What to do!?

[mountainside13]

During our free play today, dcb (4) starting talking about mom and her bf. The parents separated 2.5 years ago and they (older brother is SA here for summer) have been with me for 3.5 years. He started talking about what they did this weekend and how much fun it was. Then transitioned into getting home. Mom and bf got into a fight and they were yelling really loud so they had to cover their ears because it hurt. Mom put them to bed and he still heard them yelling. At this point older brother told him to stop telling the story. Little brother started crying and older brother ran off. I was rocking the younger one when he said he couldn't go to sleep because the bf was throwing his mom against the wall. I asked him if I saw that happen and he said no he covered his ears. Then dad and his gf picked up.

This family is amazing and I love the boys to pieces like they are my own! I'm not sure what to do or if I should do anything. They could have been fighting and it turned to physical violence or...making up. WWYD?!

[Luna]

I would have to tell mom what happened. There's no way I could keep it to myself, it would eat me up! Maybe do some research on what resources are available to her locally, so you could point her in a helpful direction.
I'm sorry. What a tough position you've been put in.

[KidGrind]

I’d report what the child told you to CPS.

[mountainside13]

I would have to tell mom what happened. There's no way I could keep it to myself, it would eat me up! Maybe do some research on what resources are available to her locally, so you could point her in a helpful direction.
I'm sorry. What a tough position you've been put in.

It stinks! If she is actually in danger I would jump in without a second thought! But I'm not sure if it is physical violence or make up s*e*x. I'm confused! It could be nothing or it could be really big! I have talked to the bf many times and he picks up occasionally, I don't think he could be abusive. But you never really know.

[mountainside13]

I’d report what the child told you to CPS.

But if it is just make up intimacy....

[KidGrind]

The what ifs shouldn’t be your concern.

The child confided in you.
He was upset.
There is the possibility of violence in the home.

Children are injured and murdered for all the people who should’ve made a call but didn’t because of the what ifs.

[mountainside13]

The what ifs shouldn’t be your concern.

The child confided in you.
He was upset.
There is the possibility of violence in the home.

Children are injured and murdered for all the people who should’ve made a call but didn’t because of the what ifs.

I do agree with your second paragraph. He did confide in me and was upset. There is a very slight possibility of violence.

Abuse can happen at anytime! In this certain situation, I would have thought it would have happened a long time ago. Mom and BF have been together for 2.5 years, I have a feeling that's why the marriage ended. I am in no way certain, that's not my business! I didn't even notice until a year later when mom updated the contract with emergency contact info that the same name showed up for emergency contact. Before the divorce and after the divorce. I have never had to use the emergency contacts for the kiddos. I'm rambling now, I know what I should do, just having a hard time doing it.

[daycare]

if this were me I would talk to the mom directly and get her side of the story.

I would keep it frank and tell dcm what dck told you. Wait for her response and if it does not add up then decide what you will need to do.

let her know how you handled it at your house.

Kids get things all messed up all the time and just as I would want someone to ask me first before running to cps, I would do the same.

[KidGrind]

I do agree with your second paragraph. He did confide in me and was upset. There is a very slight possibility of violence.

Abuse can happen at anytime! In this certain situation, I would have thought it would have happened a long time ago. Mom and BF have been together for 2.5 years, I have a feeling that's why the marriage ended. I am in no way certain, that's not my business! I didn't even notice until a year later when mom updated the contract with emergency contact info that the same name showed up for emergency contact. Before the divorce and after the divorce. I have never had to use the emergency contacts for the kiddos. I'm rambling now, I know what I should do, just having a hard time doing it.

I live with the death of a child on my conscious everyday. It made the news. I see her eyes looking up at me. I second guessed myself. I said all the what ifs. I didn’t call.

She is dead.
I do not know if my calling would’ve made a difference.
I have to live with knowing a simple reporting of facts might have saved her life.

I also respectfully disagree with with talking the DCM. You have no idea whether her explanation will be truth. She may also tell her children, “You don’t tell Ms. ______ what goes on here.” Even worse you may get a two-week notice because now you know.

You are the child’s advocate.

[TwinKristi]

I would call CPS. I'm a mandated reporter and that to ME would warrant a call.

[NightOwl]

This is a cps call, and I don't say that lightly. Cps around here is USELESS, so I'm jaded. However, these kids are possibly in a violent home, witnessing (hearing it is a form of witnessing) the violence. You really don't have a choice if you want to sleep at night.

I'm terribly sorry you're in this position. I feel like talking to mom will "tip her off" and she'll remove the kids or coach them on what not to say, etc. Don't talk to her. Just make the dreaded call. Remember, it's not your job to decide whether there is abuse, it's your job to report suspicions.

[NightOwl]

I live with the death of a child on my conscious everyday. It made the news. I see her eyes looking up at me. I second guessed myself. I said all the what ifs. I didn’t call.

She is dead.
I do not know if my calling would’ve made a difference.
I have to live with knowing a simple reporting of facts might have saved her life.

I also respectfully disagree with with talking the DCM. You have no idea whether her explanation will be truth. She may also tell her children, “You don’t tell Ms. ______ what goes on here.” Even worse you may get a two-week notice because now you know.

You are the child’s advocate.

Kidgrind, I'd love to read your story, if/when you're ready to tell it.

[Josiegirl]

I agree with the reporting, don't say a word to dcm. And tell them exactly what the boys told you. It's CPS's job as to what needs to be done then. If nothing's really going on, maybe it'll wake the mom and bf up to not put all their yelling and fighting in front of the kids.

[mountainside13]

Ug! I hate this! But I know you guys are right!

[debbiedoeszip]

I would call CPS. I don't think that home daycare workers here are considered mandated reporters, but I think that people who work closely with children should still follow those guidelines. Call, don't tell mom, and see how it all plays out. If it's as bad as the child made it out to be (and his brother's reaction suggests it was), then it's a situation that is at the very least traumatizing and at worst dangerous.