fussed at took that as a sign of abuse and the minute they didn't get their way, the were on the phone. I've witnessed this many times in my family. For some children, the entire process of the investigation was very traumatizing and they quickly learned the repercussions of lying. For other children, the extra attention that their lie gave them was the payoff. They saw how afraid their parents were of being called an "Abuser" and they used it to their advantage. Add to the list that Parents were and still are being told that any negativity in their child's life could be detrimental to their development. They are to negotiate with their child and validate every feeling, good and bad, in order to keep the child happy.

        While this maybe an oversimplification, please understand that he is NOT saying that children having the power to report their abusers is a bad thing. He believes that this is one of the best things to happen for children. He means that like any idea, rule, or law, someone will find a way to exploit it.

        Comment

        • Unregistered

          #49
          The problem

          The problem is the world is different than it used to be. Both in "good" ways and in very bad ways. I'll give you an example. If a child who I know is a liar. Let's not sugar coat it. Some children are liars. Tells me her mom went home and threatened to feed her to their dog, I have to protective services. Even if I know, they don't have any pets. I once a child lie and tell me she was attacked by a cat with rabies. Her sister owned the cat. I knew this was a lie, but I called the authorities. I spoke with someone from licensing. I was basically told, even though it was a lie, if that child told someone else and it was found I knew I could lose my license. I can understand how mandated reporting is mostly good, it's really ridiculously.

          About the bad way. Years ago, if a child was being a smart ass you could make them sit outside until they learned a lesson. Have them walk home. Hell, we were poor. I used to take the regular bus with my family places. If someone stank or acted like a nut, they were kicked off. I recently took the bus to somewhere that had limited parking. You would think it was a mental asylum on wheels. No one was being thrown off. There also a lot of molesters out there. They have rights. Do you know how bad a molester had to be before the general public finds out? I've been given paper work by police officers and told "Well he's a tier 1, so we HAVE to give it to you. You're not allowed to tell the parents his name or description". WHAT?! I remember being a child, and a molester moved into my town. He messed around with a child and was beaten within an inch of his life. He moved out. Now a days, if you do that, you'll end up in jail with the molesters and murders. I know people will get mad, but CRAZY people have too many rights now a days. Years ago, they would be medicated or "dealt" with. Now, there are a lot of unwell people roaming around. Unless they're PROVEN to have commit a crime, they can decline medical attention.

          Comment

          • Thriftylady
            Daycare.com Member
            • Aug 2014
            • 5884

            #50
            I wouldn't call child services if I KNOW a child is lying. I also think a big part of the problem is the parents, doesn't even have to do with spanking but parents need do discipline if they spank whatever as long is it isn't abusive, if grounding works that's great also. But I think part of the problem is that parents are now programmed to give into kids. Parents are afraid to discipline because someone will call child services. We are taught to "always give choices", the list goes on and on. I think things like giving choices is fine sometimes, but I am not about to always give a choice.

            Comment

            • daycare
              Advanced Daycare.com *********
              • Feb 2011
              • 16259

              #51
              I have not read everything but the title of this post just made me giggle a little.

              whats wrong with parents these days is that they have Parents that don't PARENT..............

              Comment

              • Bookworm
                Daycare.com Member
                • Aug 2011
                • 883

                #52
                Originally posted by Thriftylady
                I wouldn't call child services if I KNOW a child is lying. I also think a big part of the problem is the parents, doesn't even have to do with spanking but parents need do discipline if they spank whatever as long is it isn't abusive, if grounding works that's great also. But I think part of the problem is that parents are now programmed to give into kids. Parents are afraid to discipline because someone will call child services. We are taught to "always give choices", the list goes on and on. I think things like giving choices is fine sometimes, but I am not about to always give a choice.


                Bingo

                Comment

                • daycare
                  Advanced Daycare.com *********
                  • Feb 2011
                  • 16259

                  #53
                  what I can see is that parents don't know the difference between discipline, consequences and punishment.



                  discipline- teaching/ learning, discipline is not what you do to a child, it's what you do with a child.

                  punishment--stop a child from doing what you don't want - and using a painful or unpleasant method to stop him, like spanking, verbal punishment, withholding rewards, and etc.

                  consequence-is a result of an action, hopefully people use natural and logical ones.

                  I just see that parents don't know how to set boundaries and it starts from birth. we set limits as soon as they are born and as they grow the limits and boundaries change. I see that it is easier for parents to do nothing because they are TOO tired or on their FB Page that they just keep doing nothing.

                  I have a family that did some dumb stuff in front of my house after daycare that other families saw and I told this parent either you attend a parenting class and start showing immediate signs of parenting or find new childcare.

                  they took the parenting class, got it signed off and seem to be doing ok right now. BUT I really think that parents just don't really understand the difference of the above and so they think that they are left with no form of parenting for their child. I hear it all the time, well I can't spank them like my mom did to me, so what else is there to do..........and the response is NOTHING...........

                  Comment

                  • SignMeUp
                    Family ChildCare Provider
                    • Jan 2014
                    • 1325

                    #54
                    Originally posted by daycare
                    what I can see is that parents don't know the difference between discipline, consequences and punishment.



                    discipline- teaching/ learning, discipline is not what you do to a child, it's what you do with a child.

                    punishment--stop a child from doing what you don't want - and using a painful or unpleasant method to stop him, like spanking, verbal punishment, withholding rewards, and etc.

                    consequence-is a result of an action, hopefully people use natural and logical ones.

                    I just see that parents don't know how to set boundaries and it starts from birth. we set limits as soon as they are born and as they grow the limits and boundaries change. I see that it is easier for parents to do nothing because they are TOO tired or on their FB Page that they just keep doing nothing.

                    I have a family that did some dumb stuff in front of my house after daycare that other families saw and I told this parent either you attend a parenting class and start showing immediate signs of parenting or find new childcare.

                    they took the parenting class, got it signed off and seem to be doing ok right now. BUT I really think that parents just don't really understand the difference of the above and so they think that they are left with no form of parenting for their child. I hear it all the time, well I can't spank them like my mom did to me, so what else is there to do..........and the response is NOTHING...........
                    Much of what you've said rings true to me. To me, this goes along with that: One of the difficulties that I think parents often have today is that they want to treat their baby like a baby: that works Then they want to treat their toddler like a baby: that begins to not work Then they want to treat their child like a baby or toddler: that can go seriously wrong. It's all fixable, but the longer they wait, the longer it takes to move in the right direction.

                    Comment

                    • daycare
                      Advanced Daycare.com *********
                      • Feb 2011
                      • 16259

                      #55
                      Originally posted by SignMeUp
                      Much of what you've said rings true to me. To me, this goes along with that: One of the difficulties that I think parents often have today is that they want to treat their baby like a baby: that works Then they want to treat their toddler like a baby: that begins to not work Then they want to treat their child like a baby or toddler: that can go seriously wrong. It's all fixable, but the longer they wait, the longer it takes to move in the right direction.
                      so true I see it everyday. today I had a dad carry in his 5, yes 5 year old 70lb son into the daycare, take his shoes and jacket off for him and talk to him like hes two. Then the family wonders why he still behaves like a two year old................

                      reminds me of that video of the nail in the head from you tube...

                      OMG dont make me state the obvious......

                      Comment

                      • Starburst
                        Provider in Training
                        • Jan 2013
                        • 1522

                        #56
                        Originally posted by Annalee
                        I think the problem is consistency! Whatever a mom and dad decide to use as a consequence for unacceptable behavior should be followed consistently...I feel kids have no consistency and everything is a "reasoning session" that turns into a "power struggle"....I am 48 and was raised with the "whippins" so once you got one you didn't want another for a long while....and absolutely NO backtalking was allowed.....we were told what to do and we knew what would happen if we didn't follow through....another thing is I feel my parents and most of their generation were not so into their "self".....when my parents went on vacation, my brothers and I went with them......there was NO "me-time"......we were a family unit and were never made to feel like we were getting on our parents nerves......


                        I don't believe fear and respect are the same thing. After a while fear leads to distance and resentment. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you shouldn't discipline (which comes from the word disciple which means 'to teach'), but that doesn't have to equal physical punishment (or it's polar opposite- coddling/smothering). And from what I have observed from my own family it just makes everyone more hostile and less respectful of everyone (this is not arguable, I am just using what I know from MY expedience/ observation/ perception).

                        My mom and I have always had a strained relationship. She snaps a lot when I ask her questions, but gets mad at me when I do the same (it's a habit I obviously picked up from her, I'm still working on it but I mostly only do that when I'm around her). And she was always inconsistent with discipline, which always made me resent her more.

                        She was a single mom and I know she was always stressed, but many times I had to step up and basically had to be the adult at home for my brother when she was at work. Sometimes I had to tell her when he wasn't listening or doing something she told him not to do and she would always let him get away with it because she was too tired to deal with it. Long story short- he has gotten in trouble with the law many times, and is just barely now getting is life together- we all just moved to a new state and he's starting a new job and I'm still looking for one {might take another year or so before I get to open my daycare}. I also noticed that she's very lenient with my cousin's son (5 y/o) and lets him get away with everything when she watched him. I still cringe when ever she calls him "the baby".

                        On top of that my mom always says stuff like: "If I talked to my mom like that she would have beat the $#!+ out of me". Newsflash: saying things like that doesn't make your children like, love, or respect you more; it just makes them like/love/respect their grandparents less. Though to be fair, I was never close to grandmother- or almost anyone in my family for that matter. There are times where I think I might have an attachment disorder.

                        And yes she did spank us a few times when we were younger and even as an adult there are times when she threatens to hit me (usually because I'm challenging her reasoning for a bad decision she's made) and she even slapped me in the face once this year.

                        Before she let me stay home alone, she would always try to take me to my aunt's house and I always hated it there. My uncle (aunt's husband) wasn't necessarily an alcoholic, but he did drink beer regularly and got mad over the littlest things (i.e. it was the end of the world if you left a toy on the floor- but 20 years later we were cleaning up their hoarder house that he couldn't careless about). I hated him for years because his first reaction would be to spank us. One time a cat peed on my homework (it wasn't a hard assignment- just writing vocabulary words down 10 times) and he throw it from the living room through the kitchen and into the family room's sliding glass door- I cried even more by seeing him doing that then when he spanked us (as mentioned in a heated post debate a few months ago: I love animals, especially cats). I learned to let go of most of the anger, but mostly only because the years of drinking damaged his health and I feel sorry for him.

                        2 out of 3 of my cousin's also barely tolerate my aunt (their mother) because of her inconsistency; her other one is a mama's boy who is older than me and just barely got his first job ever last month because they moved and he wanted to stay- he is slighly delayed but she coddled him way too hard. I notice that's a pattern in our family (the mom's coddle the boys, but are tougher on the girls).

                        So that might of turned a little bit into a rant and there is a whole bunch more to these that I'm not even sure I can share for legal reasons. Overall, I know I have an attitude problem but I think the problem steams from family with lost of stress and anger issues, who don't know how to manage their anger, and didn't come up with a consistent chain of consequence which just wound up making all of us kids more angry and confused. Thus continuing the cycle of another angry generation.

                        Comment

                        • sariejohnston
                          New Daycare.com Member
                          • Jan 2012
                          • 60

                          #57
                          I totally agree I work for a Christian day care, you would think these children would come from homes that teaches them good manners and morals! No I have 19 four year olds. Me and my co-teacher are at a loss of what to do, they are out of control. We always are telling them to stop hitting, kicking, fighting, yelling, jumping of everything. And they want to act out scary movie chachters like Freddie kruger and Michael Myers. I have one girl who throws a fit for me daily, when my co teacher leaves automaditcly this lil girl always has something wrong with her such has a tummy ache, leg pain, etc she is fine all day long until she is left with me. She refuses to listen to me and throws fits all day long especially if I am not giving her all my attention. I have tried everything giving her a special job, talking to her mom, using praises and consaqunces this little girl stresses me out! Every year it gets worse, part of me feels like it's time for me to leave the child care filed but I love working with kids but the behavior problems is to much!!

                          Comment

                          • Ariana
                            Advanced Daycare.com Member
                            • Jun 2011
                            • 8969

                            #58
                            I find this whole thread appalling. They are KIDS. Not mini adults. I think y'all need to relax a bit and remember when you were kids. Not to mention how young some of these kids are. They don't have impulse control. Sure you can beat them into submission with spanking and shaming but the world doesn't need more angry people. Seriously this thread makes me sad for every single child that's in your care. Kids need more love, compassion and empathy. That's what's missing.

                            Comment

                            • craftymissbeth
                              Legally Unlicensed
                              • May 2012
                              • 2385

                              #59
                              Originally posted by Ariana
                              I find this whole thread appalling. They are KIDS. Not mini adults. I think y'all need to relax a bit and remember when you were kids. Not to mention how young some of these kids are. They don't have impulse control. Sure you can beat them into submission with spanking and shaming but the world doesn't need more angry people. Seriously this thread makes me sad for every single child that's in your care. Kids need more love, compassion and empathy. That's what's missing.
                              You're right, the kids aren't at fault. The parents are. The thread title is "What is Wrong with Kids These Days!!?" and the consensus of the posts in this thread is that the parents are what's wrong with them.

                              Although, I do agree that the OP's cracker situation was a bit harsh. I'm positive that every one of my dck's would have done the exact same thing and they're not bad kids.

                              Comment

                              • Soccermom
                                Dazed and confused...
                                • Mar 2012
                                • 625

                                #60
                                There was nothing Harsh about the cracker situation. She was told several times not to eat them and was spoken to when she did not listen. There was no punishment or time out. I have mentioned before that it is not about the crackers...I could care less about the crackers and likely would have given all the kids some with snack since she told me she really likes them. But I did not get that chance because she ate them all, after being told several times not to. This is a very bright and intelligent little girl who runs her parents like a well oiled machine. She gets everything she wants. She spits at me when her mother arrives or will find the nearest kid and attempt to rip their hair out just to test DCM who in turn, does absolutely nothing.

                                The cracker thing was just an example. The issue is the fact that children have no respect for authority anymore. Everything is a big joke for them, including any type of pathetic attempt to discipline them in a manner that is accepted and encouraged by the parenting books.

                                Ariane - Of course kids will be kids! Of course they act up. They push. They hit. They scream. They cry. They throw things. They refuse to do things. They don't listen at times. They are little kids and our job is to guide them and teach them how to behave nicely.

                                I have a degree in family education and took several child psychology classes not to mention that I have been doing this for over 10 years so I am well aware of what is normal behavior for a child.

                                I remember being a kid quite clearly and can tell you that when I was a kid, I would never have dreamed of acting or speaking to adults the way some of these kids do now.

                                I love all my daycare kids very dearly and your comment that you feel sorry for the children in my care is extremely hurtful. I go out of my way to please them and care for them like they are my own. They are all VERY happy here and don't want to leave when their parents arrive.

                                Because I love them, I also expect them to respect me and my rules. I am an adult and they are children. I am not their best friend, nor do I wish to be. I am their caregiver.

                                It is clear from all the posts here that I am not the only one who feels this way. A lot of parents need to stop working on being friends with their children by giving in to them all the time and start teaching them to respect the reality that society has certain rules that need to be followed.

                                They are creating a world full of spoiled rotten brats who will be completely lost when the real world comes calling.

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