18 Month Old More Like A Baby - Rant

[Unregistered]

I'm a member logged out for privacy. I have an 18 month old girl who just started this week, and she can't walk or talk. Mom said the doctor said there's nothing wrong with her not walking, she's just essentially being "lazy". I haven't asked about the lack of talking yet. I heard her say "hi" once though. She is very tiny for her age, she looks like she's 10 months old. I had her brother and he was very small for his age too, so I guess this family just has tiny children, heh. I'm set up like a preschool and the other children are 2.5 - 3.5 years old. I feel weird letting her crawl around in the backyard and getting her hands and clothes all dirty. Her mom didn't even send shoes the first day, but I asked her to bring some for outside. Though the little girl just takes them off. Since she can't talk, she often cries and I don't know what she needs. She doesn't really respond in any way when I ask "are you hungry? want milk? tired?" etc. She'll just keep crying. I think she wants me to hold her, but I wanted to stay away from that at her age, because I want her to be independent like most 18 month olds. I do hold her for a minute when she cries really hard. I'll rub her back and tell her it's ok and try to get her to play, but I think she's frustrated. I don't know, maybe she's just sad and wants her mom. She was at another daycare before starting here, so the experience isn't completely brand new to her. But I have a feeling they treated her like an infant at the other place. Normally I wouldn't have accepted a kid at this stage of development but she is the younger sibling of a boy I had for 2 years who just aged out. I didn't even know she couldn't walk or talk until a couple weeks ago when she started visiting. And her parents told me the day before she started "oh, and she still drinks milk out of a bottle, she won't drink it cold either so we heat it up for her" and I told mom to bring a soft spout sippy. She ended up bringing a bottle of milk and an empty sippy for water, but I dumped the milk into the sippy and hid the bottle when mom left. Sigh.

Anybody have experience with this? How can I encourage her to walk and talk? I don't want to judge, every child develops at their own pace and every family has a different style of parenting, but I can't help but feel like they treat her like a baby too much. Especially considering they always knew they were going to send her to me, and they know I do a preschool program and all the other kids have always walked and talked and followed the routine.

[nannyde]

18 months is the cut off for the longest time a kid can go without walking.

I would require a full physical and a signed consent that you can talk to the doc and they to you TODAY. This needs to be done immediately.

The mom doesn't get to say words like lazy and have you drop it. You need a diagnosis that says lazy.

Something is wrong. You know it. They know it. Time for it to be taken to a doctor NOW.

[MotherNature]

I'd print out a developmental checklist. I'm concerned that she's not walking or talking at that age. Is she trying?

[TwinKristi]

Meh, I don't know... I know a baby who didn't walk until she was 18mos. Does she have an 18 month Well Baby appt for her or did she recently? Maybe just request to have a generic childcare physician's report filled out for "infants" or something? Maybe print out an ages&stages form for her to address where she's behind and you'd like to get an assessment from her physician. If she's seeing a physician for Well Baby visits then I would be less concerned as they usually check for neural tube defects and Hip Dysplasia from an early age and more so if they're not walking.

Also, I had an interview once with a mom who's baby was very behind and was literally like a 8-9 month old at 16mos. But he could get around, just very wobbly still. Mom is who treated him like a baby, formula in 4oz bottles fed to him and dripping like a newborn, bib and 3 layers of clothing. Fed purées and such. Still in an infant car seat. It was crazy! But I didn't see anything developmentally wrong with the baby, I think mom just dumbed him down because she didn't know any better.

[craftymissbeth]

The not talking isn't as concerning to me as much as the not walking. Does she crawl ok? Is she pulling herself up on things yet? Does she seem capable of learning to walk soon, but just not interested?

TK, despite whether it's due to laziness, a medical condition, or the parents helicoptering they need to realize that the not walking can be a concern.

[cheerfuldom]

To me, it doesnt matter so much why she is delayed but the fact remains the same, you have a preschool program and she is not fitting in. I would tell mom and dad that you expect XYZ from her before beginning care. This would include walking well (not just one or two random steps) using a sippy, self feeding, no bottles or pacis, etc, etc. Once she is able to do all the items on the checklist, that means she is a better fit and can return. It will probably be 6 months or so from now. Just be honest and say that you weren't prepared for where she is developmentally and the issue hadnt come up before with other children. You provide a preschool environment and with her milestones where they are, you don't feel she is ready for that yet.

On a side note, totally not cool to dump the sippy training on you but I would just stick with the "she's not ready for our program yet"

[nannyde]

Meh, I don't know... I know a baby who didn't walk until she was 18mos. Does she have an 18 month Well Baby appt for her or did she recently? Maybe just request to have a generic childcare physician's report filled out for "infants" or something? Maybe print out an ages&stages form for her to address where she's behind and you'd like to get an assessment from her physician. If she's seeing a physician for Well Baby visits then I would be less concerned as they usually check for neural tube defects and Hip Dysplasia from an early age and more so if they're not walking.

Also, I had an interview once with a mom who's baby was very behind and was literally like a 8-9 month old at 16mos. But he could get around, just very wobbly still. Mom is who treated him like a baby, formula in 4oz bottles fed to him and dripping like a newborn, bib and 3 layers of clothing. Fed purées and such. Still in an infant car seat. It was crazy! But I didn't see anything developmentally wrong with the baby, I think mom just dumbed him down because she didn't know any better.

Yeah Twin

If she started walking like today then I would be less concerned. Have you had one past 18 months not walk and they were perfectly fine and normal as a two year old?

I would be worried there is more to this.

[TwinKristi]

Yeah Twin

If she started walking like today then I would be less concerned. Have you had one past 18 months not walk and they were perfectly fine and normal as a two year old?

I would be worried there is more to this.

I know of a few. One wasn't able to bare weight on his legs at all and they sent him to a specialist because they suspected Spina Bifida or Cerebral Palsy but nothing came back he was fine within a few mos and started walking on his own. Another baby I know who didn't walk til 18mos could put weight on her legs but just didn't want to walk. Crawled everywhere. The one I referenced above was my DCPs baby and she had 4 big brothers and 2 younger babies around. Just easily occupied and didn't need to walk. All turned out fine. I haven't experienced it in childcare though. Two of my DCBs were late walkers but not that late. 18 mos is definitely the worry mark but if she's being seen by a dr I wouldn't be "as worried". That's all.

[taylorw1210]

My third son didn't walk until 18 months. I had him at the pediatrician at 16 months trying to figure out what was wrong with him. He had a physical, Dr. stated everything was fine and he was just slow to get moving (he did say he was just lazy...), and sure enough - 2 months later, he started running instead of walking. This same boy I had to have evaluated at 2 years and 11 months because he was not talking very well for an almost 3 year old. His evaluation determined he wasn't behind enough to warrant services, and then a month later his vocabulary exploded.

Is there nothing wrong with the baby? Not for me to say. But I just wanted to share my experience with my own child who was slow to develop walking and talking skills.

[KiddieCahoots]

My third son didn't walk until 18 months. I had him at the pediatrician at 16 months trying to figure out what was wrong with him. He had a physical, Dr. stated everything was fine and he was just slow to get moving (he did say he was just lazy...), and sure enough - 2 months later, he started running instead of walking. This same boy I had to have evaluated at 2 years and 11 months because he was not talking very well for an almost 3 year old. His evaluation determined he wasn't behind enough to warrant services, and then a month later his vocabulary exploded.

Is there nothing wrong with the baby? Not for me to say. But I just wanted to share my experience with my own child who was slow to develop walking and talking skills.

Ditto!
My now 25 yr old daughter, who still lives at home, mind you, didn't start walking til 18 an a half months old. No problem, just lazy.

[Unregistered]

Original Poster here - thank you for the input everyone. I'm so torn on this issue. I am going to have a conference with them in a few weeks to address the issue (I want to give her some time to adapt to the new older-kid-environment). I do want some answers from her doctor, and possibly some sort of written plan on what I can do to help or even some physical therapy for her. I will have a talk with her parents tomorrow to give them a heads up on my concerns and let them know we will re-address the issue in a few weeks. Maybe they will open up with more information and I'll ask how the previous provider treated her and what they expect of her at home. The little girl doesn't seem interested in walking, she can pull herself up and walk while holding onto a piece of furniture or toy. I know these parents and they are typical "slacker parents", they let their 4 year old play games on the iPad all the time (since he was 2 years old), and he didn't potty train until he was 4 months shy of 4 years old, and they let him stay up super late, then they'd want to show up at 10-11am the next day and I had to put a stop to that. Then he'd come by 9am but be in a terrible mood because he was sleep deprived. Also, another example that I found funny is I told the mom about transitional preschool in the public school district that her son was eligible to go to for free - I emailed her all the links to it back in March. Just a couple weeks ago she tried to enroll him and duh they were full so he had to get transferred to another school further away. So with their lackadaisical attitude, I wouldn't be surprised if they just carried the little girl all the time, treating her like a baby, and didn't care that she didn't walk or talk.

[Angelsj]

Yeah Twin

If she started walking like today then I would be less concerned. Have you had one past 18 months not walk and they were perfectly fine and normal as a two year old?

I would be worried there is more to this.

My oldest dd was two when she finally started walking (just turned two.) We had just started the visits to check her out and she started doing it.
However, she was a premie, and did everything physical late, rolling, sitting, crawling and later even riding a bike (she was 10 before she could do the balance/pedal to do so.) She is fine today.

That said, though, we were talking to the doc by 18 months (actually even earlier than that). I think I would at least want to know that conversation was happening.
ETA, the not talking thing also would concern me. If it were just one...maybe. But both issues?? My dd was talking quite well, as well as meeting the other milestones, just not the gross motor ones.

[Unregistered]

My own baby didn't walk until 19 months. At 23 months now, she's running and playing and no one can believe it took her so long. She just waited until she could do it well.

[Indoorvoice]

As a formal special ed teacher, I would definitely be talking with the parents about my concerns and pushing for an evaluation. It's true that some don't walk or talk until later and are just fine, but many qualify for early intervention services at that age or even younger with only ONE of those delays, let alone both.

[Indoorvoice]

Also, even if the parents are just being lazy and not pushing her developmentally, special ed providers have the resources to educate the parents on what THEY should do to help her. You shouldn't feel like that is your responsibility (although I can tell you are a very caring provider for even thinking about it). Hopefully your conference with the parents can clear things up.