Update on "Trouble with DCB"

[midaycare]

Well, dcm - and my very good friend - pulled him today because she said I have him in a "hostile environment" since I believe the dcb has an issue, be it ADHD or whatever.

Dcm says I'm the only person to ever mention any issues with dcb, even though as friends, she told me she had to go to his school weekly for behavior issues, he had a behavior plan at his other daycare, and she has all kinds of trouble handling him. But I'm crazy.

Whatever! I hate to lose the friendship, but it looks like it will probably happen. If she wasn't such a good friend I would have termed weeks ago. Oh well ... I have to tell myself this is for the best and dcb was way too much work and too much of a liability.

[TwinKristi]

I'm sorry! Sometimes it's not a good idea to mix business with pleasure and this is exactly why. I can totally commiserate!

[midaycare]

I'm sorry! Sometimes it's not a good idea to mix business with pleasure and this is exactly why. I can totally commiserate!

Going forward, definitely not! Nothing like telling your friend how crappy their child acted all day. Dcb was a special case, though. I've never dealt with a child like that.

[cheerfuldom]

You did the right thing trying to bring it to her attention. She will see that.....eventually.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I'm sorry! Sometimes it's not a good idea to mix business with pleasure and this is exactly why. I can totally commiserate!

I've learned this.

[nannyde]

She's not a good friend if she is going to look at you and lie to you about his behavior elsewhere.

If she is telling the truth than she can EASILY find care for him elsewhere. It's time to go with what she says and say "since he has done so well in.school and other daycares, I'm confident the problem is his fitting into my environment. You have been able to choose other daycares where he did GREAT so you will find another. I think you placed him with me because we are friends. I thank you for giving me the opportunity. Next daycare it might be best to just go with the same kind of providers he has done so well with.

[midaycare]

She's not a good friend if she is going to look at you and lie to you about his behavior elsewhere.

If she is telling the truth than she can EASILY find care for him elsewhere. It's time to go with what she says and say "since he has done so well in.school and other daycares, I'm confident the problem is his fitting into my environment. You have been able to choose other daycares where he did GREAT so you will find another. I think you placed him with me because we are friends. I thank you for giving me the opportunity. Next daycare it might be best to just go with the same kind of providers he has done so well with.

Uugh. I just feel like such a failure if I say that, kwim? Her family is stepping in during this "emergency" situation, but they are unreliable. I'm not sure what she will do - I'm sure somewhere will take him. We have enough daycares around here!

Your post was well written and what I should say, I'm just stubborn and don't want to give her leverage to think that yes, it was my daycare, when he actually did the best in my daycare out of everywhere. His best is just still stinky.

[nannyde]

Uugh. I just feel like such a failure if I say that, kwim? Her family is stepping in during this "emergency" situation, but they are unreliable. I'm not sure what she will do - I'm sure somewhere will take him. We have enough daycares around here!

Your post was well written and what I should say, I'm just stubborn and don't want to give her leverage to think that yes, it was my daycare, when he actually did the best in my daycare out of everywhere. His best is just still stinky.

Nah one good round of BS deserves another.

[midaycare]

Nah one good round of BS deserves another.

Thanks for making me tonight! ::::

[AmyKidsCo]

She's probably in denial and at some point enough people will tell her the same things as you that she'll have to admit there's a problem. It just stinks to lose a friendship over it.

[midaycare]

She's probably in denial and at some point enough people will tell her the same things as you that she'll have to admit there's a problem. It just stinks to lose a friendship over it.

That's about what I was thinking & how I was feeling. Definitely the last time I open my mouth, even to a friend, about a child having an issue.

If you are reading this and about to tell a parent that their child has add/ADHD/something wrong/ - don't! No one wants to hear anything except their child is an absolute angel

[SignMeUp]

If you are reading this and about to tell a parent that their child has add/ADHD/something wrong/ - don't! No one wants to hear anything except their child is an absolute angel

Just think of yourself as the first rung on the ladder that she has to climb before she finds help for him.
You took the brunt of the weight but hopefully she will eventually realize that you were trying to help.

[melilley]

She's probably in denial and at some point enough people will tell her the same things as you that she'll have to admit there's a problem. It just stinks to lose a friendship over it.

This is what I was thinking. Sometimes it's hard for a parent to admit that their child has something wrong (for lack of a better word), even when others mention it. Hopefully enough people will say something and she'll realize it. Sorry she's taking it out on you. You would hope she could separate daycare from friendship, but some people can't do that.

[e.j.]

That's about what I was thinking & how I was feeling. Definitely the last time I open my mouth, even to a friend, about a child having an issue.

If you are reading this and about to tell a parent that their child has add/ADHD/something wrong/ - don't! No one wants to hear anything except their child is an absolute angel

:hug: Please try not to feel this way. You could really be helping a child by speaking up and making his parents aware of a problem. It may take a few more people telling her the same thing before she's able to wrap her head around it but hopefully, you've at least planted the seed.

I know it's hard. I've had it happen to me, too. In my case, it wasn't a friend but dcm was my husband's co-worker. I thought we had a decent day care relationship. I watched her son for 3 years and absolutely loved that kid! She seemed happy with me, too, since she was planning to bring her new baby (she was pregnant at the time) to me, too. As soon as I mentioned that I had noticed some red flags and suggested she speak to her pediatrician to see what he thought, she gave notice. It hurt so much at the time but I felt like I had to say something for the boy's sake.

She did end up coming back about a year or so later and dcb was in the process of being evaluated for a learning disability - which ended up being diagnosed. I never got an apology or acknowledgement that I had been right but whatever. As long as he got the help he needed, it worked out as far as I'm concerned.

[midaycare]

This is what I was thinking. Sometimes it's hard for a parent to admit that their child has something wrong (for lack of a better word), even when others mention it. Hopefully enough people will say something and she'll realize it. Sorry she's taking it out on you. You would hope she could separate daycare from friendship, but some people can't do that.

Sigh ... thank you, and everyone. Just a bummer of a week! And now I'm out a dck, after a sibling set moved away last week. It's slow going around here right now.