What Would You Do......Opinions Please!

[caregiver]

This might be long, so I apologize.
Had my daycare Mom come today asking me a question,now to back track, I care for her daughter,3 yrs old full time and part time for the son,who is 4 and a half,he goes to a full time preschool 2 days a week & I have him the other days in which I take the 2 of them to morning preschool 3 days a week. So he is with me 3 days, but half days. Now he is a handful, has many meltdowns, where he will throw a toy and is just very disrespectful when it comes to listening and I have put up with his behavior for over a year and he is the same at home and I have talked to the parents many times about it and they and I are trying to work with him about his behavior, but he still has his hissy fits and doesn't like it when he doesn't get his way.

He apparently told his parents yesterday that my husband has put him in time out,picked him up from preschool,picked him up literally. None of this is true, my husband was not even home yesterday at the time he said he picked him up from preschool. My husband is tall and is a big guy and has a deep voice, which intimidates a lot of kids and people. My husband is a big teddy bear and would not hurt a fly. I am always home when he is home, so I know what he does and he doesn't even deal with my kids, my daycare is mine and he doesn't interfere with my daycare business. He would be really hurt if I told him what this kid said. He is a good man.

I assured the mom that none of this was true and she pretty much knew it was not true as her son has been lying about his friends also, so she just said she had to ask and said to not worry about it and she won't bring it up again.
But it really bothers me that this kid even said these things,and what will he make up next. Never in my 31 yrs of doing daycare have I had a child that has made up things and especially about my husband, so this really upset me. What would you do in this situation,just let it go and hope he doesn't make more things up or what...?

[craftymissbeth]

This might be long, so I apologize.
Had my daycare Mom come today asking me a question,now to back track, I care for her daughter,3 yrs old full time and part time for the son,who is 4 and a half,he goes to a full time preschool 2 days a week & I have him the other days in which I take the 2 of them to morning preschool 3 days a week. So he is with me 3 days, but half days. Now he is a handful, has many meltdowns, where he will throw a toy and is just very disrespectful when it comes to listening and I have put up with his behavior for over a year and he is the same at home and I have talked to the parents many times about it and they and I are trying to work with him about his behavior, but he still has his hissy fits and doesn't like it when he doesn't get his way.

He apparently told his parents yesterday that my husband has put him in time out,picked him up from preschool,picked him up literally. None of this is true, my husband was not even home yesterday at the time he said he picked him up from preschool. My husband is tall and is a big guy and has a deep voice, which intimidates a lot of kids and people. My husband is a big teddy bear and would not hurt a fly. I am always home when he is home, so I know what he does and he doesn't even deal with my kids, my daycare is mine and he doesn't interfere with my daycare business. He would be really hurt if I told him what this kid said. He is a good man.

I assured the mom that none of this was true and she pretty much knew it was not true as her son has been lying about his friends also, so she just said she had to ask and said to not worry about it and she won't bring it up again.
But it really bothers me that this kid even said these things,and what will he make up next. Never in my 31 yrs of doing daycare have I had a child that has made up things and especially about my husband, so this really upset me. What would you do in this situation,just let it go and hope he doesn't make more things up or what...?

If she knew it was a lie she wouldn't have brought it up. This isn't something I would necessarily term over, but I would make it clear to dcm that it's imperative that she trusts your judgment.

[SSWonders]

Honestly, I would term. Mom may believe him this time, but what about next time and what if he says something more serious? Been there, done that and it is not a good situation to be in.

[Unregistered]

I don't think I keep him on. The lies he may tell could destroy not only one's business, but put one's family in complete turmoil. What he is doing and the damage his words can imflict are serious.

[SSWonders]

I don't think I keep him on. The lies he may tell could destroy not only one's business, but put one's family in complete turmoil. What he is doing and the damage his words can imflict are serious.

Absolutley!

[Cat Herder]

He apparently told his parents yesterday that my husband has put him in time out,picked him up from preschool,picked him up literally.

4 year olds are fantastic story tellers who know how to play on the non-verbal feedback from their audience. It is kind of their thing. No biggie, go with the old "You should hear what he says about you... hahaha" or "I won't believe what he says about you if you do the same for me... haha"

What I find disturbing is why it would bother DCM if any of the above happened. :confused::confused: The kid obviously knows it is an issue to DCM or he would not pick the topic. It would be risky to keep DCM if she does not want her kid around men.

[Soccermom]

I have found, in my experience, that once children learn they can manipulate their parents with their words they will use their new found skill every chance they get.

A lot of kids will tell lies they know their parents would be concerned about if they think there might be a way of getting out of having to go to a sitter every day.

My guess is that at some point DCM had some sort of concern about your husband being at home sometimes and asked DCB some innocent questions. DCB heard in his little mind that DCM is not a fan of your husband being around occasionally and thought he would use this new found knowledge to get out of having to go to the sitter. What these kids don't think about is the fact that no matter what, DCM is going to work and he will have to go somewhere.

I had a DCB do this exact thing to me the other day. He is 7. He told DCM that my husband came home early from work (Which he did) and told DCB that he did not like him and no longer wanted him in our home....total and complete lie. My DH came home from work early because he had an evening appt. He sat at the dining room table, took off his work boots and then we chatted for a few moments until this DCM arrived.

She brought it up the next morning half joking about it...but seriously? You think I would tolerate my own husband saying that to a child?!!

Kids are smart. They know just what to say to upset their parents and make them feel even more guilty for working while the child is left in the hands of the sitter.

[Play Care]

I don't think I keep him on. The lies he may tell could destroy not only one's business, but put one's family in complete turmoil. What he is doing and the damage his words can inflict are serious.

This.
Yes, 4 yo are good story tellers, but this type of story makes me too uncomfortable. It's also why my husband is NOT my sub and really doesn't come around the dc kids at all...

[caregiver]

I am the original poster,so I need opinions if I am doing the right thing,
I will be terming this family as of tomorrow. I will be writing a letter today informing them my last day will be tomorrow. I am just to uncomfortable with this,none of what this kid said is true, but I don't trust this dcb anymore and what he will say to whom and if they don't know me and believe what he says. I'm not willing to put my reputation or my husbands on the line for a 4 yr old that makes up things as he obviously is not happy here. Am I doing the right thing or should I keep him and hope he doesn't make up things again?

[Blackcat31]

I am the original poster,so I need opinions if I am doing the right thing,
I will be terming this family as of tomorrow. I will be writing a letter today informing them my last day will be tomorrow. I am just to uncomfortable with this,none of what this kid said is true, but I don't trust this dcb anymore and what he will say to whom and if they don't know me and believe what he says. I'm not willing to put my reputation or my husbands on the line for a 4 yr old that makes up things as he obviously is not happy here. Am I doing the right thing or should I keep him and hope he doesn't make up things again?

Call or e-mail your licensor. Tell her exactly what is going on. BEFORE you talk to the family.

Personally I would term. I would term because I truly believe the foundation of my relationship with a client is trust and in this scenario the trust is obviously not there.

If I were the mom and I KNEW my child was a fibber and he made a statement about my child care provider or any of her family members I don't think I would have even mentioned it because I would trust her.

Now if the statements were made repeatedly and innocently, I may begin to wonder/question but certainly wouldn't make "jokes" about it. Nor would I return with my child.

I think the term for me in this case would not necessarily be because the child was telling tall tales but would be because of HOW mom handled it.

Her behavior and the way she brought it up/said it, is what has me uncomfortable. I don't know....it's just odd I guess but who knows.

Anyways, I just cwuldn't be comfortable with a family that has "shown" me they do not trust me 100%.

[tntsmom]

Really hard to say. But if she questioned you, then probably thinking otherwise and somewhat believes him. Behavior issues will only get worse if they do not set the ground rules and children feed off of each other and I know 1 bad behavior in a child can affect all of them.

[SquirrellyMama]

I can't fault the mom for saying something. She was worried. We are always asking, "Why didn't the mom say or do something?!", in cases where a child has been hurt.

I think she tried to diffuse the situation by saying the child has been lying, so she didn't really believe it. But as a mom I don't blame her for speaking up.

On that note, I would still term. Not because of the mom, but the child. That is a dangerous lie to tell, and can negatively affect people forever.

Kelly

[llpa]

I termed a year ago over this exact situation! The 4 yo boy had only been here 4 days! I also was worried that he would make up something that could really hurt my business. I think I was on the right track as I heard he was invited to leave two other dc's btw he just made up a random person in his story. I think you are doing the right thing!

[MissAnn]

A kid lied about me and I had to close for 2 months and investigated. I won't risk it. I would at least write it up, have mom sign it and talk it over with DHS.

[DaveA]

This might be long, so I apologize.
He apparently told his parents yesterday that my husband has put him in time out,picked him up from preschool,picked him up literally. None of this is true, my husband was not even home yesterday at the time he said he picked him up from preschool. My husband is tall and is a big guy and has a deep voice, which intimidates a lot of kids and people. My husband is a big teddy bear and would not hurt a fly. I am always home when he is home, so I know what he does and he doesn't even deal with my kids, my daycare is mine and he doesn't interfere with my daycare business. He would be really hurt if I told him what this kid said. He is a good man.

First I would talk to your license rep. Let them know you think there might be a situation, because I would be willing to bet DCM at least partly believes DCK. At the very least, she's trying to see how far she can push it. I've had parents try to say they don't want there child with a sub ever. If your lucky that is all there is to it. But in all likelihood it was an issue to DCM.

You're doing the right thing terming. A child lying about you or a family member can escalate and explode. If you absolutely feel you need to give a reason be blunt. "What you said and what your child said potentially places my program and my husband in serious jeopardy. I will not have my program or more importantly my family threatened by something like that."

Good Luck