How Attached Do You Become?

[Unregistered]

I used to before I had my own children. I also cringe at how much money I put out of my pocket before my first pregnancy. Now, I just look at it as a business. I do the best I can, but if a parent doesn't see something as necessary I'm not putting money out. For years, I used to buy things from their churches or girl scout type they were involved in. It was never buy a box of cookies (or whatever they happened to be peddling), it was always "If she/he sells ten more boxes of cookies, she/he's reached their goal". What really ANNOYED me was one year I was given a box of candy. The box didn't say any company or group. I was told I could have it or give it to the children. I made sure to ask if it was free. The mother told me it was free. That her school (she was a teacher) let's the teachers keep the extra candy. Ok, whatever. I ended up eating it over the weekend. My husband helped, but it was mostly me. LOL The mom comes back Monday and says I owe her a hundred dollars. I just looked at her dumbfounded and she said "I want my money when I come to pick her up". During nap, I wrote a termination letter. The best was she actually had the father come drop the child off. I refused to answer the door. You can be too kind hearted. The majority will burn you.

[Crazy8]

I take very good care of the little ones in my care, but I do not get very attached. Partially its just not my personality but its also because I have been doing this long enough (13 yrs) to see many kids come and go and I just don't get very attached to them anymore.

[Blackcat31]

I take very good care of the little ones in my care, but I do not get very attached. Partially its just not my personality but its also because I have been doing this long enough (13 yrs) to see many kids come and go and I just don't get very attached to them anymore.

Same here..

I "love" them while they're here (some more than others) but when they go, they go and it's rarely anymore than an adjustment to the change in group dynamics.

Does that make me cold and uncaring?

I don't think so.

I think it's a combination of a self-protection mechanism and realism.

[Shell]

I've always been incredibly close to my students and parents while teaching. I love building those relationships, and kind of centered my approach to families the same way at my home. The problem is, your students stay with you for a full year, and then move on- it's a natural and foreseeable conclusion. Not the same with home daycare, and I learned the hard way after losing a family with a dcg that I really loved. As someone on here says, I think it's BC, "parents are going to do what works for them every time". They dropped me the second it was no longer convenient, and it really has affected the way I see families in general. I try not to get attached, and tell myself anyone can leave at anytime- it's business. So, yes, I would say I have a bit of a wall up- like a person dating that was just cheated on in the last relationship But, I sure do take the best care of them imaginable and want the best for their families.

[DaveA]

Not really. I enjoy having them here and caring for them, but there leaving doesn't bother me.

[LadyK8]

I get attached depending on the child. I have an infant here who's family is on vacation until the 27th, and have been gone for two weeks.

I have to force myself not to watch videos of her on my phone. Had her since she was two months and she's 7 1/2 months now.

[originalkat]

I think I get somewhat attached, and I do shed tears when some leave for kindy. But really it is just a short adjustment period and I am over it. I still miss some kids' personalities or a certain group dynamic though. It takes me some time to attach to new kids (months).

[taylorw1210]

I don't get attached. I adore the kids while they are in my care, and I love forming friendships with the families and being a part of their lives while they are here, but I know that it is just for a season and do not allow myself to form an attachment to the kiddos.

[Soccermom]

I don't get attached although the parents seem to think I do . They will tell their DCK to come give me a big hug at pick up on Friday because I won't see them again until Monday. They are cute and I like hugs but I can survive the weekend without one....I actually do the happy dance every single Friday when the last kid leaves and rush to put the daycare stuff away...most of the time I start to put it away an hour before pick up.

Don't get me wrong, the care and happiness of these kids is a huge priority for me but let's face it, they aren't mine. They already have a family who loves them and I am just here to keep them safe and happy so their parents can do their jobs and so I can feed my own kids at the end of the week.

I do however like some more than others....mostly the quiet ones who smile a lot

[deliberateliterate]

Not really. I enjoy having them here and caring for them, but there leaving doesn't bother me.

Ditto this. Sometimes it makes me feel a little heartless, but I'm never super sad to see anyone go.

[Annalee]

Ditto this. Sometimes it makes me feel a little heartless, but I'm never super sad to see anyone go.

I don't think you are heartless, just a realist! There are times I allow myself to become too close to parents and/or children...but, in the end, we have a business! To clients we are a business, but to children we can be much more than that and if we allow ourselves to get too close, then we get hurt..( and I have done that many times)....as we grow, we learn how to combat the hurt with a move forward attitude.

[melilley]

I get attached to some and others I don't, it just depends on the child. Like Trummy said, they are all well taken care of no matter how I feel.

I have one little girl right now who I love and would take her anytime! I have one dcb who if he's not here, I don't bat an eye. I've only had 2 dck's leave here so far and for one I almost cried.

[renodeb]

Good thread,
I love very whole heartedly. Most of the kids I have had through here I have been very attached to. There has only been a few kids that I just didnt feel that warmth from. Don't get me wrong, each child is loved and cared for but I have had very strong bonds to. I try never to show favoritism. I think its human nature to get somewhat attached. I think it's hard not to. I dont understand the stance on getting burned. I think it depends on the conditions under which they left. Each of us have a different approach to dc and thats what makes this site so good.
Deb

[KiddieCahoots]

I do love them and get attached, but not like my own.
And yes, some I love more than others.

Quick story.....One morning at drop off a favorite dcm tells me about the night before at home during bed time. She tells me that dcb 3yrs was crying to her and asking for his mommy. She said what's the matter I'm right here, and he responds, no my other mommy , (of course he was being told he couldn't do something by real mommy ::..) but ever since then, I've thought about how they look at us, and cannot help but get attached.

[Mike]

I haven't started daycare yet. Not sure if I will be, but from past experiences with other babysitting I've done, and Sunday School bus children, I do know how it will be if I go into the business.

Well behaved or brats, I love children, and any child that is in my life regularly becomes a special part of my life. I love them as if they were my own, but also accept the fact that they are not. When it's time for them to leave, it's a sad goodbye, but I move on. I still see some of the children from my past, some of whom have children of their own now, but there are a few dozen children I haven't seen in years but will never forget.